Chapter 25
The air clung to Summer like a second skin as she sat in the dark on the deck steps. But she couldn’t bring herself to retreat into the air-conditioned house. Benjamin had offered to tuck Max in, as if he’d sensed that she needed some time to herself after returning from his dad’s, and she’d gratefully hugged Max and made her escape out here.
The crickets trilled loud and fast, but clouds blotted out the stars over the mountains, and Summer wondered if they were in for a storm. Because there sure was one going on inside of her right now.
She shouldn’t have married Benjamin. But she’d had to marry Benjamin.
Except.
Maybe she hadn’t. Not if it was true that his sister-in-law had found a job for her.
Which meant that she had trapped him for no reason.
Unless . . .
She pulled out her phone and searched for the term “annulment.”
She tapped on the first result and started to read, but before she’d gotten to the grounds for an annulment, she heard the patio door open behind her.
Quickly, she clicked the phone off and set it down. There was no reason to hide it from Benjamin—she had a feeling he would be relieved—but guilt coiled in her stomach all the same.
His footsteps fell lightly on the deck, and then he lowered himself next to her. Though the steps weren’t wide, he managed to leave enough space between them that not even their sleeves brushed.
“This has been quite a day.” He sounded half amused, half uncertain, and Summer felt her lips lift at the absurdity of it all.
“Sorry if my family was overwhelming,” he added. “You’ll get used to them after a while.”
“They weren’t overwhelming.”
Benjamin snorted. “Liar.”
Summer couldn’t help the laugh. “Maybe a little overwhelming. In a good way.” She’d never experienced family life like that before. They’d all been so warm and welcoming, so loud and joking, so open and encompassing, that it had felt a bit surreal. Like she’d been picked up and dropped in someone else’s life. It seemed like a good life—possibly a wonderful life—but it wasn’t her life.
“I feel bad that we didn’t tell your mama yet,” Benjamin said.
Summer slid her right hand over her left, but then realized she was rubbing the spot where she’d be wearing a wedding ring if this were a real marriage and stopped.
“It’s better if we wait until the morning.” Summer didn’t add that there was less chance that Mama would be drunk then, but Benjamin’s nod said he understood.
“Your dad doesn’t approve, does he?” she asked quietly.
Benjamin sighed. “It’s not that he doesn’t approve.” He seemed to be choosing his words carefully. “He just wants to make sure we understand what marriage means. That it’s a commitment. He’s afraid we rushed into it too quickly.”
“Maybe we did.” Summer could barely lift her voice above a whisper, but even with the space between them, she felt Benjamin stiffen. “If we had waited just a couple of hours,” she pressed on, “I would have known about the job at the bookstore, and then you wouldn’t have had to . . .” She exhaled, letting the rest of the sentence hang unspoken.
Benjamin didn’t say anything for a while, and she desperately wanted to know what he was thinking. But she wasn’t brave enough to ask. Maybe he would bring up the idea of an annulment himself.
Finally, he said, “Even if we had waited, we can’t know that it would be enough. Especially with Stacy in the picture.”
“So you don’t think we made a mistake?”
“No.” This time his answer was immediate. Then, slower, he asked, “Do you?”
Summer hesitated. In some ways, today felt like the best thing that had ever happened to her. But she also knew it was all an illusion. And she was afraid that the longer it went on, the more it was going to hurt that it wasn’t real.
She could feel Benjamin watching her, and finally she whispered, “No. I guess not.”
“Ouch.” On its surface, Benjamin’s chuckle was lighthearted, but she could hear the note of regret under it, and she resolved to do some more research on annulment for his sake.
“Do you want to watch a movie or something?” he asked, sounding like his old cheerful self.
Summer suddenly had a vision of snuggling on the couch in her new husband’s arms.
“I—” Her mouth had gone dry, and she had to swallow before she could try again. “I think I’m going to go to bed. It’s been a long day.”
“Okay.” If Benjamin minded, he didn’t let on. He stood, and then his hand was dangling in her face, and she realized he wanted to help her up.
They’d held hands enough over the past few weeks, as they were united in grief, that it should have been natural to place her hand in his. But that had been as friends. Now they were husband and wife.
Did he intend to . . . do other husband and wife things?
Slowly, she raised her hand to his and let him tug her upward. The momentum of his pull nearly sent her tumbling down the steps, and he wrapped a hand around her arm to catch her.
His eyes held hers, and they were close enough that he could have lowered his lips to hers if he wanted to.
Summer suddenly forgot to breathe.
“Summer.” His whisper unfroze her, and she sprang out of his grip and up the steps.
“Goodnight,” she called over her shoulder. “Thanks for everything.” She rolled her eyes at herself. She was thanking him as if he’d helped carry her groceries into the house—not like he’d given up his whole life to marry her.
“Goodnight.” Benjamin’s reply sounded far away, as if he were still at the far edge of the deck.
But Summer wasn’t brave enough to look back.