68. Failure
Failure
Helena
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
I wake in a cell. The mattress beneath me is softer than I expected, the fabric of my gown crisp and white. A stark contrast to the heavy exhaustion pressing down on me. My eyes strain against the light surrounding me, too bright, too pure.
The spirits had spoken of these rooms. A place for those teetering on the edge, where souls in danger of being cast into purgatory were kept.
I scan the space.
I’m alone.
A heavy fist pounds against the door, the sound reverberating through the silence.
“Caroline Hayes.”
My throat is dry. “Yes?”
The door swings open, revealing two guards clad in golden armor, their presence both intimidating and otherworldly. One steps forward.
“Your presence has been requested.”
I nod, swinging my legs over the edge of the bed. My bare feet touch the floor, grounding me. I stand and follow them without hesitation.
We move down a long hallway lined with identical doors, each one holding its own secrets. The air hums with quiet energy, the feel of unseen eyes pressing against my skin. Finally, we stop. One of the guards pushes open a door and gestures for me to enter.
Inside, an old man sits behind a pristine white desk, stacks of papers before him. His silver hair cascades over his shoulders, long and unbound. Behind him, something shifts, catching the light. His wings.
He lifts his head, sharp eyes settling on me.
“Caroline?”
I swallow. “That’s me,” I say calmly.
He gestures toward the chair in front of his desk. “Please, sit.”
I sink into the seat, clasping my hands in my lap, my leg bouncing with nervous energy.
“I’m sure you’re wondering why you’re here.” His voice is relaxed, but there’s an edge to it, a quiet authority that demands truth.
I meet his gaze. “I think I already know why I’m here. I just want to know what happens next. To me. To my husband and son.” The words spill out before I can stop them.
He leans forward, his fingers lacing together. “Your husband remains on the earthly plane. Your son is still in the nursery.”
A wave of relief washes over me, but it’s fleeting.
“We’re here to discuss your actions,” he continues.
I lift my chin. “I know what I did. But I had good reason,” I remark curtly, but I don’t regret it.
“Then name those reasons, Caroline. And consider them carefully.” His gaze is unwavering. “You sent seven souls to hell.”
My breath catches. “They went to hell? ”
He nods solemnly. “They weren’t given the chance to repent. You took that choice away from them.”
I stiffen. “In all fairness, sir, they conspired to kill my family. And succeeded.”
He lifts a hand, silencing me with a single gesture. “We know, Caroline. But you did not offer them redemption before ending their lives.”
I shake my head, my hands curling into fists. “I had to stop my husband. I knew that if he killed again, he and I would be damned to spend eternity apart. I couldn’t bear the weight of that.”
Silence stretches between us, heavy with judgment, with unspoken truths.
“You've put us in a very difficult position, Caroline.”
This time, I don’t let him finish. “Then let me make it simple for you. If sending me to purgatory ensures my husband’s salvation, so be it.
I’ll suffer whatever fate you prescribe if it means he can find his way here.
Separate me from God for all of eternity if that’s what it takes.
My son is safe, and I want the same for Silas. ”
He studies me, his gaze weighing my words. My pulse quickens. This is the moment of truth. Then, to my surprise, a slow smile spreads across his face, his eyes glinting.
“Can you tell me what John fifteen thirteen says?”
I blink, the question catching me off guard, my mind blank for a moment. Then the verse rises from my memory, clear as day.
“Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”
His smile deepens. “You pass, Caroline. You’ll remain here.” He picks up a wooden-handled stamp, presses it into the ink pad, and marks a document with a firm thud.
I exhale. “And Silas? Will he come here too?”
His expression dims. “Silas has yet to repent. He will remain on Earth until that time.”
No. I can’t accept that. I refuse to be separated from him again. And I know for damn sure Silas won’t survive without me.
“Send me back,” I blurt out.
The man’s brow furrows. “Caroline, that’s not?— ”
“Send me back,” I repeat, more forcefully this time. “If I return, it will be proof to Silas that God loves him enough to save him.”
He hesitates, considering my words. “We don’t usually do this.”
“All things are possible through God.” I throw the scripture back at him without hesitation.
His face softens, a quiet chuckle escaping him. “You’re a stubborn spirit.”
”I am when it comes to my husband.” I shift in my seat, determination settling deep in my bones. “My son—will you keep him safe here?”
He nods. “He will remain sleeping until your return. But you must be certain, Caroline. No more deadly sins can be committed.”
I lift my chin. “The only commandment Jesus gave us was to love one another. That, I can promise.”
The man sighs, then picks up his pen and signs the paper before him. “Very well. You will be returned to your cell. Once you sleep, you will wake back on earth.”
Relief crashes over me like a wave, my breath shuddering with gratitude. “Thank you. Thank you so much.”
He lifts the small bell on his desk and rings it once. The door opens, and a guard steps forward.
“Take Mrs. Hayes back to her cell, please.”