Chapter Twelve
Sabrina knew she’d won this battle the minute she heard the clink of Wyatt’s belt hitting the floor.
She also knew damn well the war wasn’t over because she’d seen the look in his eyes. She rather thought Sawyer had made his decision and would be grumbly but steadfast.
Wyatt was still thinking about how to sacrifice himself, and she had to ensure it didn’t happen.
Tonight it would be easy because he would be focused on torturing her in the sweetest way.
She held her position, hands flat on the rail of the bar.
“You ever spanked a woman?” Sawyer asked.
Sabrina wanted to know the answer. She turned slightly and saw a gorgeous Sawyer frowning her way.
“You, eyes front,” he ordered in a deep tone. “Your sass is not required.”
But her sass was exactly why she was here in the first place. Still, she knew she’d pushed both men far beyond their normal boundaries for the evening. They were overstimulated and needed a safe space to deal with all the emotions of the night.
And apparently their safe space was her ass.
“Yeah,” Wyatt replied. “There was this… Well, we shouldn’t go into it around Sabrina.”
“There was a woman?” She wasn’t good at staying quiet. “I don’t mind you talking about your past relationships. I had one boyfriend who said he was into spanking, and I got excited until I realized he wanted me to spank him. Not that there’s anything…”
A hard hand came down on her ass, the force shoving her forward. She had to balance to stay on her feet.
“Absolutely not,” Sawyer announced, his hand still on her cheeks. The other found the nape of her neck. “You will be still and take what we give you. You’ve misbehaved all fucking night long, and don’t tell me you didn’t know. You knew damn well I wanted you safe.”
“I made myself very plain,” Wyatt added.
He was wrong. “No, you lied to me and hurt my heart and wouldn’t allow me to serve my primary function in this relationship which is to stand beside you and care about you. So I had to go to a secondary function which is kicking the ass of anyone who’s trying to hurt my man.”
“Not helping your case,” Sawyer grumbled. “And you didn’t kick them. You stunned them. There’s a difference.”
“I’m only trying to say Wyatt’s past doesn’t bother me.” She needed to make it plain. “Neither his past with the MC he grew up in nor his past relationships.”
“Relationships?”
Sabrina knew she’d miscalculated when she heard the arrogant tone come out of Wyatt’s mouth. He was always sweet with her. She’d never heard him sound surly and mean, but here they were. He’d had a foot back in the world he’d tried to run from and it was affecting him. “I don’t care about your ex-girlfriends.”
Sawyer was busy pulling up the skirt she’d carefully donned for her date. It was a flowy thing, something she could dress up or down. This evening she’d taken off the cardigan she’d worn to school over a slightly fussy white blouse in exchange for a V-neck sweater that showed off the curves of her breasts. She’d also put on some lacy undies because she’d never planned for their date to end at Trio.
“I never had a girlfriend, Sabrina,” Wyatt continued as Sawyer shoved her skirt up, exposing her backside. “When I was fifteen my father assigned one of the club whores to rid me of my virginity.”
“What?” This wasn’t something Sabrina was going to sit idly by and listen to like it was a fun story of his youth. “He had someone rape you?”
Wyatt stopped. He’d moved into her line of sight. “Why would you think that? I was a teenaged boy.”
“Being a boy doesn’t mean you wanted it.”
Sawyer’s hand softened as he caressed her. “I’ve told him this, too. You have to understand we’re deprogramming all the crap they shoved into his head. I know. I’m usually the problem, but I was just born stubborn. My grandad would have killed anyone who tried to touch me against my will. It’s not the same for Wyatt.”
“My dad wanted to make sure I wasn’t something he didn’t want me to be,” Wyatt admitted. “But I don’t want to think about it tonight. To answer Sawyer’s question, yes, I have spanked a woman. Several of the club whores enjoyed bondage and kink, and I learned how to please them. Those relationships were perfectly consensual. Yes, Sabrina, we called them whores and they served the MC. They were women who thought they might become old ladies, but once you fucked every guy in the MC, that possibility was kind of gone. For the men I grew up with, there are two types of women. Wives and whores.”
He sounded so remote. Only the feel of Sawyer’s warm hand on her skin kept her from standing up and trying to protect herself. Sawyer was there, telling her everything would be okay. Letting her know she was beautiful and had nothing to hide from them. It made it easy to ask the question she needed to ask, the one that would tell her how far away Wyatt truly was. “Which one am I?”
His expression softened. “You don’t belong in there in any way. You’re Sabrina. Those women… They were who they were. They were stuck in bad choices and believed they didn’t have a way out, and some of them enjoyed it and wouldn’t trade their lives for anything in the world. There are no categories for women.”
He wasn’t far away at all. “And you’re Wyatt and so much more than any group of people would box you in as. You make the decisions.”
His eyes narrowed. “Do I? Because it seems like I made a whole lot of decisions tonight no one honored. Where is my wallet, Sabrina?”
It had been a calculated act on her part. She’d known it could bite her in the ass. “You can have it back after you’ve thought about your actions.”
She’d been planning to give the man a lecture on hurting the people he cared about and how thoughtless it was to send a text when the situation obviously required an in-person discussion, but that particular line of thinking was cut off by the serious smack of Sawyer’s hand against her cheeks. Pain flared and her eyes watered and…damn, but her pussy clenched. Heat sparked through her, sending waves of warring sensation through her body.
“Wyatt, I don’t actually think you’re in a place where you should spank her. You’ve been through too much,” Sawyer said, his hand back to caressing her. “But there is something you can do. Why don’t you go to the office and in the closet there’s a bag. You’ll know what to do with it.”
Ominous words. She had to catch her breath. “What does that mean, Sawyer?”
Wyatt walked away, his boots thudding against the floor.
“I’m going to give my partner something to do. Wyatt’s fought enough this evening,” Sawyer said before delivering another bone-rattling, pussy-shaking slap to her ass. This one had her going on her toes.
“What’s he going to do?” Sabrina asked through clenched teeth. The pain rapidly morphed to something else, something that left her jangled and disjointed and wanting. This was why they called it torture.
“That is for me to know and you to find out, Teach,” Sawyer whispered. “But he can’t do it while you’re wearing all these clothes. Give me these panties. You won’t need them.”
She felt his fingers slide under the waistband of her undies, dragging them down her legs. She lifted them in turn so he could get them off her and then gasped as she felt the heat of his breath on the skin of her rear.
“Damn, this is a pretty ass, and I like how pink it is now,” he said.
“Sawyer,” she began because while they’d kind of played around, he hadn’t put his face there.
A flash of pain had her gasping again. He laid five quick, stinging slaps to her right cheek before she felt something nip at her.
Holy wow, he’d bitten her. Bitten her ass.
And she’d kind of liked it. The pain had made her fingers curl around the curve of the bar.
“You stay put or I’ll tie you up, Sabrina,” he vowed. “You wanted me, well, this is me, Teach. When you make me insane—and I don’t think this is going to be the last time you do it—I’m going to take my pound of your pretty flesh. Unless you’re scared or I hurt you in a way you don’t enjoy, you take it. You smile and say yes, Sawyer because right now you aren’t in control.”
She was always in control, always thinking about how her actions affected others. She was in charge of so many young lives, and the town was dependent on her for the most important thing of all—their children’s futures.
She realized what she’d found with these two men the weekend they’d spent snowed in. She’d thought it was sex and affection and a wild side she hadn’t known existed. But it was more. She’d found a space where she didn’t have to be in control, where she could be taken care of.
Her mother had rammed it into her head that she should trust no one to take care of her. Certainly no man. Men left, according to her mom.
Mel wouldn’t have left. Oh, he wouldn’t have married her mom, but he wouldn’t have left Elisa. And when her mom had married Sabrina’s dad and history had played itself out, Mel would have been there. It wouldn’t have mattered she didn’t have a drop of his blood.
She didn’t have to make decisions based on her mother’s life. She had to go with her instincts, not the lessons taught to her. Her instincts told her these men were important.
These men were worth the heartache if things didn’t work, worth the pain that would inevitably come because nothing lasted forever.
“Yes, Sawyer.”
She felt him lean against her, felt the rough edge of his incoming beard as he nuzzled her. “Are you sure, Sabrina? I made a claim tonight, and it’ll be hard to take back. I’m not smooth. I fuck up a lot. I’m not what you would call emotionally available.”
He was wrong. “You’re better than you think you are. Do you want me to keep quiet about how I’m feeling?”
“No,” he admitted. “I don’t like it when you don’t talk to me. Even if it’s because I didn’t talk to you. I don’t like talking, but I like it when you do it.”
She’d always known. He was a bit slow, but it was okay. “I can talk enough for both of us and I’m sure, Sawyer. I’m sure. It’s why I put you in a corner and made you claim me.”
She’d known what she was doing, though she hadn’t been certain it would work. Sawyer needed a reason to change. He was a creature of habit. He clung to his habits even when they didn’t make him happy. But he could change. The fact that he let Wyatt stay with him was proof, and he was happier with Wyatt around.
He was happier with her around, too, so she was going to have to get used to his preoccupation with her backside. He seemed to like to spank and kiss it, which is what he was doing now.
“You sealed your fate for the time being, but you can always change your mind. I said what I said because I want the sheriff to know I’ll take care of you, but no one in town is going to be surprised if you dump my ass later on. Let’s get through this crisis and we’ll figure things out on the other side.”
He couldn’t simply move forward. He had to do it incrementally. “So you want me to stay with you while we figure out how to help Wyatt?”
He got to his feet and then his big hand was on her arm, hauling her up and pulling her against his chest. “I don’t want you to stay with me. I demand you stay with me. You aren’t going anywhere on your own until the danger is over. You’ll have a bodyguard. It can be me or Wyatt or your sister or anyone who I approve of, but the minute you don’t follow orders, you’ll find yourself in a cage, and I’ll be the one holding the key.”
Her heart softened because he was telling her everything she needed to know. He was scared to lose her. He cared, and he wasn’t going to let her go. “I promise.”
Sawyer stared down at her and then he growled and slammed his mouth over hers. His tongue swept across her lips and then into her mouth, dominating her even as he pushed and pulled, dragging the rest of her clothes off and tossing them to the side. Somehow she went from fully dressed to having only Sawyer’s hands on her skin, and she didn’t care. She was completely naked and pressed against the bar, Sawyer’s cock against her pussy, and it felt perfect.
And Wyatt said she wasn’t wild.
“Damn,” a low voice said.
Sabrina turned her head and Wyatt stood by the bar, a small bag in his hand. Gone was the worried expression he’d been wearing, replaced with a look of lust.
This was what they needed. Her instincts might not always be correct, but Sawyer’s seemed on point tonight. They didn’t need to talk. They didn’t need to sit down and hash things out in an intellectual way. They definitely didn’t need to discuss their feelings.
They needed to revel in them in a physical way. She told her kids to use their words, but there were also times to put them away, times when words didn’t convey enough.
She held out a hand, and Wyatt hesitated for the barest moments before his jaw firmed and he strode to her.
“This isn’t over, Sabrina,” he said, his voice taking on the husky tone he used when he was getting serious about sex. And then he was kissing her while Sawyer moved away, ceding his place.
Wyatt’s tongue caressed hers, his hands pulling her close and winding down to cup her ass so she could feel how much he wanted her.
“Did you clean it?” Sawyer asked.
Wyatt’s mouth came off of hers for a moment. “Yes. And I warmed up the lube, but all I could find was regular lube. I think she deserves the hard stuff.”
Well, he had her attention. “Hard stuff?”
Wyatt’s lips curled in a smirk. “Yeah, baby. When you trash my bike and hide my wallet, you should have to take the ginger lube.”
“Why would lube have flavors?” Sabrina hadn’t gotten this deep with her sister. They’d had some serious sex talks, but not one had covered tasty lubricants.
“You wouldn’t eat it, Teach,” Sawyer said with a chuckle. “The oil released by the ginger would make your asshole burn.”
“Burn?” She wasn’t sure she was ready. “I think I’ll take more spankings, please. Or we could do like a really brutal oral, perhaps.”
Wyatt stared at her for a moment and then his head fell forward, leaning against hers. “You’re going to kill me, Sabrina.”
She brought her hands up to hold him there. “I don’t want to kill you. I want to live with you. I want to be with you.”
“Well, you’re with me for the foreseeable future,” he said, his voice slightly tortured. “You have to be. There’s no other choice. As for your punishment, it starts now.”
“Sorry, now that I know how much punishment she can rack up, I’ll make sure to keep a solid variety of exotic lubes. Ginger is only the beginning.” Sawyer sounded…weirdly happy. “We can have so much fun.”
So all she had to do to get Sawyer to toss out his inhibitions when it came to relationships was to let him torture her asshole. Awesome.
“Give me the plug,” Wyatt commanded. “We’ll have to settle for this. Sawyer’s right. I’m too emotional to really spank you tonight, but tomorrow I’ll have processed the trauma you put me through and I’ll be ready to thoughtfully smack your ass for everything that went on this evening.”
She was so glad he’d had some therapy. Also she was glad Sawyer didn’t keep ginger around. Of course that might change if Rachel Harper had her way and he got more serious about craft cocktails. She might need to give it some thought.
Then she wasn’t thinking about anything except the fact that someone parted the cheeks of her ass, which meant two men now had a perfect view of a piece of her anatomy she’d never seen before.
What if it was hideous?
“Damn, she’s pretty,” Sawyer said, and she could feel him kneeling behind her. “She’s going to be so tight.”
“She’s only taken a couple of fingers up until now. Let’s see how she handles a plug.” Wyatt sounded calm and centered.
She’d been expecting a plug. This was something she’d gone over with them. They hadn’t been able to take her together because they’d needed time to prepare her. When Sawyer had told her he wasn’t staying with them, she’d thought she’d lost the chance.
“See, now I think I was way too nice when I warmed this up,” Wyatt complained. “I should have made you take it icy cold, but my soft heart defeats me every time.”
She felt the sensation of warm lube coat her delicate flesh and she shivered. Vulnerable. She was so vulnerable like this, and the feeling was what made everything so intimate. Her vulnerability was balanced by her trust in them. She could be open with her body and they would honor her, would give her the affection and pleasure she longed for.
She wasn’t sure she longed for the jangly sensation she got when she felt the tip of the plug rim her.
“Hey, relax.” Sawyer was beside her now. “Let him work that sweet plug in your ass and then we’ll show you a preview of how it’s going to feel when we take you together. It’s how we’ll keep him here with us. We’ll hold out on him while your little asshole gets used to a plug. He wants to take you together.”
“Like you don’t,” Wyatt complained while working the plug over and around and back again.
“Never said I didn’t. I didn’t think it could work because I’m an asshole and hard to live with. Turns out Teach here isn’t some sweet thing I’ll run over without meaning to. She likes to stun men for fun, and I’ll remember that. After she stuns me a couple of times for being a jerk, I suspect I’ll learn my lesson.”
“I didn’t do it for fun.” She whimpered when Wyatt started to push the plug. Yep. It was one strange sensation. It wasn’t pain, exactly. It was pressure, and also there was a need inside her to push against it, to take it in one go.
“Like you didn’t have fun, you bad, bad girl.” Sawyer whispered the words against her ear but she felt his hand move under her hips, fingers sliding toward her pussy.
“That’s right, baby,” Wyatt encouraged as the plug slid in deeper before he pulled it out again. “Relax. Sawyer’s going to help you.”
It was the perfect distraction. How the hell could she think about the plug in her butt when Sawyer’s big fingers were sliding over her clit?
“I don’t think we have to worry about her enjoying it,” Sawyer chuckled. “She’s so fucking wet. She liked her spanking and she’s enjoying the plug. She’ll love it when we fuck her pretty ass.”
She hadn’t realized how aroused she’d become, but Sawyer’s fingers easily slid over her clit, pressing down and rotating in perfect time with the plug fucking her. She moved her hips, finding the rhythm they set and letting go of anything but the sensation they brought out in her.
The plug was hard and smooth, and despite the warmth of the lube there was a slight chill to it where Sawyer’s fingers were all heat and strong flesh. He rubbed her clit over and over, and Sabrina felt softness well inside her, a rushing wave of pleasure that engulfed her even as she felt the plug slide deep inside.
She felt boneless as she sagged over Wyatt’s legs.
“And now she’s ready for a little fun. You need to clench, baby, because if you lose this plug, I’m going to let Sawyer spank you all over again,” Wyatt promised.
She barely had time to heed his words before she was being lifted up by Sawyer.
Her night was far from over.
* * * *
Contrary to what most people might believe, Sawyer kept a clean bar. But no bar was so clean he would let her kneel on the floor. Nope. His Teach would be horrified. Oh, right now she was all drugged on adrenaline and orgasms, but when she woke up in the morning she would give him a lecture on the dangers of bacteria, and he wanted to avoid lectures.
But he damn sure wasn’t about to avoid getting her in between him and Wyatt, and no turns this time. Nope. After the day they’d had, he was going to push her every boundary.
And he was going to check the sturdiness of his pool table.
They should have gone up to the house. Or he should put a couch in the office. Yeah, he would have to do that because Sabrina had made her bed, and the least she deserved was a couch.
The pool table was going to have to make do.
He set her on her feet, and Wyatt immediately moved in behind her.
“Hands on the railing, legs apart.” Wyatt was quite bossy tonight, but then the guy had been through some shit. “I’m serious, Sabrina. Don’t lose the plug.”
Her head turned Wyatt’s way. “Have you tried keeping a plug in your butt while being carried across a room? We’re going to have a talk about gravity, Mister.”
He was totally…oh, shit. He’d almost thought the word. Almost. He was totally going to hang out with her for the rest of their lives because he wasn’t rude and he wouldn’t kick her out. And if it became ruder to not marry her than to marry her… What’s a guy supposed to do? Would he fight her if she wanted, say, a couple of kids? Yeah, probably, because he would be a terrible…
Except he wouldn’t. He would be a fucking good dad. He’d been an excellent brother. Maybe he didn’t talk as much as he should, but, hey, the kid would have two other people in his or her life who would never shut up. He would be totally necessary if the kid wanted to shove his or her feelings down deep and pretend they didn’t exist.
He did have a place in a family.
He wasn’t planning on starting one tonight though. He pulled a condom out of the kit Wyatt had brought out and handed it to him. “Suit up. I’m going to make sure our pretty teacher can’t lecture us for a while.”
“What do you mean?” Sabrina asked. “And seriously, how am I supposed to keep the plug in?”
“Clench, baby,” he advised as Wyatt chucked his clothes in a hurry.
Sawyer was down to his jeans and boots, and both had to go. He kicked off his shoes and dragged his jeans and boxers off. Sabrina had found her position. Feet on the ground, hands palms down on the railing, and ass sticking out so Wyatt could get between her legs and show her how tight she could be.
Not anywhere as tight as she would be when she was riding one of them while the other fucked her ass, but it would do for tonight.
And he wanted to feel her mouth on him. He wanted that glorious take-no-prisoners woman to take his cock and suck and love and lick it and then swallow down absolutely everything he had to give her.
She gasped when he climbed onto the pool table and got to his knees in front of her, stroking his cock so he was hard and ready. “Right here?”
He grinned. It was weird. He was using muscles he hadn’t before he’d met her. “Right here. Right now.”
She bit her bottom lip as Wyatt moved in behind her. “You’re giving me a lot of tasks to do at the same time, guys.”
“Good thing you’re a multitasker.” He wasn’t listening to complaints. He’d had an awful fucking night. It would more than likely lead into a couple of super dangerous and dramatic days. He had to go into the sheriff’s office and talk to people in the morning. It was all her fault since if she hadn’t shown up, they likely would have handed over the codes Wayne wanted and… Hell, those guys wouldn’t have just walked away, but it was more fun to blame Sabrina for everything. There were some plus sides to having her around. “You take me, Teach. You take me or he’ll stop doing what he’s about to do.”
Wyatt had his hands on her hips, steadying himself as he started to penetrate her.
Sabrina’s eyes went wide. This was why he’d played with her clit. Not only had it taken her mind off the plug Wyatt had worked into her ass, but it had gotten her ready for sex. He’d known damn well Wyatt wasn’t in the mood for a ton of foreplay. They could play with her all night, but this first time would be quick. It would be a way for Wyatt to purge his system of all the anxiety he’d felt this evening.
Wyatt needed this. They all did, but Wyatt needed to be reminded they were all alive and together, and it would be stupid to not be together in this.
Sawyer was not a man who liked to admit when he was wrong because he was almost always right, but Sabrina might have said some truths to him. The sheriff hadn’t swaggered in looking to arrest them all and let the system sort it out.
He’d been more than fair. Nate had…trusted him.
It was a weird feeling and one he didn’t want to dwell on right now.
He had more important things to do.
“Damn, she’s so tight,” Wyatt groaned.
Sabrina bit her bottom lip, her fingers curling around the railing. “You’re too big.”
Wyatt’s lips curled up. “No, I’m not. I fit real nice. Sawyer, I don’t know how long I’m going to last.”
“You’ll last long enough to give her an orgasm,” Sawyer ordered. “Play with her clit. She’s incredibly sensitive. Sabrina, take me.”
“I thought you were punishing me,” she whispered as she leaned over and licked her tongue over the head of his already weeping cock. “Should I be getting all these orgasms? Oh, that feels so good.”
It would feel even better when they were both deep inside her. “He’s going to stop if you don’t take care of me.”
She lowered her head and lightly sucked him behind her lips, the sight making Sawyer groan.
“And punishment is a word we use to let you know we weren’t happy with how you behaved,” Sawyer admitted. “I wouldn’t ever spank you if I didn’t think you would enjoy it. It’s not truly punishment so much as you giving comfort to the men you terrified.”
“Nah, let’s call it punishment. She was a naughty, naughty girl, and now she has to make up for it.” Wyatt used his free hand to smack her ass. “Now she’s going to learn what happens when she defies us.”
She was going to learn how many times she could orgasm. He wasn’t sure Wyatt understood what he was doing.
Sabrina grinned as she licked the drop of arousal that had appeared on his dick. “What he said. I get it, babe. You are totally right, but the fantasy is way hotter.”
Oh, he could play, too. He wrapped a hand around her hair and pressed his pelvis up. “I said take me, Teach. You’re not in charge here. You’re in a fucking detention, and you’re going to stay there until I’m sure you’ve learned your lesson.”
She groaned around his cock as she pulled him into the heat of her mouth. Her tongue whirled around him.
Did his sweet schoolteacher like to play dirty? Did she want to be his sex toy in the bedroom and his partner outside of it? He’d kind of always thought he’d have to pick. He’d thought he would never get the chance to pick because no woman would want to handle his crap for long.
He stroked her hair as Wyatt started to fuck her, the rhythm of his thrusts forming the tempo of her own. She let Wyatt push her and pull her, drawing her mouth on and off Sawyer’s cock. He watched as his overheated dick disappeared behind those luscious lips of hers only to reappear as Wyatt pulled back. She whirled her tongue around and around the head, the tip rubbing the indention on the underside of his cockhead. He was going to see fucking stars soon.
Like everything Sabrina did, she sucked cock like it was her job and she was ready for a promotion.
It was disconcerting to feel something other than lust or gratitude for a woman he was in bed with. Those were simple emotions, and what was going through his brain was complex.
He wanted her because she was warm and safe and knew how to give a man everything he could possibly need.
He wanted to walk away from her because he didn’t trust this feeling. Safety was an illusion. Safety and warmth could go away in a heartbeat.
Damn it. He was not getting into this. He was willing to cede the argument that maybe…just maybe he had…it made him slightly ill…abandonment issues. But they were not going to ruin his blow job.
Her eyes softened like she could feel what was going through his head, and then she scraped her teeth lightly against his skin, bringing him back into the moment.
She was hot when she was being sensitive to his feeling. One feeling. Only one. He could shove the feeling away and concentrate on how good her mouth felt. How hot and sexy she was. How nice it felt to know he would wake up with her in the morning.
Fuck it. She was turning him into… He wasn’t even sure what he was turning into, but it was weird and he wasn’t sure he liked it.
She sucked him hard, taking him to the back of her throat and then groaning as she obviously found her pleasure. Wyatt let out a little shout, and then Sawyer was going over the edge. He held her head, forcing her to take all of him as he filled her mouth. All thought flew away as he rode the wave of his orgasm, the sensation pulsing through him like a heartbeat connecting to her own.
Yeah, he’d thought that.
Sabrina leaned back, swallowing and then licking her lips in the most outrageously sexy way. “Well, if I’d known all I had to do to get you two to double team me is use a stun gun on a couple of guys, I would have done it way sooner.”
He heard the sharp sound of a hand smacking flesh, and she whimpered.
“Don’t remind me,” Wyatt said, stepping back. “I just calmed down. Now I need a beer.”
He could use one, too. “Make it two.”
“Three,” Sabrina said as Wyatt made his way to the bar. And then her eyes widened and she grimaced.
Sawyer couldn’t help but grin. “You lost the plug?”
She nodded and looked so adorable.
Yep, he was fucked. He was going to have to find a way to fix the mess because he was rapidly coming to the conclusion he didn’t want to live without either one of them.