Chapter 12
Chapter Twelve
Kardok
I knew something was wrong before Lila even showed up for our final dress rehearsal. I don’t know how, but I suppose it was that Mate Bond thing I’d been reading about.
These last few weeks had been…pretty godsdamned special. No, miraculous. I was more or less living with my Mate, and lucky enough to get to spend every day making her smile.
So why wasn’t I satisfied? Why wasn’t my Kteer satisfied?
I woke up with her in my arms. I fed her all the best foods. I brought her pleasure so many times she’d often call a time out by making a “T” with her hands while laughing and slumping back on the bed. I was satisfying my Mate, and thus, theoretically, myself.
My cock was satisfied, my heart was satisfied, my Kteer should stop this annoying buzzing, this irritating itching feeling throughout my body.
You haven’t claimed her as your Mate. She doesn’t know.
I knew this was why, but I hated to admit it.
Why? Because it was my choice. I could have told her a hundred times in the last few weeks: “Hey, Princess, by the way, you’re my Mate. That means we can only be parted by death, and maybe not even then.”
But I didn’t, and I knew that was why my Kteer was being such a little bitch about this, making me feel antsy and irritable when I should be focused on the start of the exhibition games next week, or the gala tomorrow night.
The team needed me, and Lila needed me to be focused, and I was failing them both because I hadn’t told her the truth yet.
So why hadn’t I?
Because my cock and my heart might be satisfied, but my mind wasn’t. There was still that nagging feeling in the back of my mind that I wasn’t good enough for her.
No matter how idealistic Joshua’s choreography was, or how much we might hope to have a future together, Lila came from a different world from me.
Not just the human world, but the rich world.
A world where fathers bought their daughters ice rinks to support their hobbies, a world where everyone judged me as not being good enough.
I could claim Lila as my Mate, but would she claim me?
And that was what had held me back all these weeks.
She’d given me no indication that she thought of me as more than just a fun time in the sack, a boyfriend who could make her happy. I mean, I wasn’t taking her to country clubs or fancy restaurants, but she seemed to enjoy our time together nonetheless.
But there’d been no talk of more. Of a future.
Until she gave me that, I wasn’t going to push the Mate Bond on her.
Didn’t mean I didn’t feel it, though.
On Thursday afternoon, I finished up practice with the guys. We all headed to the locker room to shower and change, but as usual, I said my goodbyes and endured their ribbing on having to head up to ice dancing rehearsal.
It was Dakvaar who stopped me on the way out, his hand going to my shoulder as he peered into my eyes. The older male shook his head almost sadly, then squeezed my shoulder.
“Good luck, T’mak.”
“Fuck you, I’m happy.” I wasn’t lying; Lila made me happy, even if we were only dating.
He merely hummed and pulled his hand away, hoisting his bag over his shoulder and heading for the door.
I was happy.
Wasn’t I?
Maybe it was the pity in my friend’s face that made me more irritable as I changed into the specially-made tuxedo, or maybe I was just embarrassed to be seen skating in something this ridiculous.
Granted, it had been tailored to my size, and made so I could move on the ice, but still.
Who ever heard of an orc ice dancing in a tux?
So I was scowling as I stomped my way toward the main rink, the one where this season’s Teal Terrors had spent the afternoon running drills and scrimmages under our coaches’ watchful eyes.
We were good, had a good group of males, and you know what?
After months of guilt and anger at myself, I hadn’t started this year’s training feeling like I needed to make up for my failure during playoffs. Just like Torrk and Bardon and the others had told me in the gym all those weeks ago: No one blamed me for my penalty.
Just like Lila had assured me: They all knew I’d just been doing my job.
My team didn’t consider me the reason we lost our spot in the playoffs, and I needed to get my head out of my ass. Yeah, maybe it was easier said than done, but a few weeks of working with the team again, feeling my place among them, and I was doing better.
Not as guilty, that was for sure…although maybe it was because I was busy being torn up by all the emotions I was feeling over the Lila situation.
This afternoon was our last dress rehearsal before tomorrow’s performance, which is why we were on the main rink. I’d always felt at home here, even though we played our games at the arena. I stepped out of the locker room, my skates over my shoulder, took a deep inhale…
And knew something was wrong.
Joshua was pacing, there were maintenance crews in the bleachers doing something to make the place more comfortable for the big spenders tomorrow…and Lila was nowhere to be found.
So yeah, I knew something was wrong before I saw her.
Slowly, I turned in a full circle, sending out my senses, searching for her. There. A knot of sorrow and fear and loss, slowly moving toward us from the admin wing.
I was already moving toward that door when Joshua turned and noticed me. “Kardok!” he yelled, relief in his voice. “Have you seen Lila?”
I didn’t have time to growl before the door opened, and my Mate stepped into the rink. Her eyes were red and puffy, her cheeks tear-stained, and her lips pale. She was gripping her hands in front of her, and she hadn’t changed into her skating costume yet.
My skates hit the ground as I called to Joshua without looking, “Rehearsal’s cancelled.”
“But—” he began, hurrying toward us.
Lila was already shaking her head, backing away, her tear-filled blue eyes locked on mine. I saw her lips form the words, “I’m sorry,” even though no sound emerged, and my Kteer began to howl in panic.
“What’s wrong?” I barked, striding toward her. “Lila, how can I fix it?”
She was still shaking her head, backing away as I reached the door and grabbed it to keep it from closing. Now I saw her taking a shaking breath, her fingers gripping each other in desperation.
“I—I came…” She swallowed down a sort of hiccup sound, her gaze dropping to my chest. “I have to cancel.”
“I cancelled rehearsal already, Lila.” When I reached for her, she flinched away, and that caused my stomach to heave in horror. “Dkaar, what’s wrong?”
“Cancel the exhibition, Kardok.” When she shifted her gaze to mine for just a moment, I saw the pain there. “I’m so sorry. I—I can’t be seen with you.”
She turned and hurried away, her face buried in her hands, and I almost dropped to my knees, overwhelmed by the sudden loss. Instead, I threw my head back and roared her name. “Lila Fairbanks!”
With a sob, she skittered sideways—in surprise or dread?—and stumbled into the wall. I was there to catch her and breathed a grateful prayer when she turned in my arms and buried her face against my chest, crying too hard for me to understand anything she could say, even if I could hear it.
I can’t be seen with you.
It had finally happened.
This is why I hadn’t claimed her as my Mate before now; I couldn’t afford to. Not if her world couldn’t accept us as being together.
Fuck me.
So I stood there in my socks and a stupid tuxedo in the office hall, and I held her as she sobbed. And I felt like crying too.
Instead, I buried my face against her vanilla-scented hair and whispered, “Hush, dkaar, it’ll be alright.”
“No it won’t,” she hiccupped. “I shouldn’t even be here with you. Someone might see us.”
Gods below, my gut clenched at that rejection. I wasn’t even good enough to comfort her? “Who gives a fuck?” I growled. “You’re mine, Princess.”
“I can’t be.” She pressed her forehead against my chest, “Oh, Kardok, I’m so sorry.”
“Not as sorry as I am.” I ran my hands down her arms, knowing the chill in her skin wasn’t from the air. “Lila, tell me what’s wrong. What happened?”
The story came out in hiccupped pain. The letter from the League, their threat of revoking our franchise rights.
“No more Terrors?” I swore softly. Everything we’d worked for… The team was young, yeah, but we had a lot to prove. The thought of that chance being taken away was just impossible to consider.
Her red-stained eyes rose to mine, and Lila lifted a hand to cup my cheek. “See, Kardok? It’s not you, it’s me.”
That didn’t make any sense. Frowning, I pressed my hand to her hand to hold it in place. “What does that mean? This doesn’t have anything to do with—”
“Yes, don’t you see?” Her smile was watery, sad, and there were still tears on her cheeks to match the way the front of my tuxedo had been soaked.
“This is Daddy’s facility. By dating you, by lov—” Lila bit down on the words and shook her head frantically.
“You’re a player for the team, and we’ve been openly dating.
That means Daddy could be coerced into giving the Terrors unfair lease terms or preferential treatment when it comes to ice time. It’s a stupid rule—”
“There are plenty of other teams—the older, established ones—that don’t have these rules!”
“No.” She sniffed. “Because they own their practice arenas. These rules were put in place when the league was beginning, when the officials didn’t want to worry about the orc teams taking away ice time from the human teams already playing. So they set it all up—”
“So we didn’t get preferential treatment.” Fuck. Her world still couldn’t accept us, huh?
I suppose part of me was relieved to know Lila was breaking up with me because of the League’s stupid rules, not because she didn’t think I was good enough for her world.
But really, it still came down to the same thing. The rules had been put in place because her world hadn’t fully accepted males like me, even if they were ready to make use of us for their entertainment.