Chapter 61
Istared out at the Ouanaviel Sea, lost in my grief. Quazar lowered me to my feet. He bent down, unlacing my sandals before taking them off, casting them to the side. The sand warmed my feet and settled between my toes. Quazar removed his own boots, then his socks, standing next to me barefoot.
I stood with him watching the rolling waves of the sea. It wasn’t long before the rest of our friends joined us, also kicking off their shoes. Someone came to stand at my right, holding onto my arm. I turned, thinking it was Ellabeth.
It was Ivyana.
Her emerald eyes were bright jewels, just like Quazar’s. Hers even had the slightest slant to them, just like his.
“What I am to Kazi, she was to you,” she whispered, squeezing my arm. “I’m so sorry, Safah.”
Out of all the things that could uplift my spirit, even in the slightest, somehow this was it. I looked at Ivyana and cracked the smallest smile.
“Kazi?” I whispered.
She nodded her head vigorously. She was vibrant just like my Evanae. The two would have been good friends if they had met.
“I couldn’t say Quazar as a youngling. Only Kazi. It stuck ever since.”
I turned my head, looking up at Quazar. His eyes were still on the ocean waves.
“No.”
I snorted, pressing my lips together.
“Besides, I like when you call me Princeling. Love. Oh, and I’m looking forward to what you’ll call me when I throw your legs around my neck and feast.”
I coughed, choking on nothing but air.
“Safah, are you okay?” Ivyana asked, gently patting my back.
“Yes. Caught a whiff of sand.”
My throat burned with my response. My eyes were beginning to swell shut from crying. I tried to ground myself in reality.
Now that a bit of time had passed, I could feel myself re-entering my body again.
I had no Spirit Sphere. And even if I summoned one, I had no access to a Spirit Filing chamber since Asarah made sure the one we had at home had been completely destroyed.
I knew the temple wouldn’t let me file Evanae’s spirit.
So I would have to let her go here, knowing her spirit would never make it into the Ellelights.
That all-consuming sorrow began suffocating me again.
I let my tears flow as I watched wave after wave roll in and out.
The beach was empty. Quiet. We were in a secluded patch that kept us out of view from any creeping eyes.
Even if I knew Evanae wouldn’t be filed, properly mourned, and crossed into the eternal realms, I said the prayer anyway.
“To the Infinite who is, was, and will always be, I commend the spirit of Evanae Eliza Anathelle into your hands. For all things, there is a season, a time for all activities in the realms beyond Pasaille. A time arrives for us to be born, and also a time to die. You, Infinite, have made all things beautiful in their time, and placed the Ellelights in the hearts of your angels.”
I choked on the words as sobs broke out of my throat. I wiped at my eyes, trembling. Quazar wrapped an arm around my waist, holding me tightly to his side. His shadows danced along my bare feet and all around my body, as I pushed through the prayer.
“Oh Infinite, let us be wise as the stars, and be taught to number our dawns, to never forget the vapor that is life, and the brevity of our time in the realms. May we remember our dawns are mere sighs, breaths taken in one moment, and the ending gone in the next. All of us angels are shadows, and our coming and goings come to swift endings, though we live for an Age past another Age. Therefore, every wing of hope we contain, lies with you, forever at your feet.”
I cleared my dry throat, steeling myself for the final part.
“When we are in our darkest valleys, fear will never move us, because there you are, always beside us. Your scepter and crown protect, comfort, and guide us all. Infinite, we have full confidence your goodness and unfailing love will never stop pursuing us, each and every dawn of our lives, through the Ages. And we will forever be privileged to live in your house, all through the Ellelights, always and forever. Arèmen.”
“Arèmen,” my friends chorused.
Quazar squeezed my waist as if communicating he was proud of me. Proud that I still pushed through, messy and all.
Now came the hard part.
I took a step forward. Then another. My friends stayed behind as I walked to the water’s edge. I walked until my feet were under water. Then my knees.
I bent down, opened my cupped hands, and looked at my sister’s spirit for the last time. Then, I brushed my nose against the bubbling spirit, still bouncing with a bit of life left. A life that would soon wink out.
I kissed the edges of the bubbling spirit. Even in death she was as lively as she was in life.
“I love you, Evanae. Forever will find me, and I will still love you. The Ellelights will claim me, and I will still love you. My fiery, life-loving sister. My whole entire heart of hearts. I love you. Always.”
Lifting my hands, I leaned forward over the waters, then let my sister’s spirit go. My hearts cleaved into two as I watched the silhouette of light, shaped like an angel bursting with evanescence, bounce away. The further Evanae’s spirit went, the weaker her light grew.
Quiet tears streamed down my face as I settled into the ocean water, watching her spirit go away, slowly winking out, as the waves crashed over me. The waves began growing higher, soaking me further, until one large wave rushed forward, soaking me entirely.
It felt good to be soaked by the ocean waves. It felt like being cleansed. Being purified. Like a nod from the Infinite that none of this was over. This was just the beginning.
I believe my fifis will be catalysts for the inevitable.
That’s what Manmi had written. Had she known this would take place? She’d been so sure we were the ones who would trigger some great affair. But Evanae was now dead, and I was left behind with my grief. My pain.
And my mounting rage.
I would avenge my sister. Farasee Asarah would not be left to rest until I’d made her pay for how she’d shed my sister’s blood like she was cattle.
As the ocean water continued soaking me through, my sorrow began morphing into poignant wrath. I glared at the surface of the sea. Until Evanae’s light grew dim. Until her light winked out. Until her spirit was no more.
When Evanae was gone—completely, irrevocably—I did not cry.
Tears burned my eyes, but I held them. I fisted my hands below the water, grabbing fistfuls of sand.
I ground my teeth. My insides shattered, and in the breaking something hard, something dangerous, something feral, forged in its place.
I watched the surface of the waters for a long time, sitting there, stewing with my anger.
“Starling, may I join you?”
I turned my head around. My friends were looking at me. Watching. Waiting.
I looked at Quazar, nudging my head for him to come. When he moved, it was like a spell had been broken. All of them moved at once, settling into the water around me. Quazar came to my side, wrapping a wing around my waist out of reflex.
Before he said a word, the moment he was seated, I reached up with my hands, angled his head, and brought his lips to mine. I didn’t care if our friends were watching. Didn’t care that I was devouring this male that I adored, that I leaned on, as if he was my very foundation in this world.
Quazar didn’t either. He kissed me slowly, thoroughly, taking his time. He sucked on my lip as he bit into it, drawing it into his mouth while running a hand into my hair.
My hearts pounded as he groaned into my mouth, kissing me slow, then fast, driving me into a frenzy. I found myself getting short of breath as I leaned into him, lost in the scent of him. The feel of him.
Quazar kissed me like a male who’d been starved and was finally given his favorite meal. He kissed me like he was parched and I was the last remaining goblet of water. He kissed me like I was his very soul. Like I was his wingmate.
I finally pulled back enough to take a breath. To gulp down air. His lips were red in all the places I’d bitten him. He brushed a thumb over my lip, lost in the features of my face.
“I love you,” I whispered, leaning into his embrace. I tucked my head against his chest. His wing tucked me closer.
“I love you, my Starling. My love. So rotting much.”
“I mean, not to be that angel, but I love you, too,” Ellabeth said, eyes on the waves, a small mischievous smile on her face. A twinkling light surfacing in her grief-ridden eyes. Dakairi chuckled, but nodded along in agreement, sitting by her side, one of his wings wrapped low around her waist.
“Okay, I’m glad you said it first, because I, too, love you, Sazu,” Daelun butted in, chin lifted. His eyes were on Quazar and I, and they were positively dancing. Stars. He was just as bad a gossip as Ellabeth.
I snorted, laughing at my friends. The Talons all looked at me with a fresh kindness, and a certain…protectiveness, in their eyes. They looked at me as their new friend. They looked at me as one to protect, like they did with their Fallen Prince.
I smiled, nuzzling into Quazar’s side. Held in his arms, I sat with him, with our friends as we watched the ocean waves roll. As we watched the sun descend and change into a myriad of beautiful colors. The more time passed, the more rage colored my hearts black.
“I will Ascend,” I said down my bond to Quazar. “And when I do, they will beg the Infinite for the payment of blood to be enough. And even then, it will never be.”
“Please tell me I get to join in all the fun.”
“I wouldn’t want to do this with anyone else.”
Quazar let out a sigh down the bond that almost sounded like a growl. “I rotting adore you, Safah Starling.”
I nuzzled into him deeper, enjoy the crashing waves of warm water rushing over my feet, coating me in the salty film of the sea. A long time passed with all of us sitting in the quiet, in the tension, when Ivyana cleared her throat.
“Kazi, can I tell her now?”
“Yes,” Quazar said, squeezing my waist.
I blinked at the sun. “Tell me what, Ivy? Wait.” I cleared my throat. “Can I call you Ivy?”
“Only if I get to call you Sazu.”
I smiled.
Stars.
“I swear she’s just like Evanae.”
“They would’ve been great friends.”
“I know.”
“Of course you can.”
“Good. Anyway. So, while we were eating cookies and cake and dancing around with the Scourgers before Timtobwe…” she began.
I snorted at the sarcasm, yawning.
“I may or may not have heard something.”
“Something like?” I pressed.
“Well, you would imagine my surprise when I learned the Scourgers are greedy little monsters and gossips. Turns out, they know more about what’s going on than we think. And they like to talk about it.”
“Pray tell, Ivy. Just what in the Hèls were they on about that could have possibly gotten your attention while you were…eating cookies and cake?”
Quazar snorted, chuckling at the dry humor.
“Your Manmi isn’t dead.”
I shot out of Quazar’s embrace, stumbling to my knees. I glared at Ivyana, every bone in my body growing unnaturally still. She blinked her jeweled eyes at me, the emerald blazing with fury.
“Safah, your Manmi is alive and in the custody of High Farasee Manazzra Ahabiah.”