Chapter 31 Max
MAX
Idon’t need to look behind me to know how Logan glares at me. A gaze like daggers going through the back of my skull, almost as if he’s jealous.
But his feelings for me aren’t like that, no matter how many nights I fall asleep wishing that things would change. Logan’s feelings for me, if they can even be called that, don’t justify jealousy. What we have is possession, not love. Ownership; the most I’ll ever get from him.
This leaves only one other option: Lily is the cause of his jealousy because his feelings for her are different. Deeper, more honest, and I decide to stop thinking about it before I become as irritable as him.
“It was my fault, right?” Lily says once we’re back inside the cabin, worry plastered on her face as she wipes some blood off of my lip.
“Not at all, baby. That’s just how he is. You’ll grow a thicker skin over time. Try to keep in mind that the problem usually isn’t something you could control.”
“Did stuff like this happen before I came along?” she asks, her brows furrowing.
“Constantly,” I lie.
Sure, Logan’s mood swings are nothing new to me, but the frequency and severity of our issues have admittedly increased since Lily joined us. Still, it’s not her fault.
“He hurt you.”
“Yeah, because we were fighting, baby. It would be pretty counterproductive not to hurt each other.”
Lily doesn’t look too convinced, and I think I get where her nervousness is coming from.
“He would never hurt you, Lily. Emotionally? Sure. But like this?” I point at my face. “Never. Logan has killed men in unimaginable ways, right in front of me, but he would cut his hands off before he’d put them on a woman in a way she doesn’t want.”
“Snitches get stitches, sunshine,” a familiar voice calls out to me.
Wow, we went back to sunshine-terms damn quick this time.
“Stop telling her all my secrets. I prefer her a little scared.”
Logan joins us in the hallway, grabbing Lily’s hand.
“I know you like it too, sweetheart. Keeps things interesting,” he says, sliding her thumb over his lip. His blood mixes with mine that’s still coating Lily’s thumb, and Logan moves her hand back in front of her face.
“Lick it clean, and maybe I’ll forget about your disrespectful reaction to me telling you you’re allowed to sleep in my room. In my bed,” he adds, his tongue darting out to stop more blood from running down his chin.
Lily meets his gaze as her lips close around her bloody thumb.
There is no hesitation in her eyes, no fear or disgust. Sometimes, she confuses me more than Logan does.
Like there is a short time window where she just does things until her brain catches on, and the normal Lily comes back with self-doubt and a humongous sense of shame in tow.
“That’s my girl,” Logan growls, his eyes darkening when Lily parts her lips enough for us to see her tongue swirling around the no longer bloody thumb.
Challenging. That’s exactly how it feels. On a rational level, Lily is scared of Logan. For good reason, too, but on a primal level, she wants to see the real Logan. As if she wants to know all his demons by name, regardless of how much she should fear them.
“Sweetheart, go sit down in the living room, keep yourself busy,” Logan says, stroking over her cheek. “Max and I need to talk for a second.”
After looking at me to check if I’m okay with it, she leaves, and Logan pulls me out on the porch after him.
“If this is supposed to be round two, I’m out,” I say, but he’s already sitting down on the steps.
So, no fighting, I guess.
“I’m sorry.”
Subtly, I raise both arms and try to smile to check if I’m having a stroke.
“What?”
“You heard it the first time, sunshine, I’m not gonna repeat it.”
I sit down next to him, and when my thigh presses against his, he doesn’t shift away.
“Changing the rules like this wasn’t fair. I still won, obviously. Would have won either way—“
“That’s what you wanted to talk about?” I interrupt him, nudging his foot with mine.
“Sleep in your own room tonight. Just for tonight. Tomorrow, you can have her back.”
“Why? I thought you didn’t like her? At least not like this."
“I don’t.”
Looks like someone has used up his honesty budget for the day.
“But she’s getting too attached to you, sunshine. Don’t want her to die of heartbreak the day you piss me off so badly I have to kill you.”
I’m busy preparing breakfast as Lily comes out of Logan’s room, wearing one of his shirts.
So now he’s dressing her, too. Interesting.
Lily doesn’t look like she and Logan spent the night fucking, and I also didn’t hear any suspicious sounds coming from his room. I would have because I didn’t sleep a single minute.
“Had a good night?”
“Mhm,” she mumbles, taking the cup I hold out to her. Her lips curl up into a smile when she notices it’s hot chocolate and not coffee. “He’s—“ she says. “It’s—“
“I know,” I say, letting out a dry laugh. “No touching, no moving. And he does that staring thing. It’s a little unsettling at first, but it’s kind of cute if you think about it.”
She leans over the counter as if she’s planning to share something highly confidential with me.
“What if I was drooling, and he saw it?”
“You were.”
Logan sneaks up on her, almost making her slip from the bar stool as he squeezes Lily’s side.
“Great,” she says, staring into her drink before she covers her eyes as if it would make her invisible.
“What?” Logan asks, sitting down next to her. “You were drooling all over my cock just a few days ago, sweetheart. I think we’re past the point of being embarrassed by shit like this.”
“Thanks,” Logan mouths upon seeing the cup of coffee I made for him, and the smell of bacon drags my focus back to the stovetop, where three different pans demand my attention.
I’m not sure if it’s an attempt to court them both, or if it’s my brain’s way to help ignore my feelings instead of feeling, or God forbid, voicing them.
“What are you doing?”
Lily giggles, but when I turn around, a detailed explanation of today’s breakfast already sitting at the tip of my tongue, I realize she’s talking to Logan.
“Nothing,” he replies, sliding his mug back and forth over the kitchen island.
“Because it felt like some weird attempt at holding hands.”
I prepare our plates, and as I put them on the countertop, Lily is holding Logan’s hand, doing some weird acrobatics with his fingers. Presumably the exact same thing he had done a few minutes prior.
Squeezing the halved lemon in my hand, the juice squirts everywhere but in the bowl of mashed avocado where it belongs. Drops of lemon juice land on the still-fresh cut on my lip, and it hurts less than the image in front of me.
“Weird is fine,” Lily says, looking at Logan with eyes full of adoration. But what delivers the final blow is how he looks at her, his gaze softening when her delicate fingers wrap around his rough ones.
“Max?” Lily calls out to me while Logan has already started eating.
“Don’t wait for me,” I say with a forced smile. “I need to take care of the dishes before everything cools down and gets crusty.”
It’s quiet behind me as I walk over to the sink, and once I hear the sound of silverware against ceramic, I breathe in deeply and let my frustrations out on the greasy pan in front of me, scrubbing it so hard I’m glad it doesn’t have a coating.
But then, someone nudges my hip with theirs.
“You spent all morning preparing breakfast. The least I can do is help you with the cleanup.”
Lily smiles at me, dissipating some of the dark feelings inside my chest. I give her a kiss on the top of her head before I show her where to find a dishcloth.
“It’s attractive,” she says while I rinse out the last pan. “The cooking,” she adds. “You’re the first guy who has ever cooked for me. Apart from my dad.”
“You deserve so much more than that,” I murmur, putting my arms around her once I’ve washed and dried off my hands.
“Don’t overdo it, sunshine. You’ll spoil her rotten. In no time, she’s going to demand foot rubs while being fed sushi.”
“And I would do it happily,” I say, leading Lily over to the other side of the kitchen island before I sit down to her right.
So, she likes Logan, and Logan likes her. Just like it’s supposed to be.
All this time, I expected Logan to cause problems or even Lily to say that this doesn’t work for her. What I didn’t expect was the jealous beast that rose inside of me, and I won’t let it have the last word. Because Lily and I wouldn’t work without Logan, and Logan and I don’t work without Lily.
We do work, but more like a nuclear plant in an unstable country, which will take down more than a village when it inevitably goes boom one day.
Lily showed me how much I crave stability. Unconditional warmth and at least some sort of predictability, and now that I’ve seen how it could be, I don’t think I can go back to how it was.
“You want to check out the lake today, sweetheart?” Logan asks, looking at me with raised eyebrows while Lily stops chewing her bacon in consideration.
“No bikini,” she mumbles, like she’s talking to herself. “And skinny dipping is off the table,” she says, louder, once she sees the grins on our faces.
“Check your bag. I’m sure Ruby packed accordingly,” I say, taking a few raspberries from my plate and putting them on Lily’s after I catch Logan stealing hers.
We finish our breakfast, and while Lily goes to her room to get changed, Logan and I manage to hold a non-passive-aggressive conversation. He’s always so much more approachable when he’s fed, something I’ve learned pretty quickly.
Twenty minutes pass, and Lily still hasn’t come back, so Logan and I go knock on her door.
“Lily?”
“Yeah?”
“Everything okay?” I ask, trying the handle.
“No,” she yells back, sounding nervous and amused. I hope she didn’t strangle herself while trying to put on a bikini because I know what Ruby’s wardrobe consists of.
Lily clears her throat before she speaks up again. “My—everything is hanging out.”
“And?” Logan asks, turning to look at me.