Chapter 11
eleven
The bitter taste he left behind still coats my tongue even as his tall, muscular figure strolls out of the tent like a villain who just burned down a house.
Every eye hooks onto me. Not my face. Or who I am... Only my nakedness.
It doesn’t bother me.
Because I won.
It didn’t matter which way the game went. If I won, I’d own him. If I lost, he’d touch me.
Either way, I wouldn’t be ignored.
And now I get to annoy him for an entire month.
Stooping, I grab my dress from the floor, step onto my chair, and flip off the entire room, then get dressed. Some of the guys slow clap, so I take a small bow. Hair straightened, I head out the same way my new lord and master did.
In the covered atrium, someone wheels a squeaky cage toward the main tent.
I’m distracted from finding the asshole, but my focus snaps into place when I recognize Julien tucked inside the gilded bars.
He’s half-naked, a diaper strapped around his bottom.
On his back. Legs in the air. Singing a Tyla Silk song loudly.
I hurry behind him as they cart him toward the back of the stage entrance. No one pays me any attention.
“Oh my god! It’s my friend, Ashlynnnnnnnn!” he screeches. His face is flushed, nose flaming red. He looks extremely drunk.
As soon as they stop, the guy dressed as a ringleader shoves my shoulder as he passes me, heading out the way we came in.
“What are you doing in there?” I ask, glancing around for a key to let him out.
The door to the cage is locked. It’s also dark back here, with only one flaming torch hanging on the wall behind us that casts a flickering glow.
Through the slit of the tent, I make out an obstacle course with a balance beam and an A-frame and other events while one of the guys is led by a leash through a series of faux-flaming hoops.
“I lost! I schlo lost at thucking Twister! Can you believe that? Me!”
I kneel next to him as someone enters behind us. “Did you drink?”
“No! I never drink!”
“Did you take too many Xanax?”
He makes a sound as if what I said was ridiculous. “Pfft. Nope. No! I had some water. Can I have some water? I don’t think they give lions water…” Tears line his lower lashes as he glances up at me. “Do lions get to drink water? They said it was…and was safe to drink. I want to dance.”
“I need to get you out of there. Hang on…”
My back straightens when I feel someone’s presence. I hadn’t noticed her, but Mutton perches her ass on the edge of another cage. Door open. Long, delicate fingers lift a vape pen to her mouth, then she blows a sickening cloud toward me. Her eyes scan my figure first, down to my feet, then back up.
“Where’re the keys?” I ask her flatly.
She shrugs.
The guy wheeling Julien returns from the center ring, pushing his stout body in front of me. He’s not that tall, head topped with black wavy hair covered by a striped hat. Round, blue-tinted glasses hover on the end of his straight nose. “He’s up next,” he murmurs.
“No!” I grasp at the guy’s red-tailed coat, but it’s no use. He shoves Julien toward the back of the ring, away from us.
“What are you doing? He’s drunk off his ass!” I call out after them.
“I love you, Ash! I do!” Julien squeals and shimmies while grasping the bars as if he’s getting led to a dance exhibition and not a humiliation event.
Well, shit.
“I appreciate the fact that you thought you could get Aiden Cardell,” Mutton sneers at me. “Didn’t think I’d see you again so soon after your…performance.”
My temper lights up my insides, but I calm it down with a deep breath. Placing a broad smile on my face, I turn toward her. “Didn’t think Aiden went for desperate anymore. Guess we both have regrets.”
“Honey? You’re more desperate than anyone in his vicinity.
Some of us are there for a good time, but you?
No.” She lets out a vicious chuckle. “You’re seeking something more from a man who can’t give you anything.
” She says it like she’s so much older, gifting me with a dose of well-seasoned advice.
I cross my arms as she lets loose a cloud of vapor around us.
The sticky scent irritates me enough to say, “You seem very interested in who I am. Well, I’ll tell you.
I was raised to spot catty little cunts and call them out for who they are.
To fight with fists if they can’t take the fire from the truth.
Never into playing nice with girls. Because they’re fake as fuck and encoded with envy. ”
It’s not bragging when I say it—only fact.
“I’m not like you. I’m better. And that’s what scares you. And Aiden? Yeah, we’ve known each other a long time…”
With a casual shrug, I tell her exactly who he is and slice with the final blade. “He’s the only person who ever saw the sweetness behind the sin—and never tried to suffocate either one.”
Mutton seems to understand that she’s overstepped a boundary. Didn’t know how long me and Aiden have gone back in time…
I reach through the tent flaps to grab a few plastic cups of beer sitting on an upside-down barrel. Ooh, popcorn! I’ll save it for later.
When I hand her the drink, she stares at the foamy liquid.
“Could be drugged,” I tell her honestly. “But hopefully not. What’s life without a little roulette?”
She takes a sip and nods. “It’s fine, I think.”
I raise my cup and make a toast. “To monsters. The ones we fuck…and the ones we become.”
Mutton smiles and taps her cup to mine. The beer is stale, so I set it down next to her and pace.
“So you knew him. What? In high school?”
“I was thirteen and he was fifteen when we met. Summer camp,” I tell her, like I make up for most people.
Not disciplinary prison. That causes too many questions.
“He’d sneak out of his cabin at midnight to swim in the lake with me.
” And to bring me snacks in the closet after I’d been starved.
Or to free me from solitary confinement until we’d both get in trouble.
Twenty stolen minutes behind the shed to figure out what desire felt like. Notes slipped during art therapy in cryptic fragments. Secret video calls and sneaky dates between summers—innocent at first. Then less so as we learned how to hurt each other in ways that felt good.
Most of our visits ended in some heated argument.
Usually because I didn’t want him to leave…
“That’s cute,” she says, taking another deep inhale on her pen. Her blonde hair is still perfect, even after Aiden mussed it a little.
“I made him promise we’d never betray each other.” Not like they were doing to us there. Trying to get us to turn on one another to keep us apart. “Told him, ‘If I ever cry over you, I’ll make you bleed.’ He laughed…kissed my cheek like I was something worth keeping.”
My foot shuffles the sawdust on the ground. “That was the first lie.”
Mutton laughs, and it cuts through my pain, making me angry once again. “He still looks at you like he’d crawl across glass to get to you.”
I hesitate. The words make me freeze for a moment with a hope that perhaps it would be true.
“Good. I hope it hurts.” I clear my throat and twirl around in my spot.
“Here’s what you don’t get, Mutton. He hardly notices you.
It’s why he’s so polite to you and the girls like you.
Nice. Distant. You think that I didn’t want to be on my knees humping his shoe while sucking him off?
” My laugh is cold. “Oh, you dear dumb bitch, no. If he didn’t give a shit, he’d kiss my neck. Whisper sweet compliments in my ear.”
Shaking my head, I let her in on a secret. “He made me a spectacle. Because that’s how Aiden takes what he truly wants. It’s ugly. Public. Brutal.” I lean in, voice like silk over steel. “And it’s exactly the way I like it. He and I are alike in that way…”
“That’s really fucked up,” she mutters, lips pressing tight together.
With a sneer, I tell her, “Don’t pity me. I’m not a broken girl trying to survive him. I’m his mirror.”
“Oh? And me finally getting with him after years of trying, getting to know him—”
I cut her off with a snap sharp enough to leave a scar. “You have no idea who he is.” One step closer, and I can smell her fear. “Aiden doesn’t love with flowers or kisses. He’s a storm—loud, violent, and built to shake you down to your bones. That’s why he’ll never remember your name. But me?”
My voice drops. “I’ve cut him so deep, he’ll never forget.” I tilt my chin up and smile. “He likes to show off his toys. What he owns. And I’m his favorite.” After a pause, I look into her eyes. “And he’s mine.”
Her jaw drops as she narrows her eyes. Like she wants to say something, but can’t come up with the right words. Doesn’t matter anymore.
I slide the torch out of its holder and swiftly turn back to her. With full force, I shove my thick-soled boot into the middle of her chest, kicking the breath from her lungs. Then, I slam the cage door with a clang of finality.
Panic morphs her pretty features as she grips the bars of her endless cage. “What are you doing?”
“Now, you’ll never touch what’s mine again,” I say, then dip the flame toward her hair until it, the beer, and her cheap-ass clothes ignite in a ball of fury. The same I’ve held inside and waited to let out.
I place the torch back, swipe off my hands on my dress, then find the exit and slip outside.
Every scream I hear ripping from her dying lungs is a victory chant for me.
Her sobs bring me comfort. My prize.
And I can’t help the smile that overtakes my face as I wander toward the woods in the back of Delta House, aiming for sorority row. No one needs to know I was there. Besides, all the evidence should be burned up before too long.
But not far from the back edge of the tent and games, I spot a naked figure lying on the patio stones. It’s not moving, and every step I take closer makes my heart pound harder.
Until I lean over him.
“Julien?”
He doesn’t move. Even when I lift his arms and let them fall back down. A slap to the face does nothing. His chest isn’t rising. There are no breaths in the cold night air.
Only a small puncture wound near his lower right ribs shows any evidence of intrusion. A bullet?
Hurriedly, I glance around the area, but no one’s nearby.
But when I look back, I study the face of the boy who offered me my first friendship.
And now…he’s gone forever.