35. Chapter Thirty-Five #2
He pulls me up, so his back is against the headboard, and my legs go around him. His thumb wipes away my tears. “Are you alright? Was it too much? Did I hurt you?”
I shake my head to answer all three questions at once and kiss him again with a desperation I’ve never felt before.
The loss that will be him will break me into a person I’m not sure I want to know.
I sob against him, and he holds me tight, still inside me.
I don’t dare move away from him because then the most beautifully perfect moment of my life will pass.
And though I don’t say it, my heart knows I love the king.
I love him far more than I ever realized a person could love someone, and if I die before the week is over, I am grateful for the moments he became mine.
I wake up in the king’s bed with our legs entangled and the blissful feeling of my bare skin touching his.
He sleeps peacefully, not punished by the castle this morning.
When I arrived at his castle, I hated him so much that being in the same room with him brought misery, but now I want nothing more than to stare at his face as he sleeps.
“Now who is watching who sleep?” He opens one eye and smiles, kissing me. “You are the best thing I could wake up to. Happiness in my bed for me to indulge in.”
I laugh as he tickles me, and I almost forget what the day will bring. “Zyon.”
He kisses my ring and plays with my fingers. “I like you as mine.”
“We need to...”
He jumps out of bed and puts on his pants. “Where are those servants?”
“Probably scared far away by the noises we were making.”
He smirks, way too proud of himself. “You did scream so loudly for an ungodly amount of time.”
“My body couldn’t make sense of what was happening to it. No complaints, though.”
He rushes from the room, and I go into his closet to steal one of his shirts.
The shower water is warm, and I stay under it for a while before washing myself.
I spend extra time on my hair and repeat everything a second time to enjoy how wonderful it feels to be clean.
I ache between my legs in the best way, and my tears start again as I grieve not feeling him there ever again.
The temptation to forget the mountain and fall into a splendid life with him is shamefully strong. How can I ponder it for a moment with my family depending on me to break the curse? Everything is always so heavy on my shoulders.
Neera must always hold the family together.
She must keep her family from starving and her little brother from dying.
The entire kingdom depends on her. The list of people and things who need me to not fail is crushing me so greatly that I can’t breathe.
I slide down the shower wall and weep into my knees.
The wails stay trapped in case Zyon has returned.
It’s a moment I need to collect myself alone.
My courage needs to build without his concern softening it.
I fall onto my side and curl as tightly as I can into a ball.
The hot water pours over me and spirals toward the drain with my tears.
I fear so greatly I’m not strong enough to do what needs to be done.
Eight months I’ve spent in the castle, living with Zyon and training for the greatest thing I must do.
I sit up directly under the spout and stare at nothing.
Dread coils itself in my stomach and releases as waves of discomfort that sometimes sharpen into pain.
The water turns ice cold as I turn the knob all the way to the right.
It takes a few minutes, but it eases the sharpness in my chest, so I’m able to dry myself off and put on Zyon’s shirt that appears to drown my body over the white pants I’d left in a drawer.
I braid my red hair and tie the end with a blue ribbon I retrieve from the drawer next to the pants. A cool rag helps the puffiness in my eyes, and I exit the bathroom, expecting to see Zyon, but it’s Lazzus sitting in a chair waiting for me.
He rises when he notices me. “It’s almost time.”
“I know.” I chew on my lip and blink back the tears that want to start again.
“What is it?”
“No one has ever survived the trip up the mountain.”
“Some have survived up, but no one makes it all the way down.”
“How can I expect to make it?”
“Because Zyon took my advice on training you. It shows how much he cares about you. He’s never put effort into anyone but himself.”
I climb back onto the bed and stick a pillow across me. “It’s you I have to thank for his relentlessness.”
“He was that all on his own. A few months back, he worried about you and approached me on how he could make sure you were the first to survive. That and the many potions you made will help.”
“How do I get the key, Lazzus? It’s the one thing I need to leave.”
“Zyon has to give it to you willingly, but he can only touch it if he truly loves you. He has to love you and let you go. It’s the most difficult thing to do both at the same time.”
“Does he know this?”
“Yes, it’s not something he can force for the sake of it. At first, he wanted nothing to do with it because he cared nothing for you. Now he wants nothing to do with it for the opposite reason. He can’t settle the two sides at the same time.”
“What do you mean?”
Lazzus moves back to the chair and sits down. “When you first came to the castle, he wanted nothing more than to let you go but didn’t love you. Across all the months you spent with him, the problem now is letting you go.”
I put the pillow beside me and get under the blankets to fight the chill that arrives out of nowhere. “You can’t mean he loves me?”
“If Zyon did not love you, he’d not be denying spring.”
“Maybe he realizes I need the key, so he has to keep me longer until he can maybe conjure enough feelings to send me on my way.”
“You will jump far over the truth to keep your denial alive,” he says.
“You owe me the ending to your story, so I can guess. Not that I’m sure where you can go with the happily ever after you got last time.”
He lowers his head slightly. “If only that was where it ended, and Evelia and I went on to live long, happy lives.”
“That’s right. The curse. Part of me is scared to hear the end, but I need to guess.”
“I told you the end will not be easy to tell, but it is something I will finish. Just not yet.”
“You also told me I had to figure your regret out before the top of the mountain, or nothing would matter.”
“I may have exaggerated that a little for emphasis. The king is coming, so it’ll have to wait.” He disappears, leaving me with even more curiosity about the puzzle he insists I can solve.