85. Chapter 85
Chapter eighty-five
Gabe
“ N o,” Abbie orders, poking my chest. “No. Do not tell me your deep, dark secret as a way to push me away. If you already regret asking me to live with you, you have a get out of jail free pass. I’ll leave.”
“That’s not what this is. I want you here with me. Why the fuck do you think I want to make my father go away?”
“Go away? I don’t want to know what that means. And you don’t get to use me to justify making him go away .”
“Use you? That’s what you think I’m doing? Using you?”
“What I think, is that you need to go have another drink, Gabe, and get out of your own head.”
“You wanted to know about KM.”
“I wanted to know what affects you, yes. I will always want to know what affects you, but not like this. Not when you’re out for blood. You know what you want to do is wrong. That’s why you’re doing this. You want to become a monster in my mind like you are in yours. Then you can do bad, get rid of me, and wallow in your own hatred for yourself. In other words, you can go back to what you were doing before you met me.” Her eyes narrow on me. “You know what? I’m not going to let that happen.”
She steps around me and starts walking toward the bedroom. The very act of her putting distance between us cuts me with a knife of emotions that bleed and scream in every part of me. I don’t stop her, though. Instead, I turn and watch her walk away. “How is this you not letting this happen? You’re leaving?”
“No.” She twists around to look at me. “I’m going to bed. Our bed. Until you have the balls to tell me that you regret asking me to stay.” She doesn’t wait for a reply. She starts walking again and damn Dexter goes with her.
She’s staying.
For now.
She still doesn’t know about KM. That was the entire point of getting past this with her. Knowing she knows. Knowing she’ll stay here with me. I should never have asked her to move in with me before I told her. I was selfish. I was an asshole. The demons of the past are clawing at me, biting me. Eating me alive. I want to go after her and force her to listen, but that’s all her ex ever did to her: force her to do things his way. I want everything that could tear us apart gone, deleted, but I can’t just delete KM.
I scrub my jaw and turn to the window, but where it would normally bring me peace, it just explodes like empty space in my mind. This view is nothing. It’s not peace. It’s not calm. Abbie is my peace. She’s my only path to any version of happiness and damn it to hell, I came home to tell her about Kendall tonight, and not because I wanted to justify attacking my father. Not because I wanted Abbie to leave. Because I was afraid my father would take her from me. Because I wasn’t going to let that happen.
Because I’m not going to let that happen.
I’m walking before I even register the decision, pursuing Abbie, and yes, Dexter. They are my family now. Or I hope like hell they are. Dexter is the only real sure thing. He won’t give a shit what happened with Kendall, but this is a triangle. We’re supposed to be a fucking triangle. I want a triangle. I step into the bedroom to find Abbie and Dexter on the bed, side by side. Abbie laying down, the blankets pulled to her chest.
I close the space between me and the bed, and sit down, giving Abbie and Dexter my back. “Kendall was my fiancée,” I say.
Abbie jerks to a sitting position behind me and I move to sit next to her. “Don’t do this now,” Abbie orders. “Don’t do this when—”
“Abbie,” I say softly, drawing her hand into mine. “It’s not as simple as you think. I need to tell you about KM tonight.”
“Yesterday you weren’t ready to talk about this, Gabe. Now, the minute you invite me into your world, it’s like this is a way to push me away again. I don’t like it. You’re messing with my emotions. You’re messing with us, our future. Whatever that is.”
“Our future is up to you. I know what I want and that’s you, here.”
“I don’t know if I believe you.”
It’s then that I’m reminded that Abbie has trust issues, just like I do. That Abbie and I have more in common than I choose to remember, because I have my past buried, or I did, until I met her. Until the past has to be faced for us to move forward.
“You weren’t ready to talk about this, Gabe,” she repeats, her voice a raspy whisper. “You weren’t ready. I said I’d give you space and time. That was hard to do, but I did it. Now, this.”
“And it meant the world to me that you blindly trusted me because I know your ex made trust a challenge. I know this for reasons that run deep and personal. As for being ready to tell you, I will never be ready to tell you anything that I think might make you walk away, Abbie. Never.”
“Yet you want to tell me now? I’m very damn confused, Gabe.”
“Telling you about my past isn’t about pushing you away. It’s the opposite. I’m going to go after my father because he hurts people. Because he will hurt you if I give him the chance. When I do, he’ll come at us. He’ll tell you about KM because he knows. He’s the only one who knows. I need to tell you before he tells you.”
Understanding seeps into her eyes and she throws away the blanket and settles her feet on the floor, scooting closer to me, taking my hand. “Tell me,” she urges softly, “but whatever this is, it’s not the bullet you think it is. I promise you.”
“I’m not a gentle man.”
“Dexter and I disagree.”
Her and Dexter. My heart swells with happiness and regret, with fear. So damn much fear that I will love them and lose them. And yet, I have to press her to see all that I am before someone else does. “You do remember that I told a bookie where to find my sister’s stalker and he ended up in the hospital, right?”
“You were protecting her. I get that.”
“You didn’t even ask me if I talked to the police,” I point out.
“I know you did.”
“How, Abbie?”
“Because I know . Did you?”
“Yes. Reid and I did, Reese did. Cat did. But the police had limitations, too many limitations.” I study her, search for doubt, but there is none. That’s going to change. I turn away from her and I could hesitate, but I don’t. I’ve made the decision to tell her this story. I’m not going to choke on it. “Kendall and I met while working at the same law firm.”
“For your father?”
“No. I wanted to find my own way. I interned and planned to work at another firm. We were both up and coming, focused on our careers, with a plan for marriage and family. I loved her, Abbie. Or I thought I did. I believed I did.” I cut my stare and inhale, drawing in a hard-earned breath. “And then—” I let the words trail off and I must revel in the silence too long because Abbie prods me.
“And then?”
“And then, suddenly, she was pregnant. It wasn’t our plan but I was happy. I wanted a family. I wanted the two kids and two dogs and a damn cat. I embraced the fuck out of it. I took care of her while she threw up. I was there for the first sonogram. I was there for every fucking thing until I wasn’t.” My voice radiates with anger I didn’t know I still felt, but talking about this cuts me, fresh blood seeping into the story of my life.
“What happened?” she prods.
And then what—
This is where the real story begins.