Chapter 37
Confirmation
Cedar
My eyes felt heavy and my senses appeared to have been dulled. Nothing sounded familiar around me. Shuffling feet, howling wind, creaky floorboards. Running my hands over my face, I tried to remember the last thing that’d happened, but it was a blur of snowy skies and a decent length of flying.
“Oh good, you’re awake,” Silvana’s voice came from next to me.
My movements sluggish, my head turned to see her pulling up a chair.
The world was sideways and it took me a moment to realize I was sprawled across a scratchy green couch.
The material rubbing uncomfortably beneath the backs of my arms.
“Here, drink this. It’ll taste like dirt, but it beats starving to death,” she requested as she handed me a small goblet of what I assumed was blood.
Maneuvering myself to a seated position, I tried to breathe through the world spinning as I took the goblet from her and sipped.
“What happened?” My voice was hoarse as I choked down a bit more of the blood.
“What do you remember?”
I’d known Silvana long enough to know she only answered a question with a question when she was avoiding the topic at hand, but since my head was still spinning, I let it go.
Setting the cup by my feet, I let out a slow breath as my eyes closed and the palms of my hands rubbed against them.
“Flying,” I muttered.
She huffed and I glanced up in time to see her shaking her head. “Yeah. What else?”
Groaning, I leaned back, glaring at her.
“Silv, please. Just speak. My head is pounding and everything is a blur. I recall the conversation in the library with Allie, flying, and your aunt out in the snow. I recall seeing Cora.” My voice trailed off at the thought of her, my mind aching to remember something she’d said.
A pale silver brow arched as she stared at me. “You saw Cora?”
“Yes. Though I believe I was dreaming. We talked and I saw when she first arrived in Whitbourne, but we weren’t there long. We went…” I swallowed roughly and shifted on the couch slightly, so I leaned back. “We left there before long.”
Silvana nodded. “What did she say?”
I sighed, trying to place the memories. The dream itself was coming back easily enough. For some reason, I didn’t want to share what Cora and I had talked about. It felt like it was a conversation for the two of us, and no one else.
“Why don’t you tell me what I’m actually missing and then we can talk about your sister like a couple of drunk tavern rats another time.”
Now it seemed to be her turn to shift uncomfortably.
“You should finish your blood.”
“You’ve never been all that good at avoiding the questions I pose to you, Silvana. Don’t pretend it’s changed this time.”
A soft sequence of thuds sounded from the stairs and I watched as Bastian entered the room.
“Oh good, Feathers is awake. I was worried Raiden did permanent damage with that shadow show of his,” he said with a smirk.
Silvana’s eyes dropped to the floor as my gaze cut to hers. “Permanent damage, Silv?”
“You don’t remember?” Bastian questioned as he pulled up a chair next to Silvana’s. “Maybe permanent damage did happen. You should drink that. May help.”
Biting back a sudden urge to growl, I picked up the goblet Silvana had brought me, and tossed the rest of its contents down my throat, careful not to choke on the flavor.
“There,” I muttered, setting it down. “Will someone tell me what the fuck is going on now?”
“I almost killed you to keep you from getting yourself killed,” a deep voice said from the front door. My gaze slid to Silvana’s once more as she physically flinched. “Didn’t though, so I feel as if it should count for something,” Raiden added with a grumble.
Paine chuckled as he walked around him and sat in a chair in the far corner, a dagger in hand as he watched us all.
“Should I say thank you, sire?” I asked, the sarcasm thick. “Was there a reason for it, or were you just bored?”
“We couldn’t let you storm out of here to attempt to save your ice princess, when she doesn’t need saving.” A tall female who looked remarkably like Silvana said from behind Raiden. She approached, her eyes kind. “Zima, in case the damage erased that part.”
Nodding, I stared back at her. “Silvana’s aunt.”
A smile broke out across her face, a look I only witnessed from Silv when she was busy killing people. It was unnerving to see it in such a different context.
“Oh good! The damage wasn’t as bad as we thought it would be.
Well, you were angry, understandably so, when I told you your mate didn’t need rescuing.
In fact, she should be here soon enough, which is a Fate’s blessing to be sure.
I didn’t want to be on the other side of an angry witch when she arrived and her mate was unresponsive in our care,” Zima explained with a smile.
As I glanced around, I realized she and Paine were the only ones who didn’t appear to be on the edge of their seats waiting with bated breath for how I’d respond to this news.
“So what? No one thought to attempt knocking me out instead? Simple communication? You felt trying to kill me was the answer?” I didn’t mean for my tone to sound as aggressive as it did, but I felt as if this conversation needed to end already.
I just wasn’t sure how to turn off the anger I felt and let it go.
I knew Raiden wasn’t trying to kill me, but the thought that they’d felt they had the right to stop me from going after her was its own problem. A problem I didn’t have the energy to bring up.
“No! Raiden and I have been training together, working on different ways to use his shadows. One of them is to cloud the mind, so to speak. It’s just supposed to help you feel calm and sleep.
But, apparently, we’re still working out the kinks.
He went in too deeply and Aunt Zima thinks because you were so…
against it, and you fought back,” Silvana explained.
I laughed. I couldn’t help myself. Hands running over my face and eyes to the ceiling, I shook my head.
“This conversation has been thrilling,” I said sarcastically as I got to my feet. “I’m going to go get some air, please refrain from trying to kill me this time. I’ve had enough of people rummaging through my mind for a lifetime.”
No one moved as I made my way outside, shutting the door firmly behind me.
The air was biting, the wind flowing through my hair as I looked out over the snowy landscape. The higher altitude and cold had me wanting to shift and enjoy the breeze beneath my feathers, but I didn’t.
I stood, alone, and waited.
Staring out into the distance. Down the only road that led to this house.
Closing my eyes, I focused on the connection I had to her. They hadn’t lied. She was closer now, her emotions erratic and wild just like her. A sense of calm was setting atop her, but there was also an underlying anxiety. A nervousness I’d never felt from her before.
Cora rarely felt nervous about anything.
Even throughout the memories I’d seen, nervousness wasn’t present.
Fear. Anger. Boredom. Excitement. But nerves didn’t come over her, even in the most horrid of situations.
As if she always knew the things happening around her would work out in a way that was fitting.
A soft click had me releasing a slow breath as I checked over my shoulder to see Silvana walking out to join me.
“I don’t want to talk, Silv. I just need a moment to collect myself.”
She stopped next to me, her arms crossed over her chest as she shifted side to side. “I know, but I just needed to explain. Without everyone else watching us and listening so closely,” she whispered.
Releasing another slow breath, I nodded for her to continue.
“For years, it was just us, Cedar. No one else we had to answer to once a job was done. No one we had to check in with. You and I, against everyone else, and sometimes I miss those days. When things were simple and I knew what was what. I love Raiden, more than I love anything. But sometimes I miss the simplicity. Does that make sense?”
“Yes, it does. But what’s your point?”
She sighed. “I think, what I never thought about, was how you’d be once you were in my shoes.
When Raiden was taken, you had to stand by and watch me throw myself in harm's way in order to find him. You never complained or tried to stop me. You just… were there for me. But when the time came for me to do the same, I couldn’t, Cedar.
I was overtaken by this violent fear that if you went back into that castle without anyone beside you, you would die.
Keres would have taken one more person from me, and I couldn’t let it happen. ”
She paused, clearing her throat, trying to tame back emotions she wasn’t accustomed to showing if I had to guess.
“I wasn’t there to stop Cora, but I was there to stop you.
And honestly, I think when Raiden felt my spike of fear over you leaving, it made him act harsher than he should have.
He’ll apologize when he doesn’t think we’re all about to march into that castle and be killed, I’m sure.
Or I’ll stab him, whichever comes first.”
She shrugged and gave me a sad smile.
“I’m sorry for taking away your choice in how to act, Cedar.
I’ll never be able to apologize enough for what I did.
But I hope on some level you’re able to understand.
” She released a breath and I wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her into my chest. “Plus, if we hadn’t heard from Anwen, I would’ve been right next to you, I swear,” she whispered as I wrapped her in a hug.
“Stop talking, Silv. I’ll forgive you when she arrives safely. I can’t offer more than that right now.”
Nodding, she hugged me back and silence enveloped us.
I wasn’t sure how much time passed in the silence before she finally broke it.
“I’m going to head inside for a bit. Check on the rest of the crew,” Silvana said gently. Her hand squeezed my forearm before she turned away.
“Hey, Silv,” I called before she could reach the door.
She turned to look back at me, a brow arched in question.
“You’re a good ruler, Silv. You and Raiden.
I know you miss the simplicity, but there aren’t many we’ve come across who care the way you do for those around you.
Someone willing to make the hard call to keep those you care for safe.
I’m allowed to be angry about it, but that doesn’t mean you’re wrong.
It just means you made a call and we'll have to deal with the outcome.”
She smiled, though it didn’t quite meet her eyes. “Thanks, Cedar,” she whispered as she pushed the door open and walked away.
My eyes turned back to the road in front of me.
Calling it a road was generous in all ways. It didn’t have stone inlays, or gravel of any sort. It hadn’t even been tilled to create a dirt path of sorts.
The only way you knew it was a path was by the trees that had been cleared away and the hoof prints left behind from our horses—not that those were easy to see at this point in the snowfall.
I could feel her getting closer though, so no matter the amount of times I had to kick snow away from my feet and shake my boots off, I hadn’t moved from my vigil.
Hours had passed by the time something in the distance caught my eyes. A smile came to my face—not only because I knew it was her, but because it was the final confirmation I needed to what Allie had claimed.
My mate flew towards me, her pure white wings outspread as she glided elegantly from the snow-filled clouds. Holding out my arm, she landed gracefully upon it, immediately shuffling up my arm towards my shoulder, and burying herself in the crook of my neck.
“There’s my princess,” I whispered. “Let’s get you inside where it’s warm and you can rest.”
She let out a soft trilling sound as her beak rested against my cheek and I chuckled.
“Yeah, I’m happy to see you too. Don’t think this means I’m less angry you left though.
We still have a great deal to talk about, but we’ll do it after you’ve rested.
” I ran my fingers down her feathers gently.
“Do you want to shift back before we get inside, or would you prefer I play protector in there?”
She squawked and shook her feathers out as she shifted between her feet.
“Not to sound like an ass, but do you know how to shift back?”
Her answer came in the form of nipping at my jaw.
“I deserved that, I guess. But you’re going to have to shift back if you expect to talk to Silv, or me for that matter,” I added, trying to sound calm and reassuring.
She released one more squawk before she glided from my shoulder towards the ground, and shifted in front of me. Slowly standing, my eyes raked over her from her feet all the way to the back of her head, only to find her completely naked.
“Cora, where are your clothes?” I growled under my breath.
She slowly turned to face me, her eyes meeting mine.
“Back in the throne room of Whitbourne, I’d imagine.”
My teeth ground together as I turned, cracking the door open just enough to yell through.
“Silv, I need some clothes. Quickly.”
Movements sounded and someone tried to yank the door open, but a growl erupted from my chest.
“Unless you want your eyes plucked out by my raven, I suggest you stop pulling on the Fates-damned door until my mate has clothes on her body.”
The tugging stopped abruptly until Silvana returned, pulling the door open enough to hand me a pile of clothes.
“The clothes are mine, but I had to get a pair of boots from Aunt Zima. They should fit okay,” Silv added as she shut the door behind her.
I turned back, clothes in hand, to find Cora wide-eyed.
“Aunt Zima?” she whispered, and I nodded in response.
“We’ll talk inside, once you’re dressed, Princess.”
Nerves flowed through the bond as she quickly pulled on a pair of black tights, black boots, and a loose white shirt.
“I’m ready.” Her eyes looked up into mine and her hand slid into mine. “Please don’t leave me alone in there,” she whispered as my opposite hand hit the door.
“You couldn’t escape my eyesight even if you tried.”