Chapter Forty-Five
Cristy was able to work mainly from home for the rest of the week, sorting through feedback and continuing to find a police spokesperson willing to talk them through the original investigation’s ‘anomalies’ – a polite word Clove had come up with to sound less accusatory.
It was a relief to have some time to catch up on things she’d neglected over the past weeks, although she kept an eye on the news throughout the day in case of any more developments regarding Nicole or Meier.
She didn’t feel the need to stay on it herself.
If anything significant broke, she was sure Honey or Jonathan, Meier’s lawyer, would be in touch, and Clove and Jacks were at the office to follow things up anyway.
It was time for her to take a step back from the hold Meier seemed to have woven over her, if hold was the right word.
She had certainly fallen under his spell, as Lauren had mentioned, and felt empathetic in a way that wasn’t easily explained considering his crimes.
Or was it? It was hard to be clear about what she was thinking when he felt like a friend, someone she wanted to know better, whose advice she trusted and whose world she wanted to be in.
Of course, none of it was true. He wasn’t a friend; she didn’t actually want to be a part of his life or spend time with him.
It was simply a hazard of what she did; getting involved with someone whose story she was telling and ending up finding it hard to let go at the end wasn’t unusual.
Or maybe it was simply easier to immerse herself in the distraction than it was to focus on the one person she really did want to be with, the man who actually mattered and who she’d probably already lost.
To get herself through the more tense moments of waiting for Saturday to come round, she worked on a proposal for Paul Kinsley.
Later, she’d get Connor’s input, but there was no rush; they could always discuss it over dinner on Saturday night, when he and Jodi were back from Devon.
Unless there was another reason they’d invited her over, and if so, she wouldn’t hesitate to put the proposal aside in order to be as supportive – or as celebratory – as they might need.
Finally, Saturday lunchtime was upon her, and in an effort to stop tormenting herself over David’s imminent arrival, she began going over the proposal again, carrying out further internet searches, adding more data and ideas into the mix and trying not to wish she could discuss it with him.
He’d be a great sounding board and would very probably bring some creative thinking to the project that could end up making it impossible to reject.
Aware that if she looked at the clock one more time, she’d end up losing her mind, she got up from the table, abandoning her laptop and notepads to go and pour herself a drink.
Even before she’d taken a bottle from the fridge, she closed the door again.
Keeping a clear head and maintaining her dignity was what really mattered now.
Yes, it was going to hurt a lot when he ended things, and it would probably take her a good while to get over it, but if she could survive the break-up with Matthew, she could survive this too.
She wandered over to the French doors to stare out at the garden, where snowdrops and daffodils were sharing the beds with early shooting tulips and hyacinths.
Her precious camelia was going to burst into huge crimson flowers any day now, as was the rhododendron climbing the fence.
Spring was coming fast. She could imagine how much pleasure Cynthia, David’s mother, was getting from her garden in Guernsey, and it made her long to be there – and fear that she might never see it again.
I’m sorry, Cristy, he was going to say. I don’t want to hurt you, but you know how it goes. When love dies, you just have to let go.
It’s OK. I understand, she’d tell him, dry-eyed and dying inside. Thanks for coming all this way to break it to me. You needn’t have; I’d have been fine with hearing it on the phone …
Can we stay friends? You know how crazy my family are about you …
I’m crazy about them too, but I think a clean break is what’s needed now.
With you so far away, it’s not as if we’re going to run into one another …
I guess that’s a good thing. I hate that sort of awkwardness, don’t you?
I remember it with Matthew; it’s why I left my job in TV and went to start Hindsight.
Then Hindsight led to you, and you led me to where we are now, and I have to admit I really wish it wasn’t happening …
As if she was going to say all that! She cringed even to think it, although it might come bursting out if everything started going horribly wrong.
Maybe she’d have a lovely hot flush right in the middle of it and start pouring sweat, so he’d think she was crying out of every pore …
How fantastic that would be. Such a great way for him to remember her.
She started as the buzzer sounded, and her heart leapt to her throat.
She could do this.
If Meier could find the courage to hand himself in for Nicole, she could face the rejection she dreaded.
And why she was comparing her situation with Meier’s right now, or even thinking about him at all, she had no idea – although it was true she’d almost called him earlier, really to find out how he was but also in the hope he might ask her the same.
He was such a good listener … And maybe this proved she was still under his spell …
‘Hi,’ she said into the entryphone.
‘It’s me,’ David told her.
Her heart flipped again, and after releasing the main door, she went to open her own.
The instant she saw him step into the hall, she felt all that was supposed to be holding her together falling apart. How could he possibly look even more attractive than he had the last time she’d seen him? How the hell was she going to get through this without making a fool of herself?
‘Come in,’ she said, standing back as he reached her. ‘I guess the flight was on time.’
‘I drove,’ he replied, hanging his coat before going ahead of her into the sitting room. ‘I came over yesterday … A few things to sort out. So, how have you been?’
He looked so grave, so on edge, that she realized this wasn’t going to be easy for him either, and it made her feel even worse.
But it was OK. She didn’t want it to be plain sailing for him; at least it meant he wasn’t entirely indifferent to her feelings, although it was likely to make things even more awkward than they already were.
‘I’m fine,’ she said, attempting a smile. ‘Can I get you a drink of something?’
‘Sure. Thanks. A glass of wine, maybe?’
Glad to be able to have one herself, she went to pour two glasses while he settled onto one of the sofas and let go a long, unsteady sigh. ‘I’m afraid I haven’t heard the latest pod,’ he said, as she brought his drink. ‘It’s been a good series so far though.’
Sitting into the opposite sofa, she said, ‘Thanks. We’ll be doing another episode when we know more, but the pressure’s off for a while.’
He nodded and saluted her with his glass before taking a sip. ‘Have you made a decision about Kinsley’s offer yet?’ he asked.
He was stalling, making idle chat.
‘I turned it down,’ she told him. ‘He’s still not quite taking no for an answer, but my mind’s made up.
I’m OK with staying here.’ She wouldn’t get into anything about her new idea; it wasn’t what this was about, and really, she just wanted it over with now.
‘So how have things been with you?’ she asked, hedging again. ‘Everyone OK at home?’
He sat forward to put his glass on the coffee table and took several moments before answering. ‘I’ve handled everything really badly between us,’ he told her. ‘I know that. I mean, I like to think I’m pretty good in most situations, but it turns out … Well, I guess this proves I’m not.’
When he didn’t elaborate, she said nothing. Why make it easier for him?
‘I just … I didn’t want to burden you with what was happening,’ he said. ‘It came right out of the blue, and when you called that night …’
‘I still don’t know what I said,’ she reminded him. ‘I know I should, but … Well, whatever it was, it was obviously bad, so once again, I’m sorry.’
He nodded briefly. ‘I’m not sure what you said either,’ he confessed.
‘I had such a lot going round in my head. I knew it wasn’t the right time to tell you; you were obviously stressed, busy with a new series, trying to work things through with Kinsley …
I guess I ended up thinking we needed to have some space while I got things sorted my end, and now, I’m honestly not sure how it’s managed to go on for so long, or if it was the right thing to do.
No, I know it wasn’t the right thing. I’ve missed you, and I probably would have handled everything better if I had talked to you, but like I said, it didn’t feel like the right time for you, and I was so damned angry when it happened … ’
Realizing at last that she might have read everything wrong, her heart began racing as she found herself daring to feel hopeful. ‘When what happened?’ she asked carefully.
He swallowed. ‘Olivia’s been causing some problems.’
Her shock could hardly have been greater.
‘Your sister-in-law Olivia?’ she asked, needing to be sure, because Olivia to her was the woman who’d hired someone to kill his wife and tried to lay the blame at his door.
Two other women had lost their lives that day, almost eighteen years ago now, and two years ago, the murders had been the subject of Hindsight’s most successful series to date.
It was how she and David had met, when she’d gone into the case believing he was a killer who’d escaped justice, only to end up clearing his name.
‘Yes, that Olivia,’ he said hoarsely. ‘She’s been trying to block Rosie and Anna receiving their share of the proceeds from the sale of Kellon Hall.’
Knowing this was his wife’s ancestral home, she said, ‘But how can Olivia block anything? I mean, apart from being in prison … Oh God, please don’t say they’ve let her go already.’
‘No, no, she’s still there, but she’s instructed lawyers to challenge the inheritance. I’m told they’ve advised her that she doesn’t have a case, but instead of backing off as any normal person might, she threatened to tell Rosie things I’d rather Rosie never knew.’
Horribly aware of what those things were likely to be, Cristy said, ‘I don’t understand why she would do that. What on earth could she gain from it?’
‘Nothing, apart from hurting me even more than she already has. I can live with that, but not with her writing direct to Rosie.’
‘Oh God,’ Cristy gasped. ‘Please tell me she didn’t …’
‘Fortunately, Mum saw the letter first and gave it straight to me. The things Olivia said, to her own niece, for God’s sake.
Olivia knows she has Down’s …’ His voice faltered as emotion got the better of him.
‘She told Rosie that I’m not her real father …
I guess we know that’s true, but I’ve always considered her mine. ’
Cristy knew very well how much Rosie meant to him – it was perhaps one of the things she loved most about him, the way he’d accepted his eldest daughter as his in spite of, or maybe even because of, the way she’d been conceived. She said, ‘Thank God your mother got to the letter in time.’
He nodded. ‘Especially considering the graphic detail she went into about the gang rape Lexie suffered. She told Rosie it was time for her to go out there and find out who her real father is.’
‘Jesus Christ,’ Cristy murmured, hardly able to believe anyone could be so cruel – and to her own niece.
‘She’s written again since, asking Rosie to come and visit her so she can explain certain things about me and why she needs to get as far away from me as she can. We intercepted that letter too.’
‘She’s lost her mind,’ Cristy stated, feeling no doubt of it.
Not disagreeing, he said, ‘My lawyer’s on it, obviously. He’s managed to get a restraining order to protect Rosie, but then she wrote to Anna, and that one got through.’
‘Oh God, no,’ Cristy muttered.
‘Thankfully, there’s no doubt about Anna being mine, but I ended up having to tell her everything about the rape, and you can probably imagine how upset she was to think of what her mother had been through.
And she was so angry over what her aunt had tried to do to Rosie that she got in touch with her cousin, Olivia’s daughter, and told her everything.
It’s been a nightmare on so many levels, but I think – hope – it’s over now.
I’ve just come from seeing Sam, who I’m sure you remember is Olivia’s husband, and he’s going to try managing things from his end. ’
‘Oh God, David,’ Cristy murmured, going to sit with him. ‘I should have been there for you … I would have, if you’d told me; you have to know that.’
Taking her hands in his, he said, ‘Yeah, I guess I do, and I’m sorry I didn’t give you the chance. I called it all wrong, and now I’m afraid I’ve ruined things between us …’
‘No. Of course you haven’t. Nothing like.
I admit I thought you had changed your mind about me, but I never, for a minute, changed mine about you.
Oh God.’ She laughed, as tears welled in her eyes.
‘This is what comes of us living so far apart. If we were in each other’s lives every day, we’d always turn to one another; we’d know when something was wrong. ’
His eyes were gently teasing as he said, ‘Is that you suggesting we live together?’
She pulled a face she knew he’d understand.
He did, because he laughed.
‘I wish we could,’ she said, meaning it, ‘but we both know all the reasons why it can’t work.’
‘Your life is here in Bristol, mine is in Guernsey. So, we’re going to have to do better about communicating in future, at least I am, because I know I’m the one who was really at fault this time, and I don’t want this sort of thing happening again.’
Grimacing, she said, ‘I don’t suppose there are any guarantees it won’t, but what matters right now is that we both make a commitment to do better.’
As he wrapped her in his arms, she held him tightly, loving the way he felt against her, the familiar and wonderful smell of him, the sensations as he kissed her, long and hard, tenderly and with growing passion.
It reminded her of all the ways they were so perfect for one another, and pushed away all the reasons why their relationship really might not work in the end.
‘There is a certain kind of communication,’ she said, when he briefly let her go, ‘that we’ve never really got wrong.’
Reading her perfectly, he said, ‘It’s true, and I don’t know about you, but I’m kind of ready to put it into practice again.’