Chapter 14
CHAPTER 14
To avoid obsessing over being trapped in a bedroom, Takashi mentally translated Shakespeare’s famous “St. Crispin’s Day” soliloquy into Modern English, Japanese, and French. Currently, he was working on his Farsi version. Unfortunately, he couldn’t quite remember all the words of the original speech. He was ninety percent sure he had somehow mixed the entirety of “Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow” into the poem, but since it was doing the important task of occupying his mind, he didn’t give a damn.
The previous night, the silent boy who had led him around his first night in the mansion had dropped off four blood bags and then left. Takashi had been abandoned, waiting for either Seamus or Anton to summon him. Would another night pass the same way? More than one?
When a knock finally came, he jolted out of his thoughts and stopped pacing. “Yes?”
Slowly, the door opened. The boy was back, head bent so that he was staring at the floor, and he motioned out to the hallway.
Takashi took a second to steady himself and followed the boy out. He still had little reference for the path they traveled. All Takashi was certain of was that the mansion must be large, even by vampire coven master standards.
The boy led him down a staircase and back along the hall. He stopped beside an open door and motioned for Takashi to go inside.
One must always dazzle the audience, Takashi. An audience will forgive anything so long as one is delightful , Geoff Pierro, the ringmaster of the circus, had said when Takashi had first begun his performances. The words had carried him far in his mortal and immortal life.
He found an easy smile, lifted his chin, and walked through the door.
The room was a sleek, modern living room. Everything had a new-quality sheen to it, and he couldn’t help wondering how long it had actually been put together like this. The Twilight movie posters were an odd touch. There was another open door that led to a bedroom. What was the purpose of bringing me here ?
The soft click of the door made Takashi glance over his shoulder. The boy had shut the door, remaining on the outside. This side of the door had a handle, which was a small relief. But Takashi didn’t relax. He had a sense that he wasn’t alone before he heard the soft footfalls of someone coming out of the other room.
Takashi believed he was prepared for the worst that Seamus or Anton might throw at him.
Then Zack stepped into the doorway.
The dirt caked into his hair altered its color to a darker brown. His black suit was ripped and had streaks of dirt. His hands were filthy.
That clue would be obvious enough, but the change vampirism had brought to Zack was astonishing. His skin was white as porcelain and seemed to give him a soft glow. His youth was no longer mutable, no longer aging in the minor ways a night could bring. The scar that Roger had given him on his neck was still there, barely visible under the collar of his shirt. It was fainter than it had ever been, but it would remain.
His eyes had lost their gray and were a shade of deep ruby. Was it his hunger that had changed the color? Or was this a permanent change? Only older, powerful vampires had eyes that remained consistently red, but something was different about Zack than the typical fledgling. Vampires had auras that grew with age, and yet Zack already had a stronger presence to him.
In addition to that, Zack’s gait had changed. He held his head high and his shoulders straight. Though he’d done that as a mortal, the effort had been noticeable. In this moment, he had a natural confidence. He was graceful. Elegant.
This was exactly who Takashi had suspected Zack might become if only he stopped standing in his own way.
Another reaction quickly chased Takashi’s awe. A seed of anger sprouted into a full tree because Seamus had stolen something precious from them. Though Zack’s mortality wasn’t what Takashi had valued about him, he, Roger, and Takashi should have been together when Zack rose as a vampire. Roger and Takashi should have been the ones to usher him through his changes when the time was right, when he had chosen it. The act should have been done with love, not with violence or force.
Zack’s confidence wavered, and he emanated a growing fear of rejection.
Feeling Zack’s emotion so freely was another change. His tattoo must have died when he did. And now he can feel me. Takashi remembered how difficult interpreting others’ desires and fears was his first few years. Likely, Zack didn’t understand that Takashi’s violent wishes weren’t aimed at him and was growing wary from misunderstanding.
No words would suffice. Takashi threw up a mental wall to shield Zack from his desire for revenge and focused on his budding want to bring Zack close. He opened his arms wide, offering an embrace.
Zack smiled softly, the joy brightening his eyes, and hurried into Takashi’s arms. He smelled of fresh dirt and a touch of wintery night. The undercurrent of mortal copper was gone from him. His embrace was stronger and firmer in a way that swayed Takashi’s heart.
A weight lifted from his shoulders because Zack was here , and he was relatively safe, and he hadn’t been suffering these past few nights. He’d been transforming into this marvelous being that Takashi was holding tight in his arms. Though their present situation was far from ideal, they would have forever . The three of them could weather the centuries together.
Takashi’s desire was a stone dropped into the smooth lake that was Zack’s wants, and he felt the way his emotion moved through Zack, rippling and building momentum rather than fading away. Zack nuzzled him and then moved so that their lips brushed when he spoke. “How are you all right?”
“I’m a well-kept hostage,” Takashi murmured. “‘All right’ is a very loose term for how I am.”
“What’s happened to Roger? Carver? Kit? Vincent?” Zack’s voice had an ethereal quality that Takashi had only ever heard from much older vampires. Roger had a bit of it, which lent him a sexier purr that Takashi loved, but Zack’s dripped with otherworldliness and a hint of a fathomless strength.
Takashi put his hand on Zack’s neck and caressed the edge of his jaw. He missed the feel of Zack’s pulse, but oh, the touch of him was something divine. Wishing for happier news would not make it so, and he couldn’t ignore the information Zack needed in favor of seeking comfort. Though the longer he stood beside him, the more he craved crawling into bed and keeping him close. If only Roger were here …
“Carver’s gone,” Takashi whispered, hoping that by keeping his voice soft, he might not break the gentle air between them. “The wound he took was grave, and I don’t believe he survived it. I don’t know what’s happened to Kit or Vincent. Roger’s alive. He’s not here. He’s out there.”
“You’re sure?”
“I saw him running from the mansion two nights ago,” Takashi said. “Anton said that he had come looking for us.”
“But he left without you.”
“He had others with him, and he was carrying Dmitri.” Takashi rested his forehead against Zack’s. Many of his lovers had been taller than him, but Zack was shorter. Or he had been, at least by a smidge. Zack must have been standing straighter because they were equal height. “You know Roger has a good and cautious heart.”
“Yeah,” Zack said softly. His voice hitched as he continued. “I don’t think mine’s that good.”
And Takashi could feel what he meant. Zack was radiating with a brimming desire to reach for more. The touch of that want was addictive. Takashi longed to strip him and discover what else might have changed about his lover. There would be no need to be as gentle with him anymore, not unless the moment called for it, and Zack … oh, Zack had been fun in bed before. Takashi wondered what his cock would feel like inside him. If he was as cold everywhere as he was in his hands and face.
Those longings weren’t entirely like Takashi, though. Well, wanting sex wasn’t out of the ordinary for him. He had those cravings. But his lust was building when he should have remained focused on the present.
“Zack, what are you thinking right now?” Takashi murmured.
“I should be thinking about how we kill Seamus and escape,” Zack replied hoarsely.
“Wasn’t the question.”
“The answer goes back to my heart’s not good.”
“Good is entirely relative.”
“I don’t think ‘good’ would be thinking about ripping off your clothes and fucking you senseless on the couch. Or the bed. Or in the shower because I’m fucking filthy,” Zack whispered.
With those words, Takashi could finally source the desire rising in him. Some of it was his own—that was how it had slipped past his notice—but Zack’s power was mingling with Takashi’s lust. He wasn’t forcing his way in. It was more like Takashi had turned on a bath faucet and Zack had cranked up the flow of the water. Takashi could turn it off. He should.
But he had spent three and a half nights isolated and longing for both of his lovers. Now one was with him. And they weren’t in immediate danger. And they were different and the same, and they both wanted more.
“Then I’m not very good either,” Takashi said. “Because that’s all I can think about, too.”
“Am I picking that up from you? I have this, like, pop-up on my mental screen, and it makes this feel right .” Zack slid his arm around Takashi’s waist, and their groins brushed more firmly against each other. Zack was half-hard.
Takashi was thickening in response. “We’re in a feedback loop.”
“One of us got a little bit horny, the other’s picking up on it and giving it back, and it’s more and more?” Zack murmured.
“Mmhmm.”
“That doesn’t sound different than normal lust.”
“In many ways, it’s not. But it can be more … intense.” Takashi leaned his head back. Touching was only increasing the loop. He put his hands on Zack’s shoulders. He should push him away, put distance between them. “You’re new to your abilities. Saying no might become difficult.”
Zack pulled Takashi tighter against him. Light sparkled in his ruby-red eyes. “I don’t want to say no.”
“Zack …”
“You’re worried about me. That’s sweet.” Zack leaned in and brushed his lips against Takashi’s. His touch was brief and featherlight and refreshingly chilly.
All Takashi wanted was more. Forget good and bad. I deserve him .
So he kissed him in a slow, gentle slide of their lips. Zack had the faint remnant of blood on him, a little old but tangy. Whoever Zack had drunk from was dead, but that was common on a first night. Takashi grabbed onto his suit jacket tightly, the shirt underneath losing a button as it was pulled too taut in his grip, and traced the seam of Zack’s lips with his tongue. A bit of dirt mixed with the blood and the taste of Zack.
“How are you warm?” Zack pressed a kiss to Takashi’s cheek, then his neck. He started undoing the buttons of his shirt and slid his hand inside to caress Takashi’s chest.
“I’m as cold as I’ve always been.” Takashi untucked his shirt and dropped it to the floor. “You’re colder than you should be.”
“I am?” Zack kissed behind Takashi’s ear. He swept his hand up Takashi’s torso until he found his nipple. He rolled his thumb over his tender flesh.
Takashi gasped into Zack’s touch. He tipped his head back and to the side so Zack had more area to kiss. “You should be lukewarm, practically room temperature. You’re like ice.”
“Weird,” Zack muttered against Takashi’s skin. His lust was growing into a nearly tangible thing. “Maybe I just need more blood. You and Roger are always freezing before you eat.”
“Didn’t Seamus have someone for you at your grave?” Takashi said. “It’s tradition.”
Suddenly, the building feedback loop of desire was a cut cord, and Takashi was left holding his end. The break gave him a clearer mind. There was nothing inherently wrong with what they had been doing, but Zack was fresh from his grave. To him, the fight in the hotel had been earlier in the night. I should be more careful with him. For his sake .
“I killed her,” Zack whispered. His emotions were sliding into his screaming fear of rejection. He took a step back and lowered his gaze to the floor.
Takashi put his arm around Zack and kept him close. Embracing his continuing desire for him so that Zack might feel it, he said gently, “We all kill the one at the grave.”
“Am I going to keep killing?” Zack asked.
“Humans live on death as well,” Takashi replied tenderly. “That’s what animals do. They gain energy in the destruction and continue on. We vampires are just another kind of animal.”
Zack scowled. “You’re not comparing drinking blood to eating a hamburger, are you?”
“I’m saying that even eating a salad has taken apart some piece of the world in order to propel life forward. That we don’t call the coyote or the hawk evil for eating the rabbit. We vampires have the unique opportunity of not killing our food, but that takes practice.”
“This is all messed up.” Zack pushed Takashi away. Despite Takashi’s attempt to hold on, Zack’s strength was greater, and Takashi stumbled backward a few steps before catching his balance. But Zack seemed caught up in his own mind, as if he hadn’t put much effort into the shove, and he strode across the room to a cabinet holding Blu-Rays and the like. “Seamus is fucked up. He keeps calling me his son and acting like I should appreciate that he gave me his blood as if my choice wasn’t death or this.”
Some vampires fell into the conceit that their sirelings were a type of offspring; some turned their lovers so they could be with them forever; some found a mortal so special they wanted to preserve them; some chose to make underlings to serve them. Takashi had sired three vampires that fell into the special mortal category. He’d done his duty to them and ushered them into their new lives, teaching them what he could, but they quickly carved their own paths away from him. He didn’t resent them for it, but he never felt the bond with them that he did with his own sire.
“Nell treated me like a son,” Takashi said. “She never said the word, but she was fond of me, more than some of her other sirelings, and spent time teaching me what being a vampire means.”
“Yeah, but that’s Nell . That’s not surprising,” Zack said. He gestured around the room. “Look at this shit! He put up Twilight posters. Did you tell him about this?”
“No.” Takashi went to the bookcase. Volumes upon volumes about war. Zack had been part of a plot to kill Seamus. Why on earth would they give him tactical ideas?
“Takashi—”
Takashi held up his hand to silence Zack. “You’re right. This is strange. He should want us dead. We should be dead. Instead, he’s kept me, and he studied you. I think he’s been observing you for a while. Money can move things along, but rooms like this take time to set up.”
Zack paused and folded his arms over his chest. “Studied me?”
“He’s read your journal and notebooks.”
“ Fuck .” Zack started to reach for his hair, then rested his hand back where it had been. “He’s got my dagger. Once I get it back, we should go.”
“Why?” Takashi asked as he continued examining the various book spines in front of him. Zack was radiating fear, but he shut it out. Fear was an ambition killer, and opportunities were multiplying in front of them.
“Look, I’ll admit for a hot second, I was really tempted to stick around and find some way to kill him from the inside.” Zack neared Takashi. “But something really weird is going on here, and it’s not sitting right with me. These rooms are filled with stuff I’ve always wanted, he keeps insisting he’s my father, and he wants us at a meeting downstairs. I think it’s some kind of coven leadership session. He shouldn’t be inviting me into that.”
“But he is. There has to be a reason.”
“The reason is he’s playing mind games to torture us,” Zack replied.
“This isn’t torture. It’s seduction,” Takashi said. A few of the puzzle pieces made sense for their shape, but Takashi couldn’t grasp the full picture. “We have some value to him. Aren’t you the least bit curious why that is?”
Zack shifted uncomfortably where he stood—a very human habit that he’d eventually stop doing. Maybe Zack would never school his body to stop fidgeting like other vampires did, but he likely would. Takashi captured the moment and tucked it away in his heart for another time. Eventually, his drop of grief would expand and demand attention. The bits that made Zack mortal were gone or dying and deserved the noticing of their passing, but the core of who Zack was remained, and Takashi was too relieved and excited for any sadness.
“He’s a monster,” Zack said.
“I’m not suggesting that we become his friends,” Takashi replied. “But he wants something of us, and that gives us leverage.”
Zack joined Takashi beside the bookcase. His desires were a roiling mess. New ones brewed quick and hot, then morphed into another before Takashi could interpret what Zack was feeling. There was a steady undercurrent of fear—likely, Zack feared that remaining in the mansion would turn him into a version of Seamus.
“We have each other.” Takashi gently put his hand on Zack’s elbow.
“Roger spent three hundred years with him,” Zack murmured. “I can’t do that.”
“I couldn’t either.”
Zack unfolded his arms and lightly took Takashi’s hand in his. “What do you think Roger would think of all this?”
“That it’s very confusing.” Takashi squeezed Zack’s hand. “I hope we find a way to ask him sooner rather than later.”
Zack returned his grip, though his was stronger, nearly bone-crushing. “Yeah. I mean, if he hasn’t left Chicago, then there’s got to be a way.”
“Exactly.” Takashi leaned against Zack. They were side by side and, fates willing, could be until the sun turned the planet to ash. Longer, if they found some way to escape that destruction.
However, in the short term, they didn’t have much time. He nudged Zack. “You should get cleaned up.”
Slowly, Zack nodded. He gave Takashi a tight smile. “Help me? I’m sure I’ve got dirt in places I can’t reach.”
“Of course.” Takashi kissed Zack’s cheek.
As Zack led the way to the bathroom, Takashi put tighter locks around his growing fears. What was the game? Most coven masters struggled to maintain their status quo from forces inside and out. If Seamus was keeping Zack so close to him, was there a source of danger?
Too many whats and what-ifs. I need to be here for Zack, for both our sakes . So Takashi centered himself and kept his thoughts on the new swagger in Zack’s gait. He, Zack, and Roger now had forever with which to build a lasting relationship. Three powerful vampires. We could conquer the world if we wanted .