Chapter Nineteen #2
“I don’t know. Maybe she read Tadgh’s mind and knew how he felt about me. I believe from things he said to me at our camp when he visited before we left that he thinks he has feelings for me.” I gave him a frantic glance. “Feelings that are not returned.”
“Yes, he admitted as much to me too.”
“He did?”
“Yes, but I worry, though, because you have the scent of the infernal around you. You’ve had it from the time we first met.
It’s very faint, but it’s definitely there.
Somehow the portal deposited you in hell when you ran from me, and I’ve never seen that before.
I’ve rarely even seen a demon before now, but in the span of a few weeks, I’ve seen a horde of ogres and a nixie that killed three of my soldiers.
And that’s not even counting the demon we saw in Hell.
All of them of infernal origin. Are you somehow attracting this evil?
Tell me what you are. I only want to understand, so I can try to help you. ”
I sighed and tried to pull away from him, but he sat down beside me on the bed and took my hand in his. “No, don’t do that. Sit beside me and I promise you I’ll listen and try not to say anything until you finish. Please.”
I sighed and told him the story my grandmother told to me.
I told him what I knew about the man my grandmother said was the only one she had ever slept with.
How this being came to her when she was a girl and told her he was a fallen one, cast out of heaven.
He called himself a “watcher,” named Zaguel, and said that he was no longer able to be in the presence of God.
She said he had pale hair like mine and eyes of the same color.
I don’t think he could possibly have been a mortal being, because she told me it was his beauty I had inherited and not only the Faery king’s.
He came back to see her twice more in the middle of the night.
She told me that she had finally told her mother about his visits and her poor mother was terrified.
My grandmother said she begged to be taken to a priest.
“The priest had gotten excited and frightened, too, by the story my grandmother told, and he gave her a blessed rosary and told her to wear it around her neck. He taught her the prayer to say that went with it. He said that if he came to her again, she should say a Hail Mary and keep saying it over and over until he left, because sometimes holy objects don’t bother certain demons overly much, but that saying that prayer with her beads might work.
That’s what she did, and the demon was angry at her, but he left and never came again.
By then, though, she knew she was already pregnant with my mother. ”
“Did she ever take you to talk to this Chris-ti-an priest?”
“No, that priest had gone by the time I came along. But after he gave my mother those instructions the so-called ‘watcher’ came only once again and then never came back. I don’t know anymore.
I’m not religious and never have been. My mother tried to be, but I think it only made her madness worse.
My grandmother told me, after my mother tried to kill me by the river, that she had spoken to a priest about it.
He said he thought my blood was diluted enough that I’d be all right.
That I wasn’t a ‘corrupt vessel’ for the infernal, so it wouldn’t change me or make me evil, though I’d always need to be on guard against it.
He taught my grandmother words to use if he ever did come back and she taught them to me.
Those were the ones I tried to use with the nixie by the river. ”
“Yes, I remember. You did well, a chuisle.”
“The priest told my grandmother that I wasn’t in real danger from the infernal beings, because they can’t make me evil though they will always try to corrupt me. To trick me into doing wrong.”
I hoped with all my heart that he trusted me, believed in me after what we’d been through together. “You have to believe me, Fionn. I’d never willingly do anything to hurt anyone. Not ever.”
“I do believe you, Braden. But what if the priest was wrong?” He squeezed my hand even tighter.
“I believe from what you told me about this demon that tried to trick your grandmother; he tried to get her to believe he was a fallen angel or a watcher. I think what he may have been was a type of demon called an incubus. These demons can appear as handsome men rather than some frightening, hellish creature, and they lie and try to form a bond with a woman to have sex with her. But if she continues too long to consort with the demon, it could kill her or cause her terrible harm. If the woman bears a child from their union, as you say your grandmother did, that child can become mentally unwell, like your mother was. They often claim to be magicians or enchanters. Some say the magician Merlin was fathered by an incubus.”
“My mother called herself an enchantress.”
“Then she may well have had Infernal Magic. It’s dangerous to use that kind of magic, because it tries to corrupt you.”
“But if I don’t try to use magic at all, then I shouldn’t get corrupted.”
“That’s only a theory.”
“What if the priest was making it up out of ignorance or what if he was wrong? What if he wasn’t? I have the power to choose. I feel that I do. With your help. But I need you to trust me.” I leaned closer to him and put a hand on his chest. “Please try.”
****
Fionn
I was speechless, looking down into that beautiful face. I wanted to tell him I would, but I didn’t want to downplay any of this. I felt like we were at a stalemate, but as I struggled to come up with an answer that wouldn’t hurt him, he pushed up as close to me as he could.
“Make love to me now, Fionn. Please,” Braden said, kissing my throat.
I had thought about what it would be like to fall in love before, though I didn’t consider myself romantic or the kind of person to sit around daydreaming or even contemplating such things.
I figured it would probably happen someday, but somewhere a long time in the future.
Of course, I’d wondered who this future lover might turn out to be from time to time, but never would I have imagined even considering someone like this beautiful halfling boy here in my bed.