Chapter 32
Soaked with Acceptance
Cedar
The journey back to Darkmoor had been agonizingly slow to start. We’d stopped at four taverns in total to find fresh food, but it seemed it wasn’t an easy task in the Court of Wolves.
With Oren gone and Voss leading, they’d done away with any tavern who offered the ‘on-tap’ service. They’d been encouraging vampires to roam the streets for humans to hunt instead.
So it took until we crossed the border back into the Court of Shadows to find a food source, and fuck that had been another ordeal.
It took a solid three humans before I just expected that they’d all continue to taste like shit.
Cora had ruined me. I’d thought about trying a vampire instead, but I wasn’t willing to risk being stuck with anyone else once more.
Cora was enough.
Thankfully, once we’d eaten, the wound began to heal at a faster rate. It was still sore, but at least there wasn’t a constant stream of blood running down my leg.
Strolling through the streets, we finally found ourselves in Darkmoor, the manor in view.
“Are you going to tell her?” Bastian asked from next to me.
“Tell her what?”
He let out a disbelieving huff. “Don’t play stupid, Feathers. Are you going to tell her or not?”
Throat tight, I didn’t respond. Mostly because I wasn’t sure. I wanted to tell her how I felt. How in the moment Bastian and I realized I wasn’t healing, that I could indisputably die from whatever toxin Voss had coated his daggers in, that I may not see her again.
Bastian and my conversation from a few mornings ago floated through my mind.
There’s a fine line between love and hate.
It was true. A fine line that I’d crossed over and built a home for myself on. A home I had no intention of leaving. A home that was firmly on the side that wasn’t hatred. Feelings I felt unsure on how to deal with, even in this moment.
Bastian cleared his throat, interrupting my thoughts as I dragged my gaze back to his. “I can feel you thinking from over here. If you want my advice—”
“I don’t,” I interrupted. But he continued on nonetheless.
“I say tell her how you feel. Say whatever feels right in the moment. Don’t overthink it or fret too much on what she may or may not say in return. Just be honest.”
I scoffed. “Thank you, all-knowing and wise one.”
He chuckled once more. “You’re welcome.”
We finally hit the bridge, the guards nodding at us as we passed.
But we didn’t get much farther as the doors swung open to reveal Silvana and Micah, both of which launched themselves towards us, arms wrapped tightly around our bodies.
I looked over Silv’s shoulder to see Allie, a soft but contained smile on her face.
“Don’t do that again,” she mumbled as her arms tightened once more before she let go and looked me over. “Are you okay?”
I nodded. “I’m fine. The fucker had his weapons drenched in some sort of poison.
It wasn’t wolf venom, but it slowed down healing.
But, I’m fine, and best news of all, he’s gone.
I’ll need to brief Raiden on what can be done over there, but once we get Oren home, we can start fixing shit at our neighbors’. ”
Silvana nodded, but I knew there was something more going on she wasn’t saying.
“What’s wrong, Silv?”
She shifted. “I, um, well I went to check on Cora when the sun set. We knew you’d be back when the moon rose and wanted to wait together.
But, she was, well, she’s gone, Cedar. Raiden has been spiraling.
He thinks she’s gone back to Keres, betrayed us, and Allie said she wouldn’t answer any questions until you arrived back safely, so you could witness or something. ”
The tight feeling returned, a feeling I no longer wished to feel again.
My heart raced and the world spun. Images from the past surfaced within my mind.
The look on my mother’s face when she realized her son was a monster.
Florence, the empty look within her eyes when her soul had departed from her body.
My father passing, realizing I was alone once more in this world.
Almost dying before Silv found me.
The first time I’d dream shared with Cora and watched her suffer at the hands of another.
Thinking I’d die on the way here without ever telling her the truth, only to arrive and find her gone.
I pushed past Silvana and found myself running up the stairs, my body moving faster than I thought it could in this state. Mere moments passed before I was pushing the door to our chambers open, only to find it empty.
“Cora!” I yelled, the scent of her still potent within these walls. I found myself pushing into the bathroom, only to find nothing. It was empty. The shower, the bath, the bed, the closet. All of it showed no sign of her.
“Cedar, let’s go to the library so we can all talk,” a dark voice said from behind me.
“I can’t, she wouldn’t,” I tried to reason without looking over my shoulder at him. Trying to reason within my own mind what could possibly cause her to leave. We’d just talked in the field. She’d been worried for me. She wouldn’t go back—not to him. Not there.
“Cedar, now,” Raiden commanded. I didn’t have to look to know he’d turned away and strutted down the hall. The Court of Shadows ruler was angry, and I didn’t blame him for feeling that way. She’d been my responsibility, and I’d left her here for others to deal with.
I found myself following him down the hall, and once in the library, I sat in a chair in the far corner of the room. I didn’t need anyone touching me or trying to console me right now. I needed answers.
Once everyone was here—Raiden, Micah, Allie, Bastian, Silv, Paine, and Arabella had arrived—Raiden started pacing.
“Speak, Allie,” he growled, but the command didn’t seem to rattle the human. She took his harsh mood in stride and nodded before her eyes turned to me.
“Cora went back to the Court of Ice, but it wasn’t because she wanted to. It was because she felt she must.”
Paine nodded and Arabella looked pensive as Allie spoke—likely used to dealing with the odd words from a visionary.
But Raiden was close to combusting. Shadows swirling around his feet and up the walls behind him the more he paced.
I thought Silv would try to comfort him, but she stood back, waiting for Allie to clarify, maybe.
“Allie, no cryptic fucking messages right now. What do you know?” he growled. “Did she return to betray us?”
Allie’s eyes widened and shot to my own. “Betray us?”
She let out a huff and shook her head—a move not common for the human. At least not that I’d seen.
“This is our Ice Queen all over again. Your shadows are so thick it keeps even the mighty Shadow Lord from seeing what is before his very eyes!”
Bastian snickered from next to her and set an arm around her shoulders, pulling her close. I wasn’t sure if it was to comfort her, or keep her out of the line of fire from Raiden.
“Maybe explain what you mean, Allie,” Arabella pushed softly.
As I looked around the room, there seemed to be a knowing look upon everyone’s face but Raiden’s and my own.
“The threads are connected. They always have been between the sisters of ice, but once more they connect the ice princess and another,” Allie explained, but her gaze slowly turned from Raiden to my own. “A shifter with a propensity for trouble and an inability to leave her behind.”
I scoffed, the tight feeling once more within my chest.
“Do not jest, Allie.”
She huffed, her head shaking in disbelief. “Forever you request the words of the threads, but then do not believe them once I mutter the truth of the Fates. You are mates, Cedar. Bound in blood and Fates-given magic beyond even what I can see, or what Cora can summon.”
I shook my head, interrupting her spiel. “That’s impossible. I mean, do I feel drawn to her? Yes. But not through something of that nature. Besides, you and Anwen told us the bond had to be accepted before it would fully form. I sure as fuck didn’t accept such a thing.”
She laughed, a full sound bouncing off the walls around us while the room remained quiet.
“You didn’t accept such a thing, raven shifter?
You demanded to stay behind, not to seek out knowledge of the Court of Ice imposter, but to protect the dark-haired witch who remained within his walls.
She didn’t turn on you when Keres attempted your execution, she bought you valuable time in order to be saved.
She delved into powerful and dangerous magic in order to protect your mind and very soul.
Which part of that isn’t soaked with acceptance? ”
No one spoke. No one so much as laughed, sighed, nothing for a long moment.
It wasn’t shocking to me when it was Silvana who broke first. Strolling over and kneeling before me, her hands resting upon my knees as she peered up at me. Her crystal blue eyes showed more emotion than I had seen from her in many moons.
“Cedar, you know she speaks the truth,” she whispered.
“We’ve all known for a while, and we’ve kept the comments to ourselves while the two of you figured it out, but we’re past that now and I believe you know that.
Alina mentioned Cora had a letter delivered with a golden seal. After that, no one saw her again.”
Raiden had finally stopped pacing, his eyes now set on his queen. “There is only one court in all of Kostbare who uses a gold seal, and we all know who it is. If she hasn’t betrayed us, Cedar. If she’s gone back simply to protect you, she’s in danger, and we need to move quickly.”
He spoke as if I didn’t know this already. As if it wasn’t the first thing that crossed my mind when I’d found her gone.
“What about the mate marking?” Bastian asked suddenly. “Did you not find one on her anywhere? I mean, the two of you have been together quite a few times now.”
I thought back and shook my head when nothing came to mind. It had been dark many of the times and it wasn’t as if I took time to fully take her in head to toe. “Not that I’d ever noticed anywhere, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t there.”
Silv shook her head and her eyes turned back towards Raiden. “We need to get her now, Raiden. If Keres finds that mark? The confirmation of them being Fates-blessed? He’ll kill her.”
I shook my head. “We don’t even know if she has one, Silv,” I muttered, but the words tasted horrid in my mouth. Denial at its finest. She stood to her full height and looked down at me still seated in the high-back chair.
“It’s a small raven on the back of your neck, Cedar. I noticed it when you first arrived back, in Raiden’s office. She’ll have one to match.”