Chapter 18 #2
“Where the fuck do you think you’re going?” Onyx snarled at me.
Holding my head high, biting against the misery wanting to claim me, “I’m going to bed. That all right with you?” Every word lashing against my teeth. “My lord and master.”
Onyx’s dark eyes blazed, his jaw ticking.
Not waiting for his answer, I stomped to where he’d set down the saddle next to the tree, using it as a pillow, my cloak a blanket.
A thunderous laugh burst over the site, Bj?rn choking on his drink. A low growl rumbled in response from the Northerner, egging on the big man’s howls.
“I like her.”
“Shut the fuck up, Bj?rn,” Brynn gritted, which seemed to only encourage him.
“What’s wrong, Brynn . . . feeling a bit territorial? Or jealous maybe?”
“Dra til helvete.” She got up, marching the opposite way to her bedroll.
Renyx stood up, throwing his cup into the fire and glaring at Bj?rn before moving to another area around the fire.
“Was it something I said?” Bj?rn called after them.
“You really are an asshole,” Onyx muttered, standing up. “And you just volunteered yourself for night watch.”
Bj?rn shrugged, taking another long swig from his flask.
“Sven, stay up with him.” Onyx ordered.
“Yes, Hersir.”
Onyx turned away from them.
“Just gonna get this out there first.” Bj?rn lifted the flask to his mouth, his tone serious. He waited for Onyx to look back at him. “You’re fucked, Sjef. What’s interesting is, you know it but won’t let yourself acknowledge it.”
Onyx stared at him before snapping back around and striding for me.
I slammed my lids closed, pretending to be asleep, aware of every move he made as he settled down next to me.
Rolling on my side, I curled into a tight ball against the chill, the threads of light struggling to stay lit in the sky. I could already feel the darkness slithering in, wrapping around me and taking me prisoner.
The suspended time in no-man’s-land had popped, and there was no stable ground underneath me. The twilight reflected my last breaths of freedom, before the night took me under.
Before, my life was no longer mine, but another king’s to dictate.
“No, stop . . .” The cry made my eyes spring open, a deep moan coming from behind me.
The stillness of the night, the rhythmic sounds of slumber coming from the camp, suggested it was deep into the night hours.
Bj?rn’s loud snoring echoed, his chin tucked to his chest, still sitting up. Sven was passed out next to him.
“No!” Onyx’s body restlessly stirred behind mine.
I twisted round, seeing his expression pinched, utter agony striking across it, lost in his nightmare.
“Please no!” he whined. “Móeir . . .”
“Onyx?” I reached out to touch him. “Hey—”
My spine slammed into the dirt, his body covering mine, a blade at my throat. A growl heaved from him, his nostrils widening, his blade primed against my neck, his eyes hazed with dream.
Terror burned in my veins, gulping against the sudden attack, his heavy body pinning mine to the ground, stealing my air. He blinked, his irises clearing, coming back to himself. I didn’t move or speak, frozen against him.
His gaze dropped down to my breasts, watching them move under him while his blade nicked my skin, trickling blood from my healing tattoo.
Terror rushed a thrill into my system, pounding my heart, making me feel every molecule of the air, every crackle of the dying fire.
A wildness lingered in the air, a recklessness where ration and logic were tipping on the edge.
And I didn’t know which way I wanted it to land.
No, I did know. And that was what terrified me the most. I liked the blade at my neck, the idea of him undoing his trousers while everyone slept, daring them to catch us.
As if he saw my deepest, darkest fantasy, sensed the forbidden thoughts in my mind, he stiffened against me and a deep guttural sound huffed from him.
His gaze going back and forth between my eyes.
I could see the struggle, the battle within.
We didn’t move, our heartbeats hammering between us like a song.
His attention traveled back down, like he was reading the symbols on my skin, seeing how deep he was already inside me.
“Fuck.” He swore, scrambling off me, his glare turning deadly. Gripping the blade until his knuckles were white, he turned, striding away, taking the heat covering my skin with him.
Staring up into the canopy of the tree, I gulped down air, my body trembling at what just happened. The deep disgrace at my thoughts, my body’s betrayal, transfigured my emotions to a need to attack, to blame him.
Climbing to my feet, I marched after Onyx through the bit of woods, away from camp, the radiance of the late twilight glowing at the horizon, cutting deep shadows over the terrain, almost disguising the few deer grazing the grass in the valley below.
Onyx stood several feet away, overlooking the basin, his hands on his hips, staring out, but I knew he wasn’t seeing the view. My ire stumbled when his shoulders curved, his head bowing. In his sleep he had mutter Móeir. Mother.
“What about your mother?”
“My mother? What about her?”
“I figure you had one. Where is she?”
“Dead.”
My feet padded over the ground, my steps almost silent, yet he didn’t look over when I stepped in next to him. He dragged in a deep breath through his nose, folding his arms.
“You have nightmares a lot?” There had been several times in the last few weeks he had woken up shouting, like his memories were assaulting him.
He shifted on his feet, his nonanswer telling me so much.
“You watched someone die?”
“I’ve watched many people die.”
“You called out for your mother.”
His muscles locked up, his shoulders expanding, his jaw locking down.
A breeze drifted up from the valley and I rubbed at my arms, the chill in the air seeping through, wishing I’d grabbed the cloak forgotten back under the tree.
The deer moved like ghosts over the terrain.
Their ears twitching, their heads darting up, scanning the area for danger as they ate.
Deer weren’t timid because of fear; they learned how to use their strength in quietness.
Being alert to the signs. You didn’t have to be the loudest, biggest predator to survive, if you stayed quiet and listened. The predator would give himself away.
Onyx finally spoke, his voice barely above a whisper, but it felt like a scream. “I witnessed my family being murdered.”
I fought against reacting, keeping still, not wanting to startle him.
“My mother, brother, and little sister.” He rubbed a hand over his forehead as if he could scour away the memories. “I ran.”
“How old were you?”
“Maybe eight or nine.”
“You were a child.”
He shrugged. “That doesn’t change anything. I didn’t try to help them. I saved myself instead.”
“Could you have?” I challenged him. “If you helped them, would you be dead now too?”
“Sometimes I think that would have been a better fate for me.”
My head snapped to him. The dire need to dispute his statement twisted my head back to the valley, staring intently at the grazing deer.
“It’s my mother’s face I remember the most,” he continued. “My brother and sisters’ last cries still ring in my head.”
“I’m sorry.”
He nodded his head, running his hand through his new growth over his head.
“I never knew my mother. I don’t have one memory of her,” I uttered, tucking a lock behind my ear. “Not even a trinket as a reminder of who she was.”
“Really?” His head curved toward me. “The king didn’t give you anything of hers?”
I rolled my lips together, watching the deer. “I got jewels the queen wore, but nothing from my mother.”
He dipped his head like he understood my sentiment exactly.
“Can I ask how they died?”
“In the war.”
“The Battle of Blood?” It was the only war. “Did Greythorn’s army murder them?” So many nights dinner would be filled with tales of the dramatic war scenes, heroic guards, the brutal and cruel acts of the Leatherwings king, and my father, the valiant king protecting us.
Onyx huffed, his gaze searching mine with resentment, before he looked away. I could sense him closing up, but I couldn’t seem to stop now that I got him talking.
“What about your father? You never mention him. Did he survive the war?”
His jaw clenched, the openness of just moments ago coming down like a wall, his shoulders rising.
“I should get everyone up, get going.” He spun away.
“We still have over a day and half until we reach Ravenshadow.” He brushed past me with a blunt coldness.
“Bj?rn!” Onyx strode for the camp, the name ringing with ire.
“You better be awake, drittsekk. You know what happens when you fall asleep on watch!”
A groan of swear words could be heard coming from where Bj?rn sat by the fire, the conversation between them getting muffled while I looked back at the grazing fawns.
They were nibbling on the grass when their heads popped up, peering around, before they took off running, like they could sense a predator hunting them from the shadows.
A chilling howl resonated through the air like an omen of death. A reminder of who was the hunter and who was the prey.