Chapter Thirty-Three
TRISSA
K illian quickened his stride to fall into step beside me. “Tink?—”
“Don’t talk to me,” I hissed.
“You can be mad all you want, but I won’t let you push me away.” He reached for me, then hesitated, pulling his hand back.
Smart man. I was furious at the two of them.
Jareth led us to his office. I sat rigidly in a seat facing his large wooden desk. My heart was still racing from what I’d just witnessed. The image of Killian and Peter being pulled apart, bloody and disheveled, was playing on repeat in my mind.
How had it come to this?
Neither Peter nor Killian chose to sit. Instead, they stood on either side of me. I said nothing when they shifted the seat next to me out of the way. These two assholes weren’t giving an inch and were likely still posturing like two teenage boys.
“What in the absolute fuck was that about?” Jareth’s controlled tone was scarier than if he yelled.
The office door eased open with a soft click. “Can I get anyone a drink? Or maybe an ice pack?” Hazel asked with a sympathetic grin, giving us a short reprieve. “Today just got far more exciting than I was expecting.”
“We’re fine.” Jareth’s voice softened.
It was amazing to see how he could switch from an expression that chilled me from the inside out to this gentler version of himself around Hazel.
“He’s all bark and mostly no bite.” Hazel assured us with a wink.
I bit my lip to hide a grin. She was likely the only one who thought that.
A long suffering sigh escaped Jareth’s mouth. “Please?—”
She waved her hands. “I know. I’ll leave you all alone. Let me know if you need anything.”
“We’re fine. Show Wendy in when she gets here.” He paused and then tacked on, “Please.”
The second Jareth turned his attention back to us, his expression hardened, and he once again became the ruthless businessman. He steepled his fingers and fixed his unwavering gaze on the three of us like we were three naughty children he needed to reprimand.
And he wouldn’t be totally wrong. I should’ve dealt with Peter before now. And those two idiots should’ve kept their hands to themselves.
The silence stretched. He wanted to see who would break first. I shifted in my seat, bouncing my knee. Jareth’s intimidation tactic was working beautifully on me. I couldn’t bear the silence any longer. “Jareth?—”
“I’m not looking to hear from you, Trissa,” he said, his voice unnervingly quiet.
I snapped my mouth shut.
Peter shifted beside me, and Jareth’s attention snapped to him instantly. “Something to add, Mr. Young?”
I held my breath, silently willing Peter to shut his mouth. For once, he did.
“I pulled you from a company that was ready to drop you, Peter,” Jareth continued. “Killian, we’ve worked with you for years, giving you opportunities most people would kill for. And this is how you both repay those investments?”
“It won’t happen again,” Killian said from my other side.
“Then explain why I had to rush security guards upstairs for what looked like a playground brawl.”
Peter and Killian stubbornly said nothing. This was not helping our case at all.
“Would you like to explain, Trissa?”
What I would like would be to crawl under his desk and hide.
Killian laid a hand on my shoulder and then Peter did the same on the other.
Fuck it all.
Jareth was already pissed. What did they think that was going to accomplish?
Idiots. I didn’t belong to either one of them.
I leaned forward to shake them both off. Killian needing to be extra, or was perhaps staking his claim, tightened his grip before sliding his hand possessively down my arm.
Jareth watched our movements, his gaze calculating.
“Killian. Perhaps you should finish recording the rest of your album at our West Coast facility.”
Killian stiffened.
Shit.
“Trissa,” Jareth’s voice softened as he addressed me. “I understand your position is … complicated.”
I swallowed hard. “I’m Peter’s assistant. That’s my job.” The words came out automatically, professionally. But as soon as they left my mouth, I felt Killian’s energy shift. I hadn’t meant it the way it sounded—like a declaration of allegiance—but I couldn’t take it back now.
“Indeed,” Jareth agreed. “And given Peter’s recent behavior, he needs someone I trust to keep him on track.” His eyes narrowed at Peter. “One more incident—one more tabloid headline, one more missed appearance, one more fistfight—and you’ll find yourself without a label. Are we clear?”
“Crystal,” Peter replied through clenched teeth.
“I don’t give two shits about your personal lives until it interferes with our day-to-day operation. What neither of you seem to understand is that I have enough money and clauses in your contracts to dissolve them without any repercussions.” He let that threat hang in the air. “Figure it out.”
Well, fuck. I gave a curt nod, imagining Peter must have, too. I refused to look at the asshole.
The door opened again and Wendy slipped inside. Her eyes darted to Peter and her lips thinned.
“Help keep him in line.” Jareth shot an exasperated glare at Wendy and me.
Wendy gave a stiff jerk of her head at the order.
“Of course,” she replied.
“And Trissa—keep the two of them apart or you’ll all learn I don’t play around when it comes to business.”
I had to hand it to Wendy. She barely moved except for the straightening of her back. I had to clutch my trembling hands together to hide them from his view.
Jareth nodded once. “Good. Mr. Young, Ms. Byrd will accompany you and Ms. Darling on your promotional tour for the upcoming charity event.”
My heart sank. I’d been hoping to give more of the reins to Wendy in controlling Peter and only be on the mini-tour when I was needed, fully expecting to work from home the rest of the time.
I stole a glance at Killian. His teeth were clenched so hard I was afraid he was about to chip a tooth. I wanted to speak up, to object, but what could I say? My career, Peter’s career, Killian’s—they all hung in the balance. One wrong word could topple everything we’d all worked so long for.
“If there’s nothing else,” Jareth said with finality, “you’re dismissed.”
I rose, the movement mechanical. Peter left immediately, but I lingered, needing a private word with Jareth.
“I understand your decision, but is there anyway—” I said quietly when Killian stepped outside, after giving me a questioning look.
“Trissa,” Jareth cut me off. “I value your work. You’re one of the most competent assistants at this label. It’s precisely why I need you with Peter right now. He respects you, and God knows he doesn’t respect much anymore.”
I wasn’t sure how true that was anymore, but I didn’t have a choice. Recognizing defeat I nodded. “I understand.”
As I joined Killian outside Jareth’s office, he reached for my hand. “We need to talk?—”
“Not here,” I murmured.
“Are you coming, Tris?” Peter asked. He and Wendy stood side-by-side at the door.
I shook my head. “In a minute.”
Peter stiffened.
Wendy sighed. “We’ll be in the conference room on the fourth floor.”
“I’ll be there in a few minutes.” I felt so damn tired all of a sudden.
Killian guided me into an empty conference room and shut the door. I was grateful to be away from prying eyes. Everything was too raw, too public.
The moment we were alone though my carefully maintained composure shattered. “What were you thinking?” I demanded, fighting back tears. “Fighting? Like teenagers? Do you have any idea what that decision could do to all of us?”
“You don’t understand.” Killian replied, wincing at his own words.
“I can’t believe you.” My voice rose before I caught myself, taking a deep breath. “You both could have lost everything. Peter’s already hanging by a thread with Jareth. And you—” I shook my head. He’d worked so hard for his career, I knew it mattered to him just as much as it did Peter.
“None of that matters,” he said, stepping closer. “Not if I lose you.”
My heart constricted. “Killian?—”
“Come with me,” he said suddenly. “If Jareth sends me to LA. Come to the studio with me. We can figure out the rest.”
I wanted to say yes. God, how I wanted to, but I couldn’t just abandon my responsibilities, my career—everything I’d built. “You know I can’t do that.”
“Why not? Jareth is being unreasonable. We could?—”
“I have a contract, Killian. I’m Peter’s assistant. It’s my job.” I hated how it sounded—like I was choosing my work over him, but it wasn’t that simple.
“It’s just a job,” he said, an edge to his tone. “You can get another one.”
His words stung. This wasn’t just a job to me. It was my career, my independence, my identity outside of my relationships with either of them and I was damn good at it. “It’s not just a job to me. I’ve built a career that I’m proud of. I’ve earned my reputation. I’ve made connections. I can’t just walk away because … ” I trailed off, not sure how to finish.
“Because of me,” he finished his voice flat. “You can’t walk away for me.”
“That’s not what I meant.” But wasn’t it, in a way? I wasn’t willing to sacrifice my career for our relationship. I was done sacrificing my life for other people. And as much as I loved Killian, I just couldn’t drop my career for his. And I wouldn’t expect him to end his career for me.
“But it’s what you’re saying.” A familiar shadow crossed his face—that doubt, that insecurity I’d seen so many times before. Now with hindsight, I recognized it for what it was. “You’re choosing him. Again.”
“This isn’t about choosing you or him,” I said, frustration stemming from each word. I wish he’d understand I was choosing me. Not Peter. “I’m choosing me . My job. This is about being professional. About honoring my commitments. I can’t just abandon Peter after we’ve been working so hard to repair his image.” Even as I said it, I knew how it sounded. Like I was putting Peter first.
Damn it.
“So I go alone to LA and you travel with him,” he said flatly.
I tried to sound reasonable, to find a compromise. “It’s two weeks, Killian. Then we’ll be back. And you should be back from recording by then. We can figure things out then.”
The hurt in his eyes was unbearable. “And what about us? We put our relationship on hold while you fulfill your obligations to Peter?”
“That’s not fair.” I couldn’t win. Whatever I decided to do would hurt either him or Peter. And whichever way I looked at it, I was the loser in the situation too.
I hated this.
“None of this is fair. It all sucks.” He ran a hand through his hair, wincing as he touched a bruise at his temple. “We finally get a chance to be together, Tink. I don’t want to lose you.”
“How can I get you to understand you’re not losing me?” I didn’t know how to fight that wild, rejected look in his eyes. Growing up together, I understood the part of him that always felt rejected, like he wasn’t good enough. And I hated how when he’d walked away, I’d inadvertently reinforced that fear for him by blindly siding with Peter, but everything was different now.
His next question came so quietly I almost missed it. “I need to know. If it came down to it—really came down to it; make or break—would you choose to go with me?”
My heart stopped. Of all the questions he could have asked, this was the one I feared most. Because I didn’t know the answer. I loved him more than I could ever have imagined I’d love anyone. But my career mattered to me. And so did Peter. As a friend and as an employer. How could I answer a question like that and stay true to myself?
“Killian, please. Don’t do this. Not now.” Not when our emotions were high. Not when we were confused and likely not making rational choices.
“Just answer the question.” His eyes searched mine, desperate for reassurances I didn’t know how to give.
“I’m with you,” I said, and reached for his hand, needing him to understand. “I love you. Isn’t that enough?”
But I could see it in his face that it wasn’t. I’d dodged the question and we both knew it. I watched something shut down in his eyes, a door closing that I wasn’t sure I could reopen.
“I should go and tell the band and head home to pack if Jareth decides to follow through with his threat,” he said, pulling away.
He let go of my hand.
“Killian—”
“It’s fine. You’re right. It’s just two weeks. We’ll figure it out.”
But his tone, devoid of emotion, said otherwise. I knew that look—I had seen it the day he walked away ten years ago. I didn’t recognize it for what it was then, but I knew now. “Don’t do this. Don’t shut down on me.”
“I’m not.” The lie hung in the air between us. “I just … I need to find time to process this. And you should go find Peter. Make sure he’s not getting into any more trouble.”
My shoulders sagged under the weight of my responsibility—to Peter, to my job, and now to Killian’s reopened wounds. “I’ll call you tonight. We can talk more then.”
He nodded, his face carefully blank.
I reached up and gently touched his bruised cheek. “This isn’t goodbye, Killian. This isn’t me choosing anyone over you. I need you to believe that.”
But I could see he didn’t. He’d already put a wall up between us.
As I walked out of the conference room to meet Peter and Wendy, each step felt like I was tearing something precious apart. I wasn’t choosing Peter over Killian—not romantically, not in my heart. But I could see how my actions might tell another story. And even though it infuriated me, I couldn’t blame Killian for seeing it that way.
In the hallway, I leaned against the wall, suddenly exhausted. How had everything spiraled out of control? The last three days with Killian had been everything I’d ever wanted. Today, I was watching him prepare to fly across the country, convinced I’d chosen someone else.
I hadn’t answered his question. I couldn’t. Because the truth was, I didn’t want to choose. I shouldn’t have to.
I wanted my career, my independence. I wanted Killian’s love. I wanted Peter’s friendship.
I straightened my shoulders and continued down the corridor. I had a mini-tour to prepare for. A volatile artist to manage. And two careers to save.
And I needed to figure out how to get through to the man I loved, even as impossible as it seemed right now. My heart shattered with each step I took with the fear I’d made the wrong choice.
That I couldn’t repair the damage of letting the man I loved believe that, once again, he wasn’t enough.