Chapter Thirty-Five
TRISSA
S till reeling from my conversation with Killian, I slumped in my chair in the conference room. When I looked up, both Wendy and Peter who had just come back from a break were staring at me.
“What?” I snapped.
“Nothing. Just wondering if you were okay?” Wendy asked. Her voice had taken that tone people used when they thought someone might break or freak the fuck out. Objectively, I recognized she was probably being really sweet, and I regretted the nasty thoughts I’d had about her when we first met.
“I’m good.” I cut my gaze to Peter. “And you?”
“I was only looking out for you, Tris.” His hand beat a familiar rhythm on the table that sounded a lot like one of the band’s earlier songs.
I raised an eyebrow. “Seriously? That’s where you’re going with this?” Somehow, the two most important men in my life had gotten it into their head that I couldn’t function without them.
Well, fuck that. And fuck both of them, too.
I scoffed. “So I’m supposed to ignore that you acted like a child, put our careers in jeopardy, and have ultimately treated me like I’m a fucking moron?”
He ran a hand along the back of his neck. “Tris, that’s not?—”
“You accused Killian of being with me to spite you. So I guess that means I’m too stupid to recognize that?”
“Tris, you’re being ridiculous. That’s not what I meant.”
I drew in a deep breath, and if shape-shifting dragons had been real, and I was one of them, I’d have exhaled fire.
He had not just gone there. I slammed my palm on the table.
Peter flinched.
Good.
“Now Tris just—” Peter started.
Wendy shook her head, clearly trying to warn him, but Peter didn’t notice or care. The moment she realized it was a losing battle she backed off, settled in her chair, and let me handle this.
I stood, absolutely pissed at him.
He was nothing if not predictable.
“Do. Not. Tell. Me. To. Calm. Down.” I didn’t have to yell, my tone expressed my anger quite thoroughly.
Peter’s eyes widened. “I wasn’t.”
Fucking liar.
And Peter, who still hadn’t learned to shut his damn mouth, decided to open it again. “Killian isn’t good enough for you, Tris. You’re better off without him. If you just listened to me?—”
“Shut up, Peter,” I snapped.
He frowned, a confused expression marring his classically beautiful face. If I’d been able to look at this moment impartially, I might have found some humor in that.
“You don’t own me, Peter Young. You do not get to tell me what to do with my life. We have been friends for a really long time, and I’m tired of you treating me like you get to dictate what I can and cannot do. And who I can talk to. It’s like you believe my sole purpose in life is to do your bidding.”
“Tris. Fuck, I never meant for you to feel that way. We’re friends. Family. I’ve always been here for you and looked out for you.”
“Have you, though? Did you know I’d been in love with you since we were kids? That for years, I waited for you to see me, Peter. To see how good we could’ve been together. Hoping you’d love me back.” God, it felt good to say these words out loud. To confront him and demand answers. I thought I would’ve been sad, but all I felt was relief at finally knowing the truth.
Peter sucked in a sharp breath that whistled through his teeth. For the first time, actual regret flashed in his eyes. He dropped into the closest chair and rubbed at the scruff of his neck. “Yeah,” he answered, his voice low.
Hearing him confirm my thoughts hit me hard. The sour taste of bile crept up my throat. “And you let me go on believing I had a chance. That someday you just might feel the same? What the fuck is wrong with you?”
His eyes pleaded with me to understand. “I didn’t want to lose you, Tris. I couldn’t lose you.”
“So you thought you’d string me along?” The words sounded hoarse, painful as I forced them out.
He flinched. “I’m fucking this all up. I never meant to do that. I’ve always loved you, Tris, just not in that way, and I didn’t know how to tell you. I was scared.” I was certain he was being sincere, but it was too little too late. “I know it’s not a good enough reason. I’m so sorry.”
A horrible thought occurred to me. Had he purposely driven a wedge between Killian and me with the contract deals? I hadn’t wanted to believe he lied, but I wasn’t sure which end was up right now. “When Umbria first signed you … Did you lie to me about Killian’s deal?”
He frowned. “I don’t understand. What do you think I lied to you about?”
“Killian’s deal. You said he didn’t take it because he was jealous of you.” My chest ached at the thought he might have had a hand in Killian walking away from me.
“No, he turned it down because he couldn’t stand that I was headlining.” His gaze stayed steady on mine. My internal Peter lie detector said he was telling the truth.
I felt like I was talking to a child, needing to spell out what I was asking. “Did you know his deal was a shitty one?”
He hesitated.
Son of a fucking bitch.
“What the hell, Peter?!”
He stood. “It wasn’t like that, Tris. I swear!”
“Then what was it like?”
His shoulders slumped. “I knew it wasn’t as good as mine, but I didn’t think it was all that terrible, either.”
“Did you see his contract?”
Peter shook his head. “Umbria gave me the gist of it when I refused to sign unless he got a contract, too.”
Fucking Peter.
“I deserved the recognition, Tris. I worked my ass off to get that deal.”
I rubbed my fingers over the grooves in my forehead. He could be so selfish. “Killian worked just as hard.”
He sighed. “I know. I should’ve done more. I was young and stupid. There’s no other reason than I was blinded by what they promised me.”
Things were falling into place a little more clearly. “What you did was still shitty, Peter.”
I should’ve listened more to Killian back then. God, I had so many regrets.
A flicker of remorse flared in his eyes before he extinguished it.
I sighed. Exhaustion swept through me. “Did you know why Killian walked away from us?”
“I’d assumed he finally told you he loved you and you didn’t feel the same way.” A light shade of pink graced his cheeks. He figured I’d turned Killian down because I’d been in love with him.
Asshole.
I hissed out a breath. “You knew he was in love with me?”
The surprised look on his face was not manufactured. “You didn’t?”
“Um, no! Why the hell didn’t someone tell me this at any point?” It seemed I was the only clueless one at that time.
Poor Killian.
Peter shrugged. “I guess we all thought you knew. He wasn’t exactly as subtle as he thought he was.”
“Newsflash, I was so wrapped up in my feelings for you that I never noticed. Damn it. And now?— ”
His eyes widened. “Ffff—uck.” He held on to the letter f, making the word drawn out.
“What?” I snapped.
“You’re in love with him.”
I rolled my head side-to-side trying to relieve the tightness in my neck and the ache that had started there. “I thought that was pretty obvious.”
“Shit, Tris. I just thought it was all an act. Like maybe you were trying to make me jealous, or he was being a dick and trying to get back at me.”
Because, of course, the world revolved around Peter. I was not about to tell him he’d been right, initially anyway. Because right now it didn’t matter. That’s not who Killian and I were to each other.
Not anymore.
“I kind of hate you right now, Peter.” He’d intentionally and unintentionally kept so much from me.
“I know, Tris.” He let out a shaky sigh. “You really are my best friend. I can’t lose you. I know I’ve totally fucked things up between us.” A begging Peter was not one I could remember ever seeing.
“You kind of have,” I replied.
“Please don’t end our friendship. How can I make it up to you?” he asked.
This was the Peter I remembered from our youth. He had always been a little selfish, but the man he’d become only looked out for his best interests. And screw everyone else.
I hated that side of him.
“You don’t control my life anymore. I’m not jumping when you ask for something and I’m giving you my notice.”
He opened his mouth, likely to protest, until Wendy elbowed him in the ribs.
“Okay,” he grunted.
“I’ll help find a replacement, and I’ll get us through the charity event, but I need to follow my dreams, not yours.”
He nodded.
“And you and Killian need to figure things out because I’m done choosing between the two of you.” I hadn’t been this honest with Peter in a long time, but one thing I’d realized over the past few weeks, keeping the peace wasn’t always going to cut it. Peter needed tough love. And as his friend, he deserved for me to tell him the truth.
He ran a hand through his hair. “Okay. I’ll try.”
“Good.” That was probably the best I could hope for, for now anyway. “Because it’s the only way to salvage our friendship.”
I glanced at the clock. It had been a few hours since Killian had stormed out and I’d headed to the conference room to meet with Peter and Wendy. As much as I hated to do it, Killian likely needed a little more time to cool off before I confronted him about his ridiculous assumptions.
Peter shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “Is there anything else I can do for you?”
Huh. Peter thinking of someone other than himself?
I gave him a tentative grin. We still had a lot of repairing to do with our friendship, but I’d take this olive branch. “I’d like to work. I need to distract myself until I’m ready to talk to Killian and tell him he’s just as much of an ass as you are.”
Peter opened his mouth, but shut it when Wendy pinched his side.
“Let’s stay focused and we’ll make sure that happens, right, Peter?” Wendy’s raised eyebrow and tone was easy to read and I hoped Peter listened.
He pursed his lips and gave a stiff nod. “Sure.”
It was pretty funny watching Wendy tell Peter what to do. I hoped she never stopped. She was good for him.
We spent the next hour going over our social media campaign, set up the necessary photoshoots, and made travel arrangements for the mini-tour to promote our event.
A sharp pang hit me at the thought of leaving Killian for the tour. But I was not about to borrow trouble. Killian and I would make amends before I left and we’d figure out how to make it work.
Once I reminded him that he was a stupid idiot.
That I’d chosen him.
My phone dinged with an incoming call from an unknown number, jarring me out of my thoughts.