Chapter 1
brODY
three years later
“C an I get you a real drink tonight?” A young man teases from behind the bar that he’s wiping down.
“I can’t,” I chuckle, “but I’ll take a Coke, if you have it.”
“Oh, he’s getting wild tonight,” a silky voice purrs over my shoulder as the seat next me is occupied.
“Good evening, Isla,” I greet my friend with a chuckle.
She’s a beautiful woman, with dark hair cut just below her chin which she almost exclusively wears pinned back at the side. A smart pantsuit hugs the curve of her body in all of the right places, and deep red lipstick accents the fullness in her lips.
Isla has owned this club longer than I’ve been coming here, and she was responsible for me meeting my second wife – in this very room, actually.
“Are you playing tonight?” She asks. “Or is this another night of sitting here all by your lonesome and watching everyone else have fun?”
When all I offer her is a raise of my glass and a smile, she sighs and swipes open the screen of the tablet in front of her, punching in my membership information. “It’s been three and a half years since you rented a room, Brody. I don’t know if you come because you’re lonely, or because you think you’ll play eventually. Do you even know which it is?”
“I want to play,” I answer her truthfully. “And I don’t want to.”
I’m almost afraid that I’ve forgotten how.
I’ve been coming to The Haven for years. I found it after trying out a handful of less-than-desirable clubs in the area years before, almost all of which didn’t have the safest practices. I didn’t know they were unsafe until I learned otherwise from people like Isla, who had more experience with the lifestyle than I did.
I didn’t know that people like me existed; people who need more to get pleasure, people who find a deeper connection in dominating or submitting to another person.
People who like to claim and be claimed.
I was convinced that it was some perverted continuation of the sick joke that God has been playing on me since my childhood; that not only did He make my body sick, but He’d mangled my mind as well. It wasn’t until I found community with these people that I realized how incredibly normal it is and how many of us there are.
So sue me for coming to spend time around like-minded people after a long day at the office.
“It’s the tenth, darling,” Isla notes, inclining her head toward me.
“It is.” I nod before taking a sip of my soda, keeping my eyes locked onto the bar ahead of me. “All clear.”
My friend beams as she squeezes my shoulder. “I knew it would be.” An alert pops up on her tablet and she heaves a sigh as she reads through it. “I have to go. A solo got themselves stuck in their restraints. Find a pickup, Brody. Let yourself have a good time tonight. You don’t have to commit.”
That’s the problem, though, isn’t it? I think that maybe I do. Having a sub is one thing; I could put any woman in here on her knees and make her beg me to hurt her, and I’d have plenty fun giving her exactly what she asked for, but the connection of knowing that she’s wearing my collar and my ring on her finger is something I don’t think I’ll ever experience again.
At this point, I’m not sure that I want to. I don’t think I know what I want; I suppose I haven’t known for a long time.
After a refill on my soda, I pay my six dollar tab and meander through the main hall of the club. It’s quiet in here. Soft music plays quietly throughout the room. Everything is bathed in a soft purple light and conversations are kept to a respectable volume while groups and couples either discuss their plans for the evening, make their consent agreements, or decompress together from a scene outside of their rented rooms.
With a sigh, I stuff my hands into my pockets and head for the exit.