Chapter 20
STEVIE
Stevie sighed happily as she slid her bare thigh across Clay’s bare thigh, her head coming to rest on his shoulder, her hair loose from its plaits now, falling softly down her back as her arm slid across his chest, her hand coming to rest on a nicely rounded pec.
It was three in the morning and every part of her was inebriated with malaise.
Drowsy and drunk in the best way possible, not from margaritas but from the deep satisfaction of four earth-shattering orgasms, drifting in their glorious aftermath.
She was tired yet more vibrant and awake than she’d ever been, lying in a pool of moonlight pouring in through the large picture window, revelling in the absolute quiet of a rural Wyoming night and the soft, slow caress of his fingers trailing down her arm.
In the soft slow caress of her fingers, tracing the solid ridge of his collarbone from his shoulder to the notch at the base of his whiskery throat.
Revelling in the slight ache between her legs.
Although she only had the stories of friends to compare it to, Stevie figured as far as cherry popping went, it had been spectacular, and she smiled to herself remembering it again, hugging it close. Stephanie Everhart – ex virgin.
Waiting for Clay Calhoun had been a very good decision.
And no matter what happened after she left here, she would never forget this night.
Lifting her hand, he kissed her palm and Stevie’s eyes drifted closed as his fingers toyed with hers, his thumb rubbing over the place where her purity ring had been until a few hours ago.
‘Why is it complicated?’ he asked, his voice low in the night. ‘With your mom?’
Her eyes fluttered open at the question, part of her pleased he was interested in her life outside them being naked together.
The other part wishing she didn’t have any baggage to explain.
But wanting this man who already knew her in the most physically intimate way possible to know her in the most emotionally intimate way, too.
Withdrawing her hand from his, she turned so she was lying on her stomach, supporting herself on a bent elbow.
Her breath caught at the sight of him, this hardened cowboy softened in the moonlight falling gently across his abs and pecs, across the bones of his cheeks and forehead. Splashing his whiskers in alabaster.
Stevie regarded him for a beat or two trying to decide where to begin. ‘My family are church goers.’
He shrugged. ‘So are mine. You don’t see any purity ring on Mags’s finger.’
Okay… she clearly needed to go back a little further. ‘My sister—’
She faltered for a second. She’d felt so close to Yolly tonight and the thought that she wouldn’t be sharing this experience with her sister as Yolly had shared hers, whispering the details to Stevie under the covers the next morning, caused a raw, bitter ache in her throat.
Yet another first in the unending cycle of firsts without her sister.
‘Yolanda,’ he prompted, his tone gentle.
Stevie smiled and nodded. ‘She was… outrageous. You would have loved her.’ She laughed as the ache in her throat turned bittersweet.
‘She’d always gone her own way and been headstrong and known what she wanted in life.
Which was to experience as much of it as possible all at once.
She believed in making your own destiny and if it hadn’t been for her drive, we’d have never got our first break in the industry. ’
‘She sounds like a force of nature.’
‘She was.’ Yolly had been chaos in action but Stevie had loved her older sister with a fierce kind of desperation.
‘Did that cause arguments with your mom?’
‘Yes, huge arguments. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t like they constantly argued, there was a lot of laughter between them too and Mom was Yolly’s biggest supporter in lots of ways, especially helping to navigate those early attempts at getting a toe hold in the music industry.
They just had different outlooks which often clashed. ’
‘I get that. You should have seen the clashes Dad and I had when they started talking about turning the ranch into a tourist venue.’
‘You weren’t impressed?’
He snorted. ‘Hell no. It was arrogant and selfish of me, of course. Especially as I was heading for the circuit, but the idea of it.’ He shuddered.
‘Now I can see my parents were just trying any way they could to save the ranch and even though I still wish things were like they were, the fact they’ve been able to save the working part of it because of the tourist side of it is pretty damn impressive. ’
‘It is,’ Stevie agreed.
A couple of moments passed before he spoke again. ‘So… let me guess. You were the good sister?’
Stevie laughed. ‘Yes. I was the rule follower. The obedient daughter. There was always so much noise around Yolly whereas I ate all my vegetables and did my homework and coloured inside the lines. I kept to my curfew and didn’t mind that Mom could track me on my phone because I never did anything worth worrying about anyway.
I learned really early that my parents needed a less…
spirited child and I was a natural introvert so I was happy to play that role. ’
‘That didn’t cause friction between you and her?’
‘No.’ A slice of Stevie’s hair fell forward as she shook her head, and Clay looped it around his index finger.
‘Yolly appreciated it. She used to say that we were yin and yang, opposites but still part of the same whole, and my amiability helped buffer her compulsivity. She adored me just as I adored her. She was like this disco ball and I got to live in her sparkles and then make music with her.’
He didn’t say anything but his hand slid onto her cheek for a moment, just holding there, empathy radiating from his gaze, before it dropped away.
‘We were in church one Sunday, when I was sixteen. Yolly was there, too. She quite liked going to church, I think mostly because of the music. But a little bit because of her on-again-off-again crush on the preacher’s son.’
Clay’s low chuckle settled around her like a hug.
‘Anyway, the minister starting talking about how they were starting up a virginity pledge programme for teenagers through the church and my mom was all over it, wanting to enrol me and Yolly. Mostly I think to try and curtail some of Yolly’s impulses.’
Clay’s eyebrows raised. ‘I’m guessing that wasn’t popular with your sister?’
‘Ah, no.’ Stevie laughed. ‘Given she’d already lost her virginity, she was vehemently opposed.
Mom did the usual while you’re living under my roof thing but then Yolly said she was nearly eighteen and planning on sleeping with as many guys as she could before she settled with one guy and the whole thing was about the patriarchal subjugation of women and, well…
it devolved into the usual arguments which kinda put me in on the hook for it. ’
He wound his finger in her hair again. ‘Did you mind?’
‘Honestly? No. Yolly was an extrovert who flourished with variety. She had a large friend group, and was always taking the lead with the fans. I was much quieter, living in my head with my country love songs, so it was kinda… romantic to be honest. Not that it was about waiting for a wedding ring or anything but I liked the idea of it not being just the first guy that came along. I liked the idea of it meaning something. I know that’s not the way everyone feels and that’s fine but… ’ She shrugged. ‘It felt right for me.’
‘And what did Yolly think about that?’
‘She respected it. But it didn’t stop her from trying to talk me out of it either.
’ Stevie smiled, remembering those conversations.
‘She used to tell me about guys and how the good ones could make you feel incredible. Which, for the record’ – Stevie blushed, surprised she still could after everything they’d done together – ‘I finally understand.’
Clay’s lips curved into a smug smile. ‘Pleased to be of service.’
Stevie’s mouth curved, too. ‘Much appreciated.’
‘So… you don’t think your mom will respect that you’ve changed your mind?’
Stevie grimaced. ‘She will, eventually. But… I guess it goes back to our family dynamic. It’s been a terrible couple of years for her, obviously.’
Her gaze dropped to the haunch of his shoulder as Clay said, ‘For you, too.’
Stevie raised her eyes to find his brimming with understanding. ‘Yes, for me too. But… I think she’s dealing with so much guilt over the tumultuous nature of her and Yolly’s relationship and she’s clinging to the familiar because nothing feels the same without Yolly around.’
Stevie almost laughed at her understatement. Life now felt like she was walking around with one leg slightly shorter than the other – the world hadn’t changed but the way she navigated it was harder.
‘I’m the one that never caused her a moment of stress or worry,’ she continued, ‘so I’m just trying to keep the status quo.’
‘Would she…’ He paused like he wasn’t sure how to say the thing he wanted to say. ‘After everything… really care any more about the purity ring?’
‘Maybe not.’ The truth was Stevie didn’t know for sure but she did know she wasn’t going to push that envelope when her and Clay were… temporary. ‘I’m just trying to be gentle with her.’
He nodded slowly. ‘The good daughter, huh?’
Stevie rolled her eyes. ‘Yeah.’
‘Can I… ask about your sister? About her accident? About that time in your life?’
Stevie blinked, surprised by his question. Being on the ranch these past two weeks, no one had asked her about Yolly and it had been nice.
‘You don’t have to,’ he assured as the silence stretched.
‘No… it’s fine.’ Stevie tossed her head. ‘It’s just… you’ve never asked, so…’
He didn’t say anything for a beat or two as his fingers lifted to trail lightly down her face.
‘It’s obviously still raw for you so I didn’t want to pry.
But I think that maybe you don’t get much of a chance to talk about it with anybody outside of dodging nosy questions from the media.
Anybody real. Anybody you can be real with. ’
Clay’s thoughtfulness was touching. She’d have never thought that grumpy cowboy she’d first met could have such a capacity for empathy. Because he was right, Yolly’s death wasn’t something she talked about much. And she could be real with Clay. She’d been real with him since the beginning.
Easing herself down, she lay her head on his chest and closed her eyes, his fingers automatically tangling in her hair.
‘We’d both just got our first sizeable cheque from our agent and Yolly bought a car with it. A brand new Mustang she called Fancy.’ Stevie’s mouth curved into a smile at the memory of seeing it for the first time. ‘Top of the range, all the bells and whistles, painted in orange fury.’
His low chuckle vibrated through her chest. ‘Good choice.’
Stevie laughed. ‘I told you, you would have liked her.’ The thought stuck in her throat. Her sister would have liked Clay.
She would have freaking loved that he’d popped Stevie’s cherry.
‘It was a powerful car and Mom was not impressed with Yolly blowing almost all her money on it.’
Why her mom had expected Yolly to get a more sensible vehicle, Stevie had no idea. Yolly had always loved flash.
‘But Yolly loved it and drove it everywhere, always volunteering to be designated driver if she went out with friends so she could show Fancy off. Mom worried whenever she went out in it and even tried to slip an AirTag into it until Yolly found her doing it and was furious.’
The sift of his fingers in her hair was drugging and Stevie leaned into it, appreciating how the soothing stroke was offsetting the turbulent memories.
‘The night of the accident Yolly had gone to the mixing studio we used to lay down some backing music for the album we’d been working on and had told Mom she’d be back by ten.
When she wasn’t home by eleven Mom started calling her.
She called and called. It wasn’t unusual for Yolly not to answer Mom’s calls but as midnight turned to one o’clock then one thirty, Mom really started to worry.
I wasn’t overly worried, I figured she was with this muso guy from the studio she liked.
But normally she’d respond to me if she was ignoring Mom and she hadn’t done that either. ’
A build-up of moisture pricked at the backs of her lids and Stevie squeezed them tight. ‘And then at 2 a.m., I had just fallen asleep and… there was a knock on the door. It was the police telling us she’d been in an accident and that she’d been admitted to ICU in a critical condition.’
The hand in her hair slid to her shoulder, holding her firm, his thumb brushing rhythmically against her bicep. A tear slid from Stevie’s eye, splashing on his chest.
‘That must have been pretty frightening.’
‘It was. She was in ICU for four days on life support but… she was brain dead. Catastrophic cranial bleed. It was just… so hard to perceive because there was hardly a mark on her. I don’t think I stopped crying the entire length of her stay.’
‘Stevie…’ he whispered. ‘I’m so sorry.’
But she barely heard him as her eyes flickered open.
‘When they switched off the machines it was… awful. Mom was… I’d never seen her like that.
She crawled on the bed and gathered Yolly up like she was still a little girl.
’ Stevie’s voice broke. ‘And she… wailed. I’ve never heard that noise come from anyone before.
Not in real life. It was…’ Stevie shivered just thinking about the absolute human misery of it. ‘Haunting.’
Another tear fell then and Stevie didn’t know whether he could actually feel the moisture on his chest or not, but he held her a little tighter and did so for a long time after that, his lips nuzzling her hair. And it felt good, his presence in the silent desolation of her grief a true comfort.
‘Do they know how the accident happened?’ he asked eventually.
‘There was an investigation. She’d driven out of the city.
Kelvin, this guy from the studio, told the police that she was going for a drive to let the pony loose for a bit.
She did love doing that, finding a quiet road away from the city and planting her foot.
They think from the skid marks on the road, maybe an animal ran out in front of her and because she was going really fast she lost control and it flipped several times before smashing into a tree. ’
More silence then because what could he really say that wasn’t some kind of trite platitude which Stevie had already heard a thousand times? Yolly’s death was horrible and would continue to cast its long shadow over her family’s life, and that wasn’t something clichéd words could temper.
‘I miss her,’ she whispered. She missed her impulsive, vivacious, one-of-a-kind sister so damn much.
‘Yeah,’ he murmured as his fingers returned to gently play in her hair. ‘Yeah.’
Stevie shut her eyes then, letting his company and his caress wash over her as they lay in the silence and drifted to sleep.