Chapter 3 #4
He shifted his stance, turning to face the garden, though the glorious view over the sea seemed not to impress him.
Cilly wondered if he even saw it. She had guessed from the start that he was not a happy man, else why would he live his life with such reckless abandon?
Now, his face had that far-off look again, and his expression made her wonder just how unhappy he was.
“Miss Bradford wished for me to er… initiate her and give her the benefit of my experience, if you take my meaning. I refused her kind invitation. She thought I was playing hard to get and refused to take no for an answer. With hindsight, I ought to have been rather more diplomatic, but as I mentioned before, I dislike having my hand forced. She was livid, her pride wounded, and so she retaliated by attempting to trap me into marrying her. I walked away rather than end my days tied to a woman whose only goal in life would be to make me wretched. I do not regret it.”
Cilly did not realise her mouth was open until Damian turned to look at her, defiance in every line of his taut frame, his eyes frosty.
“You think I ought to have married the creature?”
“No!” she exclaimed, rather too loudly. She reached out, putting her hand on his arm. “No, indeed I do not. You did quite right. I am… I am only shocked that such a young girl would act so… so….”
He snorted, looking rather entertained by her shock. “Oh, Celia, there is so much that would shock you, but I will try to keep the worst of life from you. I may not be good for much as a husband, but I hope I can give you safety, at least.”
Cilly considered this. It was kind of him, she knew, but….
“What if I do not wish to be protected?”
He tilted his head to one side, studying her. “There speaks the voice of innocence,” he said softly.
Cilly bristled and folded her arms. “Don’t patronise me.
I’ve spent years enduring men, listening to them constantly explaining how I am too sweet, too nice, too stupid to understand the dangers of the world.
Well, I am six and twenty, not some idiot child.
I know how to run a vast estate, I know how to negotiate the ton, I know a good many things that might come as a surprise to you too, so don’t presume to know what I need protecting from. ”
Her heart did an odd little flip behind her ribs as she caught the look in his eyes and she rather wished she had not spoken with such force.
There was a dangerous light flickering there, one that made her instincts jitter with agitation.
Yet she did not believe him to be the sort of man to take offence if she rebuked him nor that he would ever bully her with anger, but perhaps he might wish her to think he would.
Damian seemed to want her to think badly of him to keep her always at a distance, and she did not want that.
Neither would she let him think her hen hearted.
Cilly put up her chin.
“Well,” he said, and his voice was a low purr, sliding over her like the decadent glide of fur against her naked body. “I apologise, Celia. I had not realised I was speaking to a woman with such a wealth of… experience.”
He took a step closer and heat bloomed over every inch of her skin.
She knew he was playing games with her, using her attraction to him to illustrate his point—you can look, but not touch.
The devil of it was, she only now realised how powerful this move could be.
She wanted him, and he knew that, and he would use her desire to torment her, to keep her from knowing him.
He owed her nothing. She knew he did not. She had manipulated him into this situation and had offered terms, her terms. He had accepted them as they benefited him, but he had no obligation to keep his side of any bargain.
Cilly swallowed as his proximity made her skin tingle. Was this to be her fate, to spend her life yearning for a man who would always be out of reach, even as a friend?
Damian lifted his hand, one long finger reaching out and tracing the line of her jaw.
“Sweet Cecilia, you think you have all the answers. You believe you can be my friend. Poor deluded creature that you are, you still hope that somewhere in the future there might be a happy ever after. The only way I can protect you from such pain is to be very, very clear. You are more than a match for the Countess of Dunmere and her ilk, and you are indeed a lady in every sense of the word, and a capable one. But do not confuse your strengths with things you do not understand, with things you will come to realise you are better off living in ignorance of.” As he spoke, his finger trailed a lazy path to her mouth, where it rested lightly, barely touching her bottom lip. “You do not know me, my dear.”
He dropped his hand and turned, walking away.
“And you are too much of a coward to let me,” she said, though her voice trembled, her entire body shaking.
He paused and turned his head just a little, allowing her a view of his elegant profile. “It is a kindness, Celia. Remember, I warned you.”
The terrace doors closed behind him, and Cilly let out a shaky breath, touching her lips, the place where his finger had rested so lightly. It burned.