9. Hazel
Idabbed at the sweat sliding down my chest, heading toward the v of my dress, courtesy of the napkin Niki tossed my way. “Thank you. You’re a Godsend.”
She snorted and placed a large glass of ice water in front of me. “I don’t know about that. You were amazing once again, Hazel.”
I jumped up onto a bar stool and took a big gulp. “I’m so glad you and Lacey pushed me to sing here. Over the past few months I’ve become much more confident in front of an audience.” Niki Belmont, the older sister of my high school best friend Lacey, had encouraged me to sign up when they began open mic nights.
The bar/restaurant belonged to the Belmont’s. It had been in their family for generations. It wasn’t the fanciest place around, but I knew Niki had plans to update the space once her family gave in and let her officially take over management.
“We all knew you could do it.” I’d been at the Belmont’s just as much as my own house growing up. They invited me and Gran to all their family functions and helped to move her into the nursing home when the time came.
“Knew she could do what?” asked Lacey. She popped up onto the stool next to me and swiped a cherry from the bar’s garnish tray.
“Stop that. You know better,” Niki chastised her sister.
I held in my laughter. After getting her culinary degree from Johnson and Wales, Lacey had taken over the kitchen here. And just like Niki she was waiting for the time when she could craft a menu herself instead of serving the same food they had for the past thirty years.
Lacey winked at me. She loved to annoy her sister. “You need a record contract.”
I laughed.
“I’m serious, Zelly.” She’d been calling me that since the day we met. It had grown on six-year-old me. “You’re really good.”
“I don’t think I’m the type of person who should become a star.” I shrugged.
“What the hell does that mean?” Niki asked, while she shook the metal shaker that contained my cosmopolitan. My usual after performance drink.
I held up my hands in surrender. “I know I can sing.”
“Then what do you mean, Zelly? People love you. They only fall more in love with you when you sing.” She propped her arm on the bar and rested her chin in her hand. “When you open your mouth it’s like magic surrounds you.”
“Lacey, come on.” I chuckled at her exaggeration, but wasn’t this what best friends were for? To build you up. Now if it was just as easy to get Jareth to fall in love with me. Perhaps I should sing to him more, I thought to myself with a smile.
She straightened her spine and pointed at the people sitting at the tables in front of the stage. “Any single one of them would say they were mesmerized by you on stage. Why can’t you give yourself the same credit?”
I shook my head. “It’s the attention. I can’t imagine being in front of thousands of people and doing this.” I took a sip of the drink Niki put down in front of me. “And you know I’m a more behind the scenes kind of girl.”
When I sang I could forget the world. Music became a part of me. It called to my soul and allowed me to express myself in a way nothing else could. On the stage, once I got over my nerves, I was my most confident self. I knew I was good and there was nothing better than looking out into the crowd, albeit a small one, and seeing how the song affected those people.
Lacey sighed. “I’m your friend so I get to tell you the hard truths because I love you, right?”
“Yes?” I answered, my voice catching at the end.
“You are the most amazing, the sweetest, and kindest person I know, Hazel.” She grasped both of my hands in hers. “But you’ve taught yourself to stay in the background, to not be seen. How do you truly know if that’s who you are? You only started doing it so you could protect yourself. If you were invisible no one could hurt you.” Tears welled in her eyes. “You are full of life and sparkle on stage. I wish you’d let the world see that.”
“Aw, hell. You’re making me cry too, Lacey,” Niki complained and wiped at her cheeks after passing me a stack of napkins to do the same. “And she’s not wrong, kid.”
I let out a shaky breath. It wasn’t often that I let myself be drawn back into my earliest childhood memories, especially not so close together. That first night with Jareth and now, was leaving me a bit raw. Even if I couldn’t say it out loud, a tiny part of me wondered if she was right.
“Your boss owns a music production company. I’m sure he could get someone to listen to you,” Lacey offered.
I rolled my eyes. “I’m not using my connection to Jareth like that.”
“Just consider it. Please,” she begged. “I think he’d listen if you asked.”
I sighed. Even though I knew I wouldn’t, I still said yes.
“Speaking of connections. There was a hot, broody man here to see you, Hazel,” Niki said.
“What?” I furrowed my brow. I hadn’t told anyone I was singing here tonight. Most weeks I sang on Saturday, but with the Christmas party, the pipes bursting, and dealing with the renovation, I had to cancel my regular times and reschedule for today.
“He said he was looking for you.” Niki’s eyes narrowed, catching on that this wasn’t planned.
“Did he give a name?” A chill skated down my spine at the thought of a random guy looking for me. “Is he still here?” My eyes searched the crowd for this unknown man.
“No,” Niki leaned her forearms on the scarred bartop. “He left at the end of your first song.”
I frowned. “Weird. If he comes back, try to get a name or something.” I was one hundred percent going to have Mike wait outside with me when I went out to get my Uber. Part of me wanted to call Jareth and have him send Elias. Even though I used Uber often, the thought of a random guy possibly following me creeped me out and made me suspect everyone.
“I will,” she answered, giving me and Lacey a quick wave and headed to the other end of the bar.
“Ugh, now I’m kicking myself for not coming out when you were singing,” Lacey groaned. “I might have recognized who it was.”
“It’s not your fault. Didn’t you say you were short-staffed tonight?” I reminded her. “Can I do anything to help?”
Lacey tilted her neck left to right only stopping when each side gave a pop. “Yeah. We are. And no, but thank you.”
I shuddered. “Stop that. You know how much I hate it.” She was one of the few people that knew the real reason why. One of the bookies that was constantly at our house, coming after my parents to force them to pay up, used to pop his knuckles and neck all the time.
“Sorry. I wasn’t thinking.” She darted a guilty glance my way. “And I do need to head back to the kitchen.”
I nodded. “I know.” She always hated that we couldn’t hang out for longer. But I understood.
Lacey leaned in and hugged me tight. “Things going okay at Jareth’s?” I texted her after I got settled and sent her pictures of the insanely luxurious bedroom. We chatted almost everyday on the phone or through text.
I nodded.
“Christmas is just under a week and a half away. You know you can bunk with me at my parents if you want and do all the Christmas things together.” A slight grimace crossed her face. Lacey hated that she was living back home with her parents, but after she and her boyfriend broke up she didn’t have a choice.
I leaned into her embrace. “It’s okay. I’m actually hoping that maybe this will be a good thing.”
She raised an eyebrow. “How so?”
When my eyes darted away from her she gasped. “Oh, my God. Did you sleep with him?”
Fire burned my cheeks. “Quiet down. No, of course not. Well, not yet.”
Her eyes widened. “Explain. Now.”
“I’ve decided that this is my last ditch effort to get Jareth to notice me.”
“Hazel, I’ve seen the way he looks at you. He notices.” She’d met him a few times when she’d popped in to go to lunch with me.
“Being attracted to me isn’t enough. I swear he almost kissed me last week when we were putting up Christmas decorations.” It frustrated me that besides the kiss at the Christmas party and his lips running down my neck when we decorated, we hadn”t had any repeats or even any almost kisses since I’d started staying at his place.
“Okay,” Lacey pressed her fingertips to her chest. “That’s a lot to unpack. First, I can’t imagine Jareth decorating for any holiday. Which tells me he’s more into you than you think. Second, why didn’t you kiss? And third, are you sure he’s the one you want to be your first?”
The blush staining my cheeks that had retreated, fired up even hotter than before. This time it trailed down my neck and over my chest. “Once he got over his initial hesitation it was fun. There’s more to him than people realize. And why didn’t we kiss? Maybe ask Jareth that.” I harrumphed in frustration. “It’s like the Christmas party all over again. He still thinks he’s beyond redemption and should stay clear of me. And yes. I don’t want to get my hopes up, but you know I’ve had feelings for him for years.”
“Won’t it screw up your boss-employee relationship?” She raised an eyebrow.
I shrugged. “I don’t think it would change anything for him either way.”
Lacey leaned against the bar, giving me a knowing look. “Maybe not for him, but surely it would for you.”
“I need to take that chance, Lacey. I have to go all in to try to get him to see that we’d be perfect together.”
One of the kitchen staff yelled out to Lacey that they were getting backed up.
“Damn it. I have to go, but we are not done with this conversation. All right?” She pointed at me as she stood.
I nodded.
“And text me when you get home,” she added.
“Yes, Mom.” I added with a grin.
“Love you, Zelly. Make good decisions, okay.” She gave me a quick hug.
“I will. Love you, too.” I called out after her as she hurried away.
“Heading out?” Niki asked, making her way back down to my end of the bar.
“Yup. What do I owe you?”
“Your money’s no good here.” She shooed me away.
I pulled on my coat that had been on the barstool next to me and grabbed my purse. “Thanks, Niki. Are you on the bar next Saturday?” It was Christmas Eve.
“Don’t you know it. Don’t forget we’re closing early that day. You should come over to the house.”
“I’ll think about it.” If I was still staying with Jareth on Christmas Eve I was thinking about inviting him here to watch me sing. If he agreed, who knows what might happen afterward. My hope was that I could convince him to come to the Belmont’s with me.
As I took in the worn bar and the scuffed up floors I smiled. Jareth would look very out of place here. And I was all for pushing him out of his comfort zone.
I waved goodbye to Niki. As I headed to the door, I opened my app and ordered a car. “Hey Mike. Do you mind waiting with me until the Uber driver arrives?”
“Anything for you, Hazel. You sounded real good tonight.”
I smiled. Mike was a big, tough guy, but he had a gooey center. And I bet if Niki let him he’d show it to her. I saw the looks he cast her way that she never even acknowledged. If I was right Mike had been crushing on her for years.
Mike and I chatted for a few minutes until my ride showed up. I waved goodbye as I got into the car and headed back to Jareth’s penthouse. As much as I wanted to see his face I was afraid he’d grill me about where I went tonight. I was a terrible liar and needed more time to come up with something close to the truth.
When I finally arrived, I settled on telling him I was meeting friends out for drinks. It wasn’t a complete lie. I eased open the front door, silently listening for any movement within the penthouse telling me where Jareth might be.
I quietly tiptoed down the hallway to my bedroom, noticing the light on in his office. The door was shut, and I only heard the faintest movements inside. Being the chicken that I was, I hurried past and ran the last few feet to my door, closing it quickly behind me.
Why was I so afraid to face him? Because you hate lying, my subconscious reminded me. And maybe in the morning he might forget about me being weird today. Or not, that same voice said.
Jareth missed nothing.
Except for how I was falling in love with him.
“Hazel,” the annoyed voice crept into my consciousness.
I groaned and threw an arm over my face. “Five more minutes,” I mumbled. I struggled to fall asleep last night and was exhausted.
“Hazel, we need to leave in the next fifteen minutes.”
Fifteen minutes? My eyes sprung open, and I checked the small clock on my bedside table. Shiitake mushrooms! I sat up and tried to untangle myself from the bedding.
I wiggled my body to the edge of the bed. If I could slide out from under the covers maybe that would work. For a second, triumph shot through me. That completely fizzled when I didn’t stop sliding across the satin sheets. I scrambled, my fingertips working to find something to dig into to stop my inevitable tumble.
Pain shot through my hip as I fell from the bed into a heap on the floor. The super soft, cushiony floor still hurt when you landed hard. I groaned as I rubbed at my sore body, the dull ache reminding me to move a little slower. God, I hoped this was the worst today was going to get.
The door flew open so hard the knob bounced off the wall behind it. Why had I tempted fate?
Oh no. No, no, no, no!
Jareth burst through the door. His eyes darted around the darkened room until they rested on me splayed out on the floor. There was nowhere for me to hide at this point. I was mixed up in a tangle of sheets, blankets and a comforter. The only part showing was my head.
He sank to his knees by my side. The movement only highlighted his thick, muscled thighs as they bunched under the expensive fabric of his suit pants. “Are you okay?”
I nodded and dropped my chin to my chest. “I’m just embarrassed.”
The sound that slipped from his mouth was a cross between a laugh and a cough. “No reason to be. What happened?”
My fingers wrapped around my knees underneath the fabric. “Clearly I was unsuccessful in getting out of bed.”
He nodded, thankfully not commenting on that. “It’s not like you to sleep past your alarm.” He placed the back of his hand against my forehead. “You don’t feel warm.”
His eyes locked on mine as if he were trying to read my mind. The intensity made my cheeks flame and I had to look away. My gaze flitted down to the strong column of his neck, fixated on the pulse pounding there. Had he been nervous about my fall? My traitorous heart desperately wanted him to look at me for a reason other than concern for my health.
“I’m okay.” I wanted to wrap my arms around him and reassure him there was nothing wrong. But I couldn’t. He wouldn’t appreciate a hug from me, and there was still the matter of being stuck under the blankets… blankets I wished he was tangled in with me.
His eyes swept the room again. “And no one was in here with you?”
I blinked a few times working to get my brain to process what he said. “Are you asking if I had someone stay the night?” Did he really think I’d do that? In his home?
Anger buzzed underneath the surface of my skin, burning through any lingering desire. “What the heck, Jareth. I can’t believe you said that.”
He rubbed his fingertips across his brow. With a slight shake of his head, he met my gaze. “I don’t know what came over me. That wasn’t an appropriate question. I’m sorry, Hazel.”
I decided to lay it out there and stop tip-toeing around the problem. I narrowed my gaze at him and pushed all the courage I had into my voice. “You were jealous.”
“Jealous? Of what?” His nonchalant voice had me catch my breath. The pain at his words really and truly sucked, but this is what he did. He pushed me away when I got too close.
“Jealous that I had another man in here and we were having sex,” I said. My tone firm, my gaze challenging him to deny what I said.
“Now, Hazel?—”
“No,” I snapped, cursing this stupid blanket that was creating a mummy effect on me. It made showing I was mad really difficult. I couldn’t help it that when I was angry my arms and hands went flying as though to accentuate just how angry I was or that I spoke faster and louder. “When are you going to admit there’s something between us?”
His eyes darkened and a sad look settled there. “You’re better off without me in your life.”
I ignored his stupid words. “You’re not disputing what I said. Shouldn’t that mean something?” I wanted to shake some sense into him.
He let out a breath while his fingertips brushed along my cheek. “You are far too young and sweet for the likes of me. Find someone who can shine as brightly as you and will treat you like a queen.”
I leaned my head into his palm as it cupped my cheek. “You are far brighter than you realize and you would treat me better than anyone.”
“I’m too old to change my ways.” He spoke like he was twenty years older than his thirty-eight. “I can’t give up on finding out who killed my father. And you deserve more than being dragged into whatever that looks like.”
“Jareth, when you care about someone you want to be there for them when things get hard.” Why didn’t he see that even if there was some danger in him looking into his father’s death that he’d keep me safe. I knew he would.
He didn’t bother to answer. Instead he fixed his gaze to my mummy-like outfit. His hand dropped to the tangled blankets bunched up around my neck and shoulders. He was going to try and help unwrap me.
I squeaked and ineffectively batted at his hands. There was no way this was going to end well if he succeeded in his mission. “I can do it.” I squirmed in his grasp.
His fingers brushed down the soft skin of my shoulder as the blanket became unraveled. I shivered as it came into contact with the thin strap that slowly fell down my arm. And when his fingers traced the smattering of freckles I wanted to beg him to keep going. To recognize this moment and realize it could be one of many.
His breath caught as he leaned in. My overly excited imagination wondered if he’d lick the spot his hand had just been. I tilted my body toward him, knowing I was all in on anything he wanted to do.
Wanting him was the easy part. The nerves about where this might be going had me biting my lip and tugging at the short babydoll pajama top Jess had left for me. My hands shook within the cocoon of the blankets wanting so badly to touch him. To show him if not with my words, at least with my actions that I wanted this with him. His breath feathered against my shoulder and a soft moan left my mouth.
Immediately I regretted making a sound. He blinked and cleared his throat.
I wanted to groan in frustration as the haze of desire that filled his eyes slowly receded. I had to look away at the regret that settled on his face, and in the flash of his gaze, that was the worst part. The regret. As nervous as I was, I regretted nothing.
He leaned back on his heels to likely create more distance between us. And even as hurt as I was at another rejection, I noticed the slight frown on his lips. Not his usual ‘I hate all things, most people are stupid’ one. This had an undernote of disappointment.
I wasn’t sure if it was because of what was happening between us, or maybe it was because he kept stopping himself from moving forward with our relationship. My eternal sense of hope made me believe that maybe he was disappointed because he wanted me but believed he could never have me.
I took a deep breath. “I can get myself out of this. Thanks, Jareth.” My voice had this breathy whisper to it that seemed to snag his attention.
“Nonsense. You can barely move. How in the hell did you manage this?” He growled and tugged harder on the blanket. Even all scowly he looked sexy.
Crap! As the blankets loosened further, I realized he was about to see the barely there pajamas I’d worn to bed. Little did he know Jess really had procured everything I needed and then some. A thought fluttered through my mind. Maybe I could use this to my advantage.
“I can figure it out myself.” He needed to let me do this. How could I seduce him when he was becoming all matter-of-fact about how to free me from this tangled mess?
My spur of the moment idea was ripped away when he loosened the fabric enough that he was able to tug it down. I sighed. I guess I just needed to roll with how this was playing out and hope for the best.
The blanket pooled around my hips and I tried to ‘strike a pose’ by jutting my breasts out and straightening my spine. I wasn’t sure if the smile I flashed at him was coquettish or looked like I was in pain. Either way, I was in this to win it and couldn’t second guess myself for too long.
He sucked in a breath, and his pupils dilated as his eyes roamed the top half of my body. That was good, right? I preened under his gaze. The sheer navy blue babydoll top edged with fuschia lace and two ties in front left little to the imagination.
You are sexy, I whispered in my mind for encouragement. I knew what he was seeing since I’d probably stared at my reflection for a solid half hour last night. The fabric ineffectively covered my ample chest, leaving my skin and large dusky pink nipples on display. I wanted nothing more than for him to tug open the thin tie between each side and palm my breasts or suck on my nipples. I had a feeling that if he did either of those things there would be no going back. For either of us.
I didn’t miss the flare of desire in his eyes or how my body instinctively arched towards him. My skin pebbled with goosebumps in anticipation of his touch. “Jareth,” I whispered.
He sat there, still like a statue, only his eyes moved, continuing to take me in, and his breathing grew erratic. I fluttered my hand toward the tie between my boobs, my fingertips a whisper against the silky string, ready to do what he couldn’t.
Abruptly, he stood in one quick fluid motion. I was so startled I almost rolled onto my back on the floor. His hands clenched at his side as though he was forcing himself to not touch me.
“Hazel,” he said. Then a shaky arm reached out to me for just a second before he yanked his hand back and wiped all emotion from his face.
“It’s okay, Jareth.” My heart ached at his apparent dismissal yet I wanted to comfort him. Comfort the young man that lost his father, and the man that believed he was undeserving of love.
Who knows? Maybe it was time for me to let go of my obsession with him. How many opportunities could I give him to push me away before I had enough self-preservation to realize it didn’t matter what I did. Maybe I wasn’t going to ever change his mind.
Even as that strange defeated thought echoed in my brain. I recognized that the man who thought he had no morals, the man who worked slightly outside the legal line, who insisted over and over that he wasn’t good enough for me was ready to sacrifice his happiness for mine. In his twisted heart he thought that being with me would somehow taint my soul when I wanted him to see that we balanced each other out. That together we filled all those empty spaces the other had.
He turned his back on me. “I shouldn’t have entered your room without your permission.”
I sighed. Now that I was free I could pull the blanket up to cover myself and not worry about being stuck. “You can turn around. I’m fully covered.” As much as I tried, I knew I didn’t hide the hurt in my voice all too well. “I’m sorry about this. Jess didn’t seem to include anything but clothes like this for pajamas.”
He faced me again. His gaze stayed steady just above my head. “It’s of no consequence to me what you wear to bed.”
My jaw clenched at the blatant lie that left his lips. “Right. Of course,” I murmured. At least now I was back to feeling frustration and not sadness. “I’ll be ready to leave in ten minutes.”
He gave a curt nod and fled my room. As I pulled myself up from the floor and headed to my closet to find something to change into, I started to wonder what else I could do to push through Jareth’s internal sense of right and wrong when it came to me.
I pulled out a silky button down shirt that had holly berries and leaves scattered throughout and snagged a matching pair of red dress pants. It was the gentle reminder I needed that this was the Christmas season and anything was possible. Perhaps even resurrecting the heart of my grumpy boss.