Chapter 8
Chapter Eight
Quinn stared at his hands, not knowing what else to do. It wasn’t as if he was a young pup who’d never been in the presence of a woman, but this was different.
This was unheard of.
What the hell was he supposed to do now?
They were in his home, his kitchen, yet he felt like they were on another planet. One where nothing made sense, and yet it had to somehow.
“This is awkward.”
Quinn snorted and looked up at Gina. “Yeah. I guess it is.”
She ran a hand through her hair, the long brown strands touching the top of her breasts. Honest to God, she looked scared, not ready to entwine her life and soul with him.
“I…I don’t know what to do. I’ve never done this before.”
Quinn had been in the process of turning toward the fridge, but ran into the kitchen island at her words. He cursed then blinked up at her.
“Never?”
She narrowed her eyes then rolled them. “I meant I’ve been with someone before. I’m not a virgin, if that’s what you’re wondering.”
For some reason, his wolf growled at her words.
Well, he knew the reason. The idea of her with another male made him want to rip the bastard limb from limb, a response that didn’t sit lightly with him considering he’d been mated before.
Hell, he had a kid. He was a couple of decades older than Gina, so it wasn’t like either of them was pure and innocent.
He hadn’t really thought of her past.
He hadn’t thought of her future either.
Yet here he was, ready to take her future away to save his son. Gina was a far better wolf than he was. He didn’t deserve her, and both of them were aware it, yet he knew he couldn’t reject her offer.
Not when it could save Jesse.
“Sorry,” he mumbled and turned toward the fridge, this time avoiding the island. “Want something to eat?” Maybe if they actually did something other than stare at each other, they could figure out what to do next.
Gina let out a breath. “Yeah. I was too nervous to think about food before I left, and now I’m regretting it.”
He just prayed she didn’t regret anything else. He pushed that thought out of his head and pulled out vegetables and a steak he had thawing in the fridge.
“I can make us up a steak omelet if you want,” he said, trying to sound casual but failing.
“I’ll help.”
They were so polite and distant. They didn’t sound like two wolves who were going to end up in his bedroom, sweaty and soul-bound.
The thing was, they didn’t know each other.
They knew only some of the specifics, but not any of the details that made the human part of their souls want to mate.
Their wolves might be ready, and the outcome of Jesse living put a spin on it that changed things, but their human halves were far from ready to be mated for the rest of their eternities.
For one thing, he’d promised himself—and Gina for that matter—that he’d never mate again. He all but threw her out of his house and hurt her more than he’d meant to. Or, rather, he’d hurt her exactly like he’d meant to, even if he hadn’t wanted to when he truly thought about it.
Quinn pushed those thoughts away and went to the island. “You want to wash the vegetables while I start on the meat?”
“That I can do,” she said softly. He noticed the shaking in her hands, but he didn’t comment on it. They needed to move past the tension and figure out how the hell they were going to make this work.
He started cutting the meat while heating up oil in the pan. Once he finished that, he got started on the eggs, trying not to notice how good Gina felt next to him. They worked side by side in silence for a few minutes when she came back to the island.
He let out a breath, knowing if he didn’t say something, they’d never move past this. “I’m not going to ask if you’re sure, Gina,” he said softly. “If I keep asking that, you’re either going to punch me or just walk away, and I don’t want either of those.” He met her gaze, and she widened her eyes.
No, he didn’t want her gone, but he wasn’t sure of his own motives. Yes, he wanted his son to have a fighting chance, but right then, Jesse wasn’t in the room. This was about Quinn and Gina.
And that scared the hell out of him.
“I’m sure, Quinn. I’m not going to back down because it’s hard.” Her voice didn’t hold a hint of anything but strength. For that he could have kissed her.
And he would.
Jesus, how the hell had he gotten himself into this situation?
Fate fucking hated him.
“What do you want out of this?” he asked then shook his head at the anger in her eyes.
“I don’t mean anything bad by it. I mean, what do you want to do with what’s happening?
We’re going to eat breakfast and try to calm ourselves, but at some point, we’re going to go back to my bedroom and have sex.
You get that, right? This isn’t how most matings go, and I feel like I’m taking something important away from you. ”
She sighed. “Stop it, Quinn. Didn’t you just say you wouldn’t ask if I was sure? Because what you said sounds a lot like it. As for what I want? I want your son to be happy and healthy. I want my Pack to be safe. I want the Talons to be safe.”
He set the beef in the pan, ignoring the sizzle of oil as it popped at him. “You didn’t mention what you wanted for yourself.”
“No, I guess I didn’t. What I wanted before I met you doesn’t really matter anymore.
What I want now is to find a way to be happy.
You don’t love me, and I don’t love you.
We’re wolves, not humans. We can find a way to enjoy sex and not hate ourselves for it.
As for what comes after a few years of us being together?
” She shrugged. “I don’t know, but I know I’m not going to punish you for it.
You’re punishing yourself enough for it. ”
Goddess, this woman was something else. She was so strong, yet he didn’t think she knew it.
He turned the heat down on the stove then moved to wash his hands.
After he dried them, he prowled toward her.
She stood as stiff as a statue, yet he didn’t stop.
When he cupped her cheek, she parted her lips.
“You are something else, Gina. You are the strongest wolf I know, and I’ve met a lot of strong wolves. The fact you’re sacrificing a future you could have for Jesse…” He let out a breath. “I don’t think I could ever repay you.”
She licked her lips, and his gaze followed the movement. “Just don’t hate me,” she said so low he wasn’t sure he heard her right.
His thumb rubbed her cheek, and he nodded slowly. “I don’t hate you, Gina.” She sucked in a breath, and he cursed himself for his rage before. “I hate what Helena and the witch who helped her did to me. Did to Jesse. But I don’t hate you.”
She met his gaze, and he hoped she saw the truth in his words. “Don’t hate who I am, then. Can you do that? Can you get over what happened and know that I’m wolf, witch, and woman?”
He searched her face for a long while then nodded, knowing it was the truth. “I can do that, Gina. I can treat you as Gina, if you can treat me as Quinn. Can you forgive me?”
She lifted up on her toes then brushed her lips against his. His wolf pressed against his skin, craving more. “You need to stir the meat,” she said once she went back to the flat of her feet. “I’ll start the eggs.”
He hesitated, then nodded. She hadn’t said she’d forgiven him, but he didn’t blame her. He’d cut right to the bone, but he’d do everything in his power to prove that he was worthy of her…even if he couldn’t risk his heart.
He’d already lost everything, and he didn’t know if he could do it again. Not fully. Only time would tell.
They finished making breakfast while speaking of Pack duties and council matters.
They didn’t discuss what would happen next or even what would happen the next day.
Things were going to change in every way possible.
He was going to leave his Pack, his home, and his friends to protect his son.
The fact that he would so willingly do that shocked him, yet he knew it shouldn’t have.
Jesse was more important than anything.
Even himself.
After breakfast, they did the dishes and then stood next to one another, the tension rising again. He cupped her face and let out a breath when she let him, this time even leaning into his palm.
“You know the two steps of mating, right?” he asked, his voice low. Best to get the formalities out of the way since they were both nervous.
She nodded. “We will each mark one another so our wolves will be bonded, and then when we make love, you’ll release inside me, sealing the other half of the bond.”
Make love.
He liked those words on her lips.
It sounded better than fucking or sex. It sounded as if they were actually going to try and be normal rather than going about this in all the worst ways possible.
He nodded then tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear with his other hand.
“Then Kade, most likely, will perform a mating ceremony when we’re both ready.
” He swallowed hard. “It might be best to do that once Jesse and I are fully Redwoods, rather than confusing the Talon issue.” It broke something inside him to say that, but he knew the Brentwoods and the rest of the Talons would eventually be okay with his decision.
It wasn’t as though there was another one to make.
Some people might have thought he’d be the one to stay within his Pack because he was the male, but those people were idiots.
Gina was the one with the fated position, the one with the bond to her Pack that would eventually lead to even more strength and dominance.
He would find a way to fit in because he had to.
There was no way he’d make her give up her Pack when she was giving up everything else.
Maybe she’s not giving up everything. Maybe she could be happy with you.
That small voice in his head startled him, but he pushed it away. He didn’t need those kinds of thoughts.
“Are you sure you’re ready to leave the Talons?” she asked.