36. Samuel
Ireally thought going back to base would help. I had ambitions, plans, resolutions. The guys thought it was bad after Carla, but oh boy, was it even worse now.
For almost two weeks, I waited for Ruby to contact me. A call, a text, anything that would justify going back to her. But she went no contact, and I would have been worried about her if Logan and Max hadn’t heard from her nearly every day.
It was torture in a way, knowing that she talked to them but somehow didn’t want to talk to me.
I missed her so much it hurt. Missed the way her nose scrunched when I told her off, or the way she looked when she woke up. Hell, I even missed the way her goddamn cold feet felt against my body when she used me to warm them up. I missed the way she laughed, the way she cuddled against me, the pretty sounds she made when I kissed her.
After Carla, I was in the hospital for weeks, pumped full with drugs that kept me from lashing out to everyone near me but after everything that happened with Ruby, I was fucking on edge, and not even the booze was helping with keeping it under control.
Yesterday, we were on a mission; simple recon, but they left one idiot behind and that very idiot hid in a corner and attacked Max with an iron bar.
He barely touched Max, who quickly disarmed him, but something inside of me snapped. In the end, Logan had to pull me off of the guy and that means something.
Later that day, they dragged me to Rockwell”s office. I thought I would get reprimanded for overreacting, but instead, I got an intervention.
“You and Ruby are fucking dumb. Morons of the worst kind. How are you two able to exist? Emotionally stunted, I swear to God,” Logan had opened the meeting, shaking his head while he poured a few glasses of whiskey. “I’m Samuel Ryves, I’m so big and bad and grumpy and I don’t have feelings,” he had said mockingly while I shot him a glare.
“Logan, that’s not what we agreed on,” Rockwell had chimed in with a sigh.
“But it’s true.”
“What Logan is trying to say is that we like you, Sam. And we like Ruby. And because we like you both, we don’t want you to be miserable.”
“I’m fine. She’s fine too. At least it seems like it in your fucking group chat.”
“She’s a shitty liar, just like you,” Logan had said. “And we can all see how fucking fine you are, Sam. Do you know how long it took Charlie to clean your stuff today? Tell him, Hunter.”
“I’d prefer not to get involved in this,” Charlie had said quietly, hidden away in the back on Rockwell”s couch.
Ironically, I started to appreciate his presence, mainly because he’s too afraid of me to question anything I say or do.
I still let those idiots lecture, or rather mock me, for hours. Because they were right. And after enough glasses of Macallan, the idea of booking a flight had sounded more than good.
It stopped sounding good after I sobered up, but at that point, I was already sitting on the plane.
After the landing, I had enough of my conscience back to realize that it would be a good idea to tell Ruby that I was coming over. But my phone was dead and because I didn’t bring anything but myself on this trip, I couldn’t charge it. Not having my phone available also meant no way to call Dominic, so I had to rent out a car.
Driving for twenty minutes was enough for me to accept that I needed something to help me focus if I wanted to make it to her house in one piece, so I took the first exit and drove to a gas station.
While looking for the energy drink with the highest amount of caffeine, I remembered how Rockwell told me not to come empty-handed.
I’ve never bought flowers for anyone, apart from my mom and my grandma. A part of me still didn’t understand why I was supposed to be kind of coming crawling back to her, but the guys had said something about someone needing to make the first step.
It’s not like they have an outstanding track record with relationships. Rockwell is essentially married to the task force and Logan and Max, well, they are Logan and Max.
I still decided not to question them, mainly because the bouquets were really pretty, especially for gas station flowers. They even had some red ones, which I thought was kind of fitting for Ruby.
It was already dark outside when I arrived at her house. There was a car in the driveway, which, judging by its state, didn’t belong to Ruby or to her father’s collection.
My stomach dropped at the sight and I thought about driving straight back to the airport, but then jealousy spread through my whole body. If she had already replaced me with someone else, I’d have a stern talk with him, maybe break his arms, and then I’d drive back to the airport.
“Who are you?”I snarl as a guy I don’t recognize opens the door. He’s skinny, shorter than me, and looks at me as if he just saw a ghost. I guess the flowers don’t make me look friendly.
He gulps and tries to close the door again, but I slam my hand against it, forcing it open while I glare down at him.
“Really?” I say, cornering him between me and the wall. It smells weird in the house, like fresh paint and panic, but I’m pretty sure the latter one comes from whatever his name is.
“Ruby, there’s someone at the door for you,” he yelps before he grabs his car keys and makes a beeline for his car. He leaves the driveway with screeching tires and I slam the door shut, stomping towards the living room.
“What the fuck, Jonah? This isn’t funny, get your ass back here.”
“Jonah, huh?”
Ruby is in the kitchen, the glass that must have been in her hand a moment ago breaking as it hits the sink.
“What?” she mutters, staring at me. “How? Why?”
“I don’t think your new boyfriend is going to come back,” I say dryly, still too pissed to be happy about seeing her again.
“My what? Jonah?”
“I don’t care about his name, Ruby.”
“That’s not my boyfriend. That’s my friend that you just scared shitless, asshole.”
The anger leaves my body, replaced by regret. Well, that wasn’t the best start to the conversation.
“And why do you have flowers?”
“For you,” I say, holding them out to her.
She sighs as she comes closer, whispering, “Thank you,” with flushed cheeks as she takes them before walking back to the kitchen.
She struggles to reach the vase on the top shelf, and I walk closer to help her. Some things never change.
“I should apologize to—what was his name again?”
“Jonah.” She looks up, still a trace of anger on her pretty face. There’s soft pink paint on her arm, some in her hair, and after I take a look around the house, I understand why it smells like paint.
The poor guy helped her renovate, in a horribly chaotic way, but nevertheless, and I just got him to the brink of a heart attack.
“Why did you come back?” she asks, trying to appear busy while she arranges the flowers in the vase.
“Forgot my charger when I left,” I say and she nudges my arm. “I came back for you, dipshit.”
She sighs as she comes closer and lets her head fall against my chest while I put my hands on her waist.
“And you’re sure he’s not your boyfriend? He won’t be mad at me when I do this?” I lift her up and sit her down on the kitchen counter.
Her soft skin feels so good under my fingertips, even better now that I can really touch her instead of imagining it like I did every single night for the past few weeks.
“Can’t say that for sure. He’s really protective, you know?”
She laughs, her lips brushing against mine.
“He doesn’t need to protect you. I’m here now,” I whisper before I kiss her.
“Unless you leave again,” she says quietly as she pulls away.
Okay, we really need to talk this out.
“I had to. And you are aware that you told me you didn’t love me, which kind of gave me the impression that it was okay to leave?”
“Yeah,” she says. “I really thought it was for the better. I like you. Fuck, I love you, Sam. But there was so much going on and after you told me about the situation with your ex—”
I put my hand over her mouth because I told her she’s not allowed to mention this. She rolls her eyes and shoves my hand away.
“Look, I just thought it would be better to get my shit together. It didn’t seem right to dive head-first into whatever it was. I was sure that you’d realize that this isn’t what you want, or that I would realize it isn’t what I want. Didn’t happen though, in case you were wondering. But throughout my whole life, I never really made decisions for myself. I was never alone, like, really alone.”
I nod, trying to pluck a dried-up piece of paint out of her hair. It doesn’t work, and she flinches as I pull a bit too harshly. Guess she’ll have to stay this way. It doesn’t matter, because she’s still the most beautiful woman on the planet.
“I was in a bad mental state after you left, I won’t lie. It took me not even a few hours to accept that I made a big mistake.”
“Why didn’t you call? Or text? Anything.”
“As I said, I didn’t want to force you into a situation you didn’t want to be in. Again.”
She is right. Fuck, she really was the bigger person. I was hurt, just like her, but she had to deal with so much shit after we left, all alone, while I had my chaotic support system.
“Was everything alright with the documents? Or did you have any troubles?”
“Everything all right, got it all sorted out.”
“Any issues with his business?”
“No, and stop distracting,” she says, switching the topic.
That’s going to be a wonderful discussion. One for another day. Good for her that I’d gladly spend the rest of my life listening to her arguing me into the ground.
She yelps as I pick her up, walking out onto the patio. I still don’t feel comfortable smoking inside, not even when the house smells like a hardware store.
May had been hot, but now even the nights are so warm that it’s a good idea to sit out there by the pool.
She snuggles against me as we sit down on the lounger, chuckling as she sees the bracelet around my wrist. It’s the exact chuckle I expected to hear from her, and my heart feels like it’s ready to burst.
“I googled it, by the way.”
“What?”
“Ivan Pavlov. You conditioned me into loving you, dipshit.”
“Do you want a treat for learning his name?” she says with a laugh. “And did you just say that you love me?”
“Don’t make me take it back,” I whisper against her lips. “But yes, I love you. And not just because you rewired my brain to feel this way.”
“I love you too,” she says, kissing me softly. “Good thing that you came back now, because otherwise you wouldn’t get to have a say in the remodeling process of our house.”
“Our house?”
“Yeah, our house. Unless you don’t want to move in.”
She laughs, leaning back so that she can look at me while we talk.
“And you’re okay with me not being around all the time?”
“I’m okay with it, as long as you’re okay with me pulling up with a fucking tank if someone does as much as harm a hair on your head.”
I know that she’s serious, and I love her for it. Rockwell was right when he told me we could make it work.
If any woman on this earth would be open to putting up with the box of damaged goods that’s labeled Samuel Ryves, it’s Ruby. Not that she is the poster child of emotional regulation, but maybe two halves can make a whole.
“Max promised me I could drive one when I come to visit you guys at base. And you should be nicer to Charlie. He really looks up to you.”
“You wanted to come visit them?”
“Kind of. They invited me. Charlie said something about civs not being allowed on base, but they threatened to remove him from the group chat if he snitched on us.”
I shake my head with a laugh, pulling her closer.
“I think they plotted something to get us to talk. I probably would have showed up on your doorstep in a week or two if you wouldn’t be here now,” she says, nuzzling against my neck.
“Guess we should thank them,” I murmur, pressing my hips up against her because she, not very subtly, started grinding over my lap.
She moans softly, her hot breath fanning over my skin and every needy sound that leaves her goes straight to my cock.
“But there’s something else I want to do first,” I growl as I pull her shirt off.