Chapter 34 Tegwyn
Tegwyn
The deer peels another strip of bark off the tree, and I draw my arrow, aiming for a quick, clean shot.
I’ve been tracking it all morning, and it seems my hard work is about to finally pay off.
Just one shot and my hunt will be over, and then I can return home to the girl who never smiles anymore.
But I would take even a sad smile over her faux happiness.
Her sadness confirms she’s real. That she’s processing her grief.
Fae magic can only go so far. Nothing more than a shiny veneer that hides the true decay beneath, and the longer it continues, the more it festers. At first, she had begged me to mask her pain, and of course, I’d obliged, doing anything I could to help the woman I love.
I gave her my true name. Something that still baffles me, and yet she has not once abused my trust, even during the thickest fog of her grief. I don’t harbour a single regret. With my true name, she can call to me from anywhere, and now it’s impossible for us to ever be apart.
It’s rare for Fae to share such secrets, even amongst themselves. A strong bond must be forged before such delicate information can be disclosed.
After all, it makes us vulnerable. In the wrong hands, a true name could be lethal. Anyone could bend me to their will, and my heart shudders at the very idea of someone squeezing the truth of my name from Ivy someday.
But I push the morose thoughts aside, focusing on my current task—the deer. Our reserves are running low, and we need the meat.
But the moment I look up, all the breath leaves my lungs.
The stag—it’s spotted me. The creature gazes straight into my soul, assessing me with its eyes of deep onyx, and I swallow hard.
I draw my bow, heart pounding. Billowing clouds escape the stag’s nostrils, and it backs into the forest, vigilant eyes remaining on me the whole time.
If I don’t shoot now, then I will miss my chance.
This is the first deer I’ve seen in weeks.
It’s not a large male. Most likely a yearling, but meat is meat, and winters in the north are harsh.
It has small, forked antlers, barely big enough for a full lock with a rival male. So, it is its first set. The velvet is peeling, and it appears this deer truly is young. Precious even.
It loses its fear of me, finally sensing the wonderful magic that resides within me, and I hate it when that happens. The magic simply enthralls them, but I still make sure it’s a fair fight. I never abuse this power.
The deer steps closer, and I keep my arrow drawn, never losing my focus. It sniffs the arrowhead with its wet nose, and when I gaze into its sweet eyes again, it’s hers I find.
She wouldn’t kill this creature. No, she would let it live, no matter how hungry she was. There’s been enough death in this world lately. I could always make noise. Startle it, make it a fair fight.
But I lower my weapon, letting it lick my cheek. Its breath smells of tree bark, but I don’t mind.
I guess we’ll have to do without meat this winter.
It’s fine; I can survive on a diet of porridge, fruit, and wild berries, too.
I hover outside her cave, carrying a steaming bowl of porridge. No longer do I wear gloves, deciding to be my authentic self. These claws of mine are ridiculously sharp, hurting friends and enemies alike, yet they’re mine, and they’re a part of me. So, I’ve finally learned to embrace them.
Though I don’t do it for me... I do it for Ivy.
A lonely wind drifts down the tunnel, and for once, I feel the ominous chill of the north.
I’ve felt it since the night of the blizzard, and it makes me wonder.
Something is looming on the horizon, and whatever it is, we must brace ourselves.
Ivy and I may be in for a harsher winter than I realised.
However, there is one good thing to come from the blizzard. Rosemary has finally gone. For now, at least.
Maybe the boggart took her away with it once I bested it in the snow, who knows, but there’s one thing that does remain—Henry. I feel him flapping his wings with each beat of my heart, and he gives me strength. He gives me hope, which is something I’ve been in short supply of lately.
And now, that very same hope is going to be my driving force today. Ivy needs me, and I am going to help her get through this. So, when Henry beats his wings again, I step inside the cave, almost dropping the bowl the moment my eyes find her.
She’s painting all manner of shapes along the grimy walls, and I blink to ensure I’m seeing correctly.
When I left her this morning, she was lying in bed. The only time she came to life was when I fed her my magic.
But magic only goes so far.
Yet this, however…this is new.
“Ivy?”
She barely hears me, hyper-focused on her task. Is this what happens to humans before they teeter over the edge? I must put a stop to this before it’s too late.
“Ivy!”
“Hm?” she answers half-heartedly, hands flying over a series of whorls and spirals.
Shaking my head, I clear my throat, holding out the bowl. “I’ve brought you breakfast.”
The human ignores me, fingers spinning around and around as she keeps painting a swirl. This is getting bizarre.
My stomach twists when I step closer, getting a good look at her face. Her eyes are shadowed, and her skin is dull and grey. And she’s covered in paint. It stains her hands, cheeks, and even her hair.
I take a deep breath. “Ivy. Put the brush down and eat.”
“I’m not hungry,” she remarks coolly, never taking her eyes off her swirl.
Even her voice is devoid of life, and gone is the sweet, melodious song that once caused my heart to spasm. That’s it. Time to get tough.
“Ivy, put the brush down and eat. Starving yourself won’t help.”
Her painting becomes frantic, and she draws yet another angry swirl. I yank the brush from her hand, getting paint on my own fingers. “Ivy!”
She glares at me, and her eyes shine a luminous green. They take my breath away.
She almost looks Fae. “Fine,” she concedes, taking the bowl from my hands.
I stand and watch as she eats her porridge. I added a mixture of fruit to give it that extra sweetness, yet she still struggles.
She puts the bowl to one side, gazing at nothing. Her eyes are empty, and it’s happening… The abyss has returned to remind her of what she’s lost.
I bet she sees their faces. That’s how it was for me.
“You…have to find them again…” she whispers absentmindedly.
I raise a brow. “What?”
She looks up, eyes vacant. “You must find your mother and grandpa again and tell them how much you love them. It doesn’t matter that you ran away. None of that matters now… Don’t live with regrets, Tegwyn…”
My throat bobs as her words claw their way into my memories, making old wounds bleed yet again. Fuck, she’s right, and the guilt only tears me apart. But it’s not that simple. I can never go back. That life is over.
She closes her eyes, face crumbling with grief. “I’m sorry. I spoke out of turn.”
I inhale a shaking breath. “N-no, you didn’t. You were right, but…it’s not that simple, I’m afraid.”
Ivy nods. “Because of Duke and Rosemary.”
I told her everything, of course. I thought it was the least I could do while she was grieving. It seems we had pretty similar childhoods. People treated her like an outcast, too. Yet in her case, it was because she had been an extremely beautiful young woman who liked to dream.
I hate small-town mentality. You stick out like a sore thumb when you dare go against the grain.
I huff out a breath. “I did go back. Once...”
She looks up, eyes wide.
I continue. “About a year after I left the farm. I watched them from afar. Mother had a baby in her arms… It seemed like she’d moved on.”
I’ve never told anyone this story. Not until now. But I want her to get a glimpse into my past. See what makes me tick.
“The way Mother looked at that baby…I couldn’t take that away from her. If I’d knocked on that door, I would have brought all that old misery back. I had ruined her life. Made the whole town despise her.”
The memories come rushing back, but I push through the pain, going on. “That baby could have been my sister in another life, but I wasn’t going to ruin her future, either. I couldn’t do that to either of them.”
Finally, I glance her way, and my heart stops. She’s crying. For me… The tears streak down her cheeks as warmth trickles through my veins when I see that life returning to her eyes.
I smile, transporting myself back in time again. “She always wanted a daughter… Hence why they were better off without me. She finally got her happily ever after in the end.”
Ivy shuts her eyes, wiping away a tear. “Oh, Tegwyn…”
The smile leaves my face. “Such is life.”
She stands, taking my hands. Then she presses a kiss onto my lips. “It’s okay. You have me now.”
I sigh, basking in her nearness. She’s coming back to me.
“For what it’s worth, I think your mother would have been happy to see you again, Tegwyn. People can surprise you.”
Don’t I know. Finally, we thread our fingers, and I spy the difference immediately.
While her skin is soft, mine is coarse, yet in that moment, we are one.
Two lost souls who found each other. She drags me to bed, and there we lie side by side.
As she falls asleep, I watch her for some time, truly feeling like the luckiest creature in the world.
Ivy is all the happiness and family I need in this life.
I wake that night to find the bed cold and empty and jerk upright. When I peer to my right, a deep chasm opens up inside my gut, sending me spiralling into the abyss.
Ivy. She’s gone.
I search the cave, gasping when I find the face of a silver-eyed wolf sneering back at me from her painting. A shudder snakes down my spine.
That’s what she had been painting all this time? And here I was, thinking she was painting at random.
My heart rings through my ears as I rush down the tunnel, and I stumble upon a handwritten note on the kitchen table. She’s left her necklace, too.
Shaking my head, I snatch up the note, reading quickly.
I’m sorry. If I don’t survive the hunt, then I want you to have it, Tegwyn. Find the happiness you deserve. Maybe you can finally find that island…
My hands tremble.
No. I already found my happiness, and I can’t let her go through with this.
She’s going after the wolf that chased her all the way to the north. When she’d described the beast to me, I knew it without a doubt in my mind.
That wolf was Fae. Most likely a member of the king’s court.
If I have to kill that creature to save her, so be it. I will taint my soul once again, killing another member of my kind just to keep her safe. She’s my family now, and I will protect her at all costs.
My eyes find my rack of knives. The hunting knife has gone.
Grabbing my bow and quiver, I don my cloak, making my descent into the early dawn.
I will catch up with her.