Chapter 25
JANE
The moment the words left my mouth, Alex stepped into me like the space between us had never been real to begin with. My back hit the wall with a soft, solid thud, the old plaster cool even through my clothes, and then there was nowhere to go.
Not that I wanted to get away. I’d forgotten what this felt like, not kissing but being wanted like this. My body registered it before my brain could catch up, the weight of him, the heat, and the way his presence blocked out everything else like he’d decided the very world could wait.
His hands came up to my face, his palms framing my jaw like he needed the contact to anchor himself.
There was no rush in him, but also no more restraint as he kissed me like this was the end of a long road, like he’d been walking toward this exact moment without knowing it, and now that he was here, he refused to waste it.
I gasped into his mouth, my fingers curling into the front of his hoodie. His tongue stroked against mine like I was the most delicious thing he’d ever tasted, and unlike that night at the gala, he leaned into it this time instead of pulling away.
It had been so long since I’d really moaned that the sound surprised me when it came out, my body reacting to him without my permission.
I’d spent years holding myself together with deadlines and responsibility, convincing myself I didn’t need this kind of human contact because I couldn’t afford it, but I’d been wrong.
I need this. God, I need it.
Threading my fingers into his hair, I held him to me and angled my head to deepen the kiss, pressing up on my toes a little to meet him halfway. A rough, low sound rumbled through him. Then he caged me in completely, one arm braced beside my head and his body pressed flush to mine.
I felt every inch of him through layers of fabric, the sensation overwhelming in the best, most terrifying way. His kisses weren’t frantic but thorough, and I swore I could feel the echo of it all the way down to my bones.
For a second, I thought I might shatter just like this, because it was exactly enough to completely undo me after so long of not being touched at all.
Alex’s hips were rolling slightly, like he couldn’t help the movements any more than I could, the friction of the hard bulge under his sweats against my core sending sparks through me.
As I let out another long, breathy moan into the kiss, he finally broke away from me, but it wasn’t clean. Our foreheads rested together, our breaths uneven. His hands were still on my face, his thumbs brushing my cheekbones like he was memorizing them.
I didn’t trust my voice right now, so I just looked at him. His expression shifted as if he’d just realized something. Then he kissed me again, but it was slower, his voice husky as he spoke against my lips. “Come on. We’re not doing this here.”
His mouth left mine just long enough for him to take my hand and guide me toward the staircase, our fingers tangled like neither of us quite trusted the other not to disappear if we let go.
We were still kissing, uncoordinated, breathless, and bumping into the banister, the wall, and each other, and he laughed when he misjudged a step and I grabbed his sweater to steady him.
“Careful,” I murmured against his mouth.
“I am being careful,” he said, immediately proving that to be a lie by kissing me again as we ascended one step at a time.
My heart raced in my chest, my body alive in a way I hadn’t felt in years. If ever, even. Men had always been so far down on my list of priorities that they’d hardly even featured since long before my father’s trial.
Back in college, I’d had a few one-night stands, just something to take the edge off after I’d spent too many hours in the library and my battery-operated boyfriends weren’t cutting it anymore.
But that had been years ago, and frankly, none of those faceless strangers who’d wanted me for the exact same reason I’d wanted them had lit a fire in me the way Alex did.
Whatever happened next, I knew one thing with startling clarity. I wasn’t holding myself together anymore. I was letting go.
His bedroom door was already open when we reached it and he nudged it wider with his foot, pulling me inside without breaking the kiss. I barely caught a glimpse of dark wood and a wide bed before he nipped at my lower lip, stealing my attention right back to him.
He backed me up until the backs of my knees hit the mattress and I sank down automatically, tugging him with me, my hands sliding up his chest like they knew where they were going.
His body settled between my knees as he laid me down, his lips devouring me until the only thought in my head was how much I wanted this.
All of it. Right now.
Maybe it was the storm, or the alcohol, or the way he’d looked at me downstairs like he’d finally stopped pretending he wasn’t affected, but my fingers curled into the fabric at his waist, tugging him closer, my body already leaning into the next thing.
Alex broke the kiss abruptly, one of his hands coming up to cradle my jaw. “Jane?”
He said my name so quietly that I opened my eyes, finding his gaze focused entirely on me, his breathing choppy and heavy, and a lock of his hair falling across his forehead. “Yeah?”
“I’m not going to fuck you,” he said, the words blunt and almost painful with how much restraint they carried. “But God, I could.”
I swallowed, my heart pounding with both desire and disappointment. “Why not?”
His mouth twitched like he was fighting either a smile or a groan. “Because if I do, I won’t stop. And I don’t want our first time to be because we were snowed in and half drunk, pretending we don’t care what happens tomorrow.”
“So you do care,” I said softly, staring up at him and trailing my nails gently against his scalp.
“I do.” He exhaled a quiet laugh, shivering a little as he leaned into my touch, but his eyes never left mine. “Here’s what’s going to happen.”
My pulse tripped when he slid a hand from my jaw to my waist, dragging the backs of his fingers against the skin under my waistband. I shivered, my nipples beading into hard points of please-touch-me all over again.
He shifted so he wasn’t on top of me anymore, his body fitted to my side as he bent his head to press an open-mouthed kiss to my neck and murmured against my skin. “I’m going to make you come. Twice if you’ll let me. Then we’re going to go to sleep.”
I bit my lips to stifle a moan, my body so very aware of every stroke of his fingers as they swirled beneath my waistband. “What about you?”
“I’m going to lie here for a while after, hard as hell and wishing I didn’t have a conscience so I could just bury myself inside you, but eventually, I’ll fall asleep.” He lifted his head to look up at me again. “Sound like a plan?”
“Yes and no.”
A crooked grin tugged at his lips as he finally hooked his fingers around my waistband and started inching it lower. “It’ll just be a yes soon. Trust me, Killer. It’s going to be all yeses from you.”
I glanced at him, watching as he dragged my sweats and panties carefully down my thighs, pulling them all the way off before dropping them on the floor. The hoodie still covered me to mid-thigh, but I couldn’t hide the way my chest was heaving or the blush on my cheeks.
“That wasn’t the no part,” I said, my voice husky as his gaze caught mine. “You’ve already got all yeses from me. I just don’t like that you want to fall asleep without…”
Alex settled back down next to me. His body pressed close to my side as his fingertips trailed up my thigh. He propped himself up on his elbow, his face inches above my own as he started drawing these maddening circles higher and higher but didn’t go any further.
“You don’t like that I’m going to fall asleep without, what, coming?” he said it so easily, like it was the most natural thing in the word to be talking about.
My eyes flew wide open, but then I nodded, my lips parting and my breathing coming in pants. I looked up at him, his fingertips making me burn with need. “It just doesn’t seem fair.”
“It’s probably not,” he murmured, finally moving his hand a little closer to where I needed it so badly. “But that doesn’t matter, Killer. It’s where we’re at tonight. Now just relax for me, okay?”
I shook my head, but I was practically squirming at this point, my legs spreading a little wider to encourage him as I rolled my lips into my mouth. Alex’s gaze swept across my face in the dark, his head moving down just a little before he whispered against my ear.
“The next time I come, it’s going to be right here.
” He finally moved his hand up, his fingers sliding through my wet folds and making me forget all about not wanting to make embarrassing noises.
As soon as I felt his skin against mine, I yelped, my hips bucking for more.
Alex groaned, his eyes screwing tightly shut.
“Fuck, Jane. It’s going to be worth the wait. ”
I wanted to keep arguing. Really. This seemed silly to me, torturing himself when I could feel how hard he was. The evidence of his arousal was pressed tight against my thigh, for heaven’s sake, the fabric of his sweats even slightly damp.
But as he moved his fingers up and down my slit, sliding the pad of his thumb around my aching clit, I just couldn’t remember how to formulate the argument I knew I wanted to have.
Instead, I did exactly what he’d said and relaxed, letting him kiss me as he explored my body, adjusting his speed and pressure until he knew exactly what made me moan and what made me tremble.
He was a quick study. I’d give him that.
I’d had this body for thirty years and I’d never managed to make it feel as good as he did.
It took him only a few minutes to know precisely where and how to touch me to make my toes curl, and when he started talking again, his voice a throaty, harsh murmur against my ear, I knew I didn’t stand a chance.
“I can’t wait to get inside you,” he said. “Shit, Jane. You’re so wet. I’m never going to get enough of you. I bet you’re going to feel so fucking good wrapped around my cock.”
I actually whimpered, my hips rocking into his hand until I was practically riding it.
I didn’t even care, though. The orgasm was already building, so close that I could almost touch it, and when he slid one of his long fingers inside, hooking it just so while his thumb kept gliding over my clit, I exploded.
It crashed into me with such spectacular glory that I actually screamed, bucking against him with zero inhibitions, and before it was even fully over, I barely felt him shift before his head was between my legs.
Half-formed protests died somewhere in my brain when his tongue flicked out and licked through me, hungrily lapping me up like he intended on going somewhere with this.
At first, I thought it was just some kinky, wanting to taste me thing, but when he didn’t stop, his fingers joining his mouth, I almost thought he was crazy. Almost, but not quite, because the guy really knew what he was doing down there.
It had never happened to me before. Back-to-back orgasms always eluded me when I’d tried this myself and I simply ended up frustrated, but under his gentle, patient attention, I felt the first wisps of another orgasm sliding through my insides much faster than I’d have thought possible.
“Alex,” I moaned, writhing against his face when he didn’t stop. “I can’t…”
“You don’t have to, Jane,” he murmured against my core, blowing cool air across my overheated skin. “Just relax, Killer. There’s no pressure. We’re just having fun.”
As if the reassurance that he didn’t expect anything to happen made it happen, I suddenly felt my muscles tightening again. My hands flew to his head, my fingers grappling for something to hang onto as I tumbled head first into another mind-shattering orgasm.
I lay there panting hard after, desperate to return the favor, but Alex pressed gentle kisses against my skin as he crawled back up the bed.
Then he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me against his chest. With my head resting under his chin, I fit against him like a puzzle piece and he stroked my arm absentmindedly, back and forth, a steady rhythm that made my eyelids heavy.
“Are you okay?” he asked quietly.
“I’m perfect,” I whispered breathlessly, my mouth and throat too dry to talk. “Are you, though?”
He chuckled, a husky sound that ran into a groan. I felt his heart hammering against my back, his cock so hard against my ass that it had to be painful, but he didn’t move at all. “No, but I will be. Sleep now, Killer. I’ll still be here in the morning.”
The storm raged on outside, the wind rattling the windows and snow piling up against the glass, but lying in his arms like this felt like we’d been sealed off from the world, stepping into a pocket of time that didn’t belong to anyone else.
“I don’t usually do this,” I admitted after a moment, when my body had calmed down enough to hand the reins back over to my head.
“Sleep?” he asked.
“Let myself be…” I said sleepily. “Be… whatever this is.”
His arm tightened around me just slightly. “Me neither.”
We lay there in silence for a while, the tension of the past weeks finally easing its grip.
Somewhere between the storm, the spectacular orgasms, and his steady warmth, I drifted to sleep, but the last thing I registered was him pressing a soft kiss to the top of my head and murmuring, “I’ve got you, Killer.
Whatever we’re letting ourselves be now, I’ve got you. ”