Chapter 21 Holly
TWENTY-ONE
HOLLY
What a night. My date with Clay was… astronomical.
Not just the mind-blowing sex, but the whole date was perfect.
It was almost the complete opposite to my time with Bear, yet it was perfect for Clay to shine.
If he had taken me to a fancy restaurant, I know he would have been uncomfortable and I wouldn’t have been able to get to know him fully.
Listening to a band at his club where he’s in his element was the best way for me to see him with his guard down.
I saw a side of him last night that I haven’t seen before, and I can’t deny my feeling have intensified.
The only problem is, I still feel the same way about Bear.
I was hoping that my dates with both men would shed more light on the situation, especially when I wasn’t even sure that I was ready for a relationship at all.
Both men know about the other, and we went into this with no labels or expectations, but eventually they are going to expect me to choose.
When I woke up this morning, the first thing I did was check my phone.
Two messages awaited me, one from Clay, and one from Bear.
My stomach did a flip of excitement and my stupid heart fluttered in my chest, knowing that they are both thinking of me making me feel giddy.
Then my brain flipped into gear and I realised that I’m in trouble here.
Both of the messages are sat unread, my phone on mute and buried in my pocket.
Today is a busy day in the bakery preparing for a wedding, the cake on order so complicated that I need my entire focus to be on getting that done and not distracted by the two men vying for my affections.
I do feel a little bad for not replying, but I am ignoring my phone completely and not taking calls from anyone.
They will survive a few hours without me messaging them.
The bakery is in chaos as the staff work on preparing bread and cakes for the wedding while still serving customers, while I work on the wedding cake in the back. Usually these are my specialty, but today I’m having issues getting the design to work.
A five-tiered cake, the extravagant design is made to look like a castle.
Each layer is made up of a large hexagonal central cake, with four smaller ones on each side, creating the shape of the palace.
The tiers get smaller until there is just one hexagonal cake at the very top.
Getting the measurements and dowels in place for the structure was crucial in making sure it stays together, and so far, everything is looking good.
However, placing additional turrets, archways and adding intricate detailing to look like the fairytale palace the couple wants is proving to be more difficult.
There is a point with every cake where you have to take a deep breath and trust the process, knowing it will look perfect once you have finished.
I am most definitely at that point with this cake.
Letting out a sigh, I step back and look over what I’ve created so far. Hours of work have already gone into this and I still have so much more to do. My hair is escaping from my ponytail and frizzing around my face thanks to the humidity in here. A break, that’s what I need.
Washing my hands in the back sink, I fish my phone from my pocket and see the mass of messages I missed while I was baking.
Most of them are from Clay, and my heart sinks as I see the tone of the messages.
He thinks my lack of reply is because I have chosen not to see him anymore.
I’ve clearly handled this wrong. I need to find him so I can explain.
The last thing I want is for him to think I’ve rejected him and just can’t be bothered to let him know.
Clay is the first person that I’ve slept with since Jake left, and that is a huge milestone for me.
I had thought Jake was my one and only, so sharing my body with someone else had always felt like I was betraying him, even though he was the one who left me.
When Clay said this would change things, he was right; I do feel changed.
I am finally able to move on, leaving my past behind me and committing to a relationship.
If only I didn’t have to choose between him and Bear, but that is something I can worry about another day.
I remove my apron and walk through the bakery, taking a deep breath as the fresh midmorning air hits me.
A figure instantly catches my eye. I glance over to the tree in the centre of the square and see Clay sitting there.
Warmth floods me and I’m moving towards him without even thinking about it.
He’s staring out into the distance, yet I get the impression he knows exactly where I am.
Clay seems to have a sixth sense when it comes to these things, or at least he does when it comes to me.
“Good morning,” I call out, my pleasure at seeing him written in my smile. Memories from last night come flooding back and I can feel my cheeks heating. I am never going to be able to look at a desk in the same way again.
He slowly twists his head to look at me and my smile drops at the dejection written all over his face.
His eyes are dim and he makes no move towards me.
Confusion and doubt make my chest constrict tightly.
Why is he looking at me like this? What has happened?
He’s never been afraid to reach out and touch me, but now it’s like he’s trying to distance himself from me, both emotionally and physically. Has he changed his mind about me?
“You’ve been ignoring me,” he finally responds. “I take it that means you’re choosing Bear?” The statement is concrete and with no room for any other possibilities. In his mind, me not replying means that I want nothing to do with him.
This is the absolute opposite of the truth and I need him to understand this. Closing the gap between us, I reach up and wrap my arms around his neck, our bodies pressed together.
“I’ve not chosen anyone,” I promise, my voice soft as I scan his face.
I hate seeing how despondent he is and knowing that I am the reason behind it.
“I’m working on a complicated order today and needed to focus.
My phone has been on mute. I’ve not replied to anyone.
” His body softens slightly against me and I feel his arms wrap around my lower back.
Frowning softly, I take in the tension still written across his face.
“Why was it so easy for you to accept that I had rejected you? I didn’t reply to a message for a couple of hours, and you assumed that I didn’t want you?
I thought we had the best date last night. ”
I want to understand him better, but I also need him to realise that my business is important to me and there will be times when I have to put my focus a hundred percent on that.
Clay huffs out a deep sigh that sounds more like a growl and leans down to press a kiss against my lips.
“It was the best night of my life,” he murmurs against my lips, ending the kiss too quickly.
“You are too perfect for me, Holly, and I know Bear would be the perfect partner for you, so I just assumed…”
My heart constricts. He doesn’t think he’s good enough. He and Bear are the opposite of each other, but I didn’t realise that Clay had such a low estimation of himself. I don’t know what to say to him in response, but I have a way I can show him exactly how I feel.
Standing on the tip of my toes, I reach up and kiss him with all of the pent-up passion and feelings I have for him that cannot be verbalised.
Sometimes actions are louder than words.
I take the lead this time, my lips firm and tongue seeking entrance.
He tries to take over, but I make a noise in the back of my throat and bite down on his lip.
He chuckles deeply in response, his hands on my lower back pulling me closer so we are flush against each other.
I don’t know how long we stay like this for – it could be seconds, it could be hours, my whole sense of time disappearing.
When we are together like this, he becomes my entire world.
Slowly, though, I become aware that we aren’t alone, and I remember that we are on display in the middle of town where anyone can see us.
Our kiss comes to a natural end and I slowly untangle myself from his hold.
I don’t go far, taking his hand in mine and leaning against the tree trunk beside him.
We say nothing, communicating with soft looks and the gentle brush of his thumb over the back of my hand.
I can feel him looking at me, so I turn my head towards him.
The tree that I’m leaning up against is the only thing keeping me upright, the look in his eyes blowing me away.
When he looks at me like this, I can believe that I am his entire world, his obsession and his cure all in one. He would move mountains for me and burn down the world should I ask for it. It’s intense, but I find myself falling.
“When are you going to tell Bear?”
His question takes me by surprise, and it takes me a moment for my brain to register what he’s asking. What is it he wants me to tell Bear? Is he referring to the fact he and I had sex last night? I wasn’t specifically going to mention it, but if Bear asks, I will tell the truth.
Twisting so I’m facing him head-on, I tilt my head to one side questioningly. “Tell him what?”
Now Clay is frowning at me, and I start to get an uncomfortable feeling in my gut.
“That we are together.” There’s no question in his voice; he is firm in his belief that we are now an item.
Woah, I’ve missed something here. He went from thinking I’ve rejected him to believing we’re a couple in one conversation. I wrack my brain for anything I said which could have been misunderstood, but I’m at a complete loss.
“Wait.” I shake my head like I can rid myself of the confusion. It doesn’t work. Reaching out, I place a hand on his arm, needing him to explain this to me. “What is going on here?”
“You just told me that you weren’t rejecting me, which means you’re rejecting Bear. Right?” There is a heavy pause and when I don’t answer, his frustration becomes apparent. “Holly, I told you last night that everything would change, and you agreed.”
Shit. This is not a conversation I want to be having. There has clearly been some miscommunication somewhere, especially around his comment last night.
“Yes, I agreed because everything is changing for me! Last night was the first time I have fully considered entering a relationship after the last disastrous one,” I attempt to explain.
Although I’m trying not to come off as defensive, my voice sounds that way, only flustering me even more.
“I didn’t realise that you meant that us having sex would bind us together in a relationship.
I’m still trying to decide what I want.”
I wince as I say it, the words sounding selfish and indulgent out loud. However, every word is true.
“I’m still healing from my last relationship, and I get the feeling that anything with you will be intense.
I don’t want to get into that if I can’t give you what you need.
” Squeezing his arm, I need him to hear the honesty in my voice.
This isn’t an excuse. I want him, but I am still a broken mess.
“I want to keep seeing you, but I also have feelings for Bear that I can’t deny. ”
Clay pulls away, putting distance between us.
Each step he takes feels like a mile, my heart yearning for him to come back.
It’s stupid and dramatic to think this way about a guy I’ve only just started to know, but I can’t seem to stop myself.
I can’t help but notice that even though he’s put distance between us, he’s clenching his fists, his body straining as though holding himself back. Does he feel the same?
“Holly, I’m not a fucking sex toy. I fucked you last night because we have a connection. I want you, and I’m a possessive asshole. I won’t share you.”
He thinks I’m using him for sex – is that what he’s trying to get at?
Because that is not the case. Maybe I was naive to think I could date two guys with no strings and see what happened.
Communication is key, and somewhere, that has broken down.
I won’t share you. The meaning is pretty clear behind that: Clay is going to make me choose.
Clay’s voice echoes around the town square and we’re attracting attention. Fuck it, let the town gossip. I can’t leave knowing that Clay is hurting, especially as I am behind it.
“Holly, Clay – is everything okay?” Bear’s voice rings out from across the square, and I look up to see him walking over with a frown.
Oh no. Of course he would choose now to come over. I love that he wants to help, my traitorous heart fluttering at the sight of him, but I know that him being here is only going to inflame the situation.
“Ah, brother. Just in time,” Clay drawls, sarcasm dripping from his words. “Our dear Holly is just choosing between us.”