Chapter 34
NIA
O nesies becoming princess dresses.
Booties becoming plastic high heels.
Bottles of formula becoming endless bowls of macaroni and cheese.
Bedtime stories becoming ‘I can read it by myself, Mommy.’
The large sequins on Katie’s mermaid dress shine in multicolor splendor as she giggles her way through the back yard. I don’t pay any mind to Daniel, to the woman he should have known better than to bring with him to my house, or to his mother; the latter of whom has taken it upon herself to rearrange the refreshments table that I set out.
Oh well; let her.
It’s Katie’s day today, and just like her last five birthdays, my only focus is her and how grateful I am to be celebrating this day with her. It’s hard to imagine a time before she existed, and even harder to imagine what my life would look like today if she’d been taken from it.
My perfect, wonderful, miracle girl.
A distant part of my mind wonders if this is how Brody’s mom feels on his birthdays; thankful, lucky, exceedingly privileged to have brought her child home when everyone told her that she most likely wouldn’t.
I wonder if we would be able to bond with each other over that.
“Katie!” I call out. “Come take a picture with your friends.”
My daughter runs toward me with a small group of her friends in tow, and they line up to wrap their arms tightly around each other while I snap photos of them smiling and giggling together.
“Six years old,” I say quietly, wearing a smile.
“My mommy says I’m special ‘cause I got my birthday early,” she brags to her friends.
“That’s right, Katie-Cat,” I chuckle. “You are a very special girl.”
“It wasn’t safe for you to be born so early.”
I don’t need to look to my right to know that Daniel’s mother has joined us. Her cheap, overused perfume fills the air around me, and when I do decide to look in her direction, she’s peeling the paper from a cupcake and curling her lip at it as she takes a small taste of the colorful icing on top of it.
“Does she know that she nearly die—”
“It’s her birthday,” I quietly say with as much grace as I can muster. “I think even you can understand that this is not the time or the place. You’re here as a courtesy and an attempt at civility – please don’t mistake that for being welcome.”
As the girls run off in search of sugar and toys, Judy shakes her head and inches herself closer to me. “I’m going to tell them you almost killed her,” she tells me.
“That’s fine.” When her brows raise, I offer her a shrug. “I don’t care what you say about me anymore, Judy. I don’t need you to like me. Make up whatever stories you need to if it makes you feel big.” As I turn to walk away from her, I stop to point to the cupcake in her hand. “Oh, and I bought those, so you can stop pretending to be so disgusted by them.”
With a steadying breath and a roll of my shoulders, I stride toward the other parents who’ve stayed at the party with their kids. Most of them, I’ve already met through the school, and I like their company. Could I see us being friends outside of events and small get togethers surrounding our kids? Probably not.
They’re nice, but we don’t connect any deeper than ‘little Timmy got caught swearing today, and I have no idea where the fuck he could have learned that.’
The sound of Katie laughing and talking with her dad fills my ears, and I try to ignore it. She loves her dad, and I know he loves her. It’s important for them to have this time together, and I know it means as much to him to see her have another birthday as it does to me.
I don’t want him here, and I know that he knows it. I know his Domme knows that I don’t want her here, either.
Replaying Brody’s voice in my head as I straighten my spine, I remind myself of the conversations we’ve had and what he’s told me about the things he’s seen in his career.
It’s a mind game, I tell myself. Just enjoy the party and send them on their way.
I am not alone.
They just want me to feel like I am.
“Who wants cake?” I call out, earning excited screams and cheers from the twenty-something children running around my backyard.
All of the mermaids and merboys run toward the table at lightning speed while I light the six candles which top Katie’s birthday cake: two tiers of funfetti, covered in a sea of multicolor buttercream ‘scales,’ and topped with a pair of mermaid tails.
The soundtrack to The Little Mermaid plays in the background as all of us sing an off-key ‘Happy Birthday to You.’ Katie focuses hard while she thinks of her birthday wish, and I make sure to snap a photo of her blowing out her candles, wearing a wide grin on her face as she finishes.
“Want me to throw a chair at him?” Keith asks over my shoulder as Dan scoops Katie into his arms and swings her around.
“No,” I chuckle. “He was a crappy husband, but he’s showing up for her. Let her have this.”
“It’s an open offer,” he says with a shrug, and I wrap an arm around his waist to give him a squeeze and a grateful kiss on his cheek.
As I slice pieces of cake for each of the kids and hand them out, I can’t help but to think about what next year might look like.
Things move civil and hopefully far more settled between her dad and I. Brody and Isla here to celebrate with us. Maybe even Brody’s siblings, if they’d like to be here. I would certainly like to meet his brothers – if they’re anything like his sister, I’m sure I’ll love them.
All we need is one more week.