Chapter 36 #2
Anger mingled with the worry within me. Sure, Darcke was confusing most of the time, and I didn’t exactly trust my judgment around him—especially lately, when that lethal side of him had become so alluring. But for him to be a traitor?
“He’s with me all day,” I said.
“And what about the nights?” Ilse asked.
My eyes widened.
“If it was a secret you were staying with him, it wasn’t a very well-hidden one,” Ilse added.
I winced. “Well… we’re not… I’m not sleeping there anymore.”
Ilse pursed her lips, and my chest suddenly felt brittle, my rib cage not strong enough to keep my thundering heart inside. Could I be wrong?
Darcke was angry with the king—with our nation. I’d seen it firsthand in his mind. But going after heirs and their iron-bound? It didn’t seem like his style. He was more of a kill-out-in-the-open kind of man.
“You took your fucking time.” A harried Guner waved impatiently for us, making me even more flustered. “Take your places.”
“Darcke is on the way,” Torden informed the king’s second while Kilia, Ilse, and I took the spots beside Rakkel and Stefen. “He needed to be debriefed about what’s happening.”
“He isn’t a commander anymore,” Guner snapped. “He is the Sweengard second, and he needs to start acting like it.”
“Yes,” Torden said, unable to hide the irritation in his voice. “And he will.”
The way the king’s second and Darcke’s right-hand man glared at each other didn’t help the mounting dread within me. This wasn’t the first time they’d had this conversation.
When Guner continued to grumble about Darcke skirting his duties, I twisted to face the pale heir beside me and touched the back of her hand. “Rakkel, I’m so sorry.”
Her eyes were red—same as her nose—and her clothing was rumpled and twisted. The hollowness of her eyes when she lifted her face was like taking a strike right to the throat, thickness clogging it at the pain marring every inch of her face.
“Fine,” she said in a monotone. “I’m fine.”
That was the least convincing thing I’d heard in my life.
With an eye on the king’s second, who was now arguing with Torden, and the shaman who’d come up to them, I pulled Rakkel backward on the dock, away from everyone, including her guard. Trying to ignore the swells of worry within me, I focused on the heir, who looked on the brink of death.
“You’re not fine,” I whispered. “You haven’t been fine for a while. What’s going on?”
“Nothing,” she rushed out. “Nothing!”
“Rakkel.” I turned my back to the others, making sure no one could see her face. “I… I can’t imagine what losing your third and fourth feels like, but you were hurting before this. Everyone could see it. What’s happening to you?”
There were no emotions on her face, as if feeling anything was too much. Her eyes were as dull as her hair, and I resisted waving my hand before her face to see if she was aware of what was going on.
“Rakkel?” I tried again.
“My brother chose them for me,” she said in her strange voice. “They were his friends. I was supposed to be bound to them. It’s what we’d planned.”
“Okay,” I replied, confused but trying to keep her talking. “Did you send a letter to tell him what happened?”
“He’s sick,” Rakkel said. “He wouldn’t understand.”
I vaguely remembered Guner saying something about it during those first few days. “Is… is there anything that can be done?”
“It’s his mind,” Rakkel said, twisting her hands so hard the skin on them went red. “It’s gone.”
“Hey.” Ivren joined us. “Are you two all right?”
Rakkel mumbled something, her eyes staring unseeing ahead and her body trembling.
“I don’t think she is,” I whispered. “She’s not been good for a while.”
Whatever this was, it was worse than grief. It was something deeper.
“These fucking attacks,” Ivren hissed before pulling Rakkel close, so her shoulders settled beneath his arm. He lowered his voice into a calm, soothing one that I almost wished was directed to me.
“Fedic and Stefen will keep you safe,” he said. “They won’t let anything happen to you.”
When my brows furrowed, he added. “She chose Fedic as her new third.”
“Good,” I said. Fedic was kind. Honorable. Stefen seemed fine, too, but given Rakkel’s state, she needed everyone around her to be more than that. She needed people she could trust implicitly.
Wariness expanded in my chest. We were about to go into a new, life-threatening trial, and I also needed to be able to trust everyone around me to have my back. Kilia and I were slowly finding some common ground, and I wasn’t worried about Ilse, but Darcke…
I swallowed. I didn’t know what to think. I trusted him. I think. But he also made me question everything and everyone I’d ever met.
A little color returned to Rakkel’s cheeks under Ivren’s touch, and the Solsken heir smiled. “Even our outcast here agrees that you made a good choice in Fedic.”
When I scowled at him, Ivren gave me a nudge. “Only joking. You’re obviously super popular.”
Rakkel let out a hoarse, quiet laugh, and I shot Ivren a quick smile.
“What do you think you are doing?” Guner shouted. “All heirs should be in their assigned spots.”
“We should probably get back before Guner loses his mind,” Ivren joked.
The air left Rakkel once more, her body shrinking into itself.
“Get the fuck over here before I disqualify all of you,” Guner continued.
“It’ll be all right,” I told Rakkel as we hurried back to the middle of the dock, squeezing her shoulder when Ivren ushered her back to Stefen, who looked almost as sick as his heir.
She didn’t respond, but when Stefen dragged her close, placing his hand on her back to keep her standing straight, her eyes seemed to focus a bit more.
Ivren lingered for a second, leaning in close as he whispered, “My mother told me the Rafenskols’ oldest son—Rakkel’s younger brother—has been ill for a while.
They have a sickness impacting the mind in the family.
” He blew out a breath. “I don’t know what’s going on with her, but I can ask Fedic to keep an extra-watchful eye. ”
“It might be good. Stefen doesn’t look well either.”
I waved to Fedic standing on Stefen’s other side. Rakkel’s new third looked grimmer than I’d ever seen him, his lips thinned into a line as he nodded back, before turning his tight face to Guner.
“Where is Darcke?” Guner barked.
“As I said, he’s on his way,” Torden replied.
“I didn’t ask you.” Guner stalked up to me, and I pushed my shoulders back. “Heir. Where is your second?”
“He is on his way,” I said, although I could barely feel Darcke at the moment, and I had no idea if it was true or not. But I couldn’t exactly admit that I had no control over my second. Especially now.
Guner moved closer, forcing me to lift my chin. “That wasn’t my question.”
“Calm down, old man.” Darcke and Borje came down the dock as if they were out for a casual stroll. “I’m here. Everyone’s alive. No need to strain that ancient heart of yours.”
A current traced over my skin when Darcke came to my side, standing a little too close, his intimidating presence making my skin tingle. I didn’t dare move when something too perceptive worked across Guner’s face.
“Where were you?” the king’s second demanded.
“With me,” Borje said as he took up the spot beside Torden.
Guner looked ready to yell, but then his teeth slammed together. Spinning on his heel, he stormed back to his spot beside the shaman.
“What did I miss?” Darcke rasped when Guner was out of earshot.
“Nothing,” I mumbled, shuffling away to keep my mind sharp.
Darcke’s eyes narrowed. “What are you doing?”
“Just getting comfortable.”
He scoffed at the lie, closing the distance between us again. “I don’t know if you heard, but my men think there will be more attacks, so you better be comfortable with me right here.”
“Or what?” I challenged, but my heart wasn’t in it, my worry running too deep.
What if I was too distracted by him? What if I couldn’t see clearly because all I could think about was feeling his hands on me when we were close—finding out what faces he’d made when he’d stood behind me on the ship, or if I could make him feel as good as he did me without even touching me? What if my mother was right?
“Heir,” Darcke growled, his eyes flashing.
“Second,” I replied.
“I can’t read you.”
There was a frustration in his voice that I knew intimately.
“I guess that makes two of us,” I snapped.
“What is that supposed to mean?” Darcke snarled.
“What did Borje tell you?” I whispered, furious already because I knew he wouldn’t answer. “Why did he need you to stay behind?”
As I’d suspected, Darcke pressed his lips shut.
“I’m getting really tired of your games,” I said.
“What games?” Darcke’s fingers wrapped around my wrist. “I do not play games.”
“Then what have the past days been? You’ve been hot and cold every single hour, and it’s driving me crazy.”
Darcke’s grip firmed. “Maybe you’re not the only one going crazy.”
“You never answer my questions outright,” I accused, fighting to keep the spark in my core from spreading.
“Because you do not ask ones I can respond to.”
I blinked at the white-hot spike driving through his thoughts.
“Can you two stop bickering?” Kilia hissed. “I think Guner is about two seconds from slitting all of our throats.”
As Darcke released me, moving to stand on the other side of my third, I tried to convince myself I was relieved, but the aching void settling in my chest made that difficult.