Chapter 24 #2
It didn’t matter in the end as she’d obviously taken too long to answer or was being far too transparent because her mother’s expression went from mildly suspicious to crushed.
‘Did you break your pledge?’
Good Lord – kill her now. ‘Mom. I’m twenty-two.’ She was twenty-three next month for crying out loud.
‘Is that your way of telling me that you did?’
Stevie let out an exasperated huff. ‘It’s my way of telling you it’s none of your damn business.’ As soon as the words were out, Stevie wished she could take them back.
‘Oh God.’ Her mother’s eyes misted as she fanned her face. ‘You did.’
‘Mom.’
‘Who?’ she demanded.
‘Mom.’
‘Was it one of the other guests?’
Stevie glared at her mother. Was she for real? Whether she was or not, Stevie wasn’t going to just sit here and take this intrusive questioning. She never argued with her mom – that had been Yolly’s thing. She was the good daughter but there was a first time for everything.
Popping her seat belt clasp, she opened the door, got out of the car and slammed it for good measure.
‘Stephanie!’ her mother called after her, but Stevie’s anger carried her all the way inside the cabin.
Her mother followed soon after but if Stevie thought she might be contrite and conciliatory, she was wrong.
‘Why?’ her mother demanded when she found Stevie pacing in the living room, beating a path between the couch and the dining table.
Stevie blinked at the question. ‘Why what?’
‘I thought you were committed to this promise you made, that it meant something to you. That you were waiting for the right person.’
‘Maybe he is the right person,’ Stevie snapped.
The words stopped Stevie in her tracks. She’d chosen Clay to be the one to introduce her to the intimacies between a man and a woman, but… what if he was more than that?
What if he was the one?
No. Stevie gave herself a mental shake. She was just in a dither from this unexpected development. Nobody knew that after such a short acquaintance.
Her mother reached for the table and sat. ‘Are you saying you’re in love?’
‘No.’ Stevie refused to even countenance such thinking. ‘I’m saying that I did wait for the right person and I have zero regrets.’
‘Darling…’ Her mother shook her head. ‘The biggest chapter of your life is about to begin. All those dreams you and Yolanda had about national tours and being household names is about to come to fruition. You can’t afford to become side-tracked now, you gotta give it your all.
Your tour schedule will be gruelling and there’ll be no time for a boyfriend. ’
It was on the tip of Stevie’s tongue to mention they’d been Yolly’s dreams. And that Taylor Swift – one of the biggest pop stars in the world – managed to juggle her tour schedule and a boyfriend just fine.
But she didn’t.
‘You’re so close. Yolanda would be so proud of how you carried on her legacy.’
Legacy… Ugh. Why was that word starting to feel like a yoke around her neck? Especially when she knew the thing Yolly would probably be the proudest of was Stevie bagging a hot cowboy to pop her cherry.
But she didn’t mention that either.
She knew her mom wasn’t being deliberately manipulative; she knew she felt this genuine imperative to carry on for the daughter she’d loved and lost, and yes, that was messed up and Stevie hadn’t helped by not speaking up about her issues. But this was their dynamic now.
This was what they had.
Their grief for Yolly driving this one goal, co-dependent in ways that weren’t healthy. Stevie as stuck in it as her mom.
Her mother started to cry then, which took Stevie’s very short heart strings and yanked. ‘Mom.’ She sat down at the table. ‘You’re blowing this way out of proportion.’
But tears streamed down her face anyway and Stevie despaired.
She knew it wasn’t about that stupid ring or her virginity – not really.
She knew it was to do with her mom losing control of this plan that she’d rigidly adhered to, the one that kept her going each day, that allowed her to ignore the fact that holding Yolly’s career tight was not holding Yolly.
That Yolly was dead.
A knock on the door startled them both. Stevie frowned – who on earth could that be? She hadn’t heard a vehicle and Clay didn’t usually finish for another few hours. The only other person who visited was Mags. But she knew Cindy Everhart had just arrived so it wasn’t likely to be her.
Her mother stood but Stevie waved her down. ‘I’ll get it.’
She was glad of the reprieve from the mess she found herself in right now. If only her mom had given her a heads-up about coming back to the ranch. Stevie would have put on the ring and never caused her mother this level of distress.
Another knock came as she was about to open the door followed by Clay calling, ‘Open up, Stevie girl.’
Stevie winced, knowing her mother had to have heard. Clearly he didn’t know she’d arrived at the ranch. Before he could say anything more incriminating, Stevie grabbed the handle and opened the door to find him standing there large as life, Electra tied to the porch railing behind.
Despite the situation, her chest swelled at the sight of him lounging in the doorway looking dusty and sweaty and so damn hot.
Greeting her with a wolfish grin, he snatched her up, yanking her body close. ‘I snuck away,’ he murmured, and before she could get a word in, he kissed her hard on the mouth. ‘That’s the one you owe me from the stables. This is for—’
Her brain finally kicking into gear, Stevie put one hand over his mouth and braced the other against his chest as she hiss-whispered, ‘This is not a good time.’
Clay loosened his hold, his grin disappearing. ‘Problem?’ A noise behind them had him glancing over her shoulder and, from the sudden tension in his body, Stevie figured he’d spotted the problem. ‘Oh, hey, Mrs Everhart,’ he said as his hand slid from around Stevie’s waist.
Stevie half turned as her mother, red-eyed and tear-stained, nodded from her spot in the living room. ‘Hello, Clay.’
It wasn’t frosty or hostile, but neither was it welcoming as she moved out of sight, back to the table, Stevie presumed. Great. Just great.
‘Your mother is here?’ he whispered.
Shushing him, Stevie pushed him outside, stepping out with him and closing the door behind them, Electra showing them cursory interest only.
His hands slid to her arms, his eyes roving over her face. ‘Is everything okay?’
‘No.’ Everything was not okay. ‘Not really.’
‘Is it your grandmother?’
Stevie shook her head, touched by his consideration. ‘She’s fine. It’s not that.’
‘Good,’ he said, pulling her in for a hug, which Stevie sunk gratefully into, revelling in the big solid wall of him.
Inhaling, she drew his scent of horse and sunshine deep into her lungs, realising how very familiar it was to her now as he held her tight. He didn’t probe, just stood with her like he had all the time in the world, the steady pull of his breathing the kind of calm she needed.
‘My mother noticed I wasn’t wearing my ring,’ she said eventually.
He didn’t say anything for a beat and when he did it was a simple, ‘Ah.’
‘Yup.’
Pulling back a little from the hug, his gaze sought hers. ‘She didn’t take it well?’
‘No.’
‘Did you tell her why you’d taken it off?’
‘She’s a pretty good guesser. I didn’t have to.’
‘She knows it’s me?’
Stevie gave a mirthless half laugh. ‘She does now.’
‘Okay.’ His palms ironed up and down her arms in a soothing stroke. ‘That’s fine. Let’s go in and talk to her. I’m great with mothers.’
Laughing for real this time, Stevie quirked an eyebrow. ‘Oh really?’ She’d bet her last cent Mister-Girl-In-Every-Town had never met a mother in his life.
‘Sure. My mother thinks I’m awesome.’
Stevie rolled her eyes, the remnants of her laughter still ghosting her mouth. ‘I don’t think an endorsement from one mom, your own at that, really cuts it.’
He smiled, his hand cupping her cheek. ‘I’m sure I’ll figure it out.’
‘No.’ Stevie shook her head, sliding her hand over the top of his.
‘She’s processing a lot at the moment. Plus…
you haven’t done anything wrong. You don’t have anything to answer for.
We’re not teenagers. And this isn’t something for you to fix.
This is just part of the baggage we navigate around every day. ’
‘Stevie…’ He shook his head as his thumb stroked her cheekbone. ‘Maybe it’s time you stopped going around it and busted through it?’
‘Yeah. Maybe.’ Clay was probably right but if she could just get through this tour then maybe that would be enough for her mom. ‘But not today. Not now. Please, just go. I’ll come up later for a bit but I have to deal with this now.’
For a moment, Stevie thought he might press some more but thankfully he didn’t. ‘Okay, sure.’ He smiled as he dropped a soft kiss on her mouth. ‘I’ll see you later.’
Stevie watched him go, lingering a little to collect herself before heading inside. Her mother was sitting on the couch when she re-entered, her eyes even puffier, her nose redder if that was possible, numerous scrunched-up tissues in her lap.
‘I think we should leave tomorrow,’ her mother announced as Stevie lowered herself in the armchair opposite.
‘What?’ Stevie gaped at her mom. ‘Why?’
‘You’ve achieved what the record label sent you here to do. From all our conversations and the pictures and videos you’ve sent, I know you can ride quite well. I can see how comfortable you are around horses and stables, and you have all the ranching lingo. There’s no need to stay longer.’
Need? Who said anything about need? ‘What if I want to stay longer?’
Ignoring the question, Cindy Everhart blew her nose and continued forward. ‘I think, from a production point of view, the earlier we get started on the songs you’ve written while you’re here, the better. That’s just good business sense.’
Stevie had, of course, told her mom about the songs. Not just because she was her mother but also her manager. That’s how it worked. She hadn’t played her any of them but her mother had been excited as always when Stevie wrote something new.
It was easy to forget amongst all the emotional quagmire over Yolly that her mom was also Stevie’s biggest fan.
‘If we can get them ready in time you can debut them during the tour. Make it a thing. Get a buzz going on social media. It could be something the crowds really love and get behind.’
The thing about her mom was that, in only two years, she’d become an excellent manager. Which wasn’t really surprising. Cindy Everhart, like her eldest daughter, had always had a determined streak.
But… ugh. The crowds.
‘Four days isn’t going to make a difference, Mom.’ Stevie tried not to sound irritable but the pitch and roil of her stomach made it impossible.
As soon as she said the words, her mother’s eyes welled up again and Stevie wished she could bite off her tongue. Voice thick with tears her mom said, ‘You and I know intimately what kind of a difference four days can make.’
Oh God… What an idiot to have spoken without thinking. Those four days Yolly was on life support had changed their lives completely. ‘I’m sorry,’ Stevie said on a sigh. ‘I shouldn’t have said that.’
Her mother sobbed quietly and Stevie felt like a terrible daughter thoughtlessly picking at her mother’s scab.
She’d spent the last two years doing anything – including agreeing to a six-month tour – to keep her mother away from the dark abyss of those early days after Yolly had died, and she couldn’t bear to see her crying again.
She especially couldn’t bear being the cause of those tears. Stevie wasn’t the daughter that made her mother cry. Moving to the couch, she sat beside her mom and pulled her into a hug. ‘I’m so sorry, Mom, I didn’t think.’
‘It’s okay,’ she sobbed. ‘I know… It’s okay.’
But the tears kept flowing and all Stevie could do was hug her tight like she’d done in those terrible after days until eventually her mother’s crying jag subsided and she blew her nose and wiped her eyes. Her face was a wreck, though, misery etched into the smudged tear tracks.
‘I’m sorry,’ her mom said. ‘I know I’m still too emotional and I need to do something about that and I will. After the tour.’
Yeah. After the tour. It felt like their entire lives had been put on hold until after the damn tour.
‘But for now… darling, can we please go home and get to work. You’ve done what you came here to do, let’s get back and do what you need to do there.’
The problem with that was, Stevie had done so much more here than she’d ever planned on doing. And the thought of going back tomorrow, was like a knife to her chest.
Which was startlingly scary after such a short period of time. Talk about a wake-up call. Maybe her mother was right? This was supposed to just be a temporary excursion in her life, not become her entire existence.
She did have songs to produce – good songs – and she couldn’t do that here.
‘Please.’ Her mother squeezed her hand. ‘Please.’
Stevie sucked in a husky breath and nodded. ‘Okay, Mom. Okay.’
She’d come this far on her mother’s quest to achieve her sister’s dream of a national tour; she couldn’t bail now. This couldn’t fail because she doubted her mom would ever recover. And if leaving the ranch early meant her mother felt back in control again, then that’s what she’d do.
Yolly’s death had already fractured their lives; Stevie couldn’t let it break them altogether. Was that kicking the can down the road? Maybe. But they’d been doing it for two years.
They could do it a bit longer.
‘Oh, thank you, darling.’ Her mother pulled her in tight, her voice breaking again as she sniffled. ‘Thank you.’
Stevie shut her eyes and leaned into the hug. Her mother’s hugs had always made things better. Until Yolly. But if they could just get through these next months, maybe they would again.
She broke away, smiling at her mother before she patted her hand and stood. ‘I’m going out for a bit, I’ll be back…’ She faltered. How long did it take to say goodbye to a guy who had taught her much, much more than how to ride? ‘In an hour or so.’
‘To see Clay?’
Stevie jutted her chin. ‘Yes.’
Her mother’s lips quivered and she pressed them together as she nodded. ‘Okay.’
‘I wasn’t asking for your permission,’ Stevie said as she turned and walked away.