Chapter 4
Chapter
Four
“Is everything okay?”
It was an innocent question from Tyler, but Tate didn’t have a clue as to how to answer.
No, it’s not okay. I didn’t want to feel these emotions tonight.
“I’m fine,” he replied, his tone dismissive. He gave his old friend a big smile to indicate that all was good in the world. “I shouldn’t let things get to me. I know better.”
Tyler glanced over to the open patio doors and out to where Cat stood against the railing, staring up at the starry night sky. Alone, and not smiling. Tate thought he could see a few silvery tears sliding down her perfect cheeks.
Now I feel like shit. I made her cry.
“You two talked? That conversation was probably long past due.”
“Some things should just be allowed to be dead and buried. We don’t need to dig up the carcass and poke at it.”
Tyler laughed at Tate’s attempt at a joke.
“That’s a graphic description. It certainly paints a picture.”
“I didn’t want to talk about it. She did. She wanted to…apologize for not reaching out after Mom disappeared.”
This wasn’t something that Tate would talk about with just anyone. His family? Yes. His friends? A few of them. Tyler was one of those. He was a good man who didn’t go gossiping to everyone. He knew when to keep his mouth shut.
“I think we were all shocked about that. At least, I know I was. It was out of character for Cat.”
That’s what I thought.
“What’s going on with Leo and Josh?” Tate asked, hoping to change the subject. “They looked mighty unhappy with each other earlier.”
“They’re too much alike, if you ask me,” Tyler replied. “They butt heads. They’ll be best friends again by morning.”
“Is it just me, or is it weird to see so many faces from our past?”
Tyler’s gaze followed Tate’s around the room, full of friends from their school years.
“It’s weird,” Tyler agreed. “I don’t see most of these people when I come to town. It sounds like you don’t see them much either, even though you live here.”
“Unless they come into the bar, that’s true. Everyone is busy living their lives, I guess.”
Most of Tate’s high school friends were married and either already had kids or were working towards having them. They didn’t have the time or inclination to hang around the tavern — even if he did serve the best bacon cheeseburger in town.
“Who is living their best lives?”
The question came from behind Tate. Josh had sidled up next to them, a huge grin on his face.
“Everyone,” Tyler replied promptly. “Hey, how many drinks have you had anyway? You need to slow down. The night is young.”
“I’ve had a few, but not as many as I want,” Josh answered. “It’s a party. Rachel and I never cut loose like this anymore. We need to have some fun in our lives for a change.”
“Too much adulting, huh?” Tyler said. “What was going on with Leo? He looked pissed off.”
“Leo is always pissed off. It’s his natural state.
He just doesn’t know how to have fun,” Josh declared.
“By the way, Tate, we’re going to have a little breakfast thing here tomorrow morning.
Just for our close friends so they can have some time with Tyler.
Did you know he’s staying here? He’s wearing my clothes, too.
Rachel says he looks better in that sweater than I do. ”
“That explains why it looked familiar,” Tate laughed. “I just thought you both had similar fashion tastes. Can I ask why you’re wearing each other’s clothes?”
Had someone lost a bet? Josh and Tyler were notorious for their stupid twenty-buck bets where one of them had to do something outrageous, usually in public.
“The airline lost my luggage,” Tyler explained. “I’m supposed to get my suitcase soon, but in the meantime, I showed up here with only my laptop and the clothes on my back. Josh was kind enough to let me borrow a few things until then.”
“Enough about clothes and luggage,” Josh declared. “How about a game of blackjack? Or poker? Just as soon as the other guests leave. The diehards can stay until the sunrise.”
Tate didn’t habitually stay up all night, but this party was a special occasion. One night wouldn’t hurt. It would give him more time to catch up with his old friends.
He would have to get used to Cat being around since she was moving back home. It shouldn’t be that difficult. He’d give her a wide berth and mind his own business.
He was positive they could exist in the same town. All he had to do was leave the past where it belonged.
In the rearview mirror.
“Someone owes me a hug.”
The declaration came directly from Tyler, who had joined her on the patio. As usual, he wore a friendly smile, no games or hidden agenda. She could always count on him to say what he meant and not beat around the bush. He was a straight shooter, but with kindness and empathy.
“Then come get one,” Cat responded playfully.
They hugged briefly before he leaned against the railing. He didn’t speak again right away, allowing them to simply enjoy the quiet.
“It’s got to be weird to come home after all this time away.”
His statement was loaded with meaning, and she didn’t pretend not to know what he was talking about.
“I think Tate is angry with me. Is everyone else, too?”
He didn’t answer her question; instead, he posed one back.
“Why do you think he’s mad?”
“Because he has a reason to be,” she admitted with a sigh, rubbing at the chilled flesh of her arms. “I didn’t reach out when his mom disappeared. I didn’t know what to say. I still don’t. And now he’s mad, and I guess I can’t blame him. I would be, too, if the roles were reversed.”
She would have been hurt and disappointed. It would be stupid to lie to herself and say she wouldn’t.
“Did you apologize?”
“Yes, but I don’t think he’s feeling very forgiving tonight. I tried to explain, but I don’t think I did a good job.”
“And you’re mad at yourself,” Tyler said, completing her unspoken thought. “You probably did a lousy job of defending yourself.”
“Do I have any defense?” she questioned. “There are no good reasons.”
“All the emotions and history you had together might be a reason,” Tyler pointed out. “Listen, give Tate a little time. By tomorrow, he’ll be back to normal. He’s not going to hold onto this. You’ve said you’re sorry. It will all be fine.”
Tyler had always been the optimistic type.
“And no, I don’t think anyone else is mad at you,” he continued. “But then, I don’t live here. Some people might be, but I don’t see or talk to them.”
“You live in Seattle, right?”
With her question, they were off to the races, talking about the places they’d seen all over the world - her because of the job and him because he loved seeing new places. Tyler had even eaten at some of her favorite restaurants in New York City.
She’d almost forgotten her encounter with Tate when several group members came out to the patio to join them.
“Are you keeping Cat all to yourself?” Winnie accused, but with a smile on her face. “Shame on you. We all want to spend some time with her tonight.”
“I want to hear all about Fashion Week,” Lindsey said. “And about all the movie stars she’s met.”
That would be a short conversation. While Cat had met famous people, she didn’t have much to say on the subject. Most of them had been fairly normal, and she wasn’t going to talk about the ones that weren’t.
“What you need is another drink,” Rachel said, placing her arm around Cat’s shoulder and guiding her back into the house. “We can’t have you hiding out here all night.”
Sadly, hiding on the back porch was preferable to running into Tate again. It looked like she’d returned home to one less friend than when she’d left.
And it was her own damn fault.
“It went fine, Mom. It wasn’t a big deal.”
Cat took a sip of her coffee, savoring the first cup of the day. She hadn’t slept well and desperately needed the caffeine. Tate’s face had haunted her dreams all night.
“Catherine Elizabeth, you are a terrible liar. I can see that everything isn’t okay.”
Her mother was like a dog with a bone. She wasn’t going to let this go easily.
“Okay, it wasn’t all fine. Happy now?”
“What happened?”
This wasn’t the conversation that Cat wanted to have with her mother. Tate’s behavior last night had hurt her more than she’d ever imagined. In her mind, their first meetup had gone completely differently. They’d been civil but cordial. Nice and friendly.
So much for my fantasy life.
“Tate still has some anger about when his mother disappeared. And maybe about how I sort of ghosted him, not returning his calls when I started working. He said that I only apologized because I wanted him to make me feel better about myself.”
Her mother didn’t say anything right away, eating the last bite of scrambled eggs on her plate first. Cat could practically see the wheels turning in her mom’s head. Of course, Grace Townsend had something to say about all of this.
“You did wrong back then, Cat.”
She wasn’t shocked at her mother’s statement. Far from it, actually. Grace had been saying it for a long time, although in more vague terms. This was the first time she’d actually called her own daughter out, not mincing words.
“I know, but I can’t turn back time, Mom. I can’t undo the crappy thing that I did. I truly wish I could, but I can’t.”
Grace stood and walked over to the coffeemaker to refill her cup.
“An apology is a good first step. But I have to ask…did you want him to make you feel better? Did you want him to say it wasn’t a big deal?”
The million-dollar question - one that had kept her awake all night.
“I think that I did,” Cat confessed softly. “I want to deny it, of course, but I think he’s right. I did want him to tell me it was all fine and dandy.”
“And that’s not what he did.”
“It’s not,” Cat agreed. “I can’t blame him. I did something terrible, and I have no idea how to fix it. Obviously, an apology isn’t enough.”
“Tate could always help you feel better and make things okay. It’s not surprising that you wanted him to do that again.
Some old habits never die. But this time, it’s not his job.
First, you have to forgive yourself, of course.
Acknowledging your faults and trying to do better is some advanced adulting. It won’t be easy.”
“Luckily, I’ve been an adult for a long time,” Cat said, trying to lighten the conversation. “I’ve been on my own since I was eighteen.”
Grace, however, didn’t laugh or even chuckle. If anything, her expression was somber.
“My beautiful daughter, you have been making adult money since you were a teenager, but I wouldn’t call your life a lesson in adulthood. You’ve lived in a fairytale world for most of that time.”
“Fairytale world?” Cat echoed. “Why do you say that? I worked and made myself a success.”
Grace exhaled a shaky breath, clearly not wanting to get into this, but now, Cat wasn’t going to let it drop. Did her own mother think she wasn’t an adult?
I am an adult, dammit. I’ve been working and traveling the globe for the last fourteen years.
“Yes, you’ve worked hard. Very hard. I understand that the modeling business isn’t all champagne and glamour.
” Grace lowered back into her chair, her hands wrapped around her coffee mug.
“But what you’ve experienced is hardly real life like most people live it.
You had a business manager who paid your bills, made your appointments, and handled all the inconveniences of life.
They did all the adulting. All you had to do was work. ”
“For the last year and a half, I’ve definitely been an adult,” Cat replied.
“It was nice having people to handle things, but I think it’s better now that I’m doing it.
I have some sense of control in my life.
I do agree that taking accountability for my actions is advanced adulting, though.
I want Tate to see that I’m truly sorry for my actions. ”
“Then I’m sure he’ll see that,” Grace said, nodding in agreement. “Actions speak louder than words. By the way, how did Tate look?”
Grace Townsend wasn’t being sly in the least.
“He looked fine, which you know, of course.”
Tate had looked better than fine. He’d been devastatingly handsome, but then he always had. Those Winslow genes were powerful stuff. All the kids were good-looking.
She couldn’t deny that seeing him last night had sent a shiver of desire up her spine. Steamy images of the two of them together had flitted through her brain, bringing up hot and steamy memories.
None of which she was going to share with her mother.
“I haven’t seen him in months,” Grace replied, trying to look all innocent, but Cat wasn’t fooled. “I just wondered how he was doing. You know, he and his brothers are pretty much the most eligible bachelors in Winslow Heights. Lots of females have tried, but so far…”
Grace’s voice trailed off, her brows raised in question to her only daughter.
“Mom, I’m not getting back together with Tate.”
“You don’t find him attractive anymore?”
“He’s very attractive, but nothing is going to happen.”
Her mother cleared her throat, a smile playing on her lips.
“Mom, I’m serious. Tate and I are not going to get back together. What we had is long gone. It’s been too many years, and we’re not the same people we were.”
Cat had changed quite a bit, and she was sure that Tate had, too. There was not going to be some romantic second-chance at love story here.
That was all over and in the past. They’d be lucky to be friends.