Truly #3
“It’s her ex-boyfriend’s new bitch that ain’t really new because she was there first, but he ain’t really want her and—”
“Ard, damn,” Jakia interrupted Henni, scrunching her face up.
“You gotta show up and I’ma make you a fire ass dress.” Fatima dipped her crab meat into the garlic butter mixture.
“Now you know how to sew.” Jakia laughed.
“Nah, I can dead ass sew. I’ma prove it to you, watch. Don’t go buy nothing. I’ma get you right, watch.”
“You tell me what you got in mine, and I’ll go get her shoes,” Henni offered, pulling a piece of the shell from between her teeth.
“I can’t with the two of you. Y’all are going to drive me crazy,” she snickered but was serious.
Laughing was all she could do to fight the tears back. She kept telling herself that Hussein was not marrying Prissy, but the fear of him going through with it won the battle every time.
She wanted to throw herself at his feet and be honest about her feelings, but it still felt pointless. Love was not enough when she hated the woman that raised him. Even if he was strong enough to leave Tina’s grasp, he’d resent her for it. That scared Jakia more.
Stephanie insisted on helping Jakia clean up the mess from the party. She’d just come from laying Carmell down in his crib. Khyell left to spend the weekend with Henni. She was being dramatic about the few weeks he’d be gone.
“How well do you know this lady that you sending my grandbaby off with?” she asked.
“I don’t know her no more than I know you,” Jakia responded.
She didn’t want Khyell gone for the entire summer, but she didn’t have a choice. She couldn’t beat Rashida in court.
The woman that lost custody of her kids and the other woman that spent several years in a psychiatric facility weren’t good character witnesses. Jakia was getting pissed with Henni and her mother questioning her decisions.
Keyona picked her over them for a reason. She trusted her with her boys. Jakia didn’t have a choice but to trust herself with the same fierceness. It was the right decision.
“When are you going to forgive me, Jah?” Stephanie asked, turning the water off. The dishes were finished, now she only had to sweep the floor.
“When are you going to ask for forgiveness?” Jakia shot back.
“It’s feeling like you want to skate over your absence and I’m not going to let you do that.
If you want to talk, apologize, make it make sense, I’m willing to listen.
But what you won’t do is act like I owe you something, because I’ve been generous enough just allowing you in my space,” Jakia was direct.
“That’s fair.” Stephanie snickered, sweeping.
“But I don’t think my answer will appease you.
Jakia, I lost my mind. That’s it.” She shrugged, halting the sweeping.
“The rug was ripped from under me, and I couldn’t find my footing.
” She began sweeping again. “I wasn’t strong enough for myself.
So, I couldn’t be there for you. Or your sister.
I’ve already worked through this shit in therapy.
If you’re looking for me to beat myself up, you’ve done enough of that already. ”
“I’m mad at you,” Jakia said. “Like, I fully walked around hating you until you showed up at my door. Then, I just felt sorry for the both of us. I could only think about you not being there and it felt like you forgot that you weren’t.
Then you returned as this woman that I’ve never seen before, and it felt like you freed yourself before coming to see about me. About Keyona’s babies.”
“You make it sound so easy. Like I was on vacation.” Stephanie scooped the trash into the dustpan.
“I spent years suffering with what the man I married had done. Then I spent a few more years for beating myself up for not seeing it. Once I moved past that, I had to spend a few more getting rid of the shame I felt for leaving my girls.” Stephanie sat down at the dining room table.
She roughly wiped the tears from her eyes.
“Hell, I don’t recognize this woman either.
” She snickered. “I’m learning myself all over again.
All I know is doing everything right, speaking properly, trying to serve the youth and all the other perfect things I tried to be and do, got me nowhere.
They say ignorance is bliss so I’m trying that out a bit.
” Stephanie admitted. “Next week I might be someone else.” She shrugged.
“But your mama is still in here. And every version of me is sorry, baby. I am so sorry that I disappeared on you.” She held her face.
“And for so long.” She wiped Jah’s tears.
“But I promise you, I’m the strongest I’ve ever been and I’m not going anywhere.
I’m going to allow you your space and stay over there with my son-in-law, but I am ready and waiting for you to need me.
I won’t miss another opportunity to be there for you. ”
Jakia couldn’t even respond before the front door opened. Twon walked in with a take-out tray. Despite Jakia’s constant reminders that they weren’t together, he still ended up at her place every night.
He was going to take the disrespect and the tongue lashings because as mad as she was at him, he knew she could be madder. He deserved worse. He was a father and he wasn’t going to step away for one second and allow another man an opportunity to be there for his child.
“I really don’t like this nigga, baby.” Stephanie said to her daughter as Twon walked into her bedroom.
“I don’t either.” Jakia snickered. “Maybe tell Wallah that he can pick you and Carmell up in the morning? That is if you don’t mind sleeping in Khyell’s bed. It’s a queen,” she reasoned with a smile. “It’ll keep the press off you for a bit.”
“Girl, please. I hassled them the way they were hassling me and ain’t had to worry about them since.” Stephanie waved it off.
“Well, good. I think the baby likes those pancakes you made the other morning.”
“Her mama always loved them, too.” Stephanie winked.
“Or his mama.” Jakia rubbed her stomach. “I don’t know what I’m having yet.”
“It’s a girl. I know it. I’m going to step out on this deck to call my son and have a cig before bed. If you’re sleep by then, good night.”
“I’m ‘bout to curl up in the bed now.” Jakia gave her mother a hug. “Good night.”
It was the first real hug she’d given her since her return.
The tenseness in her body began to settle and it scared her so bad that she jumped out of her mother’s grasp.
The little girl in her wanted to cry her every pain out.
The grown woman in her had shit to do and it wouldn’t get done if she sat in the decades of pain she’d been toting around like an extra limb.
Twon was laying in the bed, watching reruns of Martin. One hand in his pants, the other stretched off the bed, holding the remote. On leg was bent towards the TV against the bed, and the other was bent at the knee towards the ceiling. Jakia rolled her eyes at how comfortable he was.
She got naked facing away from him. It was her space and she was dedicated to remaining comfortable with Twon there. At the same time, she didn’t want to notice him noticing her and make it awkward.
She slipped into a nightgown and then slipped into bed. She pulled Keyona’s phone from the nightstand, dying to scroll. All day she’d been waiting for time to look through her sister’s phone. She just wanted to feel connected to her.
“Now you got two phones?” Twon scoffed shaking his head.
“It’s Keyona’s,” she mumbled, scrolling through her pictures.
There wasn’t a single picture of her and Wallah. At least not of his face. Jakia wondered if he erased them all once he got it unlocked. That would confirm that he didn’t trust her just as much as she didn’t trust him. Why though?
“It’s like you want to be sad,” Twon sighed. “Put the phone down and go to bed.”