20. Olivia
OLIVIA
Olivia clicked submit on another job application — this one in New York City.
She was no fool. She knew that Leo might not want her to stick around after the divorce went through. And she knew that she probably wouldn’t land a job in New York anyway, with all the competition for so few roles. But she couldn’t help herself.
It had been two, almost three, weeks since she’d come to New York with Leo, since the unexpected marriage, since her whole life had changed.
And slowly, piece by piece, she was starting to believe that what they had was real.
Maybe fate had thrown her and Leo together in that casino in Las Vegas.
Maybe destiny had told Olivia to come with Leo to New York.
Maybe, once they didn’t have to be married anymore, they could date.
Olivia would try to find a job in the city, rent a room or a studio that she could afford, and spend more time with Leo.
Hopefully, sooner or later, they could fall into bed together again — because memories of that night still hung fresh in the back of Olivia’s mind.
Maybe they could mean something to each other.
If Leo wanted that.
She hoped he did.
Olivia let out a long sigh and slowly shut her laptop.
The last few weeks had been like a dream.
She’d had breakfasts and dinners with Leo almost every day, with both of them chatting, laughing, and staying up way too late together.
She’d gotten to know things about him — not just the big things, like the fact that he’d lost his brother, but the little things, like how he always wanted to pet dogs they met in the park and how he would tap his foot in rhythm to his favorite song (“Carry On Wayward Son”).
Olivia was sure she’d never known anyone this well before, apart from, perhaps, her sister.
On the weekends, the two of them went for adventures around the city.
Last weekend, they’d gone to Coney Island, where they’d shared a sugary funnel cake and ridden on the Ferris wheel.
Olivia had even played a dart-throwing game and won Leo a pink stuffed bear holding a heart, which he’d obediently carried around the whole afternoon despite the stares he’d gotten.
He’d only given it up at the end of the day, when they’d met a little girl who’d looked at the bear with such hope in her eyes that Leo had asked if it was okay to give away his prize.
Olivia had said yes. Of course she had. There was nothing sweeter than a grown man who was kind to children — or a grown man willing to look a little silly to make someone happy.
Olivia was about to get up when her phone rang.
It was Rachel. Olivia answered without thinking, but as she did, worry settled in her stomach.
Somehow, she’d managed to avoid telling her sister that she was in New York.
With her husband. They’d texted, as they usually did, but hadn’t called, so it had been possible to keep the secret.
Over the phone, she wasn’t sure she’d be able to, or that she wanted to.
“Olivia!” Rachel sounded cheerful, even though there was a faint crash in the background that must be one of the kids knocking something over. “How are you? I feel like it’s been years.”
“It’s only been weeks,” Olivia said. “But I’ve missed you, too.”
“How are you? How’s Mr. Meany?”
“Um…” Olivia winced. “There are a few things I need to catch you up on.”
“Oh? Good news, maybe?”
“Um, maybe. See, at the conference in Las Vegas, Mr. Marley was being a real jerk, and…” And the whole story poured out.
Olivia had meant to hold back a little, but a part of her must have known that it was time to come clean.
She told Rachel all about quitting her job on the spot, going to the casino, and meeting Leo.
“Somehow,” she said, “we ended up married, but neither of us remember it.”
“What?” Rachel sounded shocked — and maybe a little amused. “Married? What?”
“Please save all questions for the end,” Olivia said, with more dignity than she felt.
She continued, telling Rachel about her spontaneous trip back to New York with Leo, the weeks they’d spent together, and her growing feelings for her husband.
She only left out the part about them sleeping together.
“Of course, we’re planning to get divorced as soon as possible, but maybe there’s a chance for us to find something real,” she finished.
“Why?” Rachel asked.
“Why is there a chance for us to find something real?” Olivia shook her head. “Because Leo is wonderful. He’s smart, handsome, funny, thoughtful… He’s kind. He cares about me, asks me questions, shares his own feelings?—”
“No, no,” Rachel said impatiently. “Why are you getting divorced?”
“Um, because we were never supposed to get married,” Olivia pointed out. “What kind of person gets married to someone they’ve only known for a few hours? Not me, that’s for sure.”
“Maybe it should be you. This Leo seems great. You’ve been moaning about how you never had time to date. Maybe a part of you saw something in Leo that you wanted to hold on to, and that’s why you got married.”
“This really isn’t the reaction I was expecting from you.”
“What were you expecting?”
“I don’t know. Judgment. I’m judging myself for getting married and not even knowing it.”
“I’m not judging you. You’re one of the smartest, most level-headed people I know. If you married Leo, there must have been a really good reason.”
Just then, the elevator dinged. Panic shot through Olivia’s chest — Leo absolutely couldn’t come home to find her talking about him on the phone.
“Sorry, got to go!” She hung up, quickly opened her laptop, and tried to look busy, despite her racing heart.
Still, her sister’s words lodged inside her heart.
Maybe Rachel had a point. Maybe Olivia shouldn’t rush to get divorced from the first person in years she’d had feelings like this for, if ever.
“There you are,” Leo smiled as he entered the living room. He sat on the couch across from her. “What are you working on?”
“Oh, just normal things,” Olivia said quickly. Then she realized how ridiculous that sounded. “I mean, I’m editing photos.”
“Does this mean I’ll finally get to see some?” Leo asked. Olivia opened her mouth to make an excuse, then closed it. Maybe it was time to show Leo some of her work. After all, she cared about him deeply. And he wouldn’t laugh at her. Would he?
“You know what? Okay.”
“Really?” Leo looked deeply pleased, and Olivia tried to ignore how warm his pleasure made her heart.
“Really.”
He scooted closer, until his shoulder brushed Olivia’s and she was enveloped by his warm, masculine scent.
His proximity reminded her of their night together, and, not for the first time, she struggled to focus on anything other than Leo.
It would have been so easy to turn her head, just a little, and kiss him.
Instead, she opened her online portfolio. Before clicking on the first picture, though, she lowered the lid of the laptop and turned to Leo.
“Don’t laugh at me, okay?”
His expression was serious. “I would never.”
“All right.” She opened the lid again and clicked on the first picture.
Over the last few weeks, living with Leo in New York, she’d added to her portfolio.
The first was an image of a little girl in Central Park, swinging on a swing set.
Her face wasn’t visible, but from the way her head was thrown back and her bare feet were kicking in the air, it was clear that she was enjoying herself.
The sky above her was very blue, the grass was very green, and the way the image was framed, it looked like the tree above her was looking down on her protectively.
“This is beautiful,” Leo said. Olivia glanced at him, to see if he was just being nice, but he still looked serious. “I thought you liked nature photos, though.”
“I do. People can be part of nature — that’s something I thought about a lot while I was taking these photos.
” Olivia clicked to the next one, which showed a businessman walking along a New York City sidewalk.
He was staring at his phone in his hand, while all around him, tiny yellow flowers were blooming through cracks in the sidewalk.
“That one feels personal,” Leo said.
“Oh?” Olivia glanced at him again.
“I think I could have been that guy. I’m always looking at my phone and not at what’s around me.”
Olivia smiled. “I can’t argue with that. Although, when we walk together, you seem pretty focused.”
“I try. But when I’m on my own, I don’t notice my surroundings as much as I should.”
The next photo showed a fluffy white dog standing nose to nose with a statue of a wolf.
“I remember you taking this one,” Leo said.
“I bet you do. We waited on that bench for almost an hour for a dog to come along and pose just right.”
“Was it an hour? It didn’t feel like it.
” Leo shifted beside her, his shoulder brushing Olivia’s again.
Warmth bloomed inside her once more, and she thought of Rachel’s words.
Why was she fighting this? Why didn’t she just let herself fall into Leo again and forget the consequences, at least for a little while?
But Olivia didn’t. She wasn’t that kind of person, the kind that could throw tomorrow to the wind in favor of today.
She’d done that more, recently, but she couldn’t do it now.
Leo was too important to her, and she didn’t want to mess up a chance of a potential future relationship by making their divorce more difficult.
What a strange thought. What a strange situation she’d found herself in.
But, even though part of her wanted to just stay married, Olivia knew she had to listen to reason and let the divorce go through.
Cutting the strings that tied them together was the only way to know if Leo really cared for her.
For almost an hour, Olivia showed Leo every photo in her portfolio.
He had questions about many of them — where she’d taken them, what she wanted the viewer to feel, how she’d decided on the framing, and so on.
Olivia asked him several times if he wanted a break, but he always shook his head.
When Olivia finally showed him the last photo, he looked at her, his expression serious.
“Olivia, you have a gift.”
“Thanks.” Olivia closed the laptop and set it aside.
“No, really. You should do this kind of photography.”
“If only it were that easy,” Olivia smiled wryly. “But I really appreciate you saying that. I do love taking pictures like this.”
“And it shows. I can see how much you cared about each one of these. So many of the things you photographed were ordinary, sights I see every day and don’t think twice about. But because you cared, because you saw those things when others wouldn’t have, they became special.”
Somehow, Olivia knew that Leo was talking about more than the pictures. She looked into his deep blue eyes and tucked her lip between her teeth.
“In this life, whatever we pay attention to becomes special,” she said.
And in the same way, Leo had paid attention to her, seen what she liked and didn’t, what made her laugh, what made her sad.
He cared, just as she did, and that had made her see herself in a new light.
She had done the same for him, paying attention to everything about him that was special.
I love you.
The words hovered in the back of her mind, not quite reaching her lips. Olivia wasn’t sure where they’d come from, but the sheer rightness scared her. She quickly stood, brushing her hands against her shorts as if they were dirty.
“We should think about dinner. I didn’t start anything, so maybe we can go out?”
“Sounds great.” Leo stood, too. “I’ll change and meet you in five minutes.”
“Okay.”
He left the room, and Olivia stood there, her heart racing. She loved him? Where had that come from? Olivia knew one thing, though: she couldn’t tell him how she felt. Not yet. What if he thought she was trying to undermine their divorce?
What if she was?
And worst of all, what if Leo still thought of her as just a temporary wife, someone to brighten his life and then leave again? What if she told him that she loved him and he was shocked, horrified — even pitying? She wouldn’t be able to stand that.
No, it was better to say nothing. At least until Leo gave her a clear sign that he felt the same way… at least until the divorce was finalized and they were both free to share their true feelings.