JUSTICE
Justice
I should have just gone to the fucking gym. Pacing the Games Deck for hours had been pointless. The rock wall just stood there, mocking me the whole time. I was trying to make good decisions. Fuck you very much.
Bad decisions? Showing up at their room and demanding to know where they were. We hadn’t agreed on dinner. We hadn’t made plans. They weren’t… mine. Regardless of the unfinished conversation that was just out there fluttering in the wind, and a kiss from Mackenzie that felt like it brought my soul back together.
The corridor to my stateroom stretched ahead like a tunnel, the walls already pressing in. I could easily double back and check on Theo and Mackenzie. Just to make sure they were okay.
No. That would be creepy. Stalkerish. The kind of possessive alpha bullshit that got on my nerves.
I forced myself to keep walking toward my room. The thought of being trapped in that box all night, alone with my thoughts, made my chest tight. But I couldn’t exactly sleep on the deck.
Twenty steps to my door. Nineteen. Eighteen. I counted them down like I used to count the seconds in that closet, waiting for someone to remember I existed.
In the plush silence, a door handle clicked and a bad decision rolled out on a wave of moans. The sound proofing on this ship was superb, but it couldn’t beat an open door. I flushed. Fuck me, was I blushing? No. Fuck. It was jealousy. Fuck me.
“You weren’t lying about the handbags.”
Ren was carefully closing the door behind him. Shock flashed across his face for a heartbeat before sliding into that smile. The one that would make me weak in the knees. The one that would get me on my knees.
“A boy’s gotta eat,” he said, shrugging at the miniscule bag in his hand. It was the kind that was just big enough for a phone and a lipstick and cost an obscene amount of money. Daisy bought them for all her girlfriends. “Don’t worry, this isn’t crime and stuff. A gift.”
“A tip? For services rendered?” I nodded at the door.
“No, I only take cash for that.”
I’d give you millions. Shut the fuck up, Justice.
The hallway was just big enough that I could walk past him to my room without brushing his shoulder. I fished in my pocket for the key card and tapped it to the lock.
“Invite me in for a drink.”
Fuck yes.
I turned, gave him the finger and shut the door on his rich laughter.
I stuffed the keycard back in my pocket and went to check on my phone. This little ritual was getting fucking old. I kept it plugged in at the bar, propped up on that little globe. I watched the fireworks graphic burst over and over. This was probably frying the battery, but there was something about seeing it actually dead and blank that I couldn’t handle. The code was meant to drain the battery. I felt like if I could at least defeat that part of it, Daisy hadn’t won. I poured a drink but left it untouched on the bar.
Todd the Butler believed in mood lighting. I paced a circuit around the sitting room, turning on every light. This space shouldn’t be this irritating. The ceilings were high. The decor was light wood and creams. All the dark touches were navy and forest greens. I patted my pockets for my key card. I didn’t want to be here.
No, asshole, you didn’t want to be alone.
I stopped at the door and banged my head into it. Ren was a bad decision. He was probably bed hopping his way down the hall. I loosened my tie. I needed air.
I stepped onto the balcony, letting the sea air wash over me. For a moment, the breeze and the sound of the waves below almost made this bearable. Almost. Then my eyes caught the pattern of the railing, white bars stretching up at regular intervals. The expansive view didn’t matter. Those bars turned this luxury suite into just another fancy cage.
I gripped the top rail, leaned way out. This balcony was stacked right on top of another, and then one of the VIP lounge decks was right below it. At the corner, a pipe was discreetly placed to not block the view. Thirty feet maybe?
Not impossible, but definitely not smart.
I threw my leg over the railing. Not the best shoes for this kind of adventure, but there was enough architecture to find a toehold. The pipe felt damp, but it did have texture. I wasn’t going to worry about it.
Because why make smart decisions now?
As I came level with the next balcony, I double checked that it was empty. I found the balcony railing after that. I reached for it, ready to traverse over, when I realized the pipe ended abruptly just below me. Shit.
Hanging from the railing now, I looked down. Maybe ten feet to the deck. Less if I dropped from a dead hang. I’d jumped from higher bouldering.
I maneuvered around until I dangled from just my fingertips, arms fully extended. The deck wasn’t that far now. Maybe six feet. I took a breath, released my grip, and landed solidly on my feet with barely a sound.
The impact vibrated up through my legs, but I stayed upright. I flexed my hands, shaking out my fingers. That had been significantly less dramatic than I’d expected.
My key card let me off this level to the next. I stalked to the front of the ship. There were actually people about. Mostly couples looking like they were living their own romance novel moment, holding hands, taking selfies, soaking in the vibes.
My footsteps slowed. Theo stood alone at the very front, his hands resting on the railing. His blond curls caught the moonlight. I hesitated. Would this still be creepy and stalkerish?
Theo wasn’t appreciating the view. His head was bent, his shoulders tense. My feet carried me forward before I could think better of it. I should turn around. Leave him to his thoughts.
“Hey,” I said softly, but he jumped.
“Fuck. You scared the crap out of me.”
“Sorry.” I kept a respectable one foot of distance between us and put my forearms on the rail. The moon was almost full, or had just been full, but it sat fat and happy looking in the distance.
“You didn’t…”
“I’m sorry that I…”
We spoke at the same time, then broke into a small laugh.
I sucked in a breath. “I am desperately trying not to say how much I missed you and Mackenzie at dinner. We didn’t technically make plans. I just expected.”
“Yeah, Mackenzie.” He picked at the edge of his thumbnail. Clanking bells and sirens started going off in my head. He took the same bracing breath I did. “Get this. Her ex-alpha is on the cruise. I know there’s 3,000 people here, but what are the chances?”
It was now DEFCON1 in my head.
“And they’re, I don’t know, talking it out or whatever. She seems thrilled about it but,” he hung his head, giving me a moment to pull back on the firestorm erupting in my head. “It just made me realize this cruise is going to end and I won’t have her anymore. We’ll stay friends, but it’s not like we’re packmates or anything.”
Fuck. It was hard to remember that they weren’t actually together.
“So,” Theo sighed and continued brightly, “How’s your night going?”
My internal database of witty lines just spun and spun like dialup that wouldn’t connect. I quickly scanned the deck, like I needed to make sure this conversation was private or it would end up in gossip mags. There were a few couples sharing their own intimate conversations.
“I fired my entire development team. All of them. Then I took a crowbar to my server room.” I absolutely should not be telling Theo this. “Apparently that’s not appropriate CEO behavior. My board thinks I’m having a breakdown. They might be right. This isn’t a vacation. This is my attempt to get my shit together before they fire me from my own company.”
Theo nodded. I couldn’t tell if this was shocking or upsetting news or he thought me a little crybaby alpha. He just nodded.
“Mackenzie…” my throat got tight like my own body was telling me to shut the fuck up. My mouth was editing what my brain was saying in real time.
She’s so fucking beautiful. I want to destroy everything in the world that doesn’t leave her spinning in circles and flapping her arms.
“…On the ATV tour…”
And you, I just want to hold you down and give you everything you want and let you beg for more.
“…She fell.”
Just say it. Say panic attack. Just say you had a panic attack.
“I didn’t handle it really well.”
Fucking Ren had to put you back together like fucking always. And you hate yourself for how good it felt.
“The only thing that helped was her falling asleep on my shoulder.”
“Oh, yeah, that makes sense. Here.” Theo stepped closer and rested his forearm against mine. Instantly, my brain sputtered and ran out of gas. “Yummy omega auras,” he shrugged. “They’ve actually done clinical studies on their healing aspects.”
I felt all my muscles loosen, like I could take my first deep breath in hours.
“Thank you.” I whispered.
“You’re welcome.”
Theo’s eyes darted all over the horizon like he was taking in the moon and every single star in the sky.
“Can I ask you something?” Something had been nagging at the edges of my awareness, tasting almost like guilt. I had bullied Rose into that car with more than just my sparkling personality. I had to know it wasn’t that.
“Anything.”
“When I, er…” I stalled. I wanted to be careful with my words. Yeah, right. That was it. “Kissed you and had you put your hands behind your back. How did that make you feel?”
Theo was quiet for a long time. A very long time. An uncomfortably long time.
“So,” he started, like he was the one choosing his words carefully now. “This isn’t a diminishing statement, but I don’t have another word for it.” He paused, but just to take a breath. “It made me feel… small.”
I looked at him. His profile was in shadows. I couldn’t tell from only half his face what that meant.
“Small, but not as in less than. Or less important. Or not equal or worthy or anything like that. I don’t really have a word for it. But it’s like… betas are like big square stone rocks.”
“Rocks?”
“Like Stonehenge. Solid and dependable. They have soft edges or sharp corners, but they’re just square.” He slid a glance at me like he wanted to make sure I didn’t think this was nonsense. “Alphas are… huge and spiky. They’re blinking neon lights and primary colors and those acupressure foot rollers that have those spiky bits that hurt and feel good at the same time.”
I turned towards him now, utterly fascinated. I’d never heard the designations described like that, but it tracked. A thousand questions burned the tip of my tongue. I wanted to pick his brain apart.
He licked his lips, still not making eye contact with me. “Omegas are round and soft. Like marshmallows. But kind of fuzzy. And small. No one has ever made me,” he shrugged, “let me feel small like a marshmallow.”
I didn’t know what I expected. Dick jokes or an intellectual dissertation on the existential threat posed by power exchange inside an already inherently unbalanced dynamic? ‘Small’ was not it. The ‘let me feel’ part of it was going to keep me up at night.
“Oh, and, well, the obvious. My dick was so hard.”
“Noted.” I laughed.
I took another sweeping look across the deck. The canoodling couples were canoodling. There was another tangle of a few people, a pack, oblivious to their surroundings.
I stepped behind Theo and put a hand on either side of his. He snapped up to his full height. Which was perfect. He was a few inches shorter than me, my lips right at his ear.
“Small like this?”
“Yup.” He popped that “P” really hard.
I closed my eyes and breathed him in. I didn’t know how his scent could be coconut, but not cloying and tropical like a drink you put an umbrella in. With the tips of my fingers, I turned his face to me for a kiss. His lips were tentative at first, then hungry. He moved to face me, but I pinched his chin and put space between us.
“Both hands on the rail, Theo.”
His palms hit the rail with a loud clap. He was stiff with tension against me. His left pinkie stretched out and wrapped around my index finger. I pressed into his back, my right hand finding its way under his untucked shirt. His breath went ragged in that delicious way. I trailed fingertips across his stomach in a long sweeping motion, dragged them back, skimming his belt line.
“First rule…”
“Second,” he cut me off. I leaned to the side to see his face. He quoted me “‘I’d rather you not diminish…’”
“Point to you,” I nodded, “Second rule, then.” I teased him with light touches until my fingers rested on his belt buckle. He struggled not to pant.
“I am not going to play ‘mother may I?’ games with you.” He made a questioning sound, twisting to see me. I pitched my voice high and whining. “That coy ‘oh no, stop, don’t’ thing? When that’s the opposite of what you want? That bores me. No. Stop. Don’t. They all mean exactly what they mean. So does ‘wait’. I trust you to communicate where you’re at, Theo. Am I clear?”
“Crystal… Sir.”
I couldn’t help but growl softly in his ear. With my right hand, I pushed the tail of his belt through the loop.
“No. Stop. Don’t. Wait.” I repeated his options.
I yanked on his belt with more force than I needed and just held it there.
“No? Stop? Don’t? Wait?” I put a questioning lilt into my voice. He shifted from foot to foot, almost dancing as frustration built.
“Please,” he finally said, all breathy but determined.
“Please what?”
“Sir.” His response was immediate.
“Mmm. Thank you. But that’s not what I meant. What are you asking for so nicely with that please?”
“I, ah, well, um,” he stammered. It was adorable.
“Too big of a question? How about I tell you what I want and then we can do that pros and cons list?” He snorted and sank into me a little. Not relaxing, not exactly. It was something else. Trust maybe? “I want you to stand here, nice and quiet, while I stroke your cock and make you come.”
“Fuck. Yes. That. I want that.”
“So, no pros and cons list?”
“Please.”
“Please what?”
“Please, si…” He stopped himself and second guessed. “Please stroke my cock and make me come. Sir.”
“Oh Theo. I would have taken a ‘please sir’, but that was much better.”
He made a sound that would have been a laugh if he wasn’t so needy. I flicked his belt open and undid the button. But that was all I did, going back to teasing along the line of his waistband.
A thought hit me and went straight to my dick, making it harder than it was, if that was possible.
“Has Mackenzie picked out her favorite pair on you yet?” I pinched the waistband and dragged it down an inch to make the point clear.
“Fuck,” he said like he didn’t want to admit it, “yes.” I felt the eye roll.
“Are these mine?” I dipped all my fingers behind the waistband but didn’t move lower. Theo answered me with a nod. The memory of a dull tapping rang in my head. “I like having something of mine on your body.”
“Fuck.” He said to himself and hung his head. I kicked his left foot, forcing a slightly wider stance. His head snapped right back up.
I slid my hand into his boxers and down the front of his leg. I drew circles on his inner thigh until he moaned. Then I gripped his cock with my full palm. He shouted a curse, clamped his own hand over his mouth, but almost immediately returned it to the rail. His knee gave out on the second stroke. I wrapped my other arm around him, holding him up.
“Theo,” now I was practically moaning. He felt that good in my hand, hard, slippery with slick, pressed against me. “So… not small?”
“I…” He was cut off by a moan. I stroked him slowly, enjoying every inch.
“Yes?” I kiss behind his ear.
“Can’t… make jokes… and do this.” Each word was punctuated by a groan.
“Oh, sorry, I’ll be serious.” I tightened my grip just slightly but didn’t change the speed.
He cursed again, loudly, and bit his lip to turn it into a groan.
“Shhh.” I whispered in his ear. “I’m not sharing this. Not with them.”
He threw his head back onto my shoulder, and writhed, grinding against me.
“You know what I find interesting?” I said casually.
“Justice!” He admonished.
I ignored him. “You’re fighting so hard not to come.”
He sucked in a breath and held it, trying to make sense of the words.
“I didn’t tell you not to come.” I licked his neck. “We’re not playing that game… yet.”
I stroked his cock faster, pushing him right over the edge. He let go of the rail with one hand, found my hand holding his chest and threaded his fingers through mine. I squeezed his fingers hard, and he came, drenching my palm.