22. Jareth
We arrived back at the Villa just before dinner. My head whirling with the seemingly insignificant information I’d learned from Bill and the crushing disappointment that I still didn’t have any answers to my father’s death.
I stood by the open slider that looked out over the infinity pool in our backyard.
“We should go for a swim.” Hazel tucked herself under my arm.
I didn’t make a move to embrace her. My body screamed at me to pull her close and not let go, but my mind went round and round about a future where Hazel ended up hating me and regretting our time together.
She was too vital and vibrant to spend her life wanting one thing and getting another.
“You are officially thinking too hard right now,” she said. She wrapped her arm around my waist and rested the other on my abs.
I kept my hands by my side. It would be easier if we cut ties now. “I’m thinking that maybe we should end our trip early. I have a lot of work I’m behind on and I’m sure David will be done with your house soon.” David had messaged me that morning and said her place should be done in the next week.
“What happened to staying here and celebrating Christmas?” she asked. There was no inflection to her tone. It was oddly neutral.
I moved back and took the remaining steps across the patio to stand at the water’s edge. The infinity pool appeared to disappear into the ocean and the bright blue sky seemed to mock me.
“So you’re going to ignore me.” I tensed when I unexpectedly heard Hazel behind me, which only showed the frame of mind I was in. No one approached me without me knowing it.
I stared at the sky, waiting for her to leave.
“I want to kiss you. Then I’ll go on my way.” Unease skittered through me. I knew Hazel. She had something up her sleeve.
I didn’t bother turning around. “What do you honestly think that will accomplish?” I forced myself to sound bored.
“I don’t ask you for much, Jareth. You at least owe me this.” I’d expected her to cry or yell at me about how I was making a mistake. But Hazel wasn’t like other women. It was one of the many reasons I was drawn to her.
“If that’s what it’ll take for us to leave then fine. I’ll give you what you want.” I turned slowly to her, careful to keep my face void of any expression.
When her soft, understanding eyes met mine, I wanted to tell her I changed my mind. But it was best if I let her go now before it was too late and I wasn’t strong enough to make this same choice. I tensed my muscles to stop myself from grabbing her by the waist and yanking her close.
She stared up at me, a pensive look on her face, before it broke out into a devilish smile. When her fingers skimmed the edge of my shirt, I held myself still. Unfortunately, my cock did not get the message and was currently rebelling. A light breeze brushed across my stomach, as her fingers shifted to undo the buttons on my shirt. She was slowly working her way up to my chest.
What was she up to now?
“You asked for a kiss,” I reminded her. This was fucking crazy. I was crazy for letting her do this when I knew it would make it harder to tell her we were over. I needed to put an end to this.
“We’ll get to that.” With each button she released, her tongue darted out and licked a line across my skin. My abs involuntarily clenched at the warm wetness she left behind.
Fuck, fuck, fuck. I was stronger than this. My body did not get to control my actions.
She hummed and rubbed my growing erection over my pants with one hand while she finished un-doing my shirt. An involuntary groan left my mouth. Would it be so bad to give in to her?
Yes, I reminded myself, it was. I was doing this for her. The one unselfish thing I was trying to accomplish, and she was effectively destroying my resolve to follow through with it.
Even knowing this had to end, I didn’t stop her when she drew down my zipper. Or when my pants pooled around my ankles and she eased my boxers from my waist. Rational thought fled when she flattened her tongue and licked from root to tip of my swollen dick. The fucker cheered as my control fell away. “Hazel… ” Words escaped me as the blood in my head rushed south.
I ached for her.
“You promised me a kiss,” she said with a wicked grin just before she opened her mouth and slipped it over the tip, her tongue swirling over the broad head of my cock.
“Fuck,” I hissed out, my hands cupping the back of her head, my fingers tangling in her hair.
She opened her jaw to take more of me, sliding her mouth further down before slowly working her way up, and over the broad head of my dick. Over and over she did this. A simple action that had my hips snap forward when I couldn’t seem to stop myself. Her movements were tentative, but determined, and knowing she was pushing through her uncertainty made this moment that much sweeter.
“Your mouth feels so fucking good.” I couldn’t stop the words from falling from my lips.
Her eyes lit up with pleasure. She sucked harder and I knew I should be stopping her. Every last bit of working brain cells screamed to pull away. I tensed ready to do just that, but Hazel, with her ability to read my mind, must have known my intentions. She smacked her hand down on my ass and pulled me forward, deeper into her mouth, gagging as I slammed into the back of her throat. When she swallowed, my legs trembled and my balls tightened.
Holy fuck.
“If you don’t stop, I’m going to come down your throat,” I warned, my voice gritty with need.
Hazel flicked up her sparkling green gaze to meet mine. I was spellbound how her eyes, so filled with love, stayed fixated on me. My finger gently traced the damp blonde tendril framing her beautiful face. Hazel was everything to me.
She continued, her hand moving as fast as her mouth. Her nails dug so hard into my ass, I hoped they left a mark. Maybe I’d get those small crescents tattooed in that same spot. She fucking owned me and I had a hard time caring while her heat consumed me.
Everything about this moment was sexy and sweet.
Salvia dripped down to her chin, and the slick sounds of her mouth moving over my dick had me shuddering, aching for my release, and trying to hold back. I’d wanted her like this for so long, had been perpetually hard in her presence, and didn’t do anything about it. I didn’t want to rush Hazel into anything she wasn’t ready for.
Clearly, Hazel was done waiting, and I was an asshole for letting this continue. I needed to put a stop to this, but my body had a different opinion. She squeezed the base of my shaft and sucked harder as her lips pulled up. When her other hand came around to grip and roll my balls between her fingers, a primal grunt ripped from my throat, my release hitting me hard.
My body tensed and stars filled my vision as hot cum filled her mouth. Her throat flexed only milking me further, as she swallowed everything I had to give. “Sweet fuck, Hazel,” I murmured. “Are you trying to kill me?”
I ran my hands through the strands of her silky blonde hair still riding the high of my orgasm. Her happy hum hit me straight in the gut and regret washed over me. I shouldn’t have let her do that, not when I still needed to end whatever this was between us.
“Hazel,” I started and paused. For a man who never doubted what he said, I struggled to find the words to let her down gently.
Her gaze narrowed. Her hands slipped from where they were resting on my thighs and she gave a disgusted grunt. “You’re still asking me to leave?”
I nodded.
Tears shimmered in her eyes and it cut right to my fucking heart, almost convincing me to shut my damn mouth and tell her to stay.
I didn’t.
She got to her feet, anger vibrated in her jerky movements. “You can go fuck off.” Her uncharacteristic use of a swear word hit home. Her hands landed on my chest and for a brief second I thought she was going to slide them up my chest to loop around my neck as she begged me to let her stay.
Instead, she shoved me.
Hard.
So hard I stumbled over my pants still down around my fucking ankles. I was airborne only long enough to take in a gasping breath before my back slammed into the still water of the pool.
Tangled up in my pants, I ripped them and my boxers off as I stood. Water dripped down my hair into my face. The salt stung my eyes. Her widened gaze met mine.
She clasped a hand over her mouth.
“What the hell, Hazel?” I grumbled.
She opened her mouth and shut it. Not a word escaped.
Fully expecting her swift apology I was struck mute when she stomped her foot and narrowed her eyes. “You deserved it. I’m not letting you push me away. So while you cool off, I’ll be in the bedroom watching Christmas movies. Don’t bother coming inside until you’re ready to grovel and apologize for your ridiculously selfish behavior masked as altruism. It’s not me you’re saving by telling me to go and you know it.” She turned and left me standing there, soaking wet, having no idea how I let her get the drop on me.
Fuck me sideways.
I pulled myself out of the pool and found a set of towels nearby. My shirt hung off me, completely useless and likely ruined. They ended up in a ball on a nearby lounger next to the pants and underwear I had flung. I had to give it to Hazel, no one surprised me. Ever. Except her.
Completely naked, I walked through the living room deciding to use the shower attached to the second bedroom. Maybe the time apart would give Hazel the chance to change her mind and me a chance to think about my next steps.
A faint muffled sound filtered out through the closed door of the bedroom. When it came again, I stopped to listen. As the wails rose in intensity, my stomach clenched so hard it hurt.
Was Hazel crying?
It didn’t matter how angry she was or how determined I’d been to walk away. Her tears stabbed at my chest. I’d created this mess and I needed to fix it.
She was one-hundred percent right in what she said. I’d been protecting myself, not just her. I was an idiot to think I could keep her at a distance. That I could push her away and deny what was between us. Especially not after hearing the sobs that were not just getting louder, but more desperate.
I opened the door. As it quietly swung inward, my gaze gravitated to the shaking lump under the covers. “Sunshine.”
“Go away.” I ignored her muffled retort.
I moved toward her and sat on the edge of the bed. The mattress sunk beneath my weight, and her body shook as she took jagged inhales. Each shuddery breath was a reminder to treat her far better than I had. “Babe, come here.”
The jagged inhales turned into a choking sob, her body shaking more beneath the mound of blankets. I was an asshole.
How had I ever thought I could leave her?
The mound of blankets shook back and forth. Well, that didn’t work.
I gripped the blanket tight and yanked it away from her. Even with her burrowing deeper the top of her head appeared. “I’m sorry I made you cry.”
She swiped at the river of tears flooding down her cheeks. With a loud sniff, she turned away from me the second the blanket reached her waist. Instead of forcing her to face me, I laid down behind her and drew her to my chest.
“I want to stay mad at you,” she said, her tight raspy voice, a knife to my heart.
“I deserve it.” She shuddered in my arms, the rigid tension lessening as her muscles released one by one.
“You do.” Her head settled in the perfect spot on my chest. A spot that seemed to be made just for her. “Which is why I hate that you did that.” She pointed to the corner of the room. Her sobs once again wracked her body.
My gaze immediately went to where she pointed and groaned. I’d asked the staff to find a tree and decorate it with white lights while we were gone. They even wrapped her presents and placed them beneath it.
I sighed.
“And it can be planted again once we leave.” Her body trembled with the force of her emotions.
“It can.”
“You remembered. How can I hate you when you do stupid, sweet things like that?” The top of her head nestled underneath my chin and the warmth of her body seeped into mine. She felt like home.
Since the quiet, stoic approach didn’t work, I tried the truth. “Sunshine, I don’t know how to do this without hurting you.”
“You won’t hurt me if you’re being honest with me about your feelings. You can choose to be happy.”
“So you’ve told me.” I kissed the top of her head. “I don’t want my happiness to be at the expense of yours.”
She turned in my arms, the tear tracks drying on her cheeks, as she gave me the briefest smile. “I think you do have a heart under all your bluster.”
I grunted my reply not sure what to say to that.
“Gena and your dad made their choices, but what they did doesn’t have to be how our story ends. No relationship is guaranteed, Jareth, and if you keep jumping ship because you’re afraid of hurting me, you’re fulfilling your own worst case scenario.”
I ran the back of my hand across her cheek in a light caress.
She leaned into my touch with a breathy sigh leaving her lips. “I don’t want to hurt you either. You’ve had enough of that in your life, but I can’t promise that I won’t. That’s not real life.”
“How did you get so wise?”
“Gran says I’m an old soul.” She sighed. “We need to talk.”
That phrase was typically like lighter fluid on a fire for me. It’s not that I hated those particular words, but strung together like that signaled to my brain that a fight was brewing. Yet, this was Hazel and if I wanted to make this work with her I needed to change my behavior, starting with this. I forced my initial spark of anger down and waited for her to continue.
“If you have any feelings for me, you need to communicate. This high-handed, we’re done, go-away doesn’t work for me. You have to stop.”
I nodded. Every moment with her was proving I didn’t have the strength to walk away despite my best intentions. “That’s fair.”
She’d been the only one fighting for us. Me choosing to push her away was a selfish move on my part. It was time for me to step up and be the man she deserved and fight for us too. I didn’t want to end up like my dad and Gena. They never took their chance at happiness and I didn’t want that to be me and Hazel.
“You need to share what you’re thinking and feeling with me.”
I smirked.
She whacked my chest with her hand. “Not just the sex stuff.”
“I know, Sunshine. I’ll do better.” For her, I would.
“I’m going to lay my cards on the table. I’m not playing games or hiding myself from you.” Her tongue poked out to wet her lips, and she released a small huff.
I didn’t interrupt, wanting to give her the chance to say what was on her mind.
“I really like you.” She paused. “No, that’s not right.”
I swear I heard her mutter something about being brave. My arms tightened around her.
“I’ve been falling in love with you for years. I want to see if we can be something. I know I’m probably freaking you out. What guy wants to hear the person he just started dating or whatever it is we’re doing… feels… like I do?”
I opened my mouth to respond, but she covered my lips with her hand.
“You don’t have to say that stuff just because I did.”
I removed her hand and held it against my chest, right over where my heart beat for her. “I’m not good at saying how I feel.”
It was her turn to smirk knowingly at me.
“But I have never wanted to stake my claim on someone as bad as I do with you. I want everyone to know that you’re mine and they need to back off or deal with me. I have never spent more than one night in a row with a woman, and I have never cared enough to put someone else’s needs above my own. I don’t know if that’s love and I don’t know if I’m built to be in a long-term relationship, but you make me want to try.”
“That’s all I’m asking for. A chance.” She snuggled into me.
Every second of this conversation made me want to run. To shove my walls into place so high I’d never see Hazel on the other side. But the reality, knowing I’d never see her again, or hold her in my arms, made me suck it up.
I wanted to believe in the two of us making it work just as hard as she did.