Chapter 42
Chapter forty-two
Angel Wings
Maverick
Icast one last worried glance toward the barn Cheyenne disappeared into. I hoped Betty behaved. She seemed okay enough with Chey, but still. I didn’t trust her with anyone but me, really.
“So…” Ashleigh’s soft, accusatory tone drew my attention. “Who is she?”
I turned to face her fully. Anger permeated from her; I could practically feel it. She’d never reacted well when I’d tried to move on. Never been good at letting me go. To be fair, I wasn’t any good at it either…
Until now. Until Cheyenne.
The two of them couldn’t be more different. They were night and day. Ashleigh was like the moon on a cloudy night. Cheyenne was the sun.
“She’s my girlfriend,” I replied, though she was so much more than that.
My own resolve surprised me. Ashleigh had always had a way of making me feel like I needed to tread carefully, or walk on eggshells. But none of the usual worry accompanied me as I met her heated glare.
“How long have you been with her?” She crossed her arms over her chest, one of her hips jutting out into a defiant stance.
I shrugged and blew out a sigh. I didn’t see why this mattered. “Couple months now.”
Her eyes narrowed, almost like she was doing the math in her head, before her lips drew down into a furious scowl. “You were talking to her and I at the same time?” Her words dripped with accusation.
Funny, she’d get so mad and accuse me of that when she did it all the time.
She’d been the one who’d slept with another man in my own bed.
On the night I proposed. Anger and sadness and those old devastating feelings fought to rear their ugly heads, but I pushed them down.
No. I was done with letting those emotions control me.
“Her and I hit it off the night you were supposed to come work things out with me,” I finally settled on saying, making sure to keep my tone calm and even despite the anger brewing inside me like a storm.
“I told you I had work!” Her words, her stance, everything about her turned defensive, her sweet voice holding a desperate, shrill note to it.
I leveled her with a knowing look. “Ashleigh…you and I both know you didn’t have work.”
It hurt saying the words out loud. Acknowledging the fact that I’d been second best. That I always was second best for her.
Always the back up. I was the safe harbor when her love life went to shit.
The one who picked up the broken pieces from every guy who fucked her over, only for her to use me up, bleed me dry, and then leave before things got too serious.
And then when things inevitably went south, she’d come crawling back again.
I think it hurt more, though, that I let it happen for so long.
Why had I done this?
I was the voice of reason when it came to Cash and Ryder’s love lives. I’d spouted off a whole bunch of shit to Charlie a few months ago about not letting a love like theirs go to waste. And yet, when it came to my own love life, I was as much of a mess as Cash… Okay, almost as much of a mess.
Ashleigh’s gaze welled with angry tears as she choked out, “So, I fuck up, and you go and get some girl pregnant?”
Her words hit like a sledgehammer to the chest. If only she knew the baby wasn’t mine. But she didn’t need to know that. Besides, I intended to raise that baby as mine. To love it as mine.
I opened my mouth to respond but she continued on. “I’m sorry, okay? I was scared. Scared of jumping back into things and…” Her words dissolved into sobs as she launched into my arms.
For a moment I just stood there. I didn’t know what to say, what to do to make her stop.
I didn’t want her to feel this way. I didn’t want to be the reason for her tears.
As much as she’d hurt me over the last almost twenty years, I didn’t want to see her hurt.
But I also couldn’t keep doing this for her.
Being her punching bag, her shoulder to cry on.
I placed my hands on her shoulders and slowly, gently created space between us.
“Maverick I’m so—” she sobbed, her hands coming up to grasp my arms. But the minute her hands met my flesh, she pulled back, a look of pure, undiluted horror spreading across her face. Her gaze landed on my scars. “Oh my god, they’re so much worse than I remembered.”
Well, if her words had felt like a sledgehammer a few moments earlier, these were like a damn dagger straight through the heart.
For a moment I’d forgotten about them. Cheyenne seemed to like them, made sure to mention how beautiful they were every chance she got.
And tonight, despite every ounce of my mind screaming at me to keep myself covered up, I’d opted to defy the odds and let them show. No one seemed to mind or notice.
Until now.
I swallowed past the lump in my throat, my arms crossing protectively over my chest—like that could somehow hide them.
“Sorry,” I mumbled.
She leaned into me once more. “Maverick. I’m sorry.
For last Christmas. For two months ago. For everything.
I just…I want to start over. I want you.
” Her words, her eyes, her touch were pleading.
“Are you really gonna have a baby with some random girl you don’t even know?
You know me. You love me.” She pressed a hand to my chest, tears slipping down her pale cheeks.
“Is that what you want? A baby? Marriage? I can give you that. I can be everything she is and more for you, Mav. Please. Just give me a chance. I love you. I really do.”
I pursed my lips, my head falling back to rest on the night sky above. I let my eyelids flutter closed for a long moment as her words rolled over me.
“Mav…” Ashleigh’s voice was weak, pleading. “Say something.”
I sucked in a deep breath and met her brown gaze.
It was crazy to think this was the same girl who’d come to one of her mother’s therapy sessions at the Mooneys.
Who’d talked to me so animatedly and innocently about the new emo band she’d discovered.
Who’d all but shoved one of her headphones into my hands and urged me to listen.
It was I Caught Fire by The Used. I think I’d fallen in love with her right then and there.
She’d been the first person to treat me normal besides Cash and the rest of the family.
Was there even a shred of that girl still in the woman standing before me? Or had she disappeared along time ago, and I’d just been trying to convince myself she was still there?
“You know how long I’ve wanted to hear you say those things? How long I wanted to marry you. Start a family with you…”
Something shifted in her gaze, lightening the dark depths. Hope.
I went on before she could speak. “I wanted forever with you, Ashleigh…but not now. Not anymore.”
Tears welled in her eyes before falling down her cheeks. A broken, choked sob escaped her. “Wh-what? But…but… You’re gonna throw this all away? Throw us away after all this time?”
I wiped at her tears. I couldn’t help it. I didn’t love her anymore. I realized that the moment Cheyenne touched my arm and walked into the barn. But I still cared about Ashleigh, and I hated seeing her hurt, especially at my expense.
“Ash…” I sighed. “You and I both know we’re never gonna work. Our story’s been over for quite some time now. Both of us were just too stubborn to let go.”
Anger sparked in her gaze like the flame to a match. She batted my hand away from her cheek, her words filled with venom as she spat, “Couple months with this bitch and suddenly you're in love? No. I don’t believe that.”
I shrugged. “Believe it or don’t… but she’s my story now.”
She seethed, her jaw clenching tight, her entire demeanor changing from pleading to pissed in a heartbeat. “I drove all the way fucking down here for this?”
“I’m sorry,” I said, meaning every word.
I was sorry for everything. For the years of back and forth between us.
For holding on so tightly when I should have just let her go.
“I can give you money for gas if you need.” She glared at me but said nothing so I continued on.
“I hope you find someone who makes you happy, Ashleigh. Lord knows it’s never been me. ”
“Go to hell, Maverick.” She stomped back to her car, opening and slamming her door shut, before peeling out as she reversed and turned around on the gravel road.
Just like that, she was gone.
“Goodbye, Ashleigh.”
I watched her taillights dwindle down the road before disappearing all together. All the while, waiting for the sadness, the devastation to grip me like it did every time she left.
But there was none of that. Only anger. Anger that swelled and raged within me like a hurricane.
Twenty years. Damn near twenty years I’d wasted on her.
Twenty years of letting her use me, letting her hurt me, all just to feel a shrivel of her love.
And when I was finally done, when I finally decided to move on, she was ready to give it—give that love I had wanted so badly for so long.
But her and I both knew she didn’t mean anything she’d just said.
She didn’t want a marriage. She didn’t want a baby. She didn’t want horses or a ranch or any of that. She just didn’t want anyone else to have me.
I sucked in a deep breath and looked skyward, counting stars as I tried to calm my angry heart. But it did nothing. Releasing the breath slowly, I settled my sights on the barn.
Charlie, Cash, Cason, and Cheyenne were all there working in quiet silence.
They’d been listening; I wasn’t an idiot.
It didn’t take Cash anywhere near this long to untack and brush down Playboy.
I would give it to Cheyenne that it may take her this long, only because Black Betty was cinchy and temperamental.
But the tell-tale sign they all knew, beyond how slow they were, was the fact no one would look me in the eye, save Cason, who barreled up and asked, “Who was that lady? She owes me money for the swear jar.”
Even sweet Cason couldn’t quell the anger bubbling up inside me. I shouldn’t have come in here. Seeing all their faces, their worried glances cast my way—I hated it.
I put on my best fake grin, and tousled what was left of Cason’s hair. “She’s no one, bud.” Pulling my wallet out of my back pocket, I grabbed a twenty and held it out to him. “Here. Tonight’s payment for the swear jar.”
Cason’s eyes lit up as he snatched the cash out of my hand. “Auntie Charlotte. Look!”
Charlie finally met my gaze as she came to his side, offering me a soft, knowing smile. She’d had a shitty ex too. She understood the hold and toll they had. “Wow. Look at that, bud!” Wrapping an arm around his shoulder, she said, “We gotta get you cleaned up and in bed.”
“Bu—”
Charlie wasn’t having it, though. After saying goodbye to everyone and giving me one final, sympathetic smile, she led Cason out of the barn.
Cheyenne approached me slowly, her hands slightly splayed out at her sides, almost like she was trying to soothe me, but anticipating me spooking and running away like some wild animal. I didn’t blame her. I felt wild and out of control right now, but the sight spiked my anger.
“Mav.” Her bright gaze held me in place, worry and sadness and something else lurking there. “I’m so sorry about earlier, I—”
“Not right now.” I shook my head.
I didn’t want to talk about earlier. I didn’t want to be around her at all, in fact. Not because I was angry with her—I wasn’t—but because I had years of pent-up rage roaring within me to be let out, and I didn’t want her to see it or get caught in the crossfire.
“We’ll talk later.”
A line of worry appeared between her brows as they knit together, her lips pursing.
I could tell she wanted to argue—from her stance, to the stubborn set of her jaw—but after looking to Cash for silent reassurance, who gave her a single shake of his head, she finally sighed. “Alright. I’ll be at the house.”
She walked out of the barn without another word.
My gaze met Cash. “Thank you for that,” I murmured. There were so many times when I was grateful we were so close, this being a prime example.
Cash nodded, oddly quiet for someone who should be jumping for joy right now with what just went down.
“Take Chey home for me, please?” I asked.
Another nod as he started off for the barn doors, but not before stopping at my side, placing a hand on my shoulder, and meeting my gaze. “I’m proud of you.”
You’d think I’d won a championship buckle, not ended a toxic relationship. But his approval meant the world to me. I dipped my head in a nod.
I walked through the barn aisle to the opposite side and up the stairs leading to the workout room.
My gaze fell on the punching bag, its mere presence a welcome sight.
Settling before it, I finally unleashed my rage.
Let it pour out of me and into my hands as I punched and punched and punched ‘til my knuckles bled.