Chapter 36
D aisy was sitting at the end of Annabelle’s marble kitchen island.
The Aga warmed from the corner, a playlist hummed from a little speaker on the windowsill and the air was filled with the smell of artisan food; all harissa paste and aubergine salad.
A log burner near the oversized, overpriced, overstuffed sofa flickered away to itself and anyone who had the fortune to sit by it.
The sound of Maggie coming through the enormous, wide, sisal rug-covered entrance hallway came through to the kitchen and a few seconds later, Maggie flounced into the room all posh trench coat, expensive wide-leg trousers and a bag worth more than Daisy’s car.
Maggie was her usual happy, bright, full-of-it self. ‘Ladies, how are we? We have a crisis by the look on your face, Daise. Am I right?’
Daisy shook her head and rolled her eyes. It had taken all of three seconds for Maggie to clock what was going on in her head. ‘Nope. Not at all.’
Maggie shrugged her coat off, hung it on a row of brass hooks by the back door, dumped her bag over another hook and whizzed around to the fridge where she grabbed a bottle of rosé and a huge glass from open shelving, unscrewed the top from the wine and poured it generously into the glass.
‘I have been your big and bestest sister for your whole life and that look on your face is telling me that Houston, we have a problem.’
Annabelle chuckled. ‘Nailed it in one. I didn’t want to say anything.’
Maggie put the wine back in the fridge, slammed the door shut, came back around the island and sat on the stool next to Daisy. ‘Is there a problem in boho bookshop heaven other than the corporation threat?’
‘As I said, I am fine.’ Daisy took a huge sip of her wine.
‘You are not.’ Maggie and Annabelle said in unison.
Maggie squinted. ‘What else has happened about GayesBooks? There are posters everywhere and the Facebook group is mental. Any news yet?’
Daisy shook her head. ‘Actual hard facts that don’t involve Suntanned Pete constantly going around putting posters on anything that doesn’t move are few and far between.’
‘Right.’
Daisy flicked her hand. ‘I’ve been keeping an eye on the place and I’ve not seen a single soul there, so no news to report.’
‘What else is bothering you?’ Annabelle narrowed her eyes and raised her chin.
Daisy sighed. ‘I might have another small dilemma to add to my stressful book-related dilemma.’
‘They’re coming thick and fast. Go ahead. We are here to counsel you.’ Maggie joked.
‘It’s not funny.’ Daisy shook her head. ‘Miles wants to properly meet the girls and be in their life.’
Annabelle frowned. ‘He’s met them. I witnessed it with my own eyes.’
‘No, yes, no, he wants to, you know, be more “in” as he put it.’
‘Meaning?’
‘Meaning, that they know he’s well, in the picture. Properly in the picture and part of us.’
‘Right, and you have a problem with that?’ Maggie frowned.
Daisy shook her head. ‘Just a small one!’
‘Which is?’ Annabelle prompted, leaning forward on her elbows.
‘Which is that I've never had to do this before.’ Daisy's voice was small and fairly pathetic. ‘I've never had to introduce the girls to someone who might be, well, who might matter.’
Maggie took a long sip of her wine and studied Daisy's face. ‘So, what you're saying is that Miles matters.’
‘I didn't say that.’
‘You didn't have to say it, you numpty. It's written all over your face.’ Maggie gestured with her wine glass. ‘The question is, why are you so terrified about it?’
Daisy felt heat creep up her neck. ‘I'm not terrified.’
‘You are absolutely terrified and that's understandable. The girls are your world. Let’s admit it: they are everything to all of us…’
‘Exactly. I can't mess this up.’
‘Who says you're going to mess it up?’ Maggie demanded. ‘You're assuming disaster before anything has even happened.’
‘I don't know the rules and part of me doesn’t want to. I don't know what I'm supposed to do or say or how to make it work. What if they hate him? What if he doesn't like them? What if it all goes wrong and then I've ruined everything?’
Annabelle squeezed Daisy's arm. ‘Flip it. What if it goes right?’
‘It won't. Nothing has so far with me. Do I need to mention the bungee jump?’
‘How can you possibly know if you don't try?’
Daisy stared down at the marble worktop. ‘Because nothing good ever lasts. Because every time I think something might work out, it doesn't.’
The kitchen went very quiet for a few seconds, except for the soft jazz and the crackle from the log burner near the sofa.
Annabelle's voice was soft but firm. ‘Look around you. Look at us. Look at your bookshop. Look at your girls. Good things do last, Daise. It’s just that before that, you had a run of, well, not so nice things happen all in a long line.’
‘The bookshop is in very early days, you know that.’ Daisy's voice was flat. ‘And as for the girls, I'm doing my best, but I have no idea if I'm getting it right. Most of the time, I feel like I'm making it up as I go along.’
'That's exactly what we're all doing. Making it up as we go along and hoping for the best.'
'I'm doing this on my own.'
'You're not on your own. You have us.'
'That's not the same thing.'
'No, it's not, but it doesn't mean you have to do everything on your own forever. Maybe Miles could be part of that support.'
‘Maybe he'd decide that twins are too much work and disappear. It is no walk in the park looking after those two.'
‘Maybe he wouldn't.’
'You don't know that.' Daisy shook her head.
'You're right, I don't, but neither do you. You're so busy imagining all the ways it could go wrong that you're not even considering the ways it could go right.'
'Right. Let's be practical about this. What exactly has Miles said?'
Daisy sighed. 'He said he wants to be more involved. He said he likes spending time with me, but he feels like he's only getting half of who I am because the girls are such a big part of my life.'
Annabelle grimaced. ‘He does have a point. He’s been around for a while now.’
'I told him that it was complicated and he said he understood complicated and that he wanted to try anyway.'
‘Daise, you can't protect them from everything. You can't wrap them up in cotton wool forever.'
'I can try.'
'But should you?' Maggie asked. 'Should you really? Because what you're teaching them is that people leave and that relationships don't work out and that it's safer to be alone.'
'It is safer to be alone.'
'Is it really? Because you don't look like someone who feels safe. You look like someone who's exhausted from trying to do everything by herself.'
Daisy felt tears prick at her eyes. 'I am exhausted, but that doesn't mean I should just trust the first man who says he wants to stick around.'
‘Oh, come on. You've been seeing him for ages! You wouldn't have kept seeing him if you didn't think there was something there.'
'That's different. That's just me. That's not the girls.'
'But you're not just you anymore, are you?' Annabelle said softly. 'You haven't been just you for years. You're their mum. So, anyone who wants to be with you has to understand that and accept that. Sorry, Daise, but it sounds like he gets that, which is why he’s pushing.'
'And what if he doesn't?'
'Then he's not the right person,' Maggie said simply. 'But what if he does?'
Daisy turned her wine glass around and around in her hands. 'I don't know how to introduce them properly. I don't know what to say or how to explain who he is.'
'What do you want him to be?' Annabelle asked.
'I don't know.'
Maggie's voice was firm. 'You know exactly what you want him to be. You're just too scared to say it.'
'I want him to stay, and yes, to be part of our lives. I want the girls to like him and I want him to like them and I want us to be a family.'
'There. Was that so hard to say?'
'Yes, actually. You don’t get it, Mags.’
Annabelle took the wine bottle out of the fridge and topped up all their glasses. 'So, what are you going to do about it?'
'I have absolutely no idea.'
'Well, you can't do nothing.'
'What if I mess it up?'
Annabelle countered and joked. 'What if it's wonderful? What if the girls love him and he loves them and you all live happily ever after in your little boho bookshop by the sea?'
Daisy snorted. 'Happily ever after is for fairy stories.'
'Maybe. But being happy for now is perfectly achievable.'
Maggie nodded. 'Annabelle's right. You don't have to plan the rest of your life. You just have to plan the next step.'
'Which is?'
'Which is letting Miles meet the girls properly. He needs to really meet them and not just a quick hello at the bookshop.'
Daisy's stomach clenched with anxiety. 'How am I supposed to do that?'
'However feels right to you.' Annabelle said. 'There's no rulebook for this. There's no right or wrong way.'
'That's not helpful.'
‘Just muddle through and hope for the best.'
Daisy took a large gulp of wine. 'This is so much harder than I thought it would be.'
'Nothing about relationships is easy. You just have to take it one day at a time.'
Daisy sighed deeply. 'So, what do I do? Just invite him over for Sunday lunch and hope for the best?'
'That's not a terrible idea.' Annabelle raised her eyebrows. 'Sunday lunch is casual and friendly. It's not too formal or too intense.'
'What if the girls ask awkward questions?'
'That’s a given! Of course, they'll ask awkward questions. I’ve trained them well.' Maggie grinned.
'What if they ask if he's my boyfriend?'
‘They will.’
'I've never had to explain that before.'
'Well, what is he?' Maggie asked bluntly. 'Is he your boyfriend?'
Daisy felt her cheeks flush. 'I suppose he is.'
'Then that's what you tell them. He's your friend who's also a bit more than a friend.'
'They won't understand that.'
'They're remarkably good at sensing when the adults in their lives are happy.'
'When you're with Miles, are you happy?'
Daisy thought about the way Miles made her laugh. About how he listened when she talked about the bookshop or the girls, or her worries. About how he never made her feel like she was too much or not enough. About how safe she felt with him. 'I am happy.'
'Then that's what matters.' Annabelle said firmly. 'The girls will see that. They want you to be happy.'
'Do they, though? What if they think he's trying to replace their dad?'
Maggie and Annabelle exchanged a look.
Maggie spoke carefully. 'Daise. The girls barely remember their dad. They were babies when… let’s not go there.'
'But they know about him. I've told them about him.'
'That's not the same as them having a relationship with him. They've never had a father figure in their lives.'
'Maybe that's for the best.'
Annabelle leaned forward. 'You can't keep the girls in a bubble forever. At some point, you have to let people in. At some point, you have to trust that good things can happen.'
'What would you do?'
'Honestly?' Maggie asked. 'I'd be just as terrified as you are, but I'd do it anyway.'
'Because?'
'Because the alternative is staying exactly where you are forever.'
Annabelle nodded. 'You deserve to be happy, Daise. You deserve to have someone who loves you and wants to be part of your life. And the girls deserve to see what a healthy, loving relationship looks like.'
Daisy drained the last of her wine. 'So, you think I should do it? You think I should invite him for Sunday lunch?'
'Yes.’
'And if it goes wrong?'
'Then we'll be here to pick up the pieces.' Maggie was firm. 'That's what sisters are for.'
'You promise?'
'We promise.' Annabelle said without hesitation.
'Right then.' Daisy took a deep breath. 'Sunday lunch it is.'
Annabelle raised her glass. 'To taking chances.'
'To taking chances,' Maggie echoed.
Daisy raised her glass, though her hand was trembling slightly. 'To hoping for the best and preparing for the worst.'
'That's very you.' Maggie grinned.
'Shut up,' Daisy said, but she was smiling, too.
They clinked glasses and Daisy felt okay-ish and more positive about the matter.
She swallowed and thought that actually although she was uncertain and it could go wrong in a hundred different ways, it could also go so very right.
Weighing it all up and with her sisters’ input, she felt that perhaps it was worth giving it a go. Maybe the only way was up.