Chapter 19 #4
“Open your eyes,” I whispered, feeling as if it was another who ordered me to do so.
The night was still there, the stars winking at me and the lake still far below, but it somehow wasn’t as intimidating anymore.
I felt it with every bone within me. I was doing what I should be doing.
Rakkel had backed up, her mouth moving swiftly as she whispered something low enough for only her guard to hear. I almost called out to her, but I was too afraid to break whatever calm now made my limbs warm, so instead I turned my head over my shoulder and gave Viljan a nod.
His eyes widened for a second before I spun forward again. Then I jumped.
Cheers followed me as I fell through the night, but I clung to that song—the one that had me stretch my arms out as droplets from the waterfall landed on my skin and the splash of the cascade hitting the mirror-like water grew louder.
Salt stung my nose even before I broke the surface, and I took a final deep breath as my fingers cleaved the darkness.
It became entirely quiet.
The force of my jump had sent me deep beneath the world. The pressure I’d felt ever since hearing of my brother’s and father’s disappearance lightened for a moment, and I opened my eyes to complete darkness.
Somehow it wasn’t a terrifying one. It was calm. Gentle. Protective.
I understood now why Ottoh had remained under for so long.
Holding my breath for as long as I could, I reveled in the simplicity. Down here there were no heirs. There were no trials. No warriors who hated me. No karls to bond.
There was nothing. I was nothing other than a body drifting smoothly through the water’s depths like the wood we’d set free whenever our ships became too old. The anchor of my worries lifted, leaving me to drift in beautiful, lawless waves.
Too soon my lungs screamed for air, and I turned to where a glimmer of light flickered above. Kicking my feet, I started to make my way toward it.
I waited for the pressure in my ears to release as I fought the current, but when several seconds passed and nothing happened, I began using my arms as well.
This lake wasn’t really a lake at all but an inlet from the ocean—it was how the king traveled in and out of Nordoen—so it was bound to have some currents refreshing the water, although they should have been mild in summer.
But even using my arms and kicking until black spots flickered before my eyes, I didn’t move.
The dim light above didn’t become sharper.
My eyes widened until the brackish water stung them.
I not only wasn’t getting closer but was being pulled farther down.
Thicker darkness pressed around me, and for the first time since I jumped, panic clawed at my throat. For some reason the current was stronger than at home, and I’d allowed myself to drift too deep.
Cursing, I tried to angle myself to swim sideways instead—to find the rocky side of the island—but I couldn’t see anything except the very faint glimmer of light far, far above as the water pressed harder around me, more forceful now.
My body twitched. Soon I would be only moments from pulling in water into my lungs.
Still, I screamed a silent scream, causing bubbles to form before me until they were all I could see.
A whimper echoed in my ears, and despite knowing better—despite understanding that I could not fight this—I continued swimming until my arms became as heavy as the lead in my mind.
My eyelids fluttered as my body slowly shut down until only one of my arms followed my will.
Another weak scream left me, the bubbles frighteningly smaller this time.
Something hard bumped my shoulder, and I spun around. It was a thicker darkness, the hard thing uneven and sharp and soft at the same time. Like the stones we would lie on back home in the spring, watching as the birds who’d fled our nation during the colder months returned.
Stone.
My mind wouldn’t cohere, but my instincts took over. With my eyes closed, I grabbed hold of anything I could, pulling myself flush against the cliff. Because it was a cliff.
My fingers were desperate as they clawed at the rocky surface, dragging me upward and ignoring how the stone ripped into my legs and stomach. Relief flooded me when it worked and the light above grew. I would not drown today.
Then the world before my eyes shifted. My back raked against the sharp stone as smoke instead of water choked me. I clawed at my throat when it burned, and the water evaporated, replaced by flames.
Help! I tried to scream, but the air was already too thick with the screams of others.
Then something wrapped around the back of my neck. I was dragged upward, almost flying through the dark smoke until brightness replaced it. My back connected with the ground so forcefully that whatever I had within me spewed out onto moss and leaves.
I coughed until tears streamed down my face, placing my hands beside me and pushing up to try to get breath into my lungs.
When the convulsions running through me finally stopped, I wiped at my cheeks.
My vision was blurry, but there was someone standing above me, so I cleared my throat a few times before lifting my face.
“Hey.” The girl with the pale hair, the one who’d been tied to Rakkel during the exercise on Svartoarna, blocked the moon. “You all right?”
A tremor seized me. “What the fuck was that?” I asked.
“What was what?”
“The smoke!” I said. “The fire.”
She frowned. “I don’t know about any fire. You were in the water.”
Water. I whipped my head around. Right. The lake was before me, its surface so still every star had its mirror in it. Behind us was a part of the forest I’d not been in before. We were farther away from the Hird than I usually ventured, even when I’d been chased during the night.
“You okay?” The girl looked truly worried.
Perhaps rightly so, because it felt like I’d lost my mind.
I coughed again, still tasting the ash. “What’s your name?” I got out when I was finished.
“Ilse Snarskog.” She stared right at me, her gaze unnerving.
When she reached out a hand, I accepted it.
“Thank you,” I said as my legs straightened. “I don’t really know what happened.”
My mind was still half in the vision, the smoke still pricking my nose.
But my clothes were wet, and so was the hair hanging like thick curtains around my face.
Whatever that was, it hadn’t been real. Even though the strand of hair I lifted to sniff smelled like I’d been to a bonfire all night instead of swimming in a lake.
“You jumped from the highest drop.” Ilse looked more impressed than she should have, given that she’d had to pull me out of the water. “I don’t think it’s going to help much with the initiates back there, but at least they won’t be able to fault your courage.”
I huffed. “I didn’t do it for them.”
She gave me a pointed look.
“Not only for them, at least.” I tried for a crooked smile. “It was mostly for myself.”
Ilse laughed. “Whatever and whoever it was for, you did good.”
“Thank you,” I said again.
The urge to cry suddenly came over me, and I cleared my throat, but my chest remained stubbornly tight and aching as the smiling girl regarded me. Wringing my hair out, I coughed again, trying to get some of that pressure to release.
I didn’t realize I’d been that starved for some kind words.
Something in Ilse’s eyes made me believe she understood what just happened, and I was grateful when she turned away to pretend to fidget with something while I gained control over my senses.
“I—” I started as soon as I wasn’t worried my voice would break.
A branch snapped in the dark forest.
“Who’s here with you?” I demanded, my cheeks warming.
Her eyes flew wide. “I’m… I was alone.”
There was nothing in her face that indicated she was lying. Besides, it wasn’t like the karls could have known where I would show up after jumping into the lake. Could they?
And what would have been the point of pulling me up from the water?
To watch you suffer.
I shook my shoulders. This girl didn’t seem to have a cruel streak.
I hoped.
“Who’s there?” Ilse called.
The woods remained silent. Still. But I felt eyes on us. As I moved backward, they followed, an eerie awareness slithering up my back. Breathing reached my ears. Breathing like someone preparing themselves for something.
“Get ready,” I said through my teeth, hoping this wasn’t a coordinated ambush, because I’d look really fucking stupid then. But as the girl threw me one of the daggers hanging around her waist, I pushed that thought from my mind.
Leaves crunched, and Ilse shot me a look as three men burst from the bushes.