3. Chapter 2
Chapter 2
Vic
T he restaurant is dim, with candles flickering on each table. It’s supposed to be romantic, but I just find it difficult to see. I’m here with Candice, my girlfriend of the last three months, and dinner is over. I’m about to ask her what she wants to do next when she leans her arms on the table and says, “Where are we going, Vic?”
I glance at Candice. She hasn’t said much this evening and I’ve been wondering if she’s mad at me. “I was about to ask what you wanted to do.”
She shakes her head. “I don’t mean tonight. I mean with our relationship.”
I frown in confusion, and she reaches across the table, placing her hand over mine. “I need more from you if this is going to work out. I need some emotion. I need something to show me you’re invested in this.”
“I took you to meet my parents last week.”
She rolls her eyes, sitting back and taking her hand with her. “Right. You introduced me to them because you knew they would disapprove. I see how you are with Spencer, and I understand how your other relationships were jealous of him.”
“I have no interest in Spencer romantically. Plus, he’s married. Very happily, I might add.”
“It’s not just him. It’s all your friends. You’re different with them than you are with me. More open, more willing to be part of the group. When we’re alone, you close up. You trust them. You don’t trust me. Let me in, Vic.” She leans forward. “Let me in or let me go.”
I take a sip of wine, not sure what else to do or say. It’s hard for me to let people in. I tend to hold a lot of myself back, which I explained to Candice when we started dating. She’d said she could be patient, but I guess I’ve made her wait too long.
The thing is, after a couple failed relationships where I was emotionally invested, I’ve been a little slow to open up. It doesn’t help that, if I go back even further, my parents never really accepted me for who I am, either. Keeping my walls up has become second nature. The only ones I’m myself around are the people I trust. Spencer and his wife, Lis. Derek and his fiancée, Ava. Adalie and her boyfriend, Nate. I’m not sure I know how to be myself around people other than them anymore.
After a moment, Candice nods and gives me a small smile. Then she stands and comes around the table to kiss me. “Goodbye, Vic,” she says, and I watch her leave, sad that I’m not more sad.
I thought I’d been doing better lately. I’d brought Candice to game night, something I never did with previous partners. Yes, maybe introducing her to my parents had been partially because they hate it when I date women, but after, I’d taken her for dessert and we’d had a good time.
The problem is, I’m always kind of afraid. Afraid I’ll let someone in, and they’ll turn into someone I don’t know anymore, like Emily had.
I’ve been in love twice in my life. The first time is so laced with regret I don’t like to think about him. The second time was Emily.
She had been amazing at first and I’d let her in. Then she’d gotten jealous of my relationship with Spencer and became controlling. I’d let it happen because I knew she’d had problems with being cheated on in the past. I understood where her fears came from. Also, I didn’t want to end up with the same regrets from before when I let go too soon. Even after we broke up, I kept taking her back. Maybe if I gave her one more chance, things could be different.
Even two years later, I still have that feeling sometimes, like right now.
I pick up my phone and send a text.
Me
Candice and I broke up. I need a reminder of why I can’t call Emily.
Logically, I know why I can’t call her. But sometimes I still need someone to remind me. It only takes a minute for the reply to come through.
Lis
Reasons Not to Call Emily, item 16: she wanted you to choose between her and Spencer. You will find someone who is confident enough in your relationship that they won’t be threatened by your best friend.
I sigh and set my phone down. Lis is right. With Emily’s past shadowing our relationship, she had never felt secure enough to just let us be together. I can wait to find someone who is secure. It’s just that, over the past couple years, I’ve watched all three of my best friends find the loves of their lives, Lis being one of them. She’s the only one who knows why I broke up with Emily, having walked in on me crying that day. I never wanted to let the others know how thoroughly I’d fucked up, even though they’d all have my back. Especially Spencer.
It’s the only time I’ve kept a secret from him, but I didn’t want him to feel guilty about how it ended. He’s the reason we finally broke up for good, but it wasn’t his fault.
My phone buzzes again.
Lis
Do you want to come over? Daze and Sophie are on their way. Spencer and I were going to invite you anyway.
I frown at the screen.
Me
Why?
Lis
July is our busy month. It’s going to be hard to get together over the next few weeks.
I drum my fingers on the table, considering the text. Tonight is Sunday. Tomorrow is Derek’s monthly game night, so I’ll see Spencer and Lis then. What she’s saying makes sense about her sister and sister-in-law, but not me.
Me
Is there something you’re not telling me?
The bubbles come up and disappear. A second later, my phone buzzes with a text from someone else.
Spencer
Get your ass over here. I’m not saying anything else.
I smile, because I think I know what’s coming. I pay the bill and walk the few blocks from the restaurant to Lis and Spencer’s apartment in downtown Vancouver, letting myself in with the spare key.
“All right,” I call, walking down the hall to the living room. “I’m here. Tell me.”
Lis’ identical twin sister, Daze, is sitting on the couch with Lis’ corgi Cerberus. Sophie is sitting on the couch outside on the deck, the big glass doors open to make the living room feel bigger than it is. Lis and Spencer are in the kitchen, filling glasses with something bubbly.
Lis’ smile is bigger than I’ve ever seen it and Daze jumps up, seeming to know what’s coming now as well.
“No!” she says.
“Yes,” Lis replies.
The sisters embrace and there are some tears. Sophie comes into the kitchen as well, getting in on the hug. I hang back. Spencer comes over to me and hands me a glass of champagne.
“Lis wanted to tell Daze tonight and everyone else tomorrow. It felt wrong not to tell you, though.”
“Are you actually going to tell me?” I ask, taking a sip. “Or am I supposed to guess? Lis and Daze have some sort of twin telepathy, but we don’t.”
He rolls his eyes. “Like you haven’t guessed.”
I smile. “I have. But I’d like to hear you say it.”
“Lis is pregnant.” He clears his throat. “I’m going to be a dad.”
I’ve only seen my best friend cry a few times before. When his mom died, when he married Lis, and right now. I wrap my arms around him.
“I’m so happy for you, Spencer,” I say.
When everyone has gotten past the initial excitement, we settle back in the living room.
Daze wipes her eyes and asks, “When are you due?”
“January 13th,” Lis says, accepting a glass from Spencer.
“How long have you known?” Sophie asks.
“A couple months,” Spencer admits. “That was my fault, though. I wanted it to be just ours for a little while.” He smiles at Lis and the look they share is so full of love.
“Wait,” I say. “So you knew in May? What about when we went out for drinks before the start of wedding season? And last month at Derek’s house for game night?”
Lis gives me a sly smile. “When we went out for drinks, I talked to the bartender at the beginning. She knew I was pregnant and that mine were going to be virgin daiquiris. As for Derek’s house…”
Spencer picks up the story. “We saved an empty wine bottle. I rinsed it and filled it with apple juice.”
“You were drinking apple juice out of a wine glass?” I ask.
Lis laughs. “I’m drinking sparkling apple juice out of this champagne glass,” she says, holding it up. “It was easy. You guys all drink beer. I don’t usually. Rum drinks when I’m out, wine when I’m in.” She shrugs. “I simply asked to hold the rum and switched the wine for something that looks similar. No one noticed a thing.”
We talk for a while about their plans to turn the spare bedroom into a nursery, but also how they plan to have a bassinet in their bedroom for a while because Lis wants to breastfeed and doesn’t want to get up and walk to the other side of the apartment at night. They’re on the fence about whether they want to find out the sex of the baby, and already have a few names picked out, all of them movie related, which fits for them.
Daze and Sophie talk about their plans for children. They’ve talked to a doctor at the fertility clinic near Vancouver General Hospital and will be going ahead with a first round of artificial insemination soon. Daze holds up crossed fingers.
“Hopefully I won’t be too far behind you,” she says.
This is exactly what I needed to stop feeling sorry for myself. I’ve been lonely lately. With all my friends paired up, I’ve felt like a third wheel. Or, in the case of my friend group, a seventh. But one thing I’ve never wanted is a baby. I don’t have any envious feelings at all, so I’m just excited that I’m going to be an aunt. Which helps remind me of the family I’ve helped create with all these friends.
We finish the evening and Daze and Sophie decide to take an Uber back to their apartment, so I share it with them, getting dropped off at my beach-front building. I wave good night and go up, letting myself inside. It’s dark and quiet and holds a feeling of emptiness that settled in when Spencer moved out. These days, it’s getting harder to ignore.