Chapter 7
CHAPTER SEVEN
The front door shut, causing Seren’s heart to skip. He was home.
She fluffed her hair and brought her face close to the microwave, her reflection a little fuzzy but she’d do.
Seren spun as she heard footsteps approach, her heart lifting at the wide smile on Deacon’s face as he entered the kitchen. His dark hair, which was longer than usual, appeared to be tousled, probably because he’d just ridden the ferry back to Whisling. He had some stubble starting to grow along his chiseled jaw and though his clothes were a little rumpled after hours of traveling, he was still a sight for sore eyes.
“You’re here.” He said the words reverently, telling Seren that he too was affected in the same way she’d been.
“I’m here. Nice to see you, stranger,” she said, trying to go for cool, casual, and breezy, all the while her insides were betraying her. Her heart was thumping against her chest, her breathing had become too rapid, and she was pretty sure she’d lost all feeling in her fingers. “How was your trip?”
She turned on her heel and went back to the salad she’d been putting together for her dinner. “Would you like one?” Seren asked before realizing she hadn’t even given Deacon a chance to answer her first question. She was frazzled and it was showing.
“I’d love a salad, if you don’t mind,” Deacon began.
Seren nodded as she grabbed a second bowl from her cupboard.
“And the trip was good. I visited a few of my investment properties, had dinners with lots of finance people, but I am ever so glad to be back on my favorite island.”
Seren breathed out a sigh and then felt her cheeks go red. She didn’t mean to be so obvious about the fact that she was relieved that Deacon had wanted to come back to Whisling.
“And we have been feeling a bit like strangers. In fact, it’s been so long since I’ve last seen you, that I’d begun to wonder if you were avoiding me again.”
Seren’s mouth dropped open as she turned to look at Deacon. “I’ve never avoided . . . ” She trailed off when she realized that was a big, fat lie. When Deacon had first moved into her house after he’d come to the island to help Seren build a center for teens with cancer, Seren had very much avoided Deacon and all of the dangerous things she’d felt for him. But things were different now. They’d come to an agreement that they were going to dive into what was brewing between them and explore the possibilities.
“Why would I avoid you now?” she amended.
Deacon grinned. “So you were avoiding me a few months back?”
Seren crossed her arms over her chest as she leaned her butt against her countertop. “And you weren’t?”
“Touché,” Deacon chuckled. “So now that we’ve cleared up that we both were avoiding one another before and we both aren’t now . . . ”
Seren nodded.
“It seems like you’ve been quite busy as well.”
“I’ve mostly stayed on the island, but yeah.” Seren turned back to the salads. “It’s been crazy trying to get more than verbal commitments from the investors. But it’s coming along. I know this will be a lifelong venture, but I think the hardest steps are done. Leonardo is on board and he’s . . . ”
Seren stumbled over her words as she heard Deacon’s footsteps behind her. She could feel him drawing closer, as if he couldn’t stay away even if he wanted to.
Deacon’s arm went slowly around Seren, gently taking the hand the held the knife she was using to chop tomatoes. Each part of her came alive, the warmth of everything that was Deacon surrounding her. Rapid breathing was a thing of the past; Seren would have been lucky to get any kind of breath now.
“As lovely as this salad looks, how about I take you out to dinner instead?” Deacon’s breath brushed her ear and Seren fought a delicious shiver that ran up her spine. “I think we could use more time to catch up.”
Seren would have agreed to just about anything at that point. She was putty in Deacon’s hands. She somehow managed a nod and she didn’t need to see his face to know Deacon was smiling.
Deacon’s arms wrapped around Seren’s waist and she leaned back into him, excitement as well as a sense of ultimate security surrounding her. Why had she fought this for so long when everything about Deacon felt so right?
“And then on our way back, I can show you the place I just decided to rent?”
Seren spun in Deacon’s arms and now they were waist to waist, chest to chest, lips to lips and Seren was almost too distracted to say what she’d been thinking. Only incredible forbearance on her part kept her mind on track.
But Deacon was moving out?
“I can see the millions of questions in your eyes. First, I didn’t mention I was looking at places because I didn’t want you to freak out. I knew you’d both want me to stay in your house and be scared that I was putting down roots on the island.”
Seren swallowed. Deacon wasn’t wrong. She was feeling all of that and more. But she had to admit that the part of her that wanted Deacon to stay exactly where he was at was shouting loudest.
“Second, I can’t keep living here. Not if I want to date you properly.” Deacon glanced down at her lips. “And Seren,” his voice rumbled, “I need to date you properly.”
Again, Seren could only manage a nod.
“I love this island. I’ve been looking for a place to put down roots for a long time and as soon as I stepped off of that ferry I knew I’d found the place. Yes, you being here is a huge pull for me. You know how long I’ve cared deeply for you, but you aren’t the only reason. Heaven forbid the worst happens and you decide you don’t want to be mine, I’d still want to live on Whisling. The rental is only for the interim. My real estate agent is already on the lookout for the perfect house for me.”
“Okay.” Seren was proud of herself for getting a word out. But she had to answer. They were having a conversation and even Seren’s minimal contribution was better than nothing.
And her okay had been the right response, considering Deacon had answered some of her most important questions . . .
Why did he have to keep looking at her lips? How was a woman supposed to think with Deacon looking at her like that?
“You might decide you don’t want me.” Seren somehow remembered that little tidbit of info even through her scrambled thoughts.
“Never gonna happen, S. I’m only saying things like ‘deeply care’ and ‘like’ because I don’t want to scare you off. But if you could see into my heart and mind you’d see you were engraved there, forever a part of me, and the words I’m holding back from saying are just biding their time until you’re ready.”
Seren’s heart beat hard against her chest. Deacon was right. Those words did scare her. But they also thrilled her. Because if any man was going to feel that way about her, she wanted him to be Deacon.
“So let’s go to dinner, you can see my new place, and then we’ll talk about tomorrow. Because that’s all we have to do. Take this one day at a time,” Deacon said slowly as if he knew exactly the fears flowing through Seren. He probably did. No one had taken the time to know her the way Deacon had.
Though, to be fair to her cowardice, her fears weren’t the only thing holding her back. Seren knew Deacon had said Max being upset with him and maybe severing their friendship didn’t matter but Max and Deacon had been best friends for a long time. And if Max could see them now? Seren knew he wouldn’t be okay with any of this.
Just the thought of Max had Seren taking a step back, her back hitting the kitchen counter.
She couldn’t care less for herself. Max was a character of her past, someone she’d always have love for because together they’d created Milo, but that was it. However, how could Deacon truly give Max up? Because that’s what was almost sure to happen. And maybe Deacon would be willing to do it for her that day . . . while he was so overcome with feelings for Seren. But what about on the hard days? The days those feelings wouldn’t be enough? He’d come to regret his choice. He’d come to regret Seren. And as strong as Seren was, she knew she wouldn’t survive that.
“You’re drifting,” Deacon said, his eyes intense, his voice gritty.
He took ahold of her hand and Seren let him. She wanted this connection as much as he did, but didn’t he see they couldn’t possibly be forever? Not with Max looming over them.
She thought back to the night in that very kitchen when she’d decided they’d somehow make it work. But time hadn’t made it any easier; time hadn’t made their way open like she’d thought. Max was, and forever would be, an obstacle. How had Seren ever thought this could work?
Probably because she’d wanted it so badly. She wanted Deacon so badly.
Her heart hurt as she held onto his hand tighter.
“Who am I fighting? Because I will fight for you, Seren. Just let me in.”
Seren didn’t have time to even think of a response as at that same moment their phones beeped, letting them both know a text had come in.
Seren could think of dozens of people who’d have a group text including Seren and Deacon but for some reason she knew exactly who their joint text had come from.
A reminder that tomorrow couldn’t be with Deacon. Not for Seren.
She bit her lip as her free hand went for her phone in her back pocket.
“Let the text go,” Deacon said, surely coming to the same conclusion Seren had.
Seren’s throat was thick with emotion but she couldn’t pretend anymore. “Even if I let it go, it’ll still be there, waiting for us.”
Deacon’s Adam’s apple bobbed. He knew Seren spoke the truth.
“I choose you, Seren.”
“I can’t ask you to you do that.”
This time it was Deacon who gripped her hand like he’d never let go. “You aren’t.”
“Maybe if we’d met at some other time, in some other way. But he’ll always be the one who connected us. And he’ll always be a part of you. He’s your brother.”
And that’s what it came down to. Max was so much more than a mere friend to Deacon. They were bound by so much more. Deacon and Max had been there for one another in ways that no mere friendship would have ever asked.
“So he’ll get it.”
Seren shook her head. That she knew for sure.
“I’ll make him come around.”
Seren bit her lip, not even needing to answer. Max was Max.
“I love you, Seren.”
Seren blinked, knowing she couldn’t cry. She had to be the one who stayed strong. She couldn’t give in. Deacon deserved better. One day he’d see. He’d find a woman who didn’t make him choose between her and the brother of his heart. And Seren would . . . she would somehow manage. The way she always had.
“I think you’d better make use of that new place sooner rather than later,” Seren said as she pulled her hand away, torn between pain and relief when Deacon let her go. She didn’t know if she could have fought him when all she wanted to do was give in. But he had to know too, somewhere deep down, that Seren was right. His love for her tonight felt like enough. But would it be enough for the next day, the next, and the next? To put so much pressure on a fledgling relationship seemed to doom it before it started. And then Seren would not only be out a boyfriend, but she’d lose her Deacon.
And that . . . that she would not survive.
“Seren,” Deacon whispered.
Seren pulled her phone out of her pocket, quickly scanning the text.
“He’s coming,” she said, knowing she didn’t have to explain who. Of course he was coming now. Of course he wanted to spend time with two of his favorite people. Of course he was ready to see the teen center, Milo’s grave, all of the places she’d begged him to come see before. All of the places where Deacon had joined her when Max had failed to show up.
“We can tell him . . . ”
“He’d never understand. You know that as well as I do.”
Deacon’s eyes glistened and it was almost enough for Seren to give in. She hated that she had to do this. Why couldn’t happiness find her, just once? Why couldn’t she have exactly what she wanted, just once?
“I can’t give you up,” Deacon whispered.
“Can you give him up?” Seren asked.
Deacon nodded adamantly but the nodding grew slower. “If I have to,” he finally spoke.
But he wouldn’t have to.
Moments from crying, Seren drew up the final tendrils of her strength. “I think you should go.”
Deacon nodded. telling her he also knew they were fighting for a lost cause.
“This isn’t the end of this, Seren.”
Seren pursed her lips, biting back all the things she wanted to say to make him stay. To make him go. Just to speak more words to the man she loved. Because somewhere along the line she’d fallen so hard in love. And it was only because of that love that she could give him up. She couldn’t let him walk around with a Max-shaped hole in heart. Deacon deserved the woman of his dreams and his best friend. And if Seren walked away now, she knew he’d find her. It would be easy, considering Deacon was the man of every woman’s dreams.
Seren turned her back to Deacon. “Good night.”
A tear escaped down her cheek before she blinked the rest away.
Deacon’s footsteps sounded once more, this time leaving Seren feeling empty in a way she hadn’t in a long time.
“I’ll keep fighting for us, Seren,” were his final words before the front door opened and then closed.
With the closing of the front door, a crack formed in her heart. Seren gasped, the abrupt pain was so overwhelming. A sudden, loud sob rent the air and Seren wrapped her arms around herself, keeling over as the emotion took hold. She tried to keep herself upright, leaning the weight of all she felt on the counter but soon it failed her. Even her body failed her and she collapsed to the ground, curling into a ball, cradling herself, attempting to comfort herself all the while knowing nothing she did would be enough. The hurt hit, wave upon wave of sorrow, anguish, and desperation.
As tears streamed down her face, with no way to stem the pain, Seren knew she’d never, ever be the same again.