Chapter 38
The delicious scent of melted butter and sugar mixed into rich cocoa wafted beneath my nostrils.
My eyes snapped open as I sniffed around for the source.
I looked around for the door of my bedchamber.
I fully expected to see Manmi and Evanae float in with a bowl bigger than my head full of my favorite cookies.
But when I looked out, I was disappointed.
I wasn’t back home. Manmi and Evanae weren’t here.
I sighed and dropped back into my pillows.
Blessed lights! When had my pillows gotten so hard?
I grumbled, shifting to sit up, stretching out my limbs. I arched my back, popping my spine, elongating for an even deeper stretch. While still arched, I opened my eyes.
And found Quazar grinning down at me like a fiend.
“Good dawn, Starling.”
I gasped, and jerked, slamming into the bedcloud while unwinding my limbs. Blushing, I rolled over, looking up at Quazar. His eyes churned with mischief.
“So she does have a sweet tooth. Good to see our starry princess is finally awake,” he said down the bond. “If I’d known smelling a bowl of sugar was all it took to wake you up, I’d have you drowning in my scent weeks ago.”
“You’re insufferable, Valoryen.”
Quazar smirked. His eyes glowed like jewels.
Heat pooled in my belly. I stared at his full lips.
I wanted to taste them. To tease them between my teeth as I drowned in his scent.
Black ink, in beautiful script, curled around his neck, pulsing with every breath he took. The sight of it made my stomach clench.
“Careful, Starling. I warned you once. Start nothing you won’t finish.”
“Cause you won’t be robbed of your fun, right?” I finished for him, eyes still glued to those full lips just begging to be devoured. “Quazar, what are you doing in my bed?”
I trailed the inscriptions down his neck to his bare torso, revealed through the open neckline of his loose tunic. For once he wasn’t in that rotting suit. Thank the stars. My fingers itched to touch his chest. To feel those hardened muscles beneath the planes of my palms.
“Being on my best behavior. This is a new record for me.”
“What in the stars is that supposed to mean?”
“It means I’m keeping my hands, and my mouth, to myself.”
Quazar leaned forward. He gently readjusted the strap of my twigown. I looked down. It was thin, short, and sensually revealing, hugging me in all the right places.
I froze. Who had put me in this?
I lifted my eyes to him.
“Unfortunately, I am not responsible. But I’ve already given Ellabeth my thanks for her lovely taste.”
I swatted at his chest, then crossed my arms. I rolled my eyes but couldn’t help the smile filling my face.
“How long have you been here?”
“Every dawn since Dung Eater Kaelthos turned your body into a butcher shop.”
My eyes widened. All the memories came flooding back at once. The lack of Presbitari and Farasee presence. Our lesson on The Principles of Righteous Judgment. The Scourgers. The accusation against the Marked.
“Stars! The Marked!”
Quazar looked at me for a fleeting moment.
He was sitting cross-legged, observing me.
Then he leaned forward, gripped my thighs and pulled me to him, resting my knees between his legs.
He wrapped a pair of his obsidian wings around my waist. The emerald tips brushed my hips.
Quazar brushed my hair away from my eyes.
“They’re safe and alive.” His throat bobbed. “Thanks to you.”
My shoulders sagged with relief. Thank the burning stars. I snorted, looking down at our tangled legs.
“Obedience or sacrifice. What a twisted…”
My words trailed off. Kaelthos’s lesson burned into my mind. I reached a hand to my neck, remembering the beating. The torture. The humiliation. The breaking.
I was covered in scars now. A lifelong reminder of what it truly cost to be a Disciple in this Hèls-infested temple.
“Manmi never said it would be like this.”
I rubbed the scars. If my neck was like this, what was my back like? And why had Zara left me like this? Her mending could remove any scar.
“I assume she was given strict orders not to say a word.”
I lifted my eyes to meet his. They were soft. Gentle. This was a side to him I didn’t see often. Not around the others. It was a side he kept hidden from everyone except for me.
“How long have I been recovering, Quazar?”
“Six weeks.”
“SIX?”
“Six. It would’ve been shorter, but thanks to Kaelthos you weren’t allowed treatment from a Raephim. Zara tried to sneak in twice and mend you. She was caught each time and removed from the wingtower until you mended on your own.”
“Golden-eyed monster,” I whispered down our bond.
I knew the Zamariens hated us Anathelles.
I didn’t realize how deep that hatred ran.
“I can’t believe he’s a Farasee.”
I stopped short. That was rich coming from me. Because what the Zamariens had done to me, the Anathelles had done to the Marked.
And worse.
For Ages.
I bit my lip. It was time I took responsibility for my actions. The actions of my Matriarchs.
“Quazar, I owe you an apology. It’s not enough, but I will give it nonetheless.”
He stilled, his eyes burning like a bright green flame. I looked him head on, swallowed my pride, and confessed.
“You never hurt my Manmi. You weren’t anywhere near her.
Near the Seal Gate. You were probably still at Azarath at the time.
The empyrean likes to blame you. The Marked.
You’re the scapegoats of the islands. We automatically blamed you.
Blamed your angels. We called you Fallen.
We said you were cursed. I was raised to hate you. I was wrong.”
I paused, swallowing my nerves. Holding his shimmering gaze, I pressed on.
“I’m sorry. For misjudging you. For believing a lie.
For acting on that lie. I won’t ever know how many Marked have died because of Manmi.
How much blood has been shed because of Granmanmi.
I’m profoundly sorry for the absolute Hèls my family has put you through.
The Anathelles are why you suffer. I don’t know how to fix it.
And I’m so ashamed. But most of all, I am so rotting sorry. For all of it.”
I bowed my head in shame, wrapping my arms around myself.
I thought of the angels who died because of me.
The angels who lost their lives annually due to Manmi’s cruel idea for a graduation exam.
It was nothing more than a culling to decrease their numbers.
Then there was Granmanmi’s public humiliation of Quazar.
How long had all of this gone on? Why hadn’t I seen the truth before? And why had Papi not said anything?
I brushed my hands along my scars. This was all so wrong. I hadn’t signed up for this. Trained my whole life for this.
Where was the Infinite? Where was His judgment? Surely our sins in this temple would catch up to us. And if the temple was like this, what was really going on across the empyrean?
“I forgive you, Starling.”
I snapped my head up, my eyes instantly welling with tears.
“It doesn’t make any of what happened okay, but I no longer blame you for the sins of your Manmis. At the end of the dawn, it’s not you. It’s the system that made you. Made me. Let’s be honest, I’m no Saint either.”
I looked at him. Quazar brushed a strand of hair behind my ear, then brought his hand to my chin, keeping our gazes level.
“You’ve been here every dawn, haven’t you?”
“Every last one. Ellabeth, too. She washes you up. Makes sure your hair isn’t a tangled mess.
Which is hèllishly annoying. If you only knew what your hair—coily, unbrushed, loose, and free—does to me.
But I stayed, each dawn and twinight. I made you a promise, Starling. Even in death, I won’t break it.”
My throat bobbed at the raw honesty. At the truth hanging on every word. We were supposed to be enemies. Supposed to hate and kill each other.
And now, we weren’t just friends. That was too vague a term for this unspoken thing between us. Quazar turned to the small table by my bedcloud, leaned over, and grabbed a glass bowl.
“Word got out about what Kaelthos did to you. Your brother, Ezekiel, came to visit but you weren’t awake yet. After raging against the Order, your family got permission to send you some love items from home. Your little sister, Evanae, sent several bowls of these.”
I took the bowl from him. So I hadn’t been losing my mind. I did smell my favorite cookies. I sniffed the bowl, fighting fresh tears.
“These have to be her Toffeedoodle cookies! It has toffee pieces, cookie dough chunks, is filled with caramel, and is soaked in rich condensed milk, finished off with salt and cinnamon sprinkled on top.”
Snatching the lid off, I breathed in the scent of Pasaille. I squealed, leaning back as I kicked my feet while beaming at the full bowl. Baking this much would have taken Evanae dawns to make. What I wouldn’t give to hold her now and squeeze her tight.
“My sweet, sweet, Vava. I miss you so much,” I whispered, staring at the cookies. “Thank you, my heart.”
I bit into one of the chunky cookies, relishing in all the sweet, salty, and gooey flavor. I rolled my eyes in pleasure, tipping back and falling to the sheets as I savored each bite.
“Mmm,” I moaned. I was definitely gorging on these the rest of the dawn. I sat back up and found Quazar watching me. His eyes were ravenous with hunger, darkening to a shade that made my chest tight. My stomach clenched as he leaned in.
“If it’s that good, I want a taste,” he whispered, watching me from beneath his long, dark lashes.
I tried breathing around the thick knot in my throat. He leaned down, gripping my thighs. I fed him the cookie I’d just bitten from. He placed his mouth around my fingers, tugging on the cookie, then sucking on my fingertips, licking both. I hissed with pleasure. With need.
Stars. I wanted him.
When he swallowed, he didn’t pull away.
“That was rotting delicious.” Quazar’s eyes burned. “The cookie wasn’t too bad either.”
Rot. I let out a short gasp, arching into him.
His eyes fell to my mouth.
Mine rose to his.
Then he slowly leaned down, working to close the gap between our lips.