Chapter 31 #2
I looked at her through my tears, her silhouette blurred. “I’m…p-pregnant.”
Charlie rocked back at that, surprise shining in her gaze. “Really? Is it with that asshole ex of yours?”
Another sob tore from my chest, the pain of it shooting though me and bowing me inward. The only thing keeping me upright at this point was Charlie. I couldn’t speak, so I just nodded.
“Oh, Chey…” She pulled me into her, enveloping me in a hug. I held onto her for what felt like forever, riding the waves of my emotions, until my tears didn’t run like rivers, and my sobs didn’t feel like punches to the gut.
She pulled away as I wiped my cheeks. “So, I’m guessing you told Mav?”
I huffed. “Are you kiddin’? He knew before I did. I woke up this mornin’ to a box of pregnancy tests sittin’ on the counter.”
Charlie’s gaze widened before a soft, knowing smile settled on her lips. “Figures. Maverick is the most observant person I’ve ever met. He guessed when I was pregnant too.”
“Really?” I sniffled.
She nodded, taking a seat on one of the mounting blocks in the shade. “Oh, yeah. He knew before I even had a chance to tell Ryder. Thank God it was him and not Cash, or there would’ve been no way to keep that secret until Ryder got back.”
My mouth twitched into the ghost of a grin, but it died just as quickly as Charlie asked, “How far along are you?”
I took a slow, deep breath. “Ten weeks.”
I didn’t miss the surprise that washed over her face, but to her credit, she tried to hide it well. “You don’t want to keep it, do you?” There was sadness in her voice, but no judgment. Same as Maverick.
A lump lodged in my throat, holding the air in my lungs hostage.
I lifted my shoulders as I tried and failed to come up with what to say.
How could I make her understand that it wasn’t even so much a question of want.
I simply couldn’t. I couldn’t keep this baby.
I had no business keeping this baby. But if I tried to explain, would she understand that?
She was pregnant herself, and keeping it.
“I’m scared,” I finally managed to admit, the sound little more than a hushed squeak.
She reached a hand out, gesturing for me to sit down beside her. I did, and for a long moment we just stayed there, shoulder to shoulder in silence.
“You know, when I found out I was pregnant, I cried for like a solid five hours.” She huffed a laugh, playing with her engagement ring. “Thank God, Cason was still in school, because there was no way in hell I would have been able to keep my shit together if he were there.”
“You were upset?” I asked, turning to look at her.
She met my gaze. “It’s not that. I was. I am…happy but there was a part of me—there still is, really—that was absolutely fucking petrified.”
“But you and Ryder are together. You’re gettin’ married.”
“Yeah, and I absolutely want to start a family with him, but I wasn’t anticipating it being quite so quickly.
I mean, we’re still trying to figure out how to parent Cason, and now we’re just throwing another kid into the mix.
Not to mention, the fact we aren’t married yet, and I am not giving up my dream wedding to have some courthouse ceremony because I’m scared of what these old Karens at church have to say about Ryder and I having this baby out of wedlock. ”
Charlie blew out a breath, causing the wispy bangs framing her face to blow up in the makeshift breeze as she rolled her eyes.
“I’m also terrified of how my body’s gonna change.
I’ve grown up with a mother whose been hounding me about my weight all my life, and I can’t wait to hear the bullshit she has to say when I start showing…
” When she looked at me, her stormy eyes swirled with emotion.
I hadn’t even thought of any of that. She seemed so ecstatic about the whole thing.
She was glowing. Happy. Even though she didn’t have a bump yet, there was just something…
different about her. The way she held herself, she was changed and confident.
I never would have thought she was terrified… then again, I’d never thought to ask.
It’s like she read my thoughts. “I’m allowed to be scared, but also ridiculously happy to be having this baby. Is it ideal timing? No. Am I prepared at all? Hell no…but as long as I have Ryder, I know we’ll make it work.”
“I wish I had that,” I admitted. I just had a baby daddy who literally threatened me.
Charlie’s gaze turned sympathetic…but also a bit hopeful. “You have Mav…if you want him.”
A deep, shuddering breath went through me. “It’s not the same. I’m having someone else’s baby. What if he gets tired of taking responsibility for someone who isn’t even his? What if he resents me? What if he doesn’t even want me anymore?” Hot tears rolled down my cheeks.
“Have you asked him any of this?”
I shook my head.
“Talk to him.” She placed a reassuring hand on my leg. “Maverick is probably the kindest, most loyal, most good man I know. He’s also not an idiot, and he’d be an idiot to let you slip through his fingers because of this.” She pegged me in place with her pleading stare.
“It’s not just Maverick,” I admitted, my voice faltering.
“Then what is it?”
I told her about Nate. About the threat. About what he’d done to my trailer. “If he finds out, Charlie… I don’t know what he’ll do.”
Charlie pursed her lips, concern, understanding, and sympathy washing over her. She blew out a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I can’t even imagine being in that position.”
I met her gaze. “What would you do?”
“Me?” She shook her head, her mouth falling open only to shut once more before opening back up again. “I’d like to say that I wouldn’t let that dickhead have any say in my decision. But…” She shrugged. “I honestly don’t know.”
I nodded. Not the answer I wanted, but then again, I couldn’t expect her to answer that.
“But I do know one thing…” She glanced down at my stomach.
“That baby is yours. No one else gets to decide what you do with your body but you. Not your asshole ex. Not Maverick. Not me. Not any stupid Karen that tries to make you feel guilty or worthless. You decide what’s best for you.
And if you’re not ready to be a mom, well that’s no one’s damn business but yours. ”
Tears pricked in my eyes. I hadn’t wanted Charlie to know about me being pregnant, but I’m glad she’d found out anyway. It felt nice to be seen. To be understood. To have someone in a similar boat—well, minus the bullshit drama. It felt nice not to be so alone.
“Thank you,” I said, offering her a soft, genuine smile.
She bumped shoulders with me, a warm grin lighting up her face. “You’re welcome. Also…totally not pressuring you at all, but it would be pretty cool to get to raise babies with you.”
I snorted, rolling my eyes, but my smile pulled wider. The idea was intriguing. But fear still rode my thought process right now. “Need help with decoration duty?” I asked.
She nodded, understanding the need for a distraction. “Boy, do I ever.”
She stood up, grabbing my arm and hauling me up after her before launching into a tirade of all the things we needed to get done.
I welcomed the distraction with open arms. It gave me something to do other than worry.
Because as comforting as this little chat had been, it also filled me with concern.
Concern about what decision I would make.
Now, more than ever, I didn’t know what to do.
Maverick and I pulled into the roundabout before Cash’s house. He glanced over at me, his gaze blocked by his sunglasses.
“You sure you wanna do this? We can go back home. I don’t mind.”
I appreciated the concern, but honestly, the distraction of this party would be a welcome reprieve from the shift that forged between us since he’d gotten back from church.
Sure, he was courteous, and kind, and caring as ever, making sure to tend to my every need, but he hadn’t touched me since he’d gotten back.
And if I’d learned one thing about Maverick Holstrom since moving in with him, it was that touch was his love language—a brush of our fingers, shoulder nudges, chin tilts and warm embraces, hell, even a forehead kisses.
But since he’d gotten home…nothing. I’d never thought myself one who craved or even needed physical touch.
But it’s like he had magic in those fingertips.
Every inch of me longed to reach out and touch him, but I didn’t.
Something had changed between us. That much was clear.
I thought of Charlie’s words. “Talk to him.”
But sometimes actions spoke louder than words…especially with Maverick.
And not gonna lie, I was afraid to. Afraid of finding out exactly what he thought of this situation. What he thought of me. Would he regret sleeping with me? Would he want me to leave? Would he want to end things romantically?
I wasn’t ready to hear those answers yet. So instead of asking him, I braved a smile, hoping, praying he didn’t press any further as I said, “I’m sure, Maverick. Thank you, though.”
Something flickered in his eyes. A flash of emotion there and gone so quickly I couldn’t place it. But I felt it like a crack forming between the two of us. Making that shift, that chasm wider.
And I didn’t know what to do to stop it.