28. Samuel
Ruby’s body feels so good pressed against mine in the shower and I could really slap myself for holding this off for so long.
She’s weirdly quiet though, as if she’s lost in her own thoughts. She doesn’t notice it as I steal her shampoo for a second, doesn’t speak a lot, and just smiles at me softly as I wrap her up in a towel.
I don’t leave her side for the rest of the day, keep her as close to me as possible and it’s not only because I want to have an eye on her in case she warns her father.
I even make her a fruit platter or try to make her one, since I’m allowed to use knives in the kitchen, just nothing that could start a fire. In the end, it’s a bowl with strawberries, pineapple, and a few grapes, but she looks happy as I hand it to her.
From time to time she looks at me as if she wants to say something, but quickly draws her focus back to the TV again. She’s completely snuggled up in my lap and it gets too warm under her blanket, but I don’t want to complain.
Just when I accept my fate of being cooked alive by her body heat, my phone lights up on the coffee table.
Ruby asked me about the two phones a few days ago and I told her that one is for family stuff to keep her from asking more questions and to allow me to carry it around openly.
I am way too careless around her. As if my subconsciousness wants her to find out. No matter how she’ll react, I’m at a point where everything feels better than keeping this act up.
“Where are you going?,” she asks as I grab my vibrating phone and walk out onto the patio. She doesn’t follow me, though. Too comfy and too tired, probably.
“My grandma, I’ll be back in a second,” I lie as I rush outside, closing the patio door behind me. She shrugs her shoulders, mouthing, “Greet her from me.” I swallow thickly as I pick up Logan’s call.
It’s usually Max who calls, or Rockwell, if it’s something important, so seeing his number on the screen is enough to worry me.
“How’s life as a trophy husband?” Logan asks as I pick up the phone.
“Hello to you too,” I say. “What do you need? I know you don’t call for fun.”
“Captain’s been asking questions, Sam. Max doesn’t have the balls to tell you, but I thought I should let you know. Things have been—hectic lately. It’s better if you give Rockwell something to work with soon.”
I walk over to the loungers, knowing that I had left a pack of cigarettes over there a few days ago. With a sigh, I light one up and take a deep drag to calm my nerves down.
Ruby even started placing ashtrays out here for me. She’s so fucking thoughtful and I wish she would have just stayed the Ruby from the first night throughout all of this.
“I already told him I need more time.”
“I know. The problem isn’t Rockwell. There’s a new guy, Sanders, completely over-motivated idiot. Works with the General for two fucking weeks and he’s after our asses, Sam.”
“Sanders?”
“Yeah, he introduced himself a week after you left. Fucking moron, dragged Max through the dirt in our last meeting because he wasn’t happy with one of his reports. Rockwell tries to get his ass fired or at least transferred so that he can annoy someone else, because I threatened to pay him a visit if he talks to Max like that one more time.”
I’m so on edge that I finish my cigarette with concerningly few drags, putting it out with more force than necessary.
“Wrap this up, Sam. Sanders will send someone else if he thinks you can’t get the job done, and you can bet your fucking ass it won’t be one of us. Rockwell will hold him off, but I don’t think you have more than a few days.”
“I’ll take care of it. Thanks for letting me know.”
We end our call because Logan isn’t the type for pointless small talk.
Fuck.
I can’t go in there and sit next to Ruby like everything is fine right now. I need to come up with a solution that will satisfy Rockwell and the higher-ups, but I also need to come up with a solution for Ruby. Packing my things and leaving with the intel I gathered so far would be the best one, but I just can’t.
“Everything okay with your grandma?,” she asks, with sincere concern on her face as I walk back inside and I feel like throwing up.
“Yeah, she got a new lawnmower. You okay down here? My head hurts like hell, I’m gonna go to my room,” I say as I walk up the stairs. I think she said something, but my thoughts are too loud to even hear her.
For the next two days, I avoid her. I barely leave my room, scraping together bits of information that are simultaneously enough to keep the pressure off of Rockwell, but not enough to justify them ordering me back to base.
I barely see Ruby. I go to the kitchen when she’s asleep and if I run into her, I try to keep our interactions as short as possible. She looks like a kicked puppy whenever I excuse myself after talking to her for not even two minutes, but doesn’t press the issue. Like she’s used to being treated like that, and it makes me feel even worse.
My attempt to get myself out of the trap Sanders put up for me doesn’t work as I had hoped it would, because on the third day, Rockwell calls me.
He sounds tired and stressed and he speaks in that fatherly tone of voice he always uses when he has bad news.
“They’re breathing down my goddamn neck, Sam. If it was for me, you could take all the time you need. Look, if you need time off, a sabbatical or how they call it, you know, to really get over the thing with Carla—”
“It’s not about fucking Carla,” I interrupt him, struggling to keep my voice down. “Sorry, Cap. I know you mean well. I just need a bit more time, a few more days.”
I pace around the bedroom, unable to stay in the bathroom where I had turned on the shower so that Ruby doesn’t hear me.
“We have so much good evidence, we shouldn’t start rushing this shit now,” I try to reason with him.
He sighs, sighs some more, and tells me I’m the reason for him going gray before he promises me to try his best to keep Sanders on a leash.
I throw my phone onto the bed, sitting down next to it while I bury my face in my hands.
This is exactly the reason I shouldn’t get emotionally involved.
I try to pinpoint the precise moment all of this went downhill. Was it at the country club? Was it when I dragged her home when she went out partying? Or was it because I gave in and fucked her?
The more I think about it, the more I realize it wasn’t one thing, but more of a culmination of irrational decisions that led to the downfall of my integrity.
I need a drink. To stop my running thoughts, and to stop feeling so goddamn much.
When I walk out of the door and run into Ruby, all color drains from my face. She glares at me, her death stare almost hiding the tears in her eyes.
“Please, let me explain.”
I don’t even know what I would like to explain, or where I should start to explain shit, but this seemed like the best possible approach.
“No,” she says, shaking her head. “Just leave. Get the fuck out of here and have fun with Carla or Cleo or whatever her fucking name is.”
My brows furrow in confusion before I realize she must have heard that part of the conversation. I open my mouth to say something, but before I can get a single word out, she turns around, ready to storm off.
I can’t let her go like this.
My reasons behind that are selfish, but in all honesty, self-hatred is a feeling that I’ve grown accustomed to over the last decade.
What I plan on doing is dumb. More than dumb. It’s reckless. It goes against my principles of not mixing personal and professional matters, but that train left the station the second I set foot in this house.
Ruby deserves the truth. Not to mention I also don’t want to live with this lie any longer. Whatever affair, friendship, or God knows what it is between us, I’m in too deep to come out unscathed.
And now that she knows, well, I don’t know how much she really knows, but even a little is too much, there’s no reason to keep secrets from her any longer. Or maybe there are still reasons, but I’m tired of pretending.
“Just listen to me for five minutes, please,” I say the words like I’m not holding her arm, forcing her to listen to what I have to say. But I wouldn’t put it past her to yell over me.
“Two minutes.”
Ruby could be in a life-or-death situation and she would still need to have the last word. As if it physically hurts her to keep her mouth shut.
“I wasn’t completely honest with you.” I speak up, only for her to interrupt me.
“Yeah, I figured that out already, idiot.”
“Jesus, Ruby, can you please shut the fuck up for a second?” I say while she rolls her eyes at me. It doesn’t hide the tears in her eyes though, and I wish I knew why that bothers me so much. “Your father is doing business with some shady people.”
She looks at me as if I just tried to explain that water is wet.
“It took you almost a month to figure that out?”
“Do I have to gag you to keep you from interrupting me? And what do you mean—” I gulp as a sickening feeling spreads in my stomach.
She knows way more than I thought, and this isn’t making the situation any better.
Maybe she already told her father about me snooping around a long time ago, and it’s just a matter of time until my stay here ends in a bloodbath.
Well, at least the marble floors should be easy to clean.
“International drug trade, smuggling weapons, human trafficking…,” she says as if she’s listing a drive-through order. “Did I forget anything? Or did he branch out again?”
For a second, I’m so dumbfounded that she almost yanks her arm out of my grip. And here I thought I couldn’t be any more pissed at Charlie and his memo that is good for nothing but wiping my fucking ass with it.
“Kind of,” I say. “My higher-ups draw the intervention line at radioactive material.”
“Makes sense,” she replies. “That’s concerning, even for him.”
“I’m here to gather intel about him, about his plans and his contacts. Other units have been monitoring him for a while, but it escalated, so they sent me. To arrest him as soon as I have enough evidence, or to—well.”
“To kill him?” She asks. Her tone of voice is way too calm given what I just told her, and it makes me wonder if she is the brain behind his organization.
I question my sanity and my morals for the one neuron in my brain that would find this kind of hot.
“You’re not shocked or anything? I mean, he’s your father.”
“And? It was only a question of time until he took it too far,” she replies, still trying to wriggle free.
“But then why are you so angry? Is it because of Carla? Because—”
“No, it’s not about fucking Carla. Okay, maybe a bit, but fuck it. I’m angry because you lied to me, Samuel. You spent the last few weeks with me, were by my side nearly 24/7. You dared to snoop around here, planning to, I don’t know, execute my father right here in the living room?”
She gestures wildly with her free hand and I contemplate grabbing this one too, just in case she stops gesturing and starts slapping. Not that I wouldn’t deserve it.
“You did your fucking research right in front of my face, and not once did you think about telling me the truth?”
“Well, I—”
“Shut up, I’m not done. Maybe, just maybe, if you’d have opened your stupid mouth and asked me to help you, it wouldn’t have taken you so long to gather a few sad pieces of evidence.”
She glares over at the documents that are scattered on my desk, finally taking a breath. My head is spinning. I don’t know which point to address first, but not saying anything also isn’t an option.
“Technically, I had enough evidence after not even two weeks. And after we met the guy at the country club, I had enough to keep our task force busy for a year.”
“Then why did you stay after that? Just because you wanted your dick sucked again?” she snarls, too agitated to get the hint.
Wonderful. Now I have to spell it out for her.
“Because I fucking like you, you idiot. Is this what you want to hear from me? That I probably ruined my mission, maybe my whole fucking career, just because I couldn’t bring myself to leave you?”
“Oh.”
“Oh,” I repeat mockingly. This woman is ruining me.
“And what did you mean when you said I should have asked you to help me?”
“It’s not that hard to understand,” she says. “I have a bachelor”s degree in business administration. Since I was around sixteen, I worked for my father’s organization. Mostly office stuff, back when he made his money with drugs. You would be surprised how much fucking paperwork that is, almost like a real company. Just less legal, I suppose.”
She shrugs her shoulders, looking at the floor for a moment before she continues to speak.
“But then I found out that he dabbled in other areas. After I witnessed some of this shit firsthand, I was out. Drugs are one thing, and fuck, I enjoy being rich, okay? But everyone has a line they do not cross. And mine is at human trafficking.”
She breathes in deeply, biting down on her lip nervously.
“That was a year ago. I refused to work for him any longer and we had a huge fight. Probably because he was afraid that I’d bust his organization, narcing him out to the authorities. As if he doesn’t bribe every goddamn police officer and politician in this town.”
A drop of blood forms on her lower lip and she flinches as I try to wipe it away.
“I thought about it. About going straight to the DEA, but you don’t bite the hand that feeds you. And word gets around until it reaches more people who wouldn’t be happy that I started talking. With enough money, you can buy everyone and I know too much. So I tried to run away, without involving anyone else, but he has eyes everywhere. The moment I tried to board my flight, one of his men dragged me back here. That’s why I’m not allowed to leave the house, in case you were wondering.”
I’m still holding her arm, but it’s no longer to keep her from running off.
“Maybe he keeps me as some kind of pawn, or maybe he just doesn’t have the balls to kill me. I have no fucking clue. But to come back to my initial point; I know his organization from the inside out. Probably know more about it than he does, because I don’t know if you figured that out during your meticulous research—” She looks up to me, her eyebrows raised. “He’s fucking careless. Someone could sell him colored dirt and he’d think it’s uranium, so maybe you and your boss don’t need to worry at all.”
She slides her hand out of my grip, picking at the sparkly things on her nails.
“Most of the time he just parades around while half of his men steal from him behind his back. Too narcissistic to notice, and I bet it went even more downhill, now that I don’t have an eye on it anymore.”
I want to take her hand again, but she pulls it away immediately.
“So, what kind of evidence do you need? I know you said you have enough, but there must be something you still need because I sincerely doubt that you stayed just because of me.”
“I suspect he’s just the middleman,” I admit. “We want the one above him.”
It’s not even the entire truth, because I have enough intel to leave without them having to send someone else here, but it’s the only way to stay with her for longer, even if it’s just for a few days.
“Fine.” That’s all she says as she turns around and walks back to her room without looking at me.
Throughout all of my life, and especially since I joined the military, I did a lot of things I’m not proud of. Things that haunt me when it gets too quiet, but this charade here definitely deserves its place in the top three.
I don’t go after her. There’s no point in doing it. Nothing I could say could change what I did, and I have a feeling that any more talking would just hurt her even more.
I fucked up, big time, just because I was careless and thought with my dick instead of my brain. All I can do now is damage control. No matter what I’ll do, someone will suffer for this. Ruby’s father, logically, that was non-negotiable from the start.
But also Ruby.
I feel like I dragged her into all of this, which isn’t even true, because she worked with him, even though she knew it was the wrong thing to do. But it’s not like she had that big of a say in that matter.
Like a bird in a golden cage with no way out and now I flicked a burning match right in there to punish her for trying to find her place in a life she didn’t choose for herself.