Chapter 8
I wanted desperately to talk to my mom or one of my friends about what I agreed to tonight, but I didn’t.
I couldn’t. The last thing I wanted was for them to tell me I was crazy for letting Wicked come over.
While Ma was grateful for what he’d done for me, she had her prejudices about the MCs here too.
I was afraid, like Chris, that she’d say he was dangerous and that I needed to avoid him.
I tried to convince myself that Chris was right.
That the protection I admired in my youth was violence I needed to avoid attaching myself to as an adult, but that didn’t feel like the case.
My intuition told me I was safer with Wicked more than anyone else.
There was a slight part of me that felt like if he had problems with The Outlaws that they might do something to me if we were out together and outnumbered, but I couldn’t live my life in fear of something that may or may not happen.
If I felt like he was bad for me, I’d stay away.
For now, I was okay with getting to know him in secret.
It felt crazy being a grown ass woman entertaining a forbidden relationship, but that’s where we were now.
As Wicked requested, I’d left my garage open.
His arrival wasn’t too inconspicuous, because I heard the motorcycle as soon as he arrived.
The only benefit of him being in my garage was it not being in my yard if someone randomly drove by or pulled up on me.
Feeling the rumble of the garage close in my bedroom, I took a deep breath and looked myself over once more.
I didn’t want to look overly relaxed, but I also didn’t want to put too much effort into my look since we weren’t going anywhere, so I dressed in a two piece leggings and sports bra set.
I tossed an oversized shirt over the sports bra and wrapped the back of it around my bra strap like I did when I went to the gym.
As I made my way downstairs, I heard the door slowly creak open.
Biting back my smile, I put my hand over my chest as my heart raced in excitement.
The boy I’d crushed on since I was fourteen was here with me.
Except he wasn’t a boy now, and my father wasn’t here to tell us we couldn’t be together.
“Aw,” I muttered at the sight of him. He’d pulled his backpack off and was setting its contents on my kitchen island. Wine, weed, roses. My eyes zeroed in on the stack of envelopes he pulled out, and curiosity had me walking in his direction.
“Hi,” I spoke, wrapping my arms around him from behind. I’d missed being in his arms since the first day he showed up on my doorstep.
Wicked turned in my arms and wrapped his around me. He dropped a kiss to the top of my head before replying with, “Wassup, bae? You good?”
“Truthfully, I do feel pretty good now that you’re here.”
His smile was warm as he brushed my hair back and off my shoulders, then cupped my cheeks. “I missed you so much,” Wicked confessed. “I didn’t think it was possible to miss someone that I barely got to experience, but my soul missed the fuck outta you, Jelai.”
“I missed you too. Now that I’ve had time to process my feelings, I’m not just happy you’re out. I’m happy you’re here with me too.”
As his eyes lowered to my lips, he asked, “Can I kiss you?”
A soft whimper escaped me as I nodded weakly and whispered, “Yes.”
The second his lips connected to mine, a spark shot through me. In that moment, all the fuzzy feelings I’d seen in movies and read about in books started to flow through me. A kiss had never made my body warm, heart settle, and pussy wet . . . until now.
“Wow,” I muttered against his lips before smiling. “You kissed me like you don’t want to let me go.”
He chuckled, tightening his grip around me. “I’ve been away from you for ten years, bae. I don’t.”
His declaration led to our lips connecting again, and when I felt like I couldn’t kiss him any longer without asking him to fuck me, I pulled away.
“What’s all this?” I asked, though it was clear what most of everything was. I was more so asking about the envelopes.
“You smoke?” he checked, and when I nodded, he continued.
“Aight, bet. I figured we could chill here until you’re comfortable with the idea of being out in public with me.
That’ll give us time to get to know each other anyway.
” Wicked slid the envelopes in my direction, and my heart squeezed when I saw my handwriting.
“I uh . . . I planned to keep these, but I didn’t like the thought of you thinking I was ignoring or rejecting you just because.
I kept every letter you wrote me and responded.
I just . . . didn’t mail any of them to you.
” His nervous chuckle was cute as he wrapped his arms around me from behind.
“You can read them, throw them away, whatever you want. I just wanted you to see that I never threw anything you sent me away, and that you were always on my mind.”
I didn’t realize how much I needed to know he was getting my letters and responding until I saw this.
My eyes watered as I pulled the rubber bands off the envelopes and flipped through one letter after another.
A low giggle escaped me. Month after month, year after year, he’d written me.
Letters, holiday cards, penciled pictures of me based on his recollection of what I looked like.
It was all there. Brushing away a quickly fallen tear, I turned slightly and hugged him.
“Thank you for showing me this,” I muttered. “I’m going to read them all.”
“Cool. Enjoy. Don’t be laughing at my rants either. You’ll probably get to know me more reading them letters quicker than anything I share with you tonight.”
“Ooh, now I’m even more excited to read.” Our arms unraveled from each other as I asked, “Have you had dinner yet?”
“Nah, but you don’t have to cook.”
“I want to. What do you have a taste for?”
“I’m honestly not too picky, bae. Just no chicken wings, pizza, burgers, or noodles. I’ve had enough of that shit to last me a lifetime.”
Laughing, I headed to grab a vase for the roses. I dropped a quick kiss to his lips and thanked him for them before asking, “You ate that a lot huh?”
“Hell yeah. I used to have my folks ordering that for me weekly because the food they served us was trash. I’ll be good if I never eat a fried chicken wing again for the rest of my life.”
“That’s fair. Burgers and fries is honestly my favorite meal though. I could eat it every day.” As I opened the refrigerator, I hummed. “I have some chicken thighs and shrimp thawed. I can make pasta, or we can order. I’m too hungry to wait for something else to thaw.”
“Pasta is fine, bae. Or we can order. Just get whatever you want, and I’ll pay for it.”
“Hmm . . . What kind of wine did you bring?”
Wicked shrugged and picked up the bottle. “I’on know. The cashier said this was sweet and a lot of women get it.”
Chuckling, I walked over to him and looked at the wine. “Let’s see. How about Chinese?”
“Yeah, I ain’t had that since I been out. I dreamed about Ming’s while I was gone. Is it still just as good?”
“Absolutely. It’s still just as busy, maybe more. They don’t do delivery orders, and we have to pay cash.”
“Cool. You wanna ride with me to get it, or do you want to just tell me what you want?”
I considered his question. It was simple enough.
I wanted to say I’d ride with him, but the thought of us being seen together made me hesitate.
If we had a future together, I’d have to work up the courage to be seen with him.
Ming’s was always busy, and I knew there was a chance we’d see someone we knew. Was I ready for that yet?
Wicked smiled with one side of his mouth as his eyes lowered. Not with sadness or disappointment, but with something that showed he knew how hard this was for me.
“I’ll go get it, bae. Just tell me what you want,” he decided.
My head shook as I gritted my teeth. “No. I’ll go.”
“Are you sure? You know what might happen right? If someone from The Outlaws sees me and is on some bullshit, I’ma have to handle that,” he warned me.
“I’m a man, so I know how to defuse situations and walk away, but sometimes, that’s not always possible.
I will always keep you safe, but if something pops off . . .”
My mouth twisted to the side as I shook my head.
Pushing thoughts of Chris and my mom away, I made up my mind.
This was my life to live, and I only had one.
Wicked and I had already been robbed of ten years.
If I couldn’t handle going to grab food with him, a relationship between us would never happen.
All I could do was hope and pray Chris wasn’t there and that none of the Outlaws were either.
If they were, we’d cross that bridge when we got to it.
For now, I was about to ride out with my man.
My first motorcycle ride was so much fun!
We went the scenic route, and I loved every second of the longer ride.
I could only imagine how beautiful the city looked when the sun was rising or setting, if it was this beautiful under the starry sky.
Before we got our food, we stopped by the beach and rolled up.
As we smoked, we walked and talked and got to know each other.
Wicked wanted a full rundown of how life had been for me while he was away, but there wasn’t much to tell.
Still, I shared everything that came to mind.
When I got to my father’s death, my mood soured, but he quickly pulled me out of it.
“Sorry I wasn’t there for you,” he’d said, tightening his grip on my hand.
“You were. You’ve been in my heart and my head since the day you saved me,” was my reply.