Chapter 46
“Are you happy?”
Summer looked up in surprise as Benjamin led her across the sand at the water’s edge. The sun had fallen beneath the horizon, making water and sky blend into one. In the inky dusk, she couldn’t read his expression.
“I’m . . .” Oh, she was so many things. Sad about TJ. Scared about the feelings for Benjamin she was having a harder and harder time fighting. And happy. Yes, she was definitely happy too.
Today had been . . . incredible. Probably the best day of her life, if she was being honest.
Benjamin stopped and turned to face her. “I know we never expected to get married. And I know things have been . . . crazy ever since we did.”
Summer laughed, but Benjamin didn’t. He took both of her hands in his. “But I really do want you to be happy. Because I love you.”
The words were barely louder than the waves, but they brought Summer back to her senses faster than being submerged by the icy water could have. She pulled her hands out of his and took a step backwards. “Don’t say that.” Her words sliced the air, and she saw the force of their lash against him.
“What? Why not?”
She wrapped her arms around herself, suddenly aware of the chill in the air. “Because you don’t mean it.” She could feel the tears building in her throat, but she was determined not to let them escape.
“Why would you say that?” Hurt clung to his words.
“It’s like you just said. We never expected to get married. You did it to help me and Max out, and I’m grateful, but it’s not like you ever—” She had to stop, or she’d lose the weak grip she had on her emotions.
“Not like I ever what?” Benjamin asked softly, stepping closer.
She turned her head to look out over the waves. They moved back and forth, a constant rhythm against the shore. “Not like you ever wanted me,” she managed to whisper as a rogue tear trickled down her cheek.
“What?” Benjamin’s laugh was incredulous. “Summer, I’ve wanted you since . . .” He let out a breath. “A long time. Since our first date, at least. Maybe sooner.”
She shook her head adamantly. That she knew wasn’t true. “You wanted to take Christine to prom. You only asked me because she said no and then she told you to ask me, as a joke.”
Surprise sprang to Benjamin’s expression. “Maybe it was a joke to her,” he said. “But it wasn’t to me. We were friends, remember?”
She pointed a finger at him. “Exactly. We were friends. And that’s all you wanted. You even asked me to go ‘as a friend.’” She made air quotes around the words. “But I was stupid enough to— to—”
“Kiss me?” Benjamin supplied with a grin.
“It’s not funny.” Summer crossed her arms tighter. “You only went out with me because you felt obligated after that.”
Now Benjamin outright chuckled. “I didn’t feel obligated, Summer. I felt like . . . like my eyes had finally been opened to this amazing girl who had been standing right in front of me all along.” He lifted his hands, running them up and down her arms. “Just like she is right now.”
She shook her head and slipped out of his grasp. She couldn’t let herself believe that. She turned and started up the beach toward the bed and breakfast. It was time they rescued Grace and Levi from Max anyway.
Benjamin jogged to catch up with her. “Summer, wait. Talk to me.”
“There’s nothing to talk about,” she tried to sound flippant. “It was a long time ago.”
“But clearly you’re still upset. Which, to be fair, I think I’m the one who should be upset, since you broke up with me.”
“You said we needed to talk about what was going to happen when you left for school.” Summer bit the inside of her cheek. It had been clear from his tone that a breakup was coming. He didn’t get to be mad at her for doing it first.
“And the next thing I knew, you were telling me that you didn’t want a long-distance relationship.” A hint of frustration leaked into Benjamin’s words. Well, good, then he’d stop saying crazy things like he loved her.
“Because I knew you didn’t want one. I was setting you free. And anyway, you didn’t say anything to make me think otherwise. The next thing Iknew, you were storming out of there. And then you left town without saying another word to me.”
Benjamin blew out a breath. “I’m sorry about that. I regretted it as soon as I got to school. But I was too stupid and proud to call you and apologize. Why do you think I came over to game with TJ whenever I was home?”
Summer shrugged. “Because he was your friend.”
“Well, yeah. But it didn’t hurt that I knew you’d be there too. Not that you’d give me the time of day.” He grabbed her hand. “You have no idea how happy I was when I moved back home, and you actually started talking to me again. I finally thought we were at a place where maybe I could ask you out and maybe you would say yes, and then you started dating Nick.”
Summer made a disbelieving sound. There was no way he’d been planning to ask her out.
“It’s true.” He tucked a piece of hair gently behind her ear, looking pensive. “Do you wish— Would you rather still be with him?”
“No.” Summer didn’t even have to consider the question.
“Good.” Benjamin looked genuinely relieved.
“Would you rather still be with Jasmine?” she asked quietly.
“Jasmine?” His eyes registered surprise, but he shook his head. “Nope.”
“Come on, Benjamin.” Summer started walking again. “She’s clearly perfect for you. You could be married to her right now if I hadn’t gotten in the way.”
Benjamin laughed, but Summer wasn’t in the mood for his levity. “It’s not a joke, Benjamin. I’m serious.”
They had reached the path that led from the beach up to Grace and Levi’s property, and Summer started up it. But Benjamin caught her arm and held her fast.
“So am I. Jasmine and I wouldn’t be married, even if you and I weren’t. That ended before any of this”—he gestured between them—“happened.”
“No it didn’t.” Summer very clearly remembered. “You were on a date with her the night TJ died.”
“Yes.” Benjamin spoke slowly. “And on that date, we agreed it wasn’t working out. Before I ever knew about TJ or the guardianship or any of that. Why?” He sounded suddenly sharp. “Did she say something different to you?”
“No. No. She thinks it’s very noble, what you did.”
“There you go then.” Benjamin smiled as if that erased any doubts.
But Summer shook her head, trying unsuccessfully to pull away before he could see the tears dropping onto her cheeks.
“What is it?” he asked, gently wiping them away.
“I don’t want you to be with me because you’re noble,” she whispered.
“I’m not,” he whispered back, slowly bringing his lips to hers. “I’m with you because I love you.” He kissed her again. “And I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anything else in this world.”
Summer’s breath caught on the words and on the barely contained longing in the kiss that followed them.
She could feel it in his lips, in the way he pulled her closer, in the way his hands traveled her arms and her neck and her hair—he really did want her.
When they finally pulled apart, he asked through ragged breaths. “Should we go back to our cabin?”
“We should— Ah—” Summer’s head still spun with the power of that kiss. “We should get Max first.”
“He’s having a sleepover at Grace and Levi’s tonight.”
“Oh,” Summer breathed.
Benjamin nodded. Then he bent his knees and scooped her into his arms, pausing to kiss her again before carrying her up the path and into their cabin.