Chapter 19
Mechanically, Summer went through the motions of getting Max ready for the day. She fed him breakfast, sent him to get dressed, timed him as he brushed his teeth. All of it felt so pointless.
She’d thought grief was supposed to lessen with time, but it had been three weeks, and her heart still ached as much as it had the day TJ died. The only good news was that the probate court had approved her as executor of TJ’s estate. Which meant she could inventory his assets and get the house ready to sell. Where she and Max would go after that, she had no idea. She needed to find a job fast if they didn’t want to end up homeless—or have to live with Mama, which might be worse.
But between taking care of Max and Mama, going through TJ’s paperwork, and trying to keep herself from sinking under the surface of her own grief, she hadn’t had much time or energy left for a job search.
Once Max started school tomorrow, she would start job hunting in earnest, she promised herself as she cleared the breakfast dishes. And looking for a small apartment. And—
“Benji is here!” Max called joyfully from the living room, and Summer’s heart gave a forbidden leap. Sometimes it felt like his visits were the only bright spots in her days—which was why she had started cutting them shorter and shorter. She allowed him just enough time to play with Max while she showered, then talked to him for a few minutes about how the inventory was going or his training with his brothers or how her Mama was doing, then came up with some pretext or another for why she and Max had to get going.
She supposed he was probably on to her—but he always left without protest.
And never once had he even hinted that he intended to renew the proposal he’d made the day they’d spoken to the lawyer.
Because it wasn’t real, she reminded herself. And she needed to stop wishing it was. Benjamin wasn’t going to marry her and ride off into the sunset with her and take care of her and Max forever. She might like acting out fairy tales. But she didn’t live in one.
His proposal had been him grasping at straws, trying to help her keep Max. Trying to fulfill what he felt was his duty to TJ.
Which was the same reason he kept visiting now.
But one day he would feel like he had fulfilled that duty in its entirety and stop coming.
Which would be for the best. Another thing she had to keep reminding herself, even though it left her with an empty feeling in her middle every time.
The Gremlin’s engine shut off, but Summer waited for Benjamin’s knock before she opened the door. No reason to let him think she had been anticipating his arrival.
“Hey, Maxerooni.” He always greeted the boy first, and Summer wondered if that was to make sure she didn’t get any mistaken ideas about why he was here. “Sunny.” He’d taken to using Max’s nickname for her, and Summer made a face. It was fine when her nephew said it, but when Benjamin did, it sounded ridiculous. It was bad enough that she had always felt like the very opposite of the name Summer. When someone pictured a girl named Summer, they pictured a shiny-haired blonde, all bubbles and sunshine. And they were inevitably disappointed when they instead found a reserved brunette.
Ignoring her look, Benjamin held up a paper bag with The Depot’s logo. “I brought prime rib.”
“Thank you.” Summer took the bag gratefully. The leftovers he’d been bringing from work were a large part of the reason her grocery budget had stretched so far. She headed for the kitchen to put the food in the fridge while Benjamin dropped to the floor to play dinosaurs with Max.
“I’ll be out in fifteen minutes,” she said as she passed back through the living room on the way to the bathroom to grab a quick shower.
“Great. And then I thought we’d go to the petting zoo in Brampton.”
“Sounds— Wait. What?” She stopped and spun toward him as Max shouted, “Boy oh boy! The zoo!”
Benjamin grinned, although she could see the traces of gravity his eyes had worn since TJ’s death. “I thought we should do something special for Max’s last day of summer.”
“I don’t know, Benjamin,” Summer hedged. “I should really—”
But Benjamin set down the dinosaur he’d been holding and clasped his hands in front of him, begging, “Please, Sunny. Please, please, please.” He nudged Max, who joined in with his own, “Please, please, please. I want to feed the goats.”
“Me too!” Benjamin’s eyes sparkled enough to almost hide the seriousness under the plea. “Don’t deny it—you want to feed the goats too.”
Summer shook her head, but she already knew she was defeated.
“Fine,” she relented. “But only for a little while. We need to be home by lunchtime.” She couldn’t afford to take Max out to eat today.
Benjamin shook his head. “Not gonna happen. I packed a picnic.”
Max’s belly laugh rang out across the whole petting zoo as a goat nibbled his t-shirt, and Benjamin smiled down at Summer, who squatted next to him, petting a baby goat. Her answering smile lifted his heart about a million miles into the air.
It had been killing him to see how much more worn and tired she seemed every day, and he had wanted so badly to lift the burden for her. He felt like this trip to the zoo was doing the trick—at least for a little while. He only wished he could make it last.
Though the heat was as oppressive as ever, a welcome breeze stirred the air and lifted a strand of Summer’s dark hair. The baby goat jumped to nibble at it.
Summer shrieked in surprise, grabbed at Benjamin’s arm, and pulled herself up.
He chuckled. “Don’t tell me you’re afraid of a little goat.”
“One that thinks it’s a barber? Yes.” Her hand was still on his arm, and she was standing close enough that he could smell the enticing apricot scent of her shampoo. No wonder the goat had wanted to nibble it.
“Thank you for this,” she said quietly. “It was a good idea.”
“And it didn’t even hurt you to say that,” Benjamin teased.
“Well, not that much,” Summer conceded, her hair lifting again. A wisp brushed against Benjamin’s arm, sending all kinds of sparks shooting through him. Without thinking, he brushed it back from her face, his eyes traveling to her lips, which opened in a little O.
She snatched her hand off his arm and backed away. “We should probably get some lunch. I’m sure Max is hungry. I’ll go get the picnic basket from the car.” Her cheeks were red, her movements jerky, and Benjamin tried to make himself regret flustering her. But he couldn’t help but grin as she took off for the car. Maybe she had felt that electricity too.