Chapter 10
Benjamin stared at the ceiling with bleary eyes as a gray dawn began to creep into the living room of TJ’s house.
Except it wasn’t TJ’s house anymore.
TJ was gone.
Benjamin rubbed at his chest, but the ache that had installed itself there last night had only grown worse as the hours went by.
Why hadn’t he gone with his friend? TJ had been there for Benjamin through his mama’s death and Carly’s and Abigail’s accident and even through his breakup with Summer. But the one time his friend had needed him, Benjamin had bailed on him. And for what? A date he knew wasn’t going to work out anyway?
He sat up impatiently. He needed to move, needed to do something. But nothing he did could bring TJ back. The only thing he could do now was make sure he was here for Max and Summer. He knew in his gut it was what TJ would want.
Which was why when Summer had tried to force him to go home last night after she got home from her mama’s, he’d flat-out refused. She hadn’t argued much, but Benjamin was pretty sure she had only relented because she was too tired to fight. He’d finally convinced her to go to bed around three a.m., but he doubted that she’d gotten any more sleep than he had.
Once or twice, he’d been tempted to go check on her, to see if she was awake and they could just sit together. But he hadn’t, and the past three hours felt like the longest of his life.
He scrubbed his hands over his face and stood. At least now that the sun was coming up, he could make some coffee.
He was halfway to the kitchen when a cheerful cry sounded from down the hallway. “Daddy, can I wake up now?”
The words simultaneously made Benjamin laugh and demolished his heart.
As long as Max slept, he’d been protected from the awful truth that his daddy would never wake him up again. Would never tickle him or read him a story or rock him to sleep.
Lord, give me strength, Benjamin prayed as he hurried down the hallway before Max could wake Summer.
But he was too late. She emerged from her room, still in the same clothes as last night, her eyes swollen and red, cheeks blotchy, hair disheveled.
She looked startled to find him still there, and a sudden longing to take her in his arms and shield her from all of this swept over him. But she crossed her arms in front of her and stepped past him. “I’ve got this. You can go home now.”
Benjamin ignored the comment and followed her to Max’s room.
She paused with her hand on the doorknob, eyes closed.
“Go back to bed,” Benjamin whispered. “I’ll do it.”
She shook her head, her knuckles whitening on the doorknob. “I have to tell him.”
He heard the tears in her voice, but they didn’t fall to her cheeks as she pushed the door open.
She stepped inside, not protesting when Benjamin followed close behind.
“Benji!” Max’s face lit up, and Benjamin tried his hardest to smile at the boy, but he felt the moisture gathering behind his eyelids. TJ had given him that nickname when Max couldn’t pronounce his full name.
“Hey, Maxerooni.” He managed to keep his voice from breaking. The boy giggled at Benjamin’s nickname for him. “You’re up early.”
“I’m hungry,” Max announced. “Where’s Daddy?”
“Max, sweetie.” Summer eased herself onto the edge of Max’s bed. “Daddy—” She choked and looked away from the boy, burying her face in her hands.
“What’s wrong, Aunt Sunny?”
Summer shook her head, but she couldn’t seem to say anything, and Max’s wide eyes came to Benjamin.
He moved closer and squatted in front of the bed, resting one hand on Max’s knee and the other on Summer’s.
“Do you remember at Sunday school,” Benjamin asked Max, “when you talked about Jesus going to heaven and how he’s going to bring us all to heaven someday too?”
Max nodded. “Yes. Miss Ava said it’s going to be the best place we’ve ever been. Even better than the zoo.”
Summer snuffled, and Benjamin squeezed her knee.
“That’s right, buddy. And your daddy—” He cleared his throat and had to look away from the earnest young eyes. But he made himself turn back to Max before he finished the sentence. “Jesus brought him to heaven yesterday.”
Max blinked at Benjamin. “Without me?” he asked. “When is he coming back?”
“Oh, buddy.” Summer wrapped her arms around the boy and kissed the top of his head.
“He can’t come back.” Benjamin swallowed hard. “But someday, you’ll get to go there to see him again.”
“But he’ll be lonely,” Max protested. “He likes to be with me.”
“I know he does, buddy.” Benjamin had to work hard to get the words out past the egg-shaped lump in his throat. “But he won’t be lonely. My mama is there. And my sister-in-law. And Jesus.”
Summer shot Benjamin a look he couldn’t decipher, but Max seemed to think about what he’d said. “But I need my daddy to take care of me,” he finally said.
“I’ll take care of you.” A fierceness Benjamin had never heard from her entered Summer’s voice. “Always.”
“Okay,” Max said, slowly nodding. “But do we have to have macaroni and cheese every day?”
Summer’s laugh was soft. “No, probably not every day.”
“Good.” Max wriggled out of the bed. “Can we have breakfast now?”
Benjamin met Summer’s eyes over Max’s head. He could tell she was wondering the same thing he was—had Max really understood what they’d told him?
Summer nodded subtly, and Benjamin stood and held out his hand to the boy. “Sure. How about pancakes?”
Max stuck his hand in Benjamin’s, his little grip trusting. “Boy oh boy! Pancakes are my favorite!”
Benjamin laughed sadly—the boy had picked up that saying from his father—and met Summer’s eyes again. Fresh tears slipped down her cheeks, and he was torn between going with Max to make breakfast and staying here to comfort her.
“I’ll be there in a minute,” she said, deciding for him.
“Why don’t you go back to bed for a little while?” he offered. “Max and I have breakfast under control.”
She shook her head. “I won’t be able to sleep anyway. But maybe I’ll go grab a quick shower if you don’t mind watching Max for a few minutes? Unless you have to go. I’m sure you—”
“Take as long as you need,” Benjamin interrupted her. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“But—”
Benjamin shook his head at whatever she was going to protest. “I’m not going anywhere,” he repeated. “Go shower, and then we’ll have breakfast and figure out what we need to do next.”
She opened her mouth, and Benjamin prepared to cut her off, whatever argument she might make. But she snapped it shut again and turned to the bathroom without another word.