Chapter 19
CHAPTER 19
Waking was a languid thing; Zack was in an incredibly soft bed with a perfectly divine comforter and was up against a pleasantly warmer person. Takashi, he was sure of it. He had his arm over his chest and knew the feel of him. So he scooted his butt back to search for Roger.
But that side of the bed was empty.
Realization brought back memory, and that drew aside the heavy curtain obscuring consciousness. Zack was a vampire. He was in Seamus’s mansion. The previous night’s meeting had ended close to sunrise, and he had barely had his eyes open while he shucked off his suit and changed into pajamas. He’d fallen asleep nearly as soon as his head hit the pillow. Takashi must have crawled into bed with him.
It is Takashi, right? Zack opened his eyes.
And was met with pure, seamless darkness.
He hadn’t climbed out of his grave. He was caught in his coffin. He’d been hallucinating.
A terrified scream ripped from him as he sat up. He flung his arms out, trying to find the lid and failing. If he couldn’t find the lid, then he couldn’t break free. There was movement beside him. Scrambling. Oh God, was it maggots? Beetles? Worms ?
“Whoa there,” Takashi said. His voice pierced through the panic but didn’t calm him.
A bedside lamp flicked on and illuminated the massive bedroom in a soft, gentle glow. Zack’s mind flailed, reason refusing to speak up on reality’s behalf, and he scanned the room over and over. Bed. Bedside table. Desk. Door. Dresser. Door. Door. Bookshelf. Painting. Beside table. Bed. None of these were his coffin lid. None of them were the way out.
“You aren’t trapped,” Takashi said. “Zack, look at me.”
Zack snapped his head to the side, a snarl on his lips, but it died in his throat. Takashi was sitting beside him, and there was a lamp behind him. A world around him. Not a hint of a coffin.
The intensity of the fear broke, but the aftershocks tumbled through Zack. He drew his knees to his chest and put his forehead on them. He couldn’t have curled up like this in the coffin. He hadn’t had Takashi with him. Everything that had happened was real, not a hallucination. He wasn’t trapped. He wasn’t. “Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.”
Gently, Takashi wrapped an arm around his shoulders, and Zack leaned into him without moving much. “I wasn’t thinking. I should have left the light on.”
Bloody tears were pricking the corners of Zack’s eyes, and they began to tumble despite his vain attempt to stop. “I shouldn’t be a fucking mess.”
“Hey.” Takashi nudged Zack.
But Zack didn’t want comfort. Becoming a vampire should have made him strong, not prone to more bullshit panic attacks. He pulled his knees in tighter.
Takashi bumped him again. When Zack didn’t budge, he circled around to Zack’s front and roughly pushed on both shoulders. Zack rocked back, running into the headboard, and accidentally pierced his bottom lip with his fangs as he bit down on it. If Takashi had an ounce of pity for him, Zack was going to shatter, and his last shred of dignity would be as dead as his humanity.
“ Zackery ,” Takashi said sharply.
A thousand words were on his lips; a hundred thousand screams were ready to sound. Zack drew in a breath so that he might let any one of them loose and find a sliver of solitude for his anguish by driving Takashi away. He steeled himself for the sad way that Takashi was bound to look at him. After all, he was a broken thing, sobbing for no reason yet again. As always.
Instead, Takashi met his gaze and held it with a level of patient sympathy that Zack had never known before. His dark blue eyes weren’t watering with bloody tears for him. He didn’t show a flicker of discomfort at seeing Zack in such an awful state. He wasn’t trying to make things better.
“Everything you knew was ripped away from you,” Takashi said firmly.
And though of course Zack had known that, hearing Takashi put it into solid words made it fact . Tears continued to slip down Zack’s cheeks.
Takashi made no move to wipe them away. “And not just once.”
Zack started to bite his lip again but managed to stop himself. When he’d left his parents’ house, he hadn’t known it’d be for the last time. Taliville had become a comfortable place, if not a home, and he’d left that for Chicago. Then he had been ripped from the hotel suite, from Carver and Kit and Roger, and he had Takashi, but Takashi wasn’t exactly the same either, was he? He was sharper and stronger in the best ways, and yet … yet there was a distance. Maybe he doesn’t like me anymore .
Maybe he’s been through his own shit the last few nights , his rational mind replied.
“You were murdered ,” Takashi said.
I was murdered . It wasn’t some nebulous thing that had happened to Zack. It was a fact . It was truth that another being saw. Not just any being but his lover. His . Yes, he shared him with Roger, like he shared himself with Roger, but here, in this moment, he knew that there was a part of him that was for Takashi alone and a part of Takashi just for him.
His rational mind wanted to remain responsible. Wanted to look after Takashi. Wanted to hold fast. Be strong.
But then Takashi continued in his fact-speaking way. “You should be a mess.”
The words shone moonlight on Zack’s soul. The sobs broke free. He lunged forward and wrapped his arms around Takashi tightly, and with accelerated speed, Takashi hugged him back. They held each other tightly.
Zack continued to cry, letting the pain out with each sob. Bloody tears poured down his cheeks. Yet, with each one out in the world, the broken layer of himself peeled away. It was like cleaning the rust off an ill-kept blade. Underneath the tarnish, he was steel. He had survived all the crap thrown at him. He was stronger than ever.
And he wasn’t alone.
Screw the rest of the world. He’d cry as long as he needed to.