Chapter 19
Isolation Insanity
Cedar
“Shift back, Cedar. You’ve been a bloody bird for almost two days now. If you fly in there and she doesn’t get to actually see you, she’s going to lose her mind,” Raiden growled.
I’d been shifted since the moment I opened my eyes two nights ago with Cora’s warm curvy body wrapped around me in bed.
My cock had other ideas while I tried to slowly peel her limbs off me so I could force whatever clothing I could find onto my body and escape the pile of feelings itching their way into my subconscious.
Between the sex and the dream sharing that just wouldn’t fucking end, I wasn’t feeling social. So I’d shifted and then stayed that way the rest of the journey home.
Maybe it would end if you quit fucking biting her, my subconscious whispered.
Feelings were easier to bury if I wasn’t in my vampire form. When I shifted, I was more animal than anything else, and animals didn’t feel the way we did. Cora was the first female I’d ever taken to bed more than once since my wife, and I refused to dwell on it more than I absolutely had to.
I’d spent the entire ride on Raiden’s shoulder or checking ahead to ensure we were safe.
I’d been antsy and easily startled since the moment I walked outside of the castle in Whitbourne.
Raiden had told me about what I’d missed—pieces of what Silvana had remembered, Keres having no true magic, his heritage, Paine and Arabella being eager to help us put an end to him.
I wanted to fill him in on the missing pieces of Cora, but I couldn’t make myself shift back. The nerves thrumming through my body at her close proximity were unlike anything I’d ever felt before, and I hated everything about it.
Then Raiden sent her to my room. He’d said she was my responsibility, but I didn’t think he meant that so literally while we were here with hundreds of his army around us at all times. But then again, they didn’t know Cora the way I did—not truly. I wasn’t sure if anyone did.
Focusing on the magic deep in my being, I pulled the string of my Fates-given power and transformed back into my body, my raven going back into my subconscious—unsettled and restless just like he stayed when she wasn’t in my line of sight.
I cracked my neck and shook out my shoulders before finally turning back to the ruler of the Court of Shadows, a brow raised in question to see if he was now satisfied.
“Thank you,” he grumbled. “Now, if you’re done with whatever your problem is, I’d like to go see my queen now.”
I nodded, and stepped to the side, allowing him to lead the way to the rest of our family.
It only took a few quiet moments before he was pushing the door to his office open, striding through the dimly lit room and towards his massive wooden desk where a pale, silver-haired beauty launched herself towards his tall frame, her arms latching around his neck and her legs around his waist.
“You were gone longer than we agreed,” she whispered into his neck.
“I know, my little Ice Queen. However, as I mentioned before, your best friend made the journey a little more complicated.” His arms were wrapped around her with no slack, as her eyes lifted and met mine.
The crystal blue so different from her sister's dark sapphire.
I hated that I found myself comparing them, trying to find little similarities beyond the bits of ice magic and their pale complexion.
Her brows drew together and her teeth sank into her bottom lip as she dropped from Raiden’s body, her gaze jumping between the two of us as she tried to pick up on any tells.
I wanted to hug her, remind her that I was fine, but I couldn’t.
I was keeping so much from her, and I hated it.
Forcing my feet to move, I sat down on the couch behind me, leaning back and attempting to maintain a relaxed posture—one foot brought up to rest on the opposite knee, one arm on the side of the couch, the other dropped lazily along the back.
Silvana rolled her eyes. “Oh, for fuck’s sake. What happened?” Her eyes fell back to Raiden, and I knew it was because she knew he wouldn’t be able to keep shit from her. Her eyes widened and I immediately knew what they were doing.
“You can’t even say it aloud? You had to whisper it into her mind like it’s some vast secret.
” I scoffed as my temper rose. I prided myself on being the in-control male—calm and collected.
Good in a crisis. Always cracking sarcastic jokes to lighten the mood.
But I was coming to realize I wasn’t that male anymore, nor did I wish to be.
“I brought your sister back with me. I refused to leave without her. I couldn’t leave without her. ”
My gaze turned to Raiden once more, my sarcasm unable to be kept at bay. “How hard was that?”
Silvana’s pale blue eyes found my own once again and so many things passed through them.
Silvana had been my best friend, my sister, for over a hundred years now.
I never intended to keep anything from her, and I didn’t want that to change now, but I was worried it would. Sooner than I was comfortable with.
“Why would you do that when you know she could—” I shook my head, cutting her off.
“Stop there. I know more than you could ever even begin to imagine, Silv.” I chuckled, but it was anything but a happy noise as I ran my hands over my face and jumped to my feet, pacing the room.
“I… I saw things there, Silv, experienced things in that Fates-forsaken place that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy, and she saved my life.
She saved our lives. Don’t ask me how, don’t ask me why.
It could very well all be a trap. He could’ve let her go so she could spy on us and report back.
She could’ve saved my life for her own benefit.
But she just…” I walked over to the windows that overlooked the rose gardens that Raiden loved so much, and swallowed roughly.
“There is more to Cora than meets the eye, and I couldn’t leave her there with no one in her corner,” I whispered.
She walked over towards me, her hand coming to rest on my forearm.
“Understood, Cedar. I just don’t want to lose anyone else to his insanity.
I know she’s my sister, but I don’t know her anymore.
It’s been years without her. I don’t know what I’d do with myself if I knew she was part of the reason I lost the first real family I ever held dear. ”
Looking down at her I smiled softly. “The only family you remember holding dear, Silv, but you had an entire life with her before this—before us.” I sighed and pulled her into my arms. “I’m not going anywhere. Plus, I already promised Raiden I’d keep an eye on her. So less worrying for now.”
Her soft laugh cascaded against my skin and I squeezed her tighter.
“Okay, so what can you tell us about my little sister?” she asked, her tone more lighthearted now as if she were relieved to have gotten anything out of me at all.
I shook my head and walked back over to the couch as Silvana sat next to me and Raiden sat behind his desk. Running through the thoughts I was having, trying to find the best place to even start.
“Cora is half witch… a quarter witch? I’m not sure the exact percentage or if that sort of thing even matters when things get… passed down.” I watched as Silvana absorbed what I said, not daring to take my eyes off of her.
“My mother?” she asked, and I nodded in confirmation.
“Honestly, that would make a great deal of sense. The little bits that have returned… my mother was always heavily protective of Cora. Harsher with her, more controlling it felt. I don’t remember questioning it, but she always seemed to have more work than I did when we were kids.
We were close in age—at least for vampires.
We’d practice bits of magic with Father, fun things, as children: making snowflakes, freezing lakes, the type of thing that teaches you control in a fun way.
But Mother was always more secretive with her solo time alongside Cora. Time she never donated to me either.”
“She was teaching her witchcraft?” Raiden asked. “What exactly is she able to do, Cedar?”
I shook my head. “I’m not entirely sure of the full range of it.
She created a few tonics for me to help with pain and the mending of my mind, projected herself to me, but she wasn’t there, not really, and she…
” I paused, contemplating how far down this road I was willing to go.
“There was this female there, Raiden. Her name was Vega. She could… touch me and break into my mind. It was how they were able to take control of the Court of Wolves—through Oren and his men.”
“Keres has an Esoti?” His tone was harsh as thin shadows started creeping from his hands and across his desk. Silvana rose and crossed the room, planting herself in his lap—a mental and physical shield to keep him from destroying things if I had to guess.
“What is an Esoti, My Lord?” Sometimes I forgot just how much of the world and magic Silvana and I didn’t know about or fully understand the way Raiden did.
I watched as she wrapped her arms around his neck and his shadows receded back into his palms as his eyes landed on hers. I couldn’t help the pang of jealousy that slid through me as I watched them, but I buried it with the rest of the feelings I wasn’t keen on dealing with at this moment.
Raiden cleared his throat. “An Esoti possesses a rare type of mental magic. Valentine used to say they could infiltrate people’s minds while touching them and sort through their memories at will.
They couldn’t change memories, but they could bring up past trauma and force people to relive it within their own minds, trapped, while they watched it happen.
They were highly sought-after in wars, especially when Cyprian started to become paranoid about an uprising against him.
He’d have his men bring in suspected traitors to his Esoti, and they’d either be cleared or killed. ”