44. Love
Love
Helena
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
“I remember.”
His voice cracks as tears carve paths down his face.
He remembers. Thank you, God.
I drop to my knees beside him, wrapping my arms around his shaking frame. I carefully position myself to block his view of the smaller stone beside ours as his body quivers, rigid with grief.
“I’m so sorry you found out this way.”
He doesn’t move, doesn’t blink. His gaze is hollow, fixed on the cold stone bearing our names.
“Why did you lie?”
His words cut deep. I pull back, my hands hovering over him as if afraid to touch.
“I came back for you?—”
“You came back as another woman," he says, void of emotion.
“I had to, you?— ”
“Your deception had me falling for her. I clung to you for so long.”
“Silas, I swear, I didn’t want to. They told me this was the only way. But it was me all along.” My voice wavers with the confession. “I had no choice.”
His head turns slowly, his eyes as dark as an oncoming storm. “They?”
“Silas, I was in heaven. You stayed here. The angels…they let me come back for you.”
He rises, arms stiff at his sides, his gaze searing through me.
“Lying is a sin, Caroline. And your sin was for nothing. I’m not worthy of heaven.”
The words knock the breath from my lungs. He pivots sharply, and I scramble upright, a sob ripping from my throat.
“Please, Silas! Whatever you’ve done, whatever sins you think make you unworthy, you can repent. You can come back with me.”
“If you lied to me in the name of salvation, what else have you lied about?” he tosses over his shoulder, pacing never faltering.
“Silas, please!” My breath hitches, my body wracked with sobs. We round the side of the church, and my stomach revolts. I double over, retching onto the dry earth.
Silas doesn’t hesitate as he reaches for Shadow, uncoils the reins with steady hands, and swings onto the horse in one smooth motion.
Before I can move, he’s gone.
“Silas!” My voice pierces through the night, swallowed by the endless stretch of darkness. “Silas, come home!”
The only answer is the wind rustling through the tall grass. My pulse pounds in my ears, my throat tightening, every breath a broken rasp.
I’ve been riding the pastures for what feels like hours, searching. I checked the eastern border, near Bennett’s land. Nothing. I rode to the creek where we spent countless evenings, our laughter mingling with the murmur of the water. Still, no sign of him.
“Where have you gone?” The words escape, more to myself than to the night. My mind races, grasping for any place he might have gone, but exhaustion dulls my thoughts, leaving me grasping at nothing.
With a heavy sigh, I pull Merriweather’s reins, guiding her back toward home. The feeling of defeat settles in my chest as the moon casts long, lonely shadows across the fields.