23. Olivia
OLIVIA
“Aunt Olivia! Aunt Olivia!” Lily flew into the room and launched herself onto Olivia’s bed. Olivia groaned and rubbed her eyes.
“What time is it?”
“Six!” Lily burrowed under the covers, pressing her cold feet against Olivia’s legs. “But I wanted to come say hi before I had to go to school.”
“Hi,” Olivia said. She hugged her niece, then rolled groggily over and looked at the time. Sure enough, it was just after six a.m. “Why are you up so early? I thought school started at seven thirty.”
“I just told you. I wanted to say hi to you before school!” Lily beamed at her with a gap-toothed smile. “I love having you stay with us.”
“Me too,” Olivia said, though it was more than a little bit of a lie.
After flying back to Seattle two weeks ago, she’d crunched the numbers of her finances.
Without a job in Seattle — and she’d given up even looking during the last few weeks with Leo, instead looking for jobs in New York — she couldn’t afford rent, groceries, or anything else. Not for long.
With a heavy heart, she’d given up her apartment lease, packed everything into her car, and driven back to Coeur d’Alene. It was the opposite of the optimistic journey she’d made years ago when heading to Seattle.
For the last week and a half, Olivia had been staying in Rachel’s guest bedroom. Rachel and her family were the most wonderful hosts. They’d invited Olivia to family dinners, taken her to the pool over the weekend, and made her a stack of drawings (that last one had been Lily’s contribution).
Numerous times, Rachel had invited Olivia to join her in the kitchen after the kids’ bedtime for a cup of chamomile and a conversation. She’d asked how Olivia felt about everything, but Olivia hadn’t been ready to talk yet.
She might never be.
Olivia had thought she was in love with Leo. She’d even begun to hope that she might be building a family with him, and that Rachel might be right. She’d felt like they were really married.
Meanwhile, Leo had been worrying that she was going to steal his money and thinking of her as a charity case.
She might never get over the sting of betrayal.
“Aunt Olivia?” Lily put her face very close to Olivia’s. “You look sad.”
“I’m okay, honey,” Olivia managed a smile. “How about we get up, get dressed, and have breakfast before you go to school?”
“Yay!” Lily leaped out of the bed just as quickly as she’d jumped in and scampered out of the room.
Slightly more subdued, Olivia followed. She went into the bathroom, dressed, and brushed her teeth.
Then she headed to the kitchen, where a sleepy Rachel in a bathrobe and an energetic Lily in her school clothes were already sitting.
Lily had a bowl of cereal, and Rachel had a cup of coffee with cream and sugar (both sisters took their coffee the same way).
“You made it!” Lily said brightly.
“How are you?” Rachel asked. The question was casual enough, but there was a flicker of worry behind her blue eyes. Rachel knew that Olivia wasn’t doing well.
“I’m okay.”
“Any job leads?”
Olivia groaned and rubbed her eyes. “That’s a heavy question for first thing in the morning.”
“I take that as a no?”
“Actually, I have an interview this afternoon.”
“That’s great! For a photography job?”
Olivia traced the wood lines of the table with a fingertip. She didn’t meet her sister’s eyes. “No. For another sales job. Here in town.”
“Olivia.” Rachel sounded worried. “I thought you were looking for a job where you could work as a photographer. You’ve been building your portfolio and everything. And as much as I love having you here, there’s no way you want to stay in Idaho.”
“Yeah, well, I can’t live in a fantasy land where I get to do everything I want,” Olivia sighed. “I have to be realistic. There are bills to pay, and there’s no real point in moving back to Seattle.”
She’d also had an offer of an interview in New York, but she’d turned it down. There was no point in moving to New York now, either.
"But you’re so good at photography!” Lily piped up.
Her young face was pinched with worry, and Olivia’s heart sank.
She never wanted to let her niece down. That was part of what was so hard about all this — she wanted to be a role model, not a heartbroken divorcee with no chance at the career she’d dreamed about.
Well, she wasn’t actually a divorcee yet. Leo hadn’t sent the papers, and Olivia hadn’t been able to bring herself to reach out and ask for them.
“Thanks, sweetheart,” Olivia smiled at her niece. “Maybe I’ll still find a job in photography.”
“How about you run and make sure you have all your homework?” Rachel suggested.
Lily nodded and ran off, leaving the sisters alone.
Rachel reached out and took Olivia’s hand.
“Listen. I know you’re feeling down right now, and I don’t blame you.
The situation with Leo was a real mess. But just because that didn’t work out doesn’t mean you don’t deserve everything wonderful in life.
You should have a job you love, in a city you love, with someone you love by your side. ”
“None of those really feel possible right now,” Olivia admitted.
“Look. Leo messed up, big time, by letting you go. But don’t let him win. Don’t give up on your dreams because of him.”
“I’m not!” Olivia protested. “I’m trying to be responsible. It doesn’t make sense to chase a career in photography when I don’t have enough money to make it happen. I’m already relying on your charity now.”
“Charity?” Rachel frowned. “We’re sisters. I’m giving you a place to stay because I love you, I care about you, and I want you around. Why would that be charity?”
“I just… I don’t want to rely on charity ever again. Not after what it was like as kids.”
“I know that was hard,” Rachel sighed. “But there’s a difference between lying around letting people give you things and accepting help when you need it. I would never think twice about helping you, just like you would never think twice about helping me. That isn’t charity.”
“But I was a charity case to Leo!” Olivia blurted out. “When I read the postnup, the one that made sure I couldn’t take anything from him, he offered to give me money so that I could become a photographer. And it wasn’t worth it.”
“That can’t have felt good,” Rachel took her hands. “But think about it. What if Leo was offering you that money because he cares about you, not because he thinks of you as a charity case? Maybe he just wanted you to succeed.”
“If he wanted me to succeed, if he cared about me, he wouldn’t have hidden the postnup from me. He would have talked to me.”
“Maybe he’s just an idiot,” Rachel suggested. Olivia managed a smile, though it didn’t quite reach her eyes.
Just then, Lily hurried back in with her backpack. Rachel and Olivia turned their attention to the young girl, but Olivia couldn’t stop thinking about what Rachel had said. It made it better to think that Leo really had cared about her, even if he’d had trouble expressing it well.
Still, even if he had cared about her, he’d hurt her. Deeply.
Rachel had been right about something else, though. Olivia should continue to chase her dreams, regardless of anything else. Maybe she was worth believing in.